The Day He Kissed Her (24 page)

A small sliver of hope erupted inside her. It wasn’t as if he’d said things were over. And maybe she shouldn’t have read too much into it, but it was so hard not to—so hard not to follow her heart.

“I don’t know that I
can
be the right guy for you. I don’t know what I am, Lily, but I do know that I’m not the white-picket fence guy. Jake and Cain and other guys I know, that’s them. But me? I’m just not.”

She opened her mouth to ask the question
why
, but he beat her to it.

“I don’t even know if I can explain why in a way that will make sense. I only know that the family blood running through my veins isn’t the kind of thing I want to pass along to anyone. The Draper’s are cursed, Lily. Christ, if you knew my father and his father before him, you’d get it. I’m not an angel. I’ve been the bastard that my dad is. I’ve been there before, in that dark place, and no kid should ever see it.”

He studied her for a moment, and she could see he how conflicted he was.

“About a year after I moved to New York City, I started seeing this woman. She was smart, driven, had a great job at a PR firm…and she liked to drink. The two of us together were toxic, and one night after an argument…” He closed his eyes and shoved his clenched fists into his pockets. “That night, she pushed me too far. She was flirting with some douche bag, dancing with him and behaving inappropriately. I could have been mature and walked away. Hell, I knew what she was doing. Things were cooling off between us, and she was trying to get a rise out of me. But instead of walking away, I got into it with the asshole when he followed us out of the club. I beat the shit out of him, broke his arm and put him in the hospital, and Jenna ended up with a black eye.”

He paused as if searching for the right words, and Lily’s heart went out to him.

“She said it was an accident, that I hadn’t meant to hurt her, and she got my elbow in the face when she tried to break up the fight.” He turned to her and Lily saw the anguish in his eyes. “It doesn’t matter though because what I do remember is the rage—the absolute rage that I felt, and I knew then that I was totally capable of becoming my father.”

For several moments there was silence, and then he spoke quietly.

“I made a decision right there and then that a wife and kids aren’t for me, and it’s something that I won’t change, not for anyone, because if I ever hurt a child, if I ever did what my dad did to me and my siblings…what he did to my mother, I don’t…” His voice broke, and he moved back, took another moment. “Lily, you’ve got me considering things I’d never thought of before, and I don’t know what the fuck to do about them.”

Lily’s clenched her fists together and decided to take the plunge. What the hell. It’s not as if she had any other form of attack other than the truth of what was inside her.

“When we got together, it was pretty much based on a strong physical reaction to each other. New Year’s Eve was off the charts, and these last few weeks have been amazing. Mackenzie, I’ve never felt that way with anyone, and I might have gone a little crazy, you know? You got me to step out of my comfort zone, and that’s not something anyone has been able to do before.” A ghost of a smile played around her mouth. “Except for Jake maybe, but he had to use damn near an entire bottle of tequila.”

Mac reached for her and tucked a long piece of hair behind her ears.

Lily inhaled deeply and then plunged forward before she chickened out. “You taught me that there is an entirely different side to me, one that I didn’t know existed—a side that I had pretty much given up on.”

She unclenched her hands, grateful that her chest was loosening up.

“I like that side. I like it a lot.” She watched him carefully. “I don’t know where we go from here, Mackenzie, but I can’t lie either.”

God, her stomach roiled so hard she was afraid she was going to be sick.

“I have feelings for you and they’re more complicated than what our so-called casual but exclusive sexual relationship calls for.” She watched the way his eyes darkened, the way his mouth parted slightly and his nostrils flared.

She decided that since she’d come this far, she may as well take the plunge and go all the way. Heck, the only thing she had to lose was her pride…maybe her soul…

Maybe her heart.

Mouth dry, she licked her lips and jerked when he stepped forward so that he was so close only a whisper separated them.

“I think that you might feel the same.”

“The same?” he asked, his voice a little rough.

Lily nodded. “I think that things aren’t so casual for you either.”

He was silent for a few seconds. “No.” He shook his head slowly, not taking his eyes off her. “They’re about as far away from casual as you can get.”

