The Defiance (Brilliant Darkness) (16 page)

I finger the soft feathers in his wavy hair and laugh. “A feather as a weapon?”

“The women scoffed, too," Peree says seriously, "and the bird looked as offended as it is possible for a bird to look. 'You reject my gift?' it asked. The women said, 'A feather, however beautiful, is no weapon.' Then the bird answered, 'I tell you now; you will have what you want. But beware. It will not be as you expected.' And with that it flew away. The women all looked at each other. They did not know what to think.

"A small girl climbed out of her mother's lap and approached the tree stump. 'Look,' she said, 'The pretty bird left a feather.' She picked it up. It was beautiful—bright green, yellow, and red, with touches of blue. 'Put that down,' the girl's mother said sternly. But she held it a moment longer. And sure enough, the feather began to grow in the girl's hand. It grew longer, and thinner, and harder. The tip of the feather sharpened into a point. Before long, she was holding a wicked-looking spear. Her mother snatched it from her. 'A weapon! We must hide it from the men.'"

“The bird was right, then,” I say.

“In more ways than one," Peree says. "The woman hid the spear in her home. But that night, when her partner beat her in front of her daughter as he did most nights, the woman snatched up the weapon. She brandished it in front of her. The pain and anger rose up inside her until it became all she could feel, and before she knew what she was doing, she plunged the spear into him. As the woman stood over her partner's body, the bloody spear became a harmless feather in her hand."

I wrap my arms around myself, disturbed by the violent turn the story has taken. Peree moves closer, warming me.

“The next day, the woman passed the bird’s gift on to her sister, and one by one, the women of the village used it on their menfolk, slaying them with the feather that became a spear. When there were no more men, the spear became a feather once more. The women took turns wearing it on their bodies, to remind themselves that they would never again be subject to the cruelties of men."

I grimace as he finishes. "What happened to the women?"

"I don't know. That's where the story ended, as I heard it."

"Well, I think we're safe," I joke weakly. "I had the feather for a while. No spear in sight. Who told you that one?"

He hesitates, playing with wisps of my hair. "Kaiya did."

My lips flatten. I have mixed feelings about Peree's friend from Koolkuna. On the one hand I’m grateful to her. She rescued me from the pit Moray threw me into. Without her, I’d be dead. I also feel sorry for her. Kadee said people avoid Kai because she was exposed to the sick ones at length as a child when she was lost in the forest. She was one of the few Nerang was able to nurse back to being fully human. At least I think she's fully human. She’s testy and churlish, and she seems to be missing a few of the niceties, like any hint of friendliness or manners.

Except when it comes to Peree.

"Oh. When was this?"

"When she brought me back from Koolkuna." His hands wrap gently around my mine. "Which I asked her to do, you know, because I was so worried about you."

"I know." I kiss his unshaven cheek. "Your stories have been a little dark lately, Peree. I'm not sure I liked that one, either."

"It was about an animal, as requested."

"Yes, and a bunch of cruel men and murderous women. I'm glad I don't live there. Then I'd have to spear you." I poke him in the ribs. He falls onto his back, groaning like he's been stabbed, and pulls me down with him.

"I'd beg for my life and offer to be your slave," he murmurs.

I kiss him again, this time on his scuffed lips. "Hmm. I'll think about it."

Kissing Peree gets better every time, especially now that we haven't been able to be together as often. It's like finding a late cache of berries when you thought they were done for the season. You savor them all the more for not knowing when you'd taste them again.

We don't speak for a while, not above a whisper at least. But I feel the night wearing on. He has to go soon.

We slink back to the rope ladder by the water hole, hand in hand, listening for any human sounds. We shouldn't have spent so long together. Morning hovers nearby, waiting for its cue to vanquish the night with bright spears of sunlight.

Peree presses my necklace in silent farewell and climbs the ladder, dragging it up behind him. I wait and listen until I can't hear his footsteps overhead anymore. Then I stay a moment longer, enjoying the quiet harmony of the water hole. I'm making the right choice to leave with Peree. I know I am.

