When I returned to the house Sam was in the
kitchen, both dogs staring up at him preparing dinner with expectant eyes. He
glanced at me when I leaned on the granite counter.
"Watcha done crazy? Tha' face ain't
innocent."
I had thought my face was just as straight
as it had been when looking at Carvers pain.
I shrugged, "I may have told the
Captain a truth or two."
Sam laughed. Full on belly laugh. I peered
at his obvious madness.
"Oh girlie, ya dun half amuse
me."
I frowned, I don't think he understands
what I mean.
"Ya tell him ya not interested? Ya
tell him it ain't goin' ta happen?"
I nodded in response as his grin got wider.
"Tha's wha' they all say." He chuckled again and went back to
chopping onions, the smell starting to burn my eyes.
"No I mean it." I was adamant in
my answer.
Sam stopped his chopping and scraped the
onions into a heating pan on the stove. He turned back to look at me, putting
his knife down. "You think it goin' ta be so easy? You think fate make
mistakes? No girlie, she a wondrous thing. She put two people togetha', she
make them strong where tha otha' weak and she make them hard where tha otha' Soft."
He grabbed a couple of glasses from the
cabinet and pulled a bottle of whiskey from a mysterious hiding place. He
poured long and slow as he continued. "He'll love ya like no otha' can.
Maybe tha dun mean much ta ya righ' now, you think ya got everythin' straight
an' ya know exactly wha' ya can handle but ya dun know him and ya dun know how
she move, twists an' turns your path till ya end up righ' where she wan' you,
righ' wherever tha' Captain is."
I screwed up my face, "she can try, I
think she's got a fight with me."
Sam bellowed again,"yeah, ya might be
righ' on tha' one."
I took a long gulp at the glass he handed
to me and sighed in pleasure and frustration,"It wasn't meant to be this.
I'm not giving up my end for him."
Sam matched my gulp with one of his own,
"why ya hav'ta give anythin' up? Tha' man be happy wit' a part of ya, dun
hav'ta be everythin' all at once."
I looked at those old eyes, aged in life
and experience."I don't think there's any part of me that would be good
for him."
Sam scoffed, “got me a piece of ya didn' I?
Kinda like tha bit I got."
I was utterly unable to stop a little smile
at that, "yes, I suppose you did."
Sam huffed as he grabbed meat from the
fridge to add to the frying onions, "damn righ' I did and ya ain't getting
it back neither."
I found I couldn't stop smiling for a long
time while watching that old man cook.
When Carver didn't appear for dinner I
assumed he'd let his wolf out and gone on a run. I had thought on Sam’s words
as I ate. I understood the facts on wolves and mating, I seemed to have
underestimated the reality though. There was not a single part of me that could
envisage this life that he seemed to so desperately want, all this time he'd
spent building this home in hopes of the mate he hadn't yet met. Buried deep,
Submerged in nebulous, gnarled versions of myself there was one vivid element
that so wished I could be that for him. That small indistinct piece of me
however, would never break free, it was wrapped in memories of fear and pain; a
by-product of my previous complacency.
As we sat at the table, dinner finished
with, Sam sipping his whiskey and Remy staring at my leftovers with mournful
eyes. The doorbell rang, I got up to open it, expecting a guard for the still
missing Carver. The man at the door however was not a guard. The blonde hair
that hung to his jaw, broad shoulders and scowl disfiguring his face were
instantly recognisable.
The sly little smile that came over his
mouth was disturbing and my wolf wholeheartedly agreed. She peeked out beneath
the trappings I made for her, a semblance of locks and bolts that kept her
caged, a pretty box for the vicious creature within, an illusion of smoke and
mirrors that she allowed.
"Hello, Arya."
That sickly sweet smile widened as he put
his hand out to shake. I obviously ignored it and that fake little grin dropped
a little. "Why are you here, Alex?"
The beta glared at me, a length of his
blonde hair obscuring his vision and ruining the image he tried to create.
