The Downstairs Maid (36 page)

Lizzie had bought him a blue silk tie. It was expensive, much better than the ties he usually wore and she wanted him to have it and yet she was afraid of what might happen if she went to the meeting.

Three times she decided to go and three times she changed her mind. She had almost put on her coat when her mother came into the hall.

‘Where are you going, Lizzie?’

‘Just for a walk.’

‘On a day like this? Don’t be ridiculous. I want you to help me wrap my presents. I’m not sure that Maude will like what I’ve bought her and I need your advice.’

Lizzie sighed inwardly and yet in a way she was glad that her mother had called her. Derek was dangerous and she’d been a fool to let him touch her and kiss her the way he had. If she’d met him today he might not have stopped when she pushed him away.

Relief flooded through her as her decision was made. She wouldn’t sneak away to meet him again.

‘Of course I’ll help, Mama,’ she said. ‘I was hoping you might let me go to London with Amy and Cousin Maude in the New Year – just for a while.’

‘We’ll see,’ her mother said. ‘I know you’re growing up, Lizzie, but Amy ought to be married first. Your father has arranged for the dower house to be turned into a convalescent home as soon as it can be done after Christmas. If you are sensible I shall allow you to help me. You can visit the patients, read to them and write letters. Some of them have been terribly injured, blinded or maimed. I think you would find work like that worthwhile – do you not agree?’

‘Oh yes,’ Lizzie said and her face lit up. ‘It’s what I’ve longed to do – help those poor men who have been hurt in the fighting.’

‘Well, they will be officers, of course,’ Lady Barton said. ‘If I let you join a volunteer unit you would have to look after all sorts. I do not wish you to be exposed to common soldiers, Lizzie. Officers are gentlemen and know how to treat a decent young girl.’

Lizzie felt hot all over. Derek was definitely not an officer. She wasn’t even sure he was a soldier, though he claimed he was stationed nearby. Lizzie had been almost certain he was lying to her, but it had been just part of the game she played. Now it was over. She had something to look forward to and the future was brighter. She didn’t even mind now if Amy went off to London without her.

For a moment she thought of Derek waiting in a rain-soaked field for her. He would be so angry, but he’d told her he wanted a woman not a girl so it was his own fault for threatening her.

Lizzie decided she would not think of him again.

Emily saw Mr Nicolas walking towards her. She’d just come from Miss Amy’s room and was carrying an evening dress of pale blue silk, which she was going to sponge and iron for his sister to wear that night. It had a heavily beaded panel at the front and it was difficult to get right. Her heart caught as Nicolas smiled at her and her throat tightened.

‘Happy Christmas, Emily,’ he said. ‘I hope you are well and still enjoying your job?’

‘Yes, sir … I’m Miss Amy’s maid now and I am going to London with her next year.’

‘Lizzie told me in one of her letters. I’m glad things are going so well for you.’

Emily’s heart was beating so hard she could scarcely breathe. ‘The family wasn’t sure you would get home, sir.’

‘I managed to swap leave with a friend so I could be at the wedding.’

‘I’m glad you’re here, sir,’ she said and felt her cheeks getting warm. ‘I know a lot of your friends have been hurt or injured.’

‘Yes, they have,’ he replied and the smile left his eyes. ‘Don’t tell Amy I said so but it isn’t much fun out there. The boys on the ground are enduring the worst of it but if a kite gets hit … there isn’t much chance of getting out alive.’

Emily drew a sharp breath, because the look in his eyes was revealing. He wrote cheerful letters to his sister, but he was telling her the truth. She felt touched, humbled because it was Emily he’d confided in, and she wanted to reach out and touch his face, to comfort him, but of course she couldn’t. She mustn’t show her feelings, because he would be embarrassed, but oh, how she longed to hold him as he’d held her at the infirmary that day.

‘I think about you often, sir. We all do – and we all pray for you.’

‘Thank you.’ The twinkle was back in his eyes now. ‘You know what they say – the devil looks after his own. So I’m guaranteed a safe landing every time.’

‘Of course you are, sir,’ Emily said and giggled, because it was good to share a joke with him. ‘Well, I’d best get on or Mrs Hattersley will have my guts for garters.’

