The Defiance (Brilliant Darkness) (12 page)

"Spoken like a true heroine," Fox says. "Your journey to the Waters clearly gave you a taste for adventure." His voice is warm, almost paternal, but also condescending. It grates on me.

"Not to mention a taste for Lofty men," Moray says.

"Leave my intended out of this.” I face the people and raise my hand, palm up, in a pleading gesture. “Just reacting to this latest crisis isn't our only option. If the Three want our opinions, then let’s discuss going to Koolkuna."

"Fennel, we need time to process all that you told us about the Hidden Waters, the Scourge, and this village you found," Pinion says. "And with the recent events—"

"How much time?" I snap. "I mean, I'm just asking. A day? A moon? Until the next Exchange? Ask your questions. I'll tell you anything you want to know."

"Here's one," someone says. "Why do you want to have a relationship with a Lofty after everything that's happened? You lost your mother in the Reckoning, after all."

I'm about to angrily remind them that a Groundling spear, not a Lofty arrow, killed Aloe, but I'm distracted by a new voice.

"Fenn asked us to leave her intended out of it," Calli says, sounding nervous, but determined. I’m surprised she's publicly taking my side. "I think we should respect her wishes. Her relationship with him isn't what we're meeting to talk about, right?"

“Here, here,” says Bear from around the other side of the fire. “I want to know more about Koolkuna and how it’s protected.”

I throw them both a grateful smile. My friends' support means more to me than I can tell them with words. I grab the opportunity they created for me with both hands.

I explain again about how the pure waters of the Myuna protect the
anuna
, the people of Koolkuna. I talk about the easy wonders of life there. With my words, I try to paint a portrait of how our lives could be there. Not perfectly rendered, but better than here. Patiently, I answer my people’s questions.

Thistle, Moray, and a few others heckle me once or twice, but the majority seems honestly curious about what I have to say. I can tell they aren’t quite able to bring themselves to believe me, but they listen. And that was all I asked.

“So we can just pick up and go live there?” Vole asks. He sounds cautious, but optimistic.

“Yes,” I respond. “The
anuna
are a generous people.”

Thistle cackles. “No one is that generous. Anyone who thinks otherwise is mad.”

I don’t respond. Arguing with Thistle won’t get me anywhere. And I have no desire to persuade her to come to Koolkuna, anyway.

“Well,” Pinion says. “You’ve given us a lot to think about.” Her tone tells me my time is up.

I sit, wondering if there was something more I could have said, one more argument I could have made in favor of the whole group going to Koolkuna. I’m not sure what it would be. I guess it’s up to them to decide now.

The meeting ends soon after. People begin moving toward their shelters, and bed. Bream speaks to me as I get to my feet.

“It turned out to be a nice evening after the rain, didn’t it?” His voice is unusually wheezy, like he's sickening. He pauses, waiting while others around us move off. “With the weather changing, the Council requests that you to continue to prepare the caves. It may not be long before the Scourge returns."

I'm not surprised at their order. The cooler evening breezes whisper of the approach of autumn. The scent of the greenheart trees has intensified, too, as if they're gathering themselves up, bundling in preparation for the coming of winter. The sick ones do come more often in the colder weather, probably because of the scarcity of food. It must add to their misery even more than it adds to ours.

"While we require and appreciate your efforts in the caves," he continues, "we also feel it is too dangerous for you to work alone now. There was the fire. And the threats, of course, and—"

"I remember.” I cut him off before he wanders off topic.

"Yes, well. The Council feels it would be prudent to assign someone to accompany you to the caves. We asked for a volunteer. He will help you with your work, and he has agreed to provide protection."

It must be Bear. That's not going to work. I already begged him to keep a close eye on Eland. It was a lot to ask given all that's unresolved between us, but he agreed without hesitation. He can't watch Eland if he's in the caves with me.

"I'll be fine, Bream. Thanks anyway. Tell Bear he's off the hook."

Bream coughs. "Bear is not the volunteer. Moray will accompany you."

