Authors: Z. Elizabeth
What would happen if we unravelled the past? Would it cause even more pain and misery? Would it cause a rift between Craig and I? Would we stop speaking to each other after finding out the truth? It's not worth it. It doesn't bare thinking about not having or being in Craig's life; we have gone through so much in the short three months and if the truth cut us off...
“Nic?” I hear Craig's voice above the covers. He dips onto the bed and pulls the duvet from my head. I don't turn around to look at him, I just stare at the photo of Craig, Kelsie, Rob and I on the bedside table. “What's wrong?” He runs his fingers through my hair whilst I breathe in and out, calming myself down.
“I don't want to talk about that topic.”
Craig lets out a sad laugh, and lies down behind me, wrapping one arm around my midriff, his fingers still working through my hair. I don't want him to be all cuddly, I want him to be the womaniser who had girl after girl in school, who played girls against one another and the guy who can't get enough of my body; the guy who is crude to me. WHY is he acting this way?! Why is he giving comfort when he was the one initially upset over this? Why are my emotions more important then his?! FUCK, this makes me so angry at him.
“What? About finding out the truth? Why not? Don't you want to know why our parents hate each other? Why they were so adamant that we stay away from each other when we were kids? I sure as hell do.” He gruffly says and my blood starts to boil. Does he not see how bad this could all turn out to be? I leap off the bed and spin around, pointing a finger at him before I let loose. I have to make him see how bad of an idea it is to delve into their problems. They don't want us to know, why can't he just see that!
“Of course I want to know! I've wanted to know for years now,” I begin my rant at him while he just stares at me. “I've tried everything to get them to tell me but they won't, they tell me to leave it alone, that it's not worth it, that it's better this way, but why is it better this way? My dad and yours were best friends once,
best friends,
Craig and now nothing. NOTHING! They don't even acknowledge each other and that is painful to witness.”
I am on a roll now, pacing the bedroom floor, arms waving about and my voice is reaching breaking point that I just want to scream. Craig lays on the bed just watching my outburst with no signs of laughing at me, no stupid smirk etched on his face. He just listens intently to what I have to say.
“I don't want to say I agree with you about my mum, but I do, okay? And I hate myself for saying that. I hate that I feel like my mother is the cause for the destruction of our father's friendship. My heart breaks each time I think about the past.” I point to my heart, which is already tearing apart, “What if the truth is much worse than we anticipated? What if it drives us apart and we end up like our fathers? Now that would kill me too and I can't bare that. We should have been best friends, like our grandparents and our fathers but some stupid, fucking argument and their relationship fucks up. They tell us to never speak to each other.
WE WERE KIDS
for fuck sake! We were kids...” My voice cracks at the end and I close my eyes to stop the tears from falling. My heartbeat is going ten to the dozen and I am so worked up that I want to get away. Get away from the house and run. Clear my head and work out what to do. What to do with our parents and my overbearing love for Craig.
And that is exactly what I do.
I turn around, walk out of the bedroom, slip my trainers on and run. Run from the flat with tears streaming down my face.
I get as far as the end of the street, a dozen or so houses along, and stop to lean on my knees to catch my breath and rub away the tears. Running is not my forte but I had to get out. I needed an escape and although it probably wasn’t the best idea to run out and leave Craig alone, it was the one I had to take. I look back down the street at our flat and guilt rushes through me but I push it away. We both need time to think over this situation properly and now he knows how I feel perhaps he can put that into perspective and decide not to dig.
I shake my head to stop myself getting so worked up and decide that visiting my best friend is the way forward. I need to talk to her and she needs to talk some sense into me. Ever since that first play date, we have been attached at the hip, never doing anything without the other – university included – and twenty-two years later, nothing has changed. . . well apart from the fact I am now 'married' and haven’t told her how fake this all is. A pain twinges in my chest makes me gasp but it passes after a moment and I rub between my breastbone to sooth the lasting pains. I carry on down the street after the pain simmers, counting the houses until I reach Kelsie's. I sigh in relief that her living room light is on and trek up the stairs before pressing her flat buzzer. A few seconds later and I hear Kelsie's voice sing through the speaker. Letting her know it's me, she buzzes me up and I run full speed ahead up two flights of stairs. I run straight into her arms when I see she is standing at her door.
And then I burst into tears.
Chapter Six
Craig
I have no idea what the fuck just happened, but Nic running out of our flat crying is a vision that is etched behind my eyes that I won't forget in a hurry. It's all that is replaying in my mind after her outburst and I know need to get off my lazy arse and run the fuck after her, hold her tight and tell her I won't dig any deeper – but that would be a big, fat lie. So maybe bringing up our families was a bad idea, but for months I have been wanting to ask her about it, ask her if she knew anything about it, anything to piece the stupid fucking puzzle together that neither one of us seem to have any clue about.
I throw a pillow across the room and growl in frustration, flinging myself back down on the bed. I run a hand over Nic's side of the bed, my eyes catching a glance at the photograph she keeps on her bedside table. A picture of Nic, Kelsie, Rob and myself. I remember that day as if it was yesterday. It was our first proper outing as a married couple and we went to the ice-skating rink. Witnessing Nic on the ice was almost like watching Bambi take his first faltering steps. She was shockingly shit at skating, clutching the side of the rink, slowly dragging herself around but the smile on her face, God, it lit me up. No matter how badly she was doing, she was having so much fun with everyone that she didn't even care if she fell on her arse more times than she'd liked to. She always got back up, albeit, with our help and paddled around once again.