The tightness inside her loosened, and for the first time since that morning, she began to relax. She began to hope.

And maybe that was dangerous territory for her to traverse, maybe it was like walking blindly down that single lane highway in the middle of oncoming traffic, but she didn’t know how to
be
any other way. Lily leaned into his hand, her fingers tracing the contours of his jaw before resting against his mouth.

“So what are we going to do?” she asked softly, loving the play of shadows on his face.

“We explore each other. We enjoy each other.”

His tongue darted out, and she shuddered when he licked the tips of her fingers.

“We respect each other’s boundaries and see where this goes.”

Boundaries. Right. His “no white-picket fence and no kids” boundary.

Could Lily live with the knowledge that she would never have those things as long as she was with Mackenzie?

What was the alternative if not? A life alone and never feeling alive again? Never knowing the joy she took by just watching him? The way he smiled and lit up her world in colors of gold? The feel of him inside her? The sound of his voice?

Could she live a life without love now that she’d experienced it?

That thought whispered through her mind, and for one scary moment, time sort of froze. She saw herself as an old, bitter woman with no babies and no husband…and no Mackenzie.

Holy. Shit.

It hit her then. She’d fallen in love with him. She didn’t know the when of it or the how of it…she just knew without a doubt that, that was what the hot, hard thing pressing into her chest was. It was love. It was a scared kind of love that had no idea what it was doing.

Maybe Mackenzie loved her but didn’t know it yet, or maybe there was nothing but strong feelings inside him. It didn’t matter. Not really. Those were things that she couldn’t control.

What she could control was how she lived her life and what choices she made. And just like she’d chosen to cut out the parasite that was her family—her father and her awful sister—she could choose to have Mackenzie in her life, even if it meant doing so on his terms.

And because Lily loved Mackenzie, she was willing to do just that.

So when he groaned and slid his mouth across hers, whispering words of apology, she gave herself up to him. When his arms slid around her waist and pulled her into his body, she melted into him as if she was his second skin.

When Mackenzie slowly lifted her into his arms and headed back into the house, she ran her fingers over his face and buried them in his hair. She kissed him, her mouth open and hot and giving. She kissed him with all the fervent emotion inside her, and when he began to undress her, she let him worship her with his hands and his eyes and his mouth.

They didn’t make it to her bedroom. They barely made it inside.

He grabbed at her clothes with an urgency she hadn’t felt, not even this morning when he’d surprised her in the shower. His hands were everywhere and his mouth soon followed, tongue probing, gliding—teeth nipping and scraping.

By the time Mackenzie got her shorts down, she was squirming, hot with need.

“I want you naked,” she whispered hotly as she yanked on his T-shirt and pulled it over his head. Next came his shorts and,
sweet
Jesus
, but her man wasn’t wearing boxers. Lily pushed him onto his back. She shook her head when he would have pulled her up against him.

She settled between his legs and began to kiss her way up his thighs, first the left and then the right. She traced her fingers over his taut muscles, loving the way they stretched and tightened beneath her touch.

“Jesus Christ, Boston you’re killing me,” he rasped as her mouth hovered over the head of his cock. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything as hot as you right now.” He slowly sat up and leaned back against the wall, dragging her up so that he could kiss her. With his hands sunk into her hair, he held her prisoner, his mouth and tongue filling her with fire.

When she pulled away from him, his eyes were flat, dark with desire. And when she slowly slid down him again, when her mouth settled over the silky hardness of his cock, he swore.

“Ah, God,” he groaned when she took him deep into her mouth, and when she began to suckle him, he jerked so hard she had to hold on, digging her fingers into the tops of his thighs.

They each filled a need for each other, a hot, physical need to connect, and later, as she cuddled with Mackenzie in her bed, Lily felt some sort of peace. They’d moved forward today. They’d been honest with each other, and it hadn’t meant the end of the world—or the end of them.

She had no idea what the future was going to bring, but for now, what she had with this man was enough. As she rested her head on his chest and closed her eyes, she ignored the sliver of doubt.