My hands clench into fists at my sides. He can’t be serious.

“We understand there was trouble between you and Moray before the Reckoning. However, he has assured us that he has only your best interests at heart now. He would like to make amends for his past mistakes, and he certainly has the physical ability protect you."

Moray herded me through the caves, my hands tied behind my back. He forced himself on me, punched me after I bit his tongue, and threw me into the pit fully expecting I would die there. His family threatened my brother, and they may have been behind Aloe’s murder.

"My
best interests
? Are you kidding? Are the Three actively trying to get rid of me?"

"Please calm yourself, Fennel. We have no such intentions. As you know, putting differences behind us is essential for the well-being of our community. Our hope is that with this arrangement you and Moray will be able to work things out between you. He understands there will be consequences for any future ill-considered behavior—"

"
Ill-considered behavior
?” They act like he was being a naughty little boy when he attacked me.

Bream ignores my outburst. “If any Lofties are found on the ground, Moray has the authority to do what he must to protect you, our people, and our homes. He will restrain the person and bring him to us for questioning . . . and appropriate punishment. We will not tolerate a Lofty being in our territory without permission. Is that understood?”

I nod once. So that was the real message the Three wanted to give me: stay away from Peree or we’ll punish
him.

I understand all right. And I don’t like it one bit.

I wend my way stiffly toward our shelter, leaving Bream and the waning flicker of firelight behind me.

I understand why the Three feel they need someone who will tell them what I’m up to, someone who isn’t aligned with me. I haven’t exactly followed orders lately. But I can't believe they assigned
Moray
to watch me. They must not care about me or my safety at all. Even Fox, the closest thing I’ve had to a father. Sadness soaks me to the core.

Someone slips up to me—Eland. I keep walking, too distracted to reach out my hand to him like I usually would. He falls a step behind.

"Do you want to be alone?" he asks.

I take a long, conscious breath to slow the angry throbbing in my chest and head. "Of course not."

I hook my arm through his and we cross the spongy ground together.

I pull the chair in front of the door as we go in. I really don't want to speak to anyone else tonight. I climb onto my pallet, exhausted, and lie huddled up, as far away from the wall as I can get. The mingling scents of damp wood tinged with mold and animal blood depresses me more.

I give up. I'm ready to leave for Koolkuna. Now. Tonight.

Why wasn't I ready after I found out the Three blinded me as a child? Or when I was thrown into a pit? Or when Aloe and Shrike were killed? Or after the fires? Why weren't dead animals spiked to my wall enough of a hint for me? Why has it taken me this long to give up on my people?

Eland shifts on his pallet.

"Tell me something, Eland. Do you want to go to Koolkuna? Or do you want to stay here?"

He doesn't hesitate. "I want to be where you are."

My chest tightens, making it hard to speak. "That's it then. As soon as I can talk to Peree, we'll leave. Just the three of us. Are you okay with that?"

"Yeah." He sounds . . . resigned.

"I'm sorry things are turning out this way. It isn't what I wanted."

Eland doesn't say anything for a minute. "I wonder what Mother would have done. Do you think she would've gone? Or stayed here?"

"I don't know."

But I do know. I just don't like to think about it, because it forces me to compare my choices to hers. Aloe would've thought it was her duty to stay and serve on the Council as long as the majority of the people stayed. Even if it wasn’t what she wanted.

Eland says, "If she didn't go, I would've had to choose between staying here with her or going with you. I'm glad I don't have to do that."

"We never would have made you do that. If Aloe was still here . . . everything would be different."

I don't really believe that. I doubt Eland believes it, either. It was never going to be easy, with or without Aloe.

Eland's breath eventually slows and deepens, but I can't fall asleep.

He didn't say he wanted to go to Koolkuna. What he said was he wanted to be with
me
. That's not the same thing. I'm tearing my brother away from his home and his people, everyone and everything he's ever known, right after he lost his mother. All so I can be with Peree. I punch my lumpy pallet.

