Authors: Lisa Dawn Wadler
Chapter 28
Claire was thankful she had once again had found a routine. She spent her mornings with Mairi, had play time with Cerwyn, worked on the accounts in the afternoon, and sat sewing with Aliana, Neala, and Dedre in the evenings after the meal.
As usual, they sat in Aliana’s chamber before the fire. The ploy of Claire helping her cousin prepare for her child appeased all, though Dedre was too busy with the embroidery of her gowns to bother with such a mundane task.
“Aliana, hand me your dagger, please,” Claire asked with an outstretched hand. All threads were cut with the sharp small daggers the women carried. She could imagine their delight in the small, dainty scissors she had taken for granted in her mother’s sewing kit.
“Here, cousin. I will ask Hagan to give you one of his. ‘Tis a thing you should have.” Aliana smiled as she spoke. Every night she said the same thing yet never followed through. Claire wondered if Aliana still held out hope that Ian’s dagger would again rest at her hip. If she did, her friend wasn’t paying attention. The way Dedre spoke of the future let everyone know who would be at Ian’s side.
“Thank you, cousin.” Claire took the dagger and cut the threads from the tiny garment in her hands. The fabric was butter-soft, and despite the circumstances, she smiled at the completion of one more garment for her layette.
Dedre rose from her seat and held her gown out for all to witness. “‘Tis finished. What do you think?” Small colorful flowers stitched at the hem and the bodice embellished the gown of blue.
“I am pleased with it and plan to wear it when Ian returns with my father. ‘Tis a gown made for celebrating. I wore a similar color when Ian last paid a visit to our clan. While sitting in the garden, he spoke of the gown flattering the color of my eyes.” Dedre was clearly lost in her memory. “Ian is truly gifted with words. Such sweet things he said to me. Such a passionate man. I practically swooned from his kiss alone. It was heartbreaking when my clan could nay meet the dowry needed.”
Claire kept her eyes on the tiny garment in her hand and away from the glow emanating from Dedre at her recollection. “But now, ‘tis all changed. Thanks to Claire and her bookkeeping skills, this clan will have wealth again. The dowry my father came to tempt Ian with last month should be verra well received.”
Claire pitied Aliana and Neala. They had a hard line to walk. While no one knew exactly what Ian planned, she knew it was over between them. Yet she could feel her anger rise at Dedre’s assumptions. The woman had a lot of nerve with her assertions that she was the one he would marry. Claire sighed and picked up more cut fabric to begin sewing. Closing her eyes to force the moisture to recede, she focused all of her concentration on the task in her hand.
Aliana answered, “We shall see what is to be when all return. But the gown is lovely and will surely complement the blue of your eyes.”
The answering smile let her know that Aliana had pacified Dedre. Claire had never met anyone who needed so much praise. The woman sought compliments for each item of clothing, and for merely brushing her ridiculously long hair.
Aliana yawned, and Claire knew it was pretend from the exaggerated noise. “You must forgive me, the hour grows late, and the child makes me wish to sleep.”
“Aye, Aliana. You must rest,” Dedre said with a polite reply. “I am certain I will feel the same when I too carry a child for this clan.” Dedre rose and placed a kiss to her cheek. “Neala, you will accompany me to help me prepare for bed.”
“Of course, Lady Dedre.” Neala rose and followed Dedre to the door. “Claire, I will see you in the baths on the morrow.”
“Goodnight, Neala, Dedre.” Claire gathered her sewing materials and rose from her seat. “Go to sleep, Aliana. I will see you for breakfast.”
Aliana reached out to hold her friend in place. “Forgive me, cousin. Dedre is a guest in my home. I can nay control how she speaks.”
“You don’t have to apologize. Dedre is who she is. But what is wrong with Neala? We sit here most nights, and she says nothing.”
“Neala holds her tongue because she has nothing nice to say. While we love her and treat her as our own, Dedre views her as a simple servant. Neala is trying to keep the peace.” Aliana turned her head away, and Claire could hear what wasn’t said.
We keep Dedre happy because she may be Ian’s wife.
“I can understand that.” Though it hurt more than she could have dreamed, the women’s behavior made sense. Claire released a real yawn. “Speaking of tired, I am going to bed.”
“Please wait for one moment. There was another reason for me to keep you.” Aliana rose and moved to a chest in the corner and pulled out several gowns. “These are now a wee bit too tight for me. The ones you wear will verra soon be the same for you. Take them, please.”
“While I don’t feel right taking more from you, I will. Thank you. To be honest, I’m not as comfortable in what I have as I used to be,” Claire replied as she took the gowns in hand.
“You should have spoken. Now I am pleased I did.” Aliana picked up the pile of infant clothing she and Neala had been working on and handed them to Claire. “Take these. They are yours.”
“These are yours. I am working on ones for me.”
