What are you?
There are few things I know for definite.
I know my past begets my future.
I know my actions now rebound on others.
And I know these three, these blooded
three, were now woven into parts of me.
My wolf on the other hand needed a bit more
convincing.
I was not an accident. Not a genetic mash
up of old and new. I was more than one but less than the other.
Maybe I’m just a different path, a split in
the middle of evolutions course. A broken branch on a tree, a left turn on a
straight Road.
I looked like an old wolf.
I moved like an old wolf.
There were differences though that I'd have
to be blind not to see. Larger for starters, as Sam so eloquently pointed out.
A wolf the size of an African Lion. Paws
and limbs as grandly contrived. That brawn and tissue as copiously built. A
wildcats crushing jaw on a hounds sleek face.
I sat in wolf form for a while. That part
of me taking over and not willing to cede control. Lording over the kill she'd
made, snapping at damaged, dishevelled dogs venturing too close. That sable
pelt coated in gore proudly displayed on a distended chest.
From behind those suspicious, sombre eyes I
watched Sam slowly knit together. A six inch gash halved in an hour, that
pouring blood slowing to a stop, a pool made shallow by his absorbent clothes.
He was healing, slower than normal but better than not. A deep breath left my
wolf's dignified frame. She might be temperamental but she had an understanding
of what the human inside wanted.
"You wan' ta take tha' hell hound
outside for a while. She work all those issues she have ou'."
I pushed inside my beast, nudging her away
from her prize and the competition she seemed to have going on with dogs I
didn't want to maul.
"Dun you worry, I be fine. Bleedin'
all ova' tha floor..... "
I think I managed a decent animal
interpretation of a sigh.
Everything was different in this form,
sharpened, finer. The smells overloaded my brain until I ran in circles chasing
one, only to get distracted by another. A consensus of scent and vision that
provided a much needed diversion for the simmering antagonism still kindling.
I chased wild rabbits.
A murderous slaughter ensued.
I came to the realisation that my wolf had
been made certifiable. A product of one's environment.
Blood seemed to soothe the savage beast and
my fur melted away on returning to the cabin. My knees hit the ground mid
change, burned out from overuse. I regressed back to crawling, not willing to
stay outside naked in full view. I'd had enough of naked and I'd lost those
clothes that were, something just mine, when I'd snapped those chains.
Sam had left a robe on the porch. That man
just kept growing in my estimation. I found him sat at the table, black tar in
hand, a suspicious scent of whisky emanating from his seat, another cup set in
my normal place.
"You hungry?"
I shook my head, the rabbits were enough
for me. We sat a while longer, me staring at Sam just waiting for that
conversation to start.
"Guess tha' trainin' didn' work out
all tha' well afta."
No I guess not. I didn’t know if maybe it
was just the right time or I should have tried harder to keep her caged. She
was out now though, for better or worse.
"Least ya didn' eat me I 'spose."
I gave him a withering glare. Old man
probably tasted of fermented alcohol anyway.
"We goin' have sum company real soon.
Tha' pack know their Alpha gone, they be callin' in all sorts o' folk."
I knew the 'folk' he meant. They were the
wolves you called when all else failed. An imperial guard that had outlived the
aristocracy. That pack would be fumbling right now, a dead Alpha was an unusual
thing nowadays. Wolves so strong it would take something more than the usual to
relieve him of his head.
The guard would be coming alright. Sent in
to find the crazed animal that killed an Alpha. I had met them once before, a
long time ago when my father was still alive and he left those ranks for his
family. Big wolves, every one of them. Had to be I suppose for the job they
did, a military police force governed by those low on responsibility and high
on self importance. I'd seen that clear enough, even as a twelve year old too
impressed with the guards ominous presence to take much notice of the men
pulling the strings.
I'd only seen them training in rooms passed
while attached to my father's arm. Eyes wide in astonishment at the power,
fluidity of movement and searing grace such fighting contained. They trained
with weapons, long swords of flashing steel, bending and flowing in dance,
music in motion to behold.
They didn't need those flashy blades
though. Every single one, the biggest damn human you'd ever see. Claws freely
displayed on a man's immense hand. It took years to be able to control that;
the ability to shift parts of your body. Keeping the wolf locked in while pieces
of him breached the surface. I figured those guards must be centuries old at
least and I wondered at the men who allowed self serving old fools the key to
their collar.
The Captain of the guard, an Alpha if I
ever saw one, had been a man too terrifying to look at. Murder evident in his
charcoal stare. I'd met his gaze only once and hadn't had the strength to keep
it. I was different girl now though to what I'd been then; some parts soiled
and sullied, some parts durable and fortified. The way karma was turning out
for me, I'm sure I could expect him real soon. "Have you met them? The
Captain?"
Sam’s face pulled in a wide grin. "Oh
yeah. Fearsom' little buggers ain't they? Came ta clean up tha' war I tol' you
abou'. Tha' man..." he shook his shoulders in a parody of shivers,
"....he a predator tha' for sure. Rules them guards wit' iron. Neva' seen
nobody like him befo'."