No, that's not true. This isn't only about being with Peree. I wouldn't make Eland go if I didn't believe he would have a better life in Koolkuna. I want him to grow up in a safe place with people who support—even encourage—differences of opinion. I have to believe I'm taking him away for the right reasons, really believe it, or I can't go through with this.

In the meantime, I steel myself for the task of severing the threads that bind me to my home and my people. I lie there well into the night, listening to the mournful calls of the doves, as one by one the stitches pull free. And I bleed and bleed and bleed.

I feel stiff and crumpled after my sleepless night, like a rag left to dry in the sun. But I'm prepared to tell him that Eland and I are ready to go now. We need to plan when and how we’re leaving.

People flit in and out of the clearing around me as I eat breakfast. I barely acknowledge their occasional greetings, continuing the painful task of distancing myself that I began the night before.

I hear Moray sitting nearby, whistling off-key. The sound sets my teeth on edge.

He's probably waiting for me to start my work in the caves. The obvious response is for me to refuse. I should go home and lock myself in. Or stay all day in the clearing where he can't possibly touch me. But inside the caves is the safest place to talk with Peree.

Moray follows me as I head that direction, struggling with what to do. I can't go in with him. That would be insane. Maybe if we were outside, Peree would see us and guess what's happening. I stop in front of the entrance and, hands on hips, turn to Moray. My fingers burn, wanting to dip into my pocket where Peree's knife lurks. I'm feeling pretty happy he insisted I keep it with me after the Reckoning.

"The Three want you to keep an eye on me. Fine. But let's get one thing straight: if you put anything
else
on me, I'll tell everyone about your Lofty friend. I mean it. If even one finger strays where it doesn't belong, I'll spill my guts." I wince at my own choice of words. Yeah, I'm real scary.

"Ouch, Fennel. That hurts," he says with no trace of emotion in his voice, unless you count sarcasm. "How will I ever live it down if you tell everyone my little secret?"

My lips form a thin smile, as thin as the blade of my hidden knife. "Look at how people are treating Peree and me—and
we're
trying to do things the right way. No one will take it well that you messed around with a Lofty girl. Especially your mother, with all her talk about Lofty lovers. Gives that term a new meaning doesn't it?"

Moray comes so close I can feel the warmth of his overly muscled body. This is stupid; he’s much stronger than me. Fighting Moray would be like a mouse taking on a hawk. Sweat trickles down my back.

"You're hot when you're threatening me. Know that, sweetheart?"

My hand dives into my pocket, tugging out the knife. I step back and hold it between us. "Back off, Moray. I mean it."

"Okay, now you're
trying
to turn me on." He plucks the knife out of my hand. "Sorry, but I can't let you keep this. Might have an accident and cut off one of your pretty little body parts. Don't play the tough girl, Fenn; it's not your style."

I'm dismayed that he disarmed me so easily. At the same time I realize his voice has changed a little. It's warmer than usual, and he actually used my real name. Maybe I disarmed him a little, too. I hold up my hands.

"Convince me I don't need to worry about being alone with you."

He snorts. "Get over yourself. I'm not going to touch you. Look—what happened before with us . . . I saw an opportunity. Simple as that." He doesn't sound contrite. He sounds horribly matter-of-fact. "What can I say, sweetheart? We're not all heroes. Deal with it."

Unbelievable. "How can I be sure you won't see another
opportunity
?"

"I told you before. I don't want to come second to Bear. That goes double for a Lofty. And, frankly, you aren't really my type."

"I’m glad to hear it.” I pause. “I want my knife back.”

"Nope."

"I'm only going in there with you if you give it back." Wait, am I really thinking about going in there with him? Have I lost my mind?

"So demanding. Here you go, then." He slaps it hilt-first into my hand. "It's not like I have anything to worry about. You don't have a clue how to handle a blade. You're more likely to cut your own throat than mine."

I hate to admit it, but he's probably right. I wave the knife at him anyway. "I'm trusting you."

He steps in until the solid bulk of his torso meets the sharp tip of the knife. Then he leans even closer, so close that I hear the cloth of his shirt give way with a soft pop.