The Crescendo (8 page)

Steph wore a lace headpiece with a small beaded veil that draped over her curled hair. Her dress was a strapless beaded bodice with a soft falling skirt. She looked radiant and was dabbing at her eyes with a tissue the moment she saw Gazza waiting for her.

Jaz sat through the ceremony and wondered if she'd ever get married. With her life working for the agency, would she be happy to marry and settle down? Maybe at some stage, but at eighteen it wasn't something she'd thought a lot about. However, as she glanced across to stare at Ryan's hands resting on his thighs, she couldn't help thinking she'd spend the rest of her life with Ryan quite easily. His hands were strong and manly. She remembered them over her skin, holding her breasts, buried in her hair, holding her as he kissed her hungrily. Jaz swallowed as she tried to keep those memories at bay. Lifting her eyes, she found him watching her again. Her breath caught in her throat as those dark circles drew her in and exposed her. Did he know exactly what she'd been thinking? Had he been remembering it too? There was heat in his eyes, a desire she'd seen before, and she so desperately wanted to kiss him, or even just hold his hand.

Ryan cleared his throat and shifted in his seat so he was almost facing away from her, and watched the rest of the ceremony. Jaz felt the loss of his attention and shivered.

Frank gave away his daughter and came and sat beside Jaz, Kathy moved up to the edge of the aisle with her camera clicking away.

‘Don't you look lovely,' said Frank, leaning across to kiss her cheek as he sat down in the vacant seat.

In another five to ten minutes, Steph and Gazza (who she learned through their vows was actually called Gavin) were married and everyone clapped and cheered.

Jaz stood back as everyone went to congratulate them and in the end it was Steph who came to her with a hug.

‘So glad you're here,' she said. ‘I'll catch up with you later,' she added with a wink before they departed for some wedding photos.

Frank yelled over the crowd that drinks would be at the courtyard before the reception, and slowly everyone mingled across to the large building that had many windows to take full advantage of the river. The courtyard had been decorated with more round lanterns hanging from overhead lines and tall cocktail tables were scattered about, with some extravagant white lounges off to one side, giving people a choice of seating. Waiters started bringing around glasses of wine and beer, others with plates of finger food. Jaz reached for a glass, mainly because she felt like the red jelly bean in a bag of green ones. Ryan was caught up chatting to a couple of pretty girls, Jaz was hoping they were cousins as she was sure she could see some similarities, and Kathy and Frank were busy mingling with family and friends. So against her previous statement, Jaz took a big sip of the wine and went for a stroll by the river.

She stopped not far from the water's edge and watched the way the river lapped at the sand so gently. The water and the view had kept her entertained for the whole glass of wine; in truth, Jaz hadn't really seen any of it, just staring off into space. Lately she'd felt more like an outsider not really partaking in life. It all seemed too hard with Pax, Sal and Ryan all mixing up her emotions.

‘Are you Ryan's girlfriend?' came a female voice.

Jaz turned to find not a woman but a girl, maybe around twelve. She had wavy blonde hair and a short blue dress on.

‘No, I'm just a friend. Why? Do you like him?' she asked teasingly.

The girl giggled. ‘No, he's my cousin,' she said screwing up her face. ‘Why are you standing out here all by yourself?'

‘Well, because I don't really know anyone besides Ryan and Steph, and they are both busy.'

‘You know me now. I'm Juliet. And that's my big sister Alison who's with Ryan.'

Ryan saw them glance across to where he stood with the girls. ‘She's sixteen and my other sister Sam is eighteen. I'm the youngest.'

‘Wow, lots of sisters. And you are all very pretty.' Jaz held out her hand. ‘Hi Juliet, I'm Jaz. I only have a brother who's nearly fifteen. And thank you for coming to talk to me.'

Juliet smiled and shook her hand. ‘Jaz, that's a cool name.'

‘It's short for Jasmine,' came Ryan's voice behind them.

Instantly her body pulsed with adrenaline.

‘What do you think of my friend, Juliet? Do you think she'll survive the night with our family?' Ryan put his arm around Juliet, giving her a gentle squeeze.