"I suggest you find a little respect
in your tone when you speak to me female." His purposely low and dangerous
voice did nothing for my wolf, she pranced around inside, happily awaiting the
opportunity to show this wolf what respect meant.
"Hm, why exactly would I do that
Alex?" I smirked at his expression. Male wolves, so easy to anger.
"That's Alpha to you, " He
hissed.
My smile grew wider," Oh that's right,
I killed the last Alpha." My wolf let out a macabre snarl, all teeth and
claws and a promise that he'd bleed.
His thick forearms tensed, that new Alpha
inside pushing to show his worth. "I should kill you for that," he
growled.
I stepped forward, pushing his control,
forcing his wolf to strike or back down. "You're more than welcome to try
Alex.
"
My beast pushed that claw out again, showing off her talents to the new Alpha.
He caught the movement in the corner of his eye and his gaze widened. He would
not have that ability yet.
Sam’s sneaky feet whispered behind me and I
caught a sweet scent of whisky and dog. A little growl from Luce announced
their presence further.
"Alex, watcha doin' here? Look ta me
like you growlin' at tha Captains mate. You lookin' ta die boy?"
That blonde head swung in Sam’s direction,
surprise on his sun-kissed face.
Looks like someone forgot to inform the
local pack.
He clenched his hands into fists and an
internal struggle began. He forced himself to take a step back and I saw little
ripples in his skin where his wolf pushed at him to show this girl her place. I
was amused at his wolf; he had no self preservation.
He turned his animosity onto Sam next, the
only target left for his frustration. "Why don't you keep out old man?
You're no wolf any more."
My beast snapped inside, the push against
my ribs driving me forward a step and Alex was forced to retreat again to keep
his distance.
Sam, his usual calm self, only
chuckled."Dun know why you so angry boy, you an Alpha now ain't you? Tha's
a step up in my book."
Alex scowled at Sam’s words, "he was
my friend not just my Alpha, she deserved to die for what she did. Luke did
nothing to warrant death."
So that was his name."That's exactly
right Alex, your former Alpha did nothing. Perhaps you can rectify his
indifference now that you have the title." I sent him another smile, we
were both well aware he would do nothing of the sort.
He grit his teeth and pushed parting words
through them, "I can see the Captain isn't here, I'll return when he's
available."
He turned around and stalked off without
another word. I shook my head, he was a pubescent boy in a man's body.
"You just attract trouble now dun
ya?"
I looked at Sam and raised my eyebrows
innocently.
"Dun fool me girlie, you anythin' but
innocen'."
I shrugged at him, nothing I could do about
my less than sweet personality flaws. "Why's he here Sam?"
Sam blew out a breath, "Well, he a new
Alpha now, all the new ones come here. Meet tha Captain, train wit' tha guards
for a while and talk wit' them governors." His little look of distaste at
the last word was poorly hidden.
"You ever met them Sam?"
He narrowed his eyes looking at Alex still
stalking across the grass towards a house in the distance. "Yeah, once or
twice."
"Why do the guards and the Captain
allow them to dictate?"
Sam turned to look at me and put a wrinkled
hand on Luce's head. "They like ta think tha's wha' they do. Lemme tell
you tho', tha' Captain dun do nuthin' he dun wanna do."
Sam big grin returned and I was glad to see
it,"come on girlie, we go sit on tha' porch an' relax, " he chuckled
and tried an innocent look of his own," got sum whisky go real nice wit'
relaxin'."
I shook my head at him and followed him
inside, the dogs padding behind us. I thought on that blonde beta turned Alpha,
his presence could only bring more trouble for me. I wasn't overly concerned,
one Alpha was much the same as any other. Conceited, self important, arrogant.
His wolf could push and growl and demand as much as he liked, it would not
change the outcome, if he insisted on standing in my way I would mow him down
to stay on track. One insignificant Alpha would be no distraction from my chosen
path.