“Nonsense. I have most of what Cerwyn wore, and the lasses have been working to prepare more for me.” She placed them in Claire’s arms. “These I have made for you.”
A tear rolled down her cheek.
“This is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me.”
“Dinna cry. I, too, carry a child and will be forced to cry with you.” Already Aliana’s eyes filled with the promise of tears.
“Thank you, Aliana.” It was all she could manage to say with her throat thick with emotion.
“Go to bed and sleep. Mayhap soon we can find some time alone. You were trying to explain a . . . a burrito to me.”
With the first genuine smile Claire had felt in weeks, she said, “Now you’ve made me hungry. We’ll talk when we can. You had a lot of questions, and I’ll answer them all.”
“Then sleep well. My questions grow with every talk we have.” Aliana hugged her tight and then Claire walked the corridor her to chamber.
Placing the gowns on her bed, she gently folded and added the infant clothing to the basket on the table. Her hand covered her small bump and sleep called to her weary body. She cringed at the small, comfortable bed. Sleep had become a time of nightmares and she tended to wait for exhaustion to force her to bed.
Walking to the window, she listened to the waves crashing on the cliffs. Her mind sought the meditative hum of the repetitive sound. She wasn’t ready to face the demons of her sleep having just spent the evening with the live blond version.
Chapter 29
Nothing seemed to be working. No task was up to the challenge of clearing her mind. Alone in the gardens behind the keep, Claire believed even the weeds mocked her lack of focus. She wondered which of the herbs were used in her treatment, which ones for Aliana’s morning sickness, and how many were just used to flavor the food. She wanted to learn more.
Through most of the day, the dream from the previous night haunted every fiber of her being. It had been so real. Her subconscious had finally found the perfect combination of all that bothered her, of all the fear she carried inside.
Fear sucks.
The dream began, as they all seemed to lately, bound in the forest with her hands tied above her head. The pain was always so vivid. The overwhelming sensation of helplessness could be felt down to her bones. Only this time it wasn’t Nolen who taunted and tortured her. Instead, it was Ian. Even more disturbing, Michael assisted.
Claire closed her eyes. The dream was as strong as any memory, and the smell of the earth and trees and the bright light of day filled the sky with voices, not talking to her, but about her.
“Here is where the man went wrong.” Michael stood back to point at Claire’s legs and continued his lecture. “Women have different strengths than men. Their legs contain their true force while fighting. Combine that with a strong core, and almost anything is possible. I know it is true with Claire. How many times did I make her do extra work to build her strength, her focus, and her skill? Too many times to count, and she was such a great student. But her mind is the weapon Nolen never anticipated.”
“I can only agree, her mind is ever sharp. My own eyes have witnessed her cunning in battle. You are a fine instructor.” Ian’s compliment earned him a nod. “So this is why her legs are now bound. It prevents escape, does it nay?”
Claire tried to scream at them to stop, to let her go.
How can they do this?
She had no voice, not even a whisper, and was helpless to stop the insanity.
“Correct, Ian. Without her legs or arms free, she is now truly trapped.” Michael bent to test the bindings. “No room for movement here. She won’t be any trouble.”
“My thanks for your service.”
“Now what?” Michael’s tone seemed almost bored, no concern, just bored.
The glee was evident in Ian’s voice. “Now I take what I want, and she can nay stop me.” He paused to look past Claire’s head. “Dinna worry for her. I will nay touch her. Why should I take what was so freely given and so often. Her body has served its purpose.”
The verbal insult demeaned what had been between them as it had been intended. Claire wondered what both men stared at so intently. The feeling of fear and dread washed over her like a wave at this unknown and unseen threat. She struggled to see but was unable to move as pain forced her body to still.
“I will take what is mine.” Ian held out his hand and a soft smile appeared on his face. “‘Tis time you came home with me, son.” The small boy of maybe five years old reached out to take the waiting hand.
“He is a good-looking boy. He has your eyes, bright and green. I can see Claire in his hair coloring. Still, he looks more like you.”
“He is a fine, strong lad.” Ian turned to greet the woman approaching from the tree line. “Would you not agree, Dedre?”
She looked the child up and down as she brushed nothing from her skirts. “Nay as fine as the two strong sons you have waiting for you at home. Why would you want him? He is nothing but a bastard.” The disdain for the child was more than obvious as Dedre spoke while refusing to look in his direction.
“True. But he is mine, so I will take him.” Ian let go of the child to take Dedre in his arms. “He will be nothing to us. The lasses will take care of him. Dinna fret, my sweet. Our fine firstborn son will stand as my heir as you stand alone in my heart.”
Claire forced her eyes closed as Ian bent to kiss Dedre. It was no simple small kiss, but one slow and sensual, full of passion and desire. She only knew the kiss ended when she heard his voice again. “Let us ride home, wife. There is nothing left for me here.”