That was the week after we got 'married' and the week I knew this marriage was not going to be over after the twelve months are up. Not a chance in hell. Okay so I knew it wasn’t going to be over when we set the deal, but that day confirmed it for me. She didn't complain once, didn't care for the cold or how crap she was. She was with me and our friends, she was gleaming over the fucking perfect skaters showing off and over how Kelsie and Rob were holding hands, skating around like some lovesick puppies; she just embraced everything around her.
I lean over and reach out for the photo, running a finger over Nic's figure before letting out an angry sigh. I need to find out about the feud, I need to know what happened if I have any chance of keeping Nic after the twelve months, and I sure as hell am going to fight to the death to make her see that I love her. That I always have done, ever since school, even in my fucking playboy ways it was always her. That's why I acted out, jumped from girl to girl before just binning them off. That's why I was always a cocky wanker towards her in school – I loved her fiercely, even at a young age. I just had no idea how to act around her. I didn't know if she knew the reason or if she was still obeying her parent's childhood wishes to never speak to one another. Either way, I acted like a dick towards her. I just wanted her attention, wanted her to 'break' the promise of not speaking to me and even if it was just a 'fuck off, Craig', I seeked her voice and attention for that split second. I loved knowing that she had acknowledged me, and it would make my day to have what little attention she gave me. What a fucking douche I was back then.
I leave the picture at the end of the bed and storm out of the room, grabbing my keys in the process and head towards the door. It's time to put this family back together and I am not taking 'no' for an answer. Our parents have ruined everything, but now it's time to make amends between them, to delve into the past and sort this out, once and for all.
And more importantly, it's time to make Nicole my wife. For real.
I am so sorry, Nic, but I have to do this...for us
Chapter Seven
Nic
I tell Kelsie everything. From the phone call to the Solicitor's office. From the will and the deal to the fake wedding. Even my fucking feelings for Craig spill out of my mouth. Everything is out in the open and it feels God-damn great. I can finally breathe. But there is still a little bit of insecurity locked up inside that I need to release, with the help of Kelsie. I couldn't keep any of it a secret any more. Kelsie is my best friend and her not knowing was killing me inside. For the past hour, she has done nothing but listen and bring me copious cups of hot chocolate – before I felt sick after drinking too many - to calm me down. She, along with the whole damn town knows of the family feud, just not the ins and outs. I am sure if they did know, Craig and I wouldn't be left in the dark and would know exactly what this is all about which leads me to tell her how Craig wants to find out what happened; to try to fix it.
She hasn’t shouted or judged me for not telling her. She's understanding on why Craig and I kept it a secret but she does tell me that she's always known that I’ve loved Craig since we were kids, and how happy she was that he returned my feelings. That statement makes me frown at her and harshly gulp down the liquid stuck in my throat.
“Kels, he doesn’t love me, he doesn’t even know I love him. Why would you say that?” I laugh bitterly, shaking my head at the fact she is now lying to me. To my amazement, Kelsie laughs loudly and flings her head back against the sofa. Tears are actually rolling down her face and I want to slap her for feeding me false information. For making me feel that I actually have a chance with Craig after our time is up. When she calms down, she wipes away the wet patches and clears her throat.
“Bubs, you didn’t see him before the wedding. . .” I cut her off straight away and fill her in on the conversation we had before he stormed away, which causes her to laugh even harder and clutch her stomach in her hands. I have no idea why she is thinking my love for him is remotely hysterical, but if she doesn’t listen to me, I will be forced to punch her to shut her the fuck up.
“As I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, he was shitting himself, to the point it was actually adorable, but then the moment you set foot on that runway, his eyes were glued to you, they didn’t waver once, even when you were looking anywhere but him. You two are so in love with each other, you are oblivious to it. Why should it be over after the twelve months? Just tell him you love him and stop letting him think you don’t.”
“He doesn’t love me, Kels, so stop it. It hurts knowing I have nine months left with him and that’s it. That is why I don’t want him to find out the secret, because what if it's so bad that it tears us apart? I can't deal with that. I have him for twelve months and that’s it. The last nine can't be with us not speaking or cuddling or him being the cocky arse we all know. I need all that, for just a little while longer.” I blink back the tears. Kelsie takes the mug from my hand, places it on the table and wraps an arm around me, not before punching my arm, making me cry out. That should have been the other way around!
“Are you shitting listening to me, dickhead? HE.LOVES.YOU! And how do I know? Well there’s a little thing where I am with Rob, you know, Craig's best friend and Rob tells me everything. My little birdy has told me that Craig has most definitely told him that he's pretty much obsessed with you.”
“So why hasn’t he told me?” I moan out, looking at Kelsie who just rolls her eyes at me, which I’m suspecting is in utter frustration over me and my self-doubting.
“What is this? The fucking caveman years? Bloody tell him first you wimp.”
I bite my lip and scrunch up my face electing a giggle from Kelsie. “And if he rejects me?
“He won't. Now bugger off and go get your man, Nic. You can't spend the next nine months tiptoeing around the issue. And while you are at it, tell both sets of parents to grow a pair and talk. It's the past and you and Craig are meant to be together. They don’t like it? They can fuck themselves.” And this is why I love Kelsie to bits. She's not one to beat around the bush, she gets straight to the point and most definitely swears like an absolute trooper – we were made to be best friends. Chicks before Dicks. I suppose that's why I had to tell her now, it was hurting me to keep everything from her and keeping up the pretence around her was getting harder each time. I'm just glad she understood why I couldn’t tell her, glad she didn’t turn around and scream at me for lying to her for the past year. That is proper love and friendship right there. And her love and friendship will have to forgive me for not leaving hers yet...