‘I think so. She has me as her new friend. I'll make sure she's not left alone.'

Jaz smiled, she liked Juliet lots already.

‘Alright kiddo, can you take this back to the table for me? I need to talk to Jaz, if that's okay. I'll bring her back soon,' said Ryan, and he took her empty wine glass and gave it to Juliet. ‘Thanks, squirt,' he added as she walked back to the courtyard.

‘She's lovely,' said Jaz, watching her go.

‘I think you have a new best friend. Sorry for leaving you alone. I forgot you don't know anyone here and I've been trying to get away but my family haven't seen me in ages. You know, the same old story,' he said lightheartedly. ‘Come for a walk?'

Jaz nodded and they headed away from the wedding party.

They walked in silence until they found a vacant bench by the river, not far from the boat ramp. After they sat Ryan turned to her, reaching for her hand, and Jaz began to smile until she heard his words.

‘I'm so sorry about Pax, Jaz. I can't imagine how hard it's been for you,' he said tenderly.

Jaz turned away and focused on a boat moving with the small waves. She couldn't afford to tear up now, not with all the eye make-up she had on. Closing her eyes, she revelled in the feel of his hand holding hers, the warmth it brought, almost electric. It gave her strength.

‘I feel as though I killed Pax,' she whispered. It just came out, her innermost thoughts, which she'd kept buried from everyone else, just gushed from her when Ryan was near. He was the only one she could share this with, and not until she'd spoken the words did she realise how much they'd been weighing her down.

‘What are you talking about, Jaz? James said it was a heart attack.' He tugged at her hand, making her look at him. ‘Tell me.'

‘I,' Jaz paused. If she said the rest out loud, did it make it true to some degree, and what would Ryan think about her when she told him about Sal? Would it change their relationship? Would he see her differently? Did she risk it?

‘Spit it out, Jaz. I want to help.'

How could she argue with that? Still she couldn't help feel that this conversation would change things. ‘I asked Pax about Salvatore. I told him how he took my medallion and how Sal thought it was his.' Jaz thought she'd just better blurt out the whole lot at once and rip that bandaid off. ‘I then asked him if it was possible that Sal was my father. I don't know if it was talking about Sal that set off Pax's heart attack, or maybe he was already having one when I got there, but the thing is I didn't realise he was struggling. I was so caught up in my own problems, my own stupid thoughts about where Salvatore, the medallion and I fitted in that I didn't see the signs. I should have, Ryan, maybe I could have saved him.' Jaz struggled with the last sentence, felt the big beachball working its way up her throat, turned away and blinked rapidly.

‘No, don't think like that, Jaz. You know it won't bring him back. Damn.'

She turned back to him when he swore. It confused her, but he looked even more confused; actually, he seemed torn. But she wasn't sure over what. Maybe he did want to hug her, just not in public? He took his hand away and all of a sudden she felt a chill spread over her skin.

‘Jaz, I went and saw James the other day. Mainly for work, but while I was there I asked him about Salvatore.'

Her eyebrows shot up. This she wasn't expecting. Why would Ryan do that? ‘Why? What did you say?'

‘After what Salvatore said about your medallion I couldn't get it out of my head, so I asked James about your mum.'

Jaz squirmed on the seat. Just talking about this made her so uncomfortable, especially knowing it had been bothering Ryan also. ‘And?' she prompted.

‘He told me that your mum's last mission had been to get inside the De Luca family and she did this through Salvatore. He said that your mum ended up caring for him and that she believed he was a good guy stuck in a bad family. Then she went missing. Jaz, from the time she went missing and you were born is about nine months.'

His words hung in the air like storm clouds about to hail. Eventually she spoke. ‘So you also think Sal is my real dad too.'

‘You do have similarities and it all fits. Why else would your mum run away to give you a better life? She didn't want anyone to know about you, not Sal in case his family controlled you, nor her own family for what they'd think. Maybe she was worried they'd make her terminate the pregnancy? If what James thinks is true then she did love him, but not enough to leave the agency.'

‘So instead she left them all.'

‘All for you,' he added.