I start toward the clearing, but I'm startled to a stop by the sound of someone moving along the path right in front of me.

I freeze at the sound of Fox’s voice, agonizingly aware that Peree's footsteps faded away only moments before. I pray Fox didn't see him.

"Yes," I say, keeping my voice relaxed. "I like being near the water when I can't sleep. It's soothing." We both listen for a moment, but I'm anything but soothed now.

"Sleep can be so elusive to a troubled mind,” he says. "And it's been a difficult few months for you."

I narrow my eyes. The Three were responsible for much of my
difficult
few months.

"I'm on guard duty," he says. "I usually take the opportunity to think. The water hole is as good a place as any to find peace of mind."

He strolls a few paces farther down the path toward the water. I stay put, hoping against hope there's nothing amiss. If he was really listening or watching me closely, he would hear the guilt in my voice and see the tense set of my shoulders. I give silent thanks that the sighted can be so oblivious sometimes. The breeze blows toward us from the water. I tremble, but not because of the temperature.

"Cold?" he asks.

"I think I'll go home now. Will you walk with me? There's something I've been meaning to ask you."

"Of course." He falls into step beside me.

For a moment, I consider telling Fox our plan. Maybe the Three would support us. I know I can't really do that, but I
can
ask him the question I've had since Calli put it in my head.

"Did the Three already know about Koolkuna? Before I came back from trying to find the Hidden Waters, I mean?"

If Fox tells me the truth, then maybe Aloe was wrong. Maybe there's hope that I can be honest with the Three, as I would have been with Aloe, and we can work this out. But if he lies to me, then there's no hope. I won’t be able to trust him. The pause seems to stretch and grow like a great, black shadow, gradually overtaking the sky above our heads.

"No. No, of course not," he finally says. "We didn't know it existed until you told us. What makes you ask?"

I slowly release the breath I was holding.
So be it.

"No reason. Just wondering."

Just wondering what else the Three know that they aren't telling; how much deeper the lies will go.

We continue down the path. Fox makes small talk about what needs to be done over the coming weeks as we prepare for the return of winter. I'm barely listening, thinking instead about all I need to do in the next five days before we leave. We reach the quiet cluster of Groundling shelters in the charcoal light of dawn.

"Fennel," Fox says. "I know you're not the same girl now who left the caves to face the Scourge alone."

I don't answer; I won't be able to keep the bitterness I feel out of my voice.

"You've been in danger, and your life was threatened. You lost your mother, and you fell in love. Tragedy and wonder all in a brief period of time. You must be confused."

Yeah, you could say that.
I remain silent.

"I hope you know that I care about you. I've always treated you like one of my own."

I nod.

"You're becoming a woman with a," he chuckles, "
definite
mind of your own. But I hope one thing hasn't changed. Your mother taught you to think about your duty to your community first; I hope you haven't forgotten her lesson. Because that would truly be tragic."

He takes my hand, placing something long and silky on my palm. The feather that fell from Peree’s hair.

"I will inform the Three that you once again disobeyed our orders." He pauses. "We can't allow our way of life to be threatened by two young people determined to put our safety in jeopardy." I don't know what expression he saw on my face, but he touches my shoulder, and his tone softens. "It's not easy for me to take a hard line. Especially with you, Fennel. But when you're responsible for the welfare of a group of people, sometimes you have to. It's as simple—and as difficult—as that."

He leaves me standing, my heart galloping, in the murky predawn. Why haven't I learned by now that I can't conceal anything from the Three?

Kadee catches me on my way to the caves the next morning, calling softly to me from the platform in the trees. Moray hovers nearby, watching for other Groundlings. For once, having him follow me around is actually helpful. I hate to admit it, but it would have been nice to have him as a lookout last night. I'm still kicking myself for letting Fox sneak up on me like that.

"Peree asked me to come," Kadee calls softly. "Are you all right? Did Fox know he was there?"

Each hour I didn't sleep are grains of sand lodged in my eyes. I'm tired and cross.

"He knew we'd been together. He said he would tell the Three, so I’ll probably be punished. I can’t meet Peree again.”