Carver returned sometime near dawn. I heard
him enter the house as if he were right next to me. I had a bad feeling about
what that meant, maybe that the bond was strengthening, becoming some living,
breathing thing. Perhaps refocusing my attention, not on the path I'd chosen
but on the one fate had decided for me. Somewhere within I'd been waiting for
him, listening out for his heavy footsteps and that worried me.
I sat up from the soft bed I was laying in,
not sleeping just waiting, and stared at the closed door as his steps brought
him nearer. His heavy tread stopped just outside and a hand tapped once on the
wooden barrier.
"Arya, come downstairs to the kitchen.
We have to talk." His gravelly voice was harsher this morning, a night
spent as a wolf bringing that animal out further in human form, the essence of
the beast closer to the surface.
I answered with a soft spoken,
"okay." It's not like I could avoid the conversation and maybe he
deserved a little more than what I had given him last night.
I showered in the bathroom across the hall,
it was as tasteful as every other room I'd seen so far. There were products
lining the shelves, a huge collection of soaps and shampoos that were
predominantly feminine. More hard evidence of the future he'd built.
I dressed quickly, finding Jeans and a
jumper that were similar to what I'd worn nearly every day so far. The bags
full of clothes still on the floor where I'd left them, a symbol of my lack of
investment.
I joined him at the kitchen table, a giant
eight seater in dark wood and cream cushions. Crafted perfectly, just like the
rest of the house. The smell of coffee was heavy in the air and a mug had been
placed in front of an empty seat next to him, an invitation and an expectation.
He looked good this morning, a little mix
of wild and fresh. His hair still wet from a shower, those dark strands curling
slightly over his ears and a trace of wolf still visible beneath his skin.
Muscles more prominent and jaw and cheekbones more angled and contoured. I was
again struck by my seeming fortune, maybe he was supposed to be a peace
offering, fate attempting to rectify all that she had done.
I felt uncomfortable under his scrutiny,
those black eyes an endless abyss of need, a bottomless pit of contravention.
It was an odd sensation that I could not identify.
I took a sip of the coffee and hummed in
appreciation,
so
much better than Sam’s. His big rough hand touched the
cup I had put down and ran a finger over the rim where my lips had been. A little
rumble came from deep in his chest, his own appreciation of an intimacy that I
could stand, one without contact.
Those eyes flashed to meet my gaze,
"I've come to a conclusion, Arya."
I waited expectantly as he ran his eyes
over me while I tried to remain completely unaffected.
"I've decided we are going to spend
every day together as much as possible. I've seen you with Sam, you allow his
touch as does your wolf." He leaned back against the chair, spreading out
his limbs, that bulk just taking up more room, widening until all I could see
was him. "Eventually you will allow mine as well."
I was caught up in the sizeable mass that
he was, so much so that I didn't take much notice of his words until that last
sentence. I snapped quickly out of my small trance state and leaned further
away from him."I'm confused. I thought I made myself quite clear last
night."
He learned forward invading my space,
"And
I
am making myself clear right now. You're mine Arya, I don't
think you quite understand that yet."
I understood. I just didn't want it. My
wolf stirred inside me, not liking the ownership of that statement. I didn't
like it either. I'd been owned, I'd been a slave to a master of misery.
"Oh I'm well aware
w
olf.
" I could not help that sneer,
"I know what ownership is, I know what you want from me. Will you take it?
Force my consent because you believe in your right of possession? Sam doesn't
want anything from me, Sam doesn't think he can rewrite the past with a few
touches that make my skin crawl and an order that makes my wolf want to
mutilate."
And so with those words everything changed.
The Captain didn't need a story, he needed
just a few words to see the memories that sullied me. To realise the depth of
my tarnished soul.
Like stars falling from the sky, once lit
in brilliance only to be inked in darkness, understanding poured over his face
until a deadened, lifeless expression replaced the calm, focused one.
Now
he
understood.