‘So the guy everyone has been trying to catch, the agency's work, the man who killed your best friend, could very well be my father.' Her words were spat out a little harshly but she was feeling angry. Angry that something so major was kept from her. Angry that this could change her life and angry that it would change the way Ryan felt about her. ‘How can you tolerate to even look at me knowing that?' She tried not to bite her lip too hard.

‘Jaz.' He said her name as he ran his hand over his head. ‘Don't be like that. You are nothing like him. You can't take on his errors just because you might be related. It doesn't work like that. You are still the amazing you.'

‘Then how come you've been avoiding me,' she whispered as she felt her anger drain away and her fears come crawling into its place.

‘I haven't,' he said unconvincingly. ‘I've been busy.' He glanced around for any close-by ears, but they were alone. ‘I was lucky to make it here today, Jaz. I'm deep undercover now, Jamison has given me a job as his driver and the next step is to continue to work my way in. I'll be off the grid for ages, months, maybe even years, however long it needs to take. You know that.'

Yeah, she did and it sucked rotten eggs. She felt like a two-year-old; a tantrum wanted to erupt from her but she held it in, along with her frustrated tears.

‘I won't even be able to communicate with you, let alone anyone else. I was actually hoping you could help cover with my family, especially Steph. I've told them all I've got a job on a cruise ship in security and that will get me to Peru where I'll trek up to Machu Picchu. I figured it's somewhere off the beaten track where I'm unreachable. I've written a few postcards, they're in my house. Can you post them off every few months?'

She couldn't very well say no, now could she? Here he was, trusting her with his family and his secret. Surely that wasn't all just work related? But she could feel him slipping away. Already his mind was on his job and she knew what he was implying.

I'm going to be away for a while, I may not come back, there is nothing for us.
Well, she added the bit at the end but she was sure that's what he was implying. The wall he was building between them was going up at a rate of knots, as if he'd become a skilled brickie overnight. The space beside her was feeling cold and empty and she craved for his warm hands but they stayed by his side.

Taking in the strong line of his jaw, his full lips and up to his eyes, she tried to memorise it all. She knew the risk he was undertaking and that tonight could be the last time she ever saw him. It made her want to throw herself at him, sob uncontrollably and refuse to let him go. But she didn't.

‘Of course I'll do that.' And her heart was breaking with every word. ‘Please be careful.'

Chapter 9

Ryan was mesmerised by Jaz's eyes, always had been and always would be, but today with the dark make-up she was looking hauntingly beautiful. The pain of Pax was still fresh in her eyes; the sadness pulled at his chest, as well as a mingling of other emotions. He could tell she'd been battling with the thought of Salvatore as a father. He still didn't have his head around it and he wasn't personally affected like Jaz.

Seeing her turn up at the wedding, he thought he'd be prepared, he thought he was right in his mind but he was nowhere close to control. She'd stolen his breath, his mind, his body. No woman had ever done that to him. Even now, sitting beside her was hard. He felt like a raging teenager as he battled to keep it on lockdown.

He'd just told her that he was going deep undercover, he could be away for ages and she knew the risk, knew it could well be the last time they see each other and her reaction had floored him. He truly saw the strength she wielded. A beautiful person who seemed so slight but was a tower of muscle and smart, maybe a little headstrong and seemed to find trouble easily, but it was a heady mix. One he seemed incapable of resisting.

‘Are you sure you're okay with that?' Did part of him want a bigger reaction? A hug? Kisses? Her clinging to him in a goodbye embrace? Even though it would just make things harder. He was torn but he knew the right thing to do was to walk away and not lead her on. What happened in the Wicked van was a one-off, it didn't come with commitment ties and they both knew that. Their line of work made it impossible. The agency work had always come first in his life, even almost before his family.

‘Yes. You need me to help out, I'm here. If there is anything I can do to help with Jamison, you know where to find me. Okay?'

She fluttered those thick eyelashes and her words drifted away into nothing as he lost himself to her eyes again.

‘Um, so what are you going to do about Salvatore?' asked Ryan as he forced himself to look at the river instead. He might have half a chance of focusing if she didn't smell so divine. Like a field of flowers in the spring sunshine, his head was swimming in it.