The one that said it wouldn’t be enough for much longer.

Chapter 24

“Last chance to change your mind, Boston.” Mac gazed at the woman beside him and felt that familiar wash of warmth roll through his body. It was something he was still getting used to—and something that still surprised the crap out of him.

He was living a chick flick, and he didn’t give a damn.

It was two weeks after that afternoon out on Lily’s deck.

Two weeks into this new phase of whatever the hell it was he and Lily were doing together. They were smart enough not to label it and happy enough to let it be. They were together 24/7, and for the first time in his life, Mackenzie had met a woman who was more than worthy of that elusive drawer in the bathroom, the one that seemed to be so goddamn important to every single woman he’d ever been with, but the one that he’d never offered up once.

Until now.

Hell, he even had
his
own space back at Lily’s place and damned if he wasn’t fine with that too. These days it seemed he was damn fine with most everything.

Yep. Mackenzie Draper was what most people would call happy. Go figure.

Mac grabbed Lily’s hand and kissed the back of it before cutting the engine of his truck. It was Wednesday, which meant that it was meatloaf night in the Draper household, and on this particular Wednesday, Mackenzie Draper was bringing a girl home for dinner.

Jesus, Jake had nearly choked on his coffee when Mac had told him earlier in the day. He’d slapped Mackenzie on shoulder. “Who are you and what have you done to my buddy, Mac?”

It was a bit over the top. Seriously. It wasn’t as if he’d been abducted by aliens or committed some sort of crime.

“Ready?” he asked.

Lily nodded and slid from the truck, waiting for him to exit and join her, a bottle of wine in one hand and a fresh bouquet of flowers from her garden in the other. He grabbed the bottle and nudged her forward, following her up the path and onto the porch. He opened the door, admiring the view of her backside as he waited for her to enter the house.

She was wearing simple white pants that hugged her curves like no one’s business, a sleeveless, blood-red silk blouse, and her hair was loose and wavy—just the way he liked it.

“Mackenzie, is that you?” His mother appeared from down the hall, her hands enveloped in a large tea towel.

Mac glanced up and smiled, his hand on the small of Lily’s back.

“Well, come on, don’t be shy. I’ve set the table, and we’re about ready to start. Liam mentioned you have ball practice, so we didn’t want to run too late.”

Mac and Lily followed his mother into the kitchen, and Lily smiled at her warmly. “So nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Draper.”

“Please, call me Lila,” his mother said, accepting the flowers with a broad smile. “These are beautiful, but you shouldn’t have. Mrs. Avery’s prices are a bit extravagant if you ask me.”

“Oh,” Lily said, darting a look at Mac. “These are actually from my back garden.”

His mother looked surprised. And touched. “Oh, honey, that was real sweet of you.”

Mac could tell that his mother was more than just touched, and he thought that maybe it wouldn’t have hurt him to bring her flowers now and again. It wasn’t as if his bastard of a father was around to do it.

“I think this one is a keeper,” his mother said with a wink. “There’s a vase in the dining room cabinet. Can you grab it for me?”

“Sure thing.”

He left the two women chatting about irises and flax and headed to the dining room to find the vase. He wasn’t gone long, and when he returned to the kitchen, he handed over the vase and leaned against the counter while Lily went about arranging the flowers while his mother pulled out the meatloaf.

Once Lily was done, she placed the vase on the table and stood back. His mom was busy at the sink, rinsing something out, and impulsively, he slipped his hands around Lily’s waist. He drew her up for a kiss, a slow, thorough kind of kiss that was probably inappropriate and had his mother clearing her throat.

Liam rounded the corner from his bedroom and slid to a stop.

“Oh God. Don’t you guys ever get sick of sucking face?” he said, his face screwed up. “It’s all you ever do.”

Mac chuckled. “I’m not that good at it, kid. I need the practice.”

Lily squeezed his hand and murmured, “I’ll let you practice later.”

Becca joined them, and the five of them sat down to dinner. His mother said a small prayer of thanks and told everyone to dig in. There was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, fresh green beans from her garden, and a tossed salad.