Authors: Lisa Dawn Wadler
Chapter 34
Present in the hall against her wishes, Hagan’s bargain was like a deal with the devil. Permission to leave would be formally granted in front of all as payment for saving the clan. Apparently she was to be formally thanked and then sent on her merry way. Claire had tried to get out of it and failed. However, she made sure Hagan knew she would leave before the rest happened. There was no way she would witness Dedre’s victory.
Claire had never seen the hall so full, packed with people, the men with their families, the women who worked in the keep, those who normally ate in the kitchens, the young men from the stables, and even Finella stood here amongst them all.
“Larry, I want Larry!” The small hands that tugged on her skirt gave her the excuse to not notice Dedre’s entrance. She scooped the child up and settled him on her hip as Dedre moved to stand beside her father on the other side of the hall. She pretended not to notice the rolled parchment in Lachlan’s hand, which was most likely a wedding contract ready to go. She pretended not to notice that the blue gown had been worn for a purpose and that it did bring out Dedre’s eyes or that her ridiculously long blond hair had been brushed till it shone and was released to flow down her back. She also pretended to not see Ian emerging from the study to take his place before the massive fireplace.
The chatter in the hall ended as Ian held up his hands to ask for quiet. Dressed in his best, his shoulder length hair was pulled back. As he surveyed the room, he brought Hagan to his side with a quick nod as Claire worked to ignore it all. Cerwyn was her shield, and she focused all of her attention on the little one in her arms. Aliana stood by her side for the moment, but she knew that would change shortly as the events of the night unfolded.
Braced for the events to come, Ian swore his heart beat too quickly as if he prepared for battle. Tonight’s battle would be waged with words. Claire stood off to the side with eyes only for Cerwyn. He prayed his words were enough. This was one battle he meant to win.
Ian raised his hands to the crowd and asked for quiet. “We are gathered here in our hall to celebrate many things this night. With thanks to Lachlan and his fine men, we now hold the key to our wealth. Our clan has gone from struggling to secure with one battle.” He paused his speech to allow the clan their cheers. All here had heard of the wealth and the security the mines brought to his people. The formal acknowledgment was owed to his fine neighbor, even if the man presumed to take his woman from his side.
Ian continued, “Our thanks should also go to the lass who found this wealth hidden from our sight. Without Claire’s keen eye, our fate would have been verra different.” He let the crowd cheer for her and waited as she offered a small wave and no more. But that was her way. She never sought praise.
“Claire and Hagan fought the battle for our safety alone and with no aid. The news they carried to us while injured saved us all. There are no words to express the debt owed for saving our clan.” The noise in the hall was deafening as all expressed their thanks. “Hagan, what would you ask? Name your reward, nothing is too great.”
“My cousin and I seek no reward. The safety of all here is the only payment required.” Hagan waited for the crowd to quiet. “I would merely ask for leave to escort my cousin away and a few strong men to guard our backs this time.”
Not surprised at the offers, he knew every man in the hall would see Claire to safety. Ian was caught off guard as Lachlan interrupted, “When I ride out, it would be my pleasure to accompany Claire on her journey. Hagan has earned a bit of rest or he can ride with us. She can see Lady Mairi secure in her new home. The Campbells also stand with a debt. We would see it honored.”
Ian knew to what the man referred. After their talk earlier that night, he had assumed Lachlan would not think to offer his daughter, especially since Ian had told him he would not accept. It had been a nasty piece of news that Lachlan had dared to make an offer to Hagan for Claire. Clearly Lachlan believed Ian would not be able to win back her love. Not to be sidetracked by the man, he looked now only at Claire. “If you wish to leave, you will be cared for on your journey.” Ian walked through the crowd to stand before her. “‘Tis my hope that you will choose to stay, Claire.”
He motioned to Neala to begin with what he had carefully planned. “Stay, Claire.” Ian spoke loud enough for all to hear. “Take your rightful place by my side.” He pointed to the stained sheet Neala held before the gathering. “Claire should have entered this keep as my wife. I claimed her as my own. Aware of our troubles and my contract with Tavis, Claire refused. She stated she could nay be my wife if it meant suffering to the clan. Yet, in all ways she has cared for all of you as if you were hers.” Ian lifted his hand to run his knuckles over her soft cheek. “In all ways I cared for her as if she were mine.”
Ian lowered his voice, as the next words were for Claire alone. “Please stay, be my wife and share this gift of our child with me.”
Claire’s eyes closed as tears streaked her cheeks and her body shook. The moment lasted an eternity before her soft gaze found his. Ian waited for her reply and for their life together to begin again.
“No.” Claire turned and pushed her way through the crowd.
She fled to the main stairway, and Ian’s only thought was to give chase before she was able to hide. He paid no attention to the roar within the hall and ignored Dedre’s foul cries and accusations. Ian pushed his way through the crowd but was stopped at the stairs by Hagan, who grabbed his arm and refused to let go. “Let me go, or I will never find her again this night.”
“If that is the best you can do, let her go.”
Ian looked up the stairway. He couldn’t understand what had gone wrong. “I thought she would say, ‘Aye.’ My intent was to restore her honor before all gathered.”
Hagan shook his head. “‘Tis my belief the lass has an honor all her own, and the opinion of any here is of no great concern. If you want her, you are going to have to give her a reason to stay, mayhap many reasons. The lass has been hurt, and you offered nothing to heal her heart.”
Ian didn’t want to hear what he already knew. “I had hoped to finish my amends in private. Let me pass. I can nay risk losing her again. She is my life.”
Hagan smiled and let go of him. “Try telling her that.”
“Wise advice, brother. Now move.” He ignored Hagan’s parting words of taking Claire away if she wished. The shouts within the hall dimmed only as Ian reached the top of the stairs. She was not in the corridor, so he made for her chamber and hoped to find her there.
Claire gasped for air as her chamber spun wildly out of control. She bent to hold her knees for support and was fearful that calm might never come again. She looked up to find the bed and discovered it void of the sheets and blankets. Everything was gone. Her chest of clothing was missing, the basket of baby clothes, and even her hairbrