The Darwin Awards Countdown to Extinction (8 page)

 

 

 

WINTER 1995, MICHIGAN | During the ski season at Sugarloaf Resort, a new lift operator assigned to the bottom of Lift 2 was greatly impressed by the bull wheel that turned slowly above his head. The giant spokes on the wheel were impossible to resist. He grabbed a spoke and did a few pull-ups while the wheel turned.

After entertaining himself in this manner for a while, he decided to try this trick on the outer rim of the wheel. His timing was off—he did not drop down in time. Caught between the wheel and the lift cable, he was sliced in twain during his fateful final trip around the bull wheel.

 

Reference: Anonymous eyewitness

 

 

9 OCTOBER 2008, SOUTH AFRICA | For days, Johannesburg office workers watched a demolition worker slowly chip away at a pillar supporting the concrete slab above him. One said, “I wondered how they would drop that section.” The walls were gone, and only the support pillars remained.

Dozens of observers watched the slow and senseless demolition proceed. Finally the only possible outcome concluded this epic battle. The besieged support collapsed, crushing man and machine beneath a pile of rubble.

The worker, fifty-two, was killed instantly inside the cab of his mini-excavator.

Observers said they had been concerned about the workers’ safety for several days. “I cannot believe they did not foresee this,” said a shocked witness who did not foresee this. “There was no common sense!”

 

Reference:
thetimes.co.za

 

 

14 APRIL 2008, TEXAS | A contract worker was hired to install reinforcement bars on a communi- cations tower near Camp Bullis. He was wielding power tools high above the ground, when two other workers saw him lean back and fall 225 feet to his death. Turns out, the man had wrenched loose the bolts on the bar to which he was attached. Police are calling it a tragic accident.

Team Darwin is calling it a “wrenching” accident.

 

Reference:
woai.com

 

 

30 APRIL 2009, YORK, UNITED KINGDOM | In another do-it-yourself project gone wrong, a forty-one-year-old homeowner attempting to demolish a large brick garden shed succeeded in his primary objective, but suffered collateral damage when the cement-slab roof demolished him.

The unfortunate chap was alone on his property at the time. While one has to question the wisdom of undertaking a demolition project with no one on hand in the event of a mishap, a neighbor happened to witness this “mishap” and immediately summoned help. Hydraulic rams and high-pressure air bags were employed, but it was too late to stop fate. Paramedics pronounced the homeowner dead at the scene.

In the unequal contest between flesh and stone, the stone always wins.

 

Reference: York
Evening Press
,
thepress.co.uk

 

“This could have been on
Renovation Realities Gone Wrong: the Don’t DIY
TV show.”

 

 

2006, UK | During the scrape and resurface of a large residential street in Edinburgh, it was noticed that a large foul sewer ran down the street. As it was believed to be quite shallow, it was necessary to determine its exact route in order to avoid damage by the resurfacing works. Working in a sewer can be dangerous, so three men were sent to an expensive two-week training course, and another six thousand pounds went into the purchase of appropriate equipment: masks, suits, and gas monitors.

Once the project was under way, the supervising engineer decided to pop along one afternoon and see how work was commencing. The tent covering the sewer was shaking and bulging oddly. He threw open the flaps and was presented with the unsavory sight of three men wrestling over the open manhole, covered in waste matter! Two were shouting at a third, who was unconscious, drenched in waste, and not breathing.

What was going on?

The civil engineer, trained in resuscitation techniques, began the unappealing process of clearing the unconscious man’s airway. Fortunately at that point the man started breathing again and immediately vomited a stream of waste. The ambulance was summoned—and then it was time for ’splaining.

Remember the training course? Remember the expensive new gear? Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest decided that that was all too much effort. The sewer was so close to the surface, they figured that it would be easier to simply hang one of them head first with a torch to see the lay of the line. They held an arm-wrestling contest, and the loser was flipped upside down and lowered into the narrow manhole.

Immediately he was overcome by the fumes and passed out. With no shout to stop, Dumb and Dumber continued to lower Dumbest until he was immersed up to his shoulders in the pooling waste. After a minute or so with no response, they pulled him up and realized what had happened. They were both fighting to administer CPR when their supervisor arrived.

All four men received injections to ward off infection. Dumbest was kept in the hospital for further treatment. He developed a nasty mouth infection that caused him to lose teeth, but he survived. Denied Darwin Awards, the three men subsequently decided to try for a Stella Award
³
: Dumb, Dumber, and Dumbest filed an insurance claim against their company for injury and trauma, as their shortcut was not specifically forbidden in the method statement! The company settled out of court.

 

Reference: Disillusioned engineer

 

“Shitty job.”

“Even the best-trained people do stupid things.”

“Pass this along to your crews, this is
not
the correct way to inspect a sewage leakage!”

“See what happens when you have an employee manual?”

“An unsavory example of sue-age.”