His big grin faded to serious."Reckon
he hear ya ou' tho'. Didn' have much time fo' no pig headed Alpha, even back
then."
A feeling had come over me. So similar to
that time I had looked into Clara's dead eyes and seen my own failures staring
back at me. "I'm sorry Sam. I should have tried harder, not dragged you
into my mess."
His quirked eyebrow surprised me."Dun
need no apology from ya. Tha' man was an ass. From wha' I heard, he had sum
comin' ta him, shoulda been a better man. Shoulda done his job righ'."
His face was an honest justification of all
I had gotten us into and I was forever grateful for his unending spirit. He
stood up and put his empty cup in the sink. Mine still full, sat mutating in
front of me. God, the man really needed to learn how to make coffee.
He walked to the archway leading through to
the living room.
"Get sum sleep girlie, no doubt we
have guests tomorro'." His walk was stiff, his body probably pulling on
that recently healed wound.
"Hey, Sam."
He turned around, Luce appearing stiffly at
his side.
"You three are okay though,
right?"
His booming chuckle was a welcome sound in
a house too thick with thoughts of sunrise. "We fine, girlie.....nice ta
know ya care tho'."
I tried hiding my smile but I think I
failed miserably. That old man just digging in deeper, settling in my soul.
The Alpha's body had been removed. I didn't
ask where he put it, I didn't want to give my wolf any more reason to put a
claim on dead things. The blood mopped up from the floor. Stains still evident
permeated into the boards. Blood was hard to get out of wooden flooring, seems
to seep into those cracks leaving documentation of what's come before.
I sit in my solid oak chair, sinking into
memories of life gone by. Stains on the floor, stains on my person.
I'd spent few short days in this house, a
week or so and yet I'd grown so different from what I was. Such warmth seeping
in, it shut out the cold that seemed to numb. But in that realisation I found
what had been icy and stiff, hardened to all around me, had turned brutal in
heat. A torrid flow of sweltering fury, no longer contained in restraints of
cowardice.
I thought to that man in his hospital bed.
Probably reliving those years he had me locked in. Probably enjoying his sick
satisfactions. Wondering when I was returning for that letter on his chest.
I'll take the knife and carve his deeds on
his skin, so those that find him read well what he did.
And when it's all over and I see that red
end, I'll lay my sins out on a mirrored floor for all to see what they created
in me.
I
didn't sleep that night. I don't think it was fear of the unknown, more some
sort of anticipation. A new player in the game, someone I hadn't accounted for.
Trying
to plan ahead proved pointless. I had no idea of the guards intentions, could
only guess at their hidden strategy. My only option was to wait, a long
torturous submission.
In
the hour before dawn I hardened my resolve. The only thing that mattered was
not the force of the guard, not the man that brought fear and awe in equal
parts, not even the blossoming of solidarity between two weathered souls. The
only thing that mattered was getting to that end, to show the scars I chose to,
not the ones that slipped through the cracks like unwanted defects.
Sam’s
movements pulled me from my thoughts. I suppose we both had the same idea of
being ready early today. Remy’s head lifted at the creak of floorboards. He'd
apparently taken to sneaking in at night, creeping onto my bed and shuffling me
over until he was comfortable. As if I didn't know he was there; the mastiff
was nowhere near as stealthy as what he thought he was.
I
followed Remy to the kitchen, a glorious smell of frying bacon already
permeating the cabin. I decided to make the coffee myself this morning and made
sure to get to that pot first. Sam’s little grin was a testament to my similar
lack of stealth.
"Got
lots o' meat this mornin', feed ya up, put sum meat on them bones."
"I'm
actually really hungry this morning, it's kind of odd."
Sam
smiled my way as I put two cups on the table.
"Nuthin'
odd 'bout it. Dun 'spose ya felt tha wolf's hunger befo', it a never-endin'
thing. Can be fightin' a war, runnin' tha forest, on ya death bed, dun matter;
you always hungry." He chuckled, bringing plates piled high with bacon and
sausages, and so much toast he had to bring a separate plate.
"Eat
up, have sum time till death come callin'....we eat our feelin's here."
I
rolled my eyes at his bad humour. I've yet to see a situation that truly seems
to bother him. I hoped in time I could learn his secret, I would give anything
to never be bothered again.
Dawn
came too soon. That rising reddish glow such a portent for the coming
hurricane.
They
came by land, a marching troop of discipline. A mercenary parade of barely
contained violence.
We
heard them advancing from a mile away. I guess it didn't matter if they
announced themselves, it's not like it was an invitation to meet. Some offer
you could politely decline. Here or somewhere else they would see us, willingly
or not.
Their
approach was slow and steady, displaying an ease of movement and confidence of
ability that was almost vanity. They moved surprisingly silent through the last
barrier of woodland to stand facing the cabin, a wall of stationed warriors.
Sam
took my hand, a gentle squeeze in his grip. I appreciated the touch, a firming
show of alliance between two such opposite continents.
A
bated breath was held in my chest. Not so much fear or unease, I'd lived
through both of those previously but that feeling of stepping out, crossing the
threshold, becoming something new in the wake of consequences yet lived.