Nicolas gave a shout of laughter. ‘You say the most amusing things, Emily Carter. No wonder I think of you when I’m up there in the blue sky …’

Emily felt the heat spread through her but she walked on and resisted the urge to look back and see if he was watching her. Mr Nicolas liked a joke – and she liked him a lot. She had since the day he took her to the infirmary and held her when she learned Pa had died. Of course she knew he was just being friendly. His smiles and jokes didn’t mean anything. He was a gentleman and she was just a common farm girl – perhaps even worse, she was his sister’s maid.

The divide between them was a huge gaping hole. He wouldn’t ever think of marrying a girl like her – and she should put the idea right out of her mind or she would end up with a broken heart. Even if he liked her, it could never be more than a flirtation – without ruining Emily’s reputation. Was he thinking she might allow him to seduce her? The thought made her hot all over and she thrust it from her mind. Mr Nicolas was too much the gentleman – surely?

Yet it made her feel good to know that he was back home safe and she liked his smile. Of course he didn’t think of her when he was flying – why should he? She knew he was just being friendly, but it made her smile all the same.

Emily was still glowing when she entered the kitchen. She took the gown into the scullery and sponged a faint mark from the bodice, then returned to the kitchen and placed it over an elm spindle-back chair by the fire while she tested the iron. Various pots were simmering gently on the range and the kitchen was full of tantalising smells as dinner took shape. On the dresser an array of cold puddings and savouries had already been set out on large silver dishes with paper doilies.

‘That iron will be a bit hot for that gown,’ Mrs Hattersley warned. ‘You’d best let it cool off a bit first.’

‘Yes, I shall,’ Emily replied. ‘Did you know that Mr Nicolas is home?’

‘Is he? Janet will need to set another place for dinner then. I’m told she’s the new upstairs maid, until Mary comes back. I’m glad I made those macaroons. Mr Nicolas is partial to them.’ Mrs Hattersley looked at her. ‘I hope you’re not in a dream over that ring?’

‘No, of course not. I shan’t wear it just yet. I need to think about it first.’

‘It’s a pity the lad didn’t wait to ask you,’ Mrs Hattersley said. ‘He won’t get all his money back for that ring.’

‘I suppose not. It is a shame – but I might accept it. I’m just not sure.’

‘Well, it’s your decision, as long as you don’t let him down while he’s over there. They’ve got it hard enough in the trenches without getting a “Dear John” letter from home.’

Emily turned away to press the gown. She’d damped it a little, ironing it through a wet handkerchief, and the heat on water made little hissing sounds. When all the creases were gone, she hung it over the chair in front of the range to let it air.

She wished Christopher hadn’t sent the ring because she didn’t want to let him down. Her meeting with Mr Nicolas had made her very aware that she did not wish to marry Christopher, but she knew she was being foolish. There could never be anything between her and Mr Nicolas – and if she wanted to marry, Christopher was a lovely man. He’d always been her friend and yet she didn’t know if marriage to Christopher would make her happy.

Did she wish to marry at all? Perhaps it might be better to stay unwed and seek a career, as Mrs Hattersley seemed to think was best.

Emily found the box on her bed when she went up to her room late that evening. She’d joined the others in drinking a nightcap and singing carols in the chapel and now she was tired – and there was the box lying on her bed.

Another present for her? Who could it be from? She’d given her small gifts to Mrs Hattersley, June and the others, sending Mary a pretty scarf through the post and telling her she hoped her fiancé would soon be better, and Emily had received a pair of silk stockings as a joint gift from them all.

‘These are wonderful, so fine,’ Emily exclaimed when she opened her parcel. ‘I’ve never had such a lovely present. Thank you all so much.’

Miss Amy had already given Emily a pair of leather gloves, a warm scarf and two guineas, and Mrs Hattersley had told her that all the servants would receive an extra month’s wages on Boxing Day as their gift from the family.

‘We used to receive gifts but sometimes they were useless and Lord Barton decided that money would be more suitable.’

‘I think he’s right,’ Amy said. ‘Expensive soap and sweets are nice to have but money is more useful.’

So who had placed the velvet box on her bed? It hadn’t been wrapped and was clearly a jeweller’s box. Her hand shook slightly as she picked it up and lifted the lid. She gasped as she saw the daisy-shaped pendant of large white diamonds suspended on what looked like silver or perhaps a platinum chain. The diamonds in her ring were small compared to this and they had taken her breath away. She hardly dared to look at the card that had been tucked securely into the lid of the box and yet in her heart she knew.

Mr Nicolas! Emily read the card and then sat down on the bed as her knees threatened to give way. A present like this was so magnificent and so unexpected that her head was swimming from the shock. Why had he given her such an expensive gift?

‘
To the most beautiful girl I know
,’ he’d written in a bold hand. ‘
With love from your friend, Nicolas
.’

Mr Nicolas had given her the pendant … Emily was stunned, torn between feelings of excitement and pleasure, and doubts. Gentlemen did not give their sister’s maid a gift like this unless …

She closed her eyes as the visions crowded into her mind. Mr Nicolas taking her into his arms, kissing her … lying with him in a bed that smelled of fresh linen and … there Emily’s mind refused to follow.

It would be the worst mistake of her life. If she became Mr Nicolas’s mistress she would lose her job and all her friends at the manor. She would also betray the man who trusted her and was hoping to make her his wife.

Emily would be a fool to exchange a promise of marriage for a brief fling, because that was all it could ever be. Mr Nicolas would never throw away his position, his family, everything he stood for in life – and that was what would happen if he stepped out of his class to marry Emily. It could never be and she mustn’t let herself dream.

She couldn’t let him do it, any more than she could contemplate the alternative. She would have to give the pendant back as soon as she could. Yet the temptation to try it on was overwhelming. She picked it up, holding it to her throat to fasten the catch, then went to the dressing table and picked up her small mirror. The diamonds sparkled in the light of her lamp.

It was just so beautiful, but Emily couldn’t keep it. She would have to give it back, but just for a while she would wear it close to her skin. It would be hidden beneath her uniform during the day – and if she happened to meet Mr Nicolas she could take it off and give it to him. She could just keep the box and card, which would be enough to remind her of the exquisite gift.

Touching the pendant where it lay against her skin, Emily became aware of the cold and jumped into bed, pulling the covers up over her. It had been a day of surprises. Before she came to the manor she’d never even seen anything like this pendant except in the window of the jeweller in Ely – and even there she’d never seen anything as good. Many of Miss Amy’s jewels were not as fine as these diamonds.

Her life had been a roller-coaster these past few months. The shock of her uncle’s attack on her and the breach with her mother. Then coming here to work at the manor and learning to do things the way Mrs Hattersley liked them … her father’s death … She could never have faced that without Mr Nicolas’s support.

Was that when she had given her heart, as she wept in his arms and felt his kiss on her hair? She hadn’t known it until Tomas accused her of setting her cap at her betters. At the back of her mind she’d been ready to settle for Christopher. He was her friend and she’d thought it would be a safe, secure marriage but now … Emily suddenly realised that she could never settle for less than love.

It was stupid and would cause her more grief than pleasure, but she
was
in love with Mr Nicolas. She touched her pendant again, fingering it with delight. She’d never, ever expected to have such a lovely thing in her life. It must be returned, of course it must – but just for now she would savour the pleasure of feeling it lie heavy between her breasts.

She would never wear Christopher’s ring. The realisation made tears sting her eyes, because it was such a lovely thing and must have cost her friend more than he could afford. She wished with all her heart that he hadn’t been so extravagant. He ought to have asked her first and waited for her answer, but he’d wanted to show her how much he cared – and that hurt Emily, because she would have to refuse him.

To be the giver of so much pain was something she would have wished to avoid. Christopher had been a good friend to her father and he didn’t deserve to be treated so ill – and yet to marry him when she was in love with someone else would be cruel. He would be hurt but in time he would recover and find someone else.

Tears trickled down Emily’s cheeks in the darkness. Life was so unfair at times. She hadn’t meant to fall in love with a man she could never have but it had happened and there was no going back.

‘Would you mind helping Mrs Jonathan change?’ Amy asked as Emily put down the champagne she’d been dispensing into crystal flutes. ‘Janet and June are both busy – so Mama thought of you.’