“He knows; that’s why I’m here. He said to tell you he’s sorry, and he loves you. He’ll be watching, if you need him."

"Someone's coming," Moray says in an undertone. "Hurry it up."

“I have to go,” I tell her.

"Good luck, Fennel. I’ll see you in Koolkuna."

I wave goodbye quickly.

"It's Bear. Coming to see the one that got away," Moray says.

He didn't have to tell me. I can smell Bear's particular scent—tree sap and wood smoke—as he approaches.

"Fenn, I need to talk to you. Alone," Bear says.

"I'm hurt, hero. You don't count me as someone you can tell your secrets to?" Moray says.

"I don't count you at all," Bear says.

"Stop it. Both of you. I'm not in the mood." I rub my eyes, trying to relieve the dryness, but only irritating them more. "C'mon Bear, help me move some supplies into the caves while we talk. Moray, keep watch."

"Getting pushier, aren't we?" Moray says, but he stays by the mouth to the caves as Bear and I enter.

"What's up?" I ask, as we carry the first load through the passage, his torch flickering at my side.

"I want to go."

I play dumb. "Go where?"

"What do you mean, where? Koolkuna. A group is going. You and the Lofty are leading 'em, right? Well, I'm in."

I groan. "Perfect. Where did you hear that?"

"Vole. A few kids in the gardens were talking about it when he was there fixing the plow. He's thinking about going, too. And thanks a lot for telling me, by the way." Bitterness and sarcasm seethe in his words.

I'm going to throttle Eland. Maybe I didn't make it perfectly clear that this was a secret. A
big
one. At times like this I'm reminded that he's still a child.

 "I was going to ask you . . ." Whatever else I say now will only sound weak, so I don't try. "Anyway, I don't know if any of this is such a good idea. I'm afraid of what the Three will do if they get wind that a group is leaving. Which they're very likely to do now, thanks to my big-mouthed little brother and the way gossip spreads around here. I don't want anyone to get hurt. I don't want to be responsible for that."

"Are you saying you're
not
going?" Bear's tone is cold.

I hesitate before answering. "I'm going, but I'm not sure I want to risk starting something with the Three by taking anyone other than Eland." And Moray and his brothers. Now probably isn't the time to tell Bear they're going, too.

I shift the armful of food I’m carrying as I speak. He grabs me, and I almost drop it all.

"Who goes and who stays isn't really your choice, Fenn."

I scowl; he's hurting me. "Yes, it is. I don't have to take anyone anywhere."

"Why did you even come back then? Only for Eland?" He's hissing like steam building in a teakettle.

I keep my voice even. I don't want to fight with him, but I can't help saying, "Sometimes I wish I hadn't."

He releases me quickly, like I burned him with my words. I stalk off; he catches up a moment later.

"So you don't want me to go?"

The pain he's desperately trying to conceal in his voice is too much for me. I let out a long breath. "I don't want to endanger anyone else I care about. Maybe it would be better for you all if Eland and I just leave."

"You think you know what’s best for me, huh? Your choice of partners tells me you don't have a clue what that is." He huffs out a breath. "Forget I said that. I
am
going. And there are others."

I shake my head, upset by his tone more than his words. "Bear—"

"If you think you can make this choice for people, then you're no better than the Three."

We deliver the supplies to the tunnel where Peree, Petrel, and I agreed to meet in five days time. Bear does a lot of stomping, but doesn’t say much. I don't know what to say to make it better between us. I'm feeling trapped.

Last night, talking with Kadee, it seemed that allowing people to make their own choices was the right thing to do. If they want to go, then who am I to deny them a chance at a better future in Koolkuna?

But Calli and Fox almost changed my mind. What if letting people choose gets them hurt, or worse? What if the Three retaliates? Even if we get away without incident, what if there's an accident in the caves? Or trouble with the sick ones? Or with the
anuna
? And what will happen to those who stay behind? How will I live with myself if this all goes wrong?

I suddenly appreciate Fox's point from the night before, about making unpopular decisions. No matter what I do, someone could be hurt, or at the very least, they'll hate me. How did I end up here, making decisions for other people?