We
showed no hesitation on stepping through the door to our uncertain future. In
the conflicting world of shifters such confidence in the face of adversity
could go one of two ways and I very much hoped it ended without the prevailing
brutality.
Each
one of the men we stood facing was an example of creations most accomplished
form. A perfect predator inside a perfect cage. An air of humming power
emanating from every single one. Quiet voices of toughened men whispered short
orders to lower ranks, watchers in the woods, eyes in the trees, some escaping
behind the cabin only to melt into the scenery....catchers of the fleeing
judged I imagine.
A
hush fell over the twenty strong guard. It amused me somewhat, all those wolves
for one small girl, it seemed slightly excessive.
I
felt the power radiating long before he came into view. It seemed impossible
that one body held so much without exploding at the seams. Heads lowered
slightly in the wave of that influence, I looked across at Sam and saw his head
as high as ever. I narrowed my eyes his way and he responded with a smile, that
old man had secrets hidden deep, not yet ready to be released.
A
horrifying roar resounded through the woods beyond the guard. More animal than
man, more resounding than nature. The booms that followed were heavy footfalls.
Each one a mini earthquake destroying it's path. I felt a quiver in my stomach;
perhaps I was not as unaffected as I’d thought. As those tremendous steps came
closer my beast inside, that deranged creature, stirred in her sleep. I held on
tightly preventing any escape, I didn't want to think about my fate should I
attempt to take the Captain's head. I couldn't imagine an outcome that would
allow me to keep mine.
A
break in the trees cleared a path for a swiftly moving giant. Dark wolf skin
covering hardened steel in bulging arms. Thighs wide and cut in ice, a steely
muzzle hidden behind rapidly moving branches. I looked at the guard, a movement
in their ranks. Human faces full of confusion and curiosity.
Was this not the Captain?
I
furrowed my brow at the men standing in formation, they looked at each other,
quizzical eyebrows raised, some quiet murmuring between close quarters before
taking a knee in preparation. The second moved to the front of the line,
awaiting his leaders command.
So this is the Captain?
I
don't think I've ever been so confused in such a short space of time.
Autumns
cool wind blew a path behind me, buffeting my hair around my face, nudging me
unwillingly towards his oncoming storm. Another roar sent closer birds flying
from the trees, vibrating the ground at my feet, sending tremors through my
limbs.
My
wolf woke up.
Blurry
eyes narrowed at the barbarian forcing and crashing his way through the last of
the trees. That face came into view. Sat high on shoulders of brick. A snarling
wolf atop eight and a half feet of annihilation. He stopped cold. His sudden
halt sending up puffs of dirt a foot in the air. His gaze locked on me, those
charcoal eyes burning through my hesitant acknowledgement. Faltering my
straight face, my mask of calm.
He
rumbled a call. A deep cracking of thunder to my ears. My mouth opened
slightly, a breath caught in my throat.
My
wolf forced her way upwards. Pushing at my control, swiping at my
unwillingness. An answering angry snarl came from deep in my chest, drowning
out that throaty call.
For
a moment I froze.
There's
that certifiable showing itself. Only a madman would challenge this Captain.
His
guards from their bended knees, still that curious expression on their faces,
looked quickly in my direction, a wince evident from some. The Captain's
massive head cocked to the side, staring at me from thirty feet away, deep
rumbling grunts escaping from between his fangs, narrowed eyes preying on his
victim. It seemed to me like he was trying to talk; a ridiculous observation
when those teeth were gleaming at you.
My
wolf decided to let out a long ominous growl. The kind that warned and promised
fulfilment of morbid threats.
A
low panic started in my stomach, a flutter that steadily grew, a slightly off
beat to my heart that became a pounding of dread. I think maybe she was trying
to get me killed, maybe her obsession with blood had evolved to include the
human she inhabited.
His
huge thighs tensed in preparation. That pounding grew louder, a heavy base in
my head.
His
hands with claws extended, clenched until blood dripped from his palms. My
stomach dropped to my knees.
Every
breath from his chest was a snarl on exhalation. I felt that warning tingle,
that moment that comes before fangs and claws and fur.
I
saw his legs stretch and release. A push off the ground in a wild man's leap.
The panic that started so small grew to consume my control until all that was
left was that burning and searing of shift.
He
flew across the rusty grass, a living, breathing creature of lore commanding an
avenue on the dying terrain.
He
did not heed my wolf's deafening roar, did not stop at her ferocious face. He
kept coming until all I could see was this great beast dominating my view.
It
seemed my wolf was all out of options. He wasn't listening and she had, had
enough. As his great feet came within touching distance, a large dark hand
reaching for her fur, she bent those lion like limbs low to ground and sprung
quickly to the side, a twist in her spine mid air.
She
ran, an Olympic sprint that no other wolf had a hope of catching as long as she
still had breath in her lungs and will in her legs. The trees were passing
faster than light, those rabbits throwing themselves out of the devil's way. I
was locked down behind a storm of confusion, watching from my glass encased
box, examining the commotion inside her mind.
When
the guards and the Captain and the mess was far behind, a bellowing roar in my
wake. I had just one thought remaining.
I left Sam.