His coal eyes raged with fire beneath the
ebony and claws burst from his fingertips. His husky voice deepened still, as
he became more wolf than man."Who Arya? TELL ME!..."he roared a
command and claws scraped gouges in the polished dark table,"... I'll
rip
the flesh from their
BONES!
" His words were forced out through
lengthened fangs, a shout through heavy breaths, his claws hung onto that table
for dear life, the man hanging onto what little control he had left.
My wolf came snarling through, a deep
malicious roar in Carvers face. "NO! He's
mine....
mine to bleed,
mine to rip apart." she seethed just below the skin, possessive over a
kill she had yet to conquer.
Carver roared, a monstrous expression of
anger and futility. He had no person in front of him to destroy, no enemy to
savage, and so he savaged the room. I sat in my chair, my wolf slowly receding
as we both watched this man destroy what he had so painstakingly built. The
kitchen counters, the shelves full of little ornaments, the cupboards and
everything within. The table was ripped away from me and thrown at the wall,
every chair but the one I sat on joined the table in its pile of demolition. I
saw the wolf flicker over Carvers face, trying to take full control and release
his wrath on furniture still standing. But the man had his own fury to expend
and fought every push and shove for dominion.
In the end they seemed to come to some sort
of agreement, half man half wolf remained to destroy the residue.
When the dust settled, Carver stood with
his back to me, heaving in breaths in the centre of the wasteland of a kitchen.
The silence was deafening in its unaddressed subject. He slowly turned to face
me, the claws returned to their sheaths, his wolf giving up his half for the
moment. He walked the six feet of distance between us and dropped to his knees
in front of my chair. He reached out a hand as if to touch but hesitated and
dropped both fists to the floor.
The imagery of the great Captain bowing at
my feet was not lost on me. Something I never thought I'd see, an Alpha
pleading to a lone wolf. A warrior bending before a servant.
"I'm sorry, Arya."
I don't know why he asked for forgiveness,
he wasn't at fault. His guilty face protested otherwise but he would not take
the blame for something he had no command over. "No others fault but his
and those who allowed it, do not apologise for his actions."
He lay his head on my knee and I jumped at
the contact. Surprisingly my wolf was rather silent, she seemed a bit confused
by Carver at the moment, her reaction to his position quizzical. "I'm
sorry I wasn't there." His whisper I felt to my stomach. An ache for the
man he was back then, the woman I could have been lost to the woman I became.
My gaze locked on his black hair spread
slightly over my knees where his head rested, his face turned to the side, his
eyes lost to me. I raised a trembling hand, I could touch his hair, just once.
Reach out and lay my hand on that sable head, it was an easy thing to do and
yet my hand shook anyway.
And then it became less about how hard a
simple touch had become for me and more about taking back a little of that
control that I had so easily given away. About how I never said his name
because maybe it made it less of a nightmare and more the reality of a man who
should have been a father and instead ruined the young girl I had been. I could
stop giving him so much power in a name that meant so little and as a result
reduce the fear that hid behind a violent wolf.
His name was Daniel.
I'll take those pieces of me back that he
stole, and I'll polish them till they shine once again. All those little pieces
whole and shimmering, diamond dust replacing coal. I'll remove the subjugation
and suppression and choose who to give those parts to. Maybe I'll give some
more of myself to Sam or the two mastiffs. Or maybe I'll give one tiny piece to
Carver, the man laying his head on my knees asking forgiveness for a wrong he
never committed. I'll listen to Sam and put a little faith in the knowledge
that he won't break what I've given him.
My hand finally came down on his head, the
tingle created by the two of us together instantly made itself known. His hair
was soft and thick and I ran my hand in the fullness, relishing the feeling of
touch that felt good.
I let him stay there, his head on my legs,
my hand in his hair. Giving comfort to a man so strong who had been made so
debilitated by understanding my reluctance.
I gave him a little piece of me. Put trust
in fortune and faith in a providence that had failed me so many times.