Ian placed Dedre on her mount and then picked up Claire’s son to ride with him on the stallion. No goodbyes, no further taunts, just her left alone, bound in the woods. The silent scream ripped from her throat.
“Claire. See me, child. ‘Tis Neala. You are dreaming, ‘tis all. Please wake.”
The feel of the grass beneath her back brought panic, even as Neala’s worried face came into view. Claire’s heart slammed in her chest as she tried to rise from the ground, the wave of dizziness nearly knocking her back again. She gripped tight to Neala’s arm. “I’m okay. It was a dream.” The words were more for her peace of mind as her hands moved to her stomach. The small bump was still there. The child was safe. She repeated over and over, “My child is safe.”
“Are you well, child? You gave me quite a fright. Mayhap you were out in the heat of the day too long. Come to your chamber so you can rest.”
“No!” Claire practically screamed the word. “I can’t handle the thought of rest now. Maybe you’re right. It could be the heat.”
Or it could be the recurring nightmare from hell that won’t end.
“I’ll go to the kitchen for a drink. I’m sure that will help.”
“‘Tis a fine idea. I came to find you with news. We can talk while you have a drink and mayhap a bit to eat.” Neala took Claire’s arm and led her to the kitchens.
The cool of the kitchen was a welcome relief from the heat of midday.
Maybe Scotland does get hot in August
. Now that the cooking fires had been moved outside, the room remained pleasant and served more for storage and preparation. She took her customary seat at the table and asked Neala for some goat’s milk.
“Still you prefer this?”
“I can’t help it. It just tastes so good.” Claire took the offered cup and drained it dry. “Maybe I was just thirsty.”
“‘Tis a fine thing to crave, child. Now here, eat a bit, and I will tell you what you have missed.”
“I missed the meal, didn’t I?” Claire said as she accepted a plate of bread and cheese with a refill on the goat’s milk.
“You did. Now eat,” Neala scolded and placed a small bowl in front of her. “Try this on the bread. ‘Tis summer fruit made into a compote, an old recipe, and one the kitchens have always made.”
She regretted the smell of the dish in front of her, strawberries. The voice taunted the back of Claire’s mind.
“
You smell of sweet summer berries . . .”
Claire pushed the offending mixture away. “I’ll stick with the bread and cheese.”
Neala didn’t ask about the reaction, for which Claire was thankful. “Riders came in just before the meal. Lachlan and most of the men have returned.”
The food sat precariously in her stomach. “Just Lachlan?” She was afraid to ask the question and even more afraid to hear the answer. Claire had always assumed Ian would come home safely. Being angry and feeling betrayed were one thing, but she would never wish him harm. She had seen enough death to last a lifetime.
Neala patted her arm. “Forgive the way I spoke, child. Ian and the rest of the men will follow within the week. There are still matters they tend to at the mines. From what I have heard, there is now great wealth for this clan. You were right. ‘Tis a fine thing you have done for all.”
“I really didn’t do anything. I just found something that had been overlooked,” Claire answered, ignoring the praise.
“Dinna claim such modesty. Because of your deeds, this clan is safe and will nay ken hunger this winter. I am proud of you, child.”
“And I am proud as well, cousin.” Hagan’s comments caused both women to look at the door. “I was hoping to find you, Claire. There is further need of your services.” The ledgers in hand gave away the purpose of his search.
She looked at what Hagan carried as she finished her food. “Where are those from?” Claire knew every book in the study, and these were foreign.
“Lachlan brought them from the mines. They came with explicit instruction that you were to see to them. Apparently they are not easy to understand, as the format is strange. Ian’s hope is that you will find the meaning.”
Unbelievable! Ian expects me to sit here and do his bookkeeping?
She wasn’t sure if she should tell Hagan off for even thinking she would do this or remember this was not the man she was angry with, so she settled for the easy way out. “I’m not sure I should be doing this.”
With a barely concealed grin, Hagan spoke, “Fine, Claire. I ken your reasoning. Dinna fash yourself over these. I will tend them.”
The fire in Claire’s eyes answered before any words reached her lips. “The last thing anyone needs is for you to try to figure these out. Give them to me now. I’ll do it.” Claire knew she had been played, and Hagan’s stupid grin confirmed the thought. She snatched the books from his hands. “I’ll be in the study if anyone needs me.”
Before Neala could speak, Hagan said, “Tis a fine thing for her to be doing. It gives her a distraction and less time to think. The lass spends too much time thinking.”
“I was nay going to criticize this. If anything, I believe it best for her to stay busy. It also saves her from Dedre’s company. Too many here ken what was between Claire and Ian. It will only be a matter of time before someone speaks of it to Dedre.” Neala smiled as the thought occurred. “It gives me reason to stay clear of the Lady, too. Someone must make sure Claire is well tended. The needs of the clan must come first.”
“Agreed, Neala. See Claire tended. Let us hope this all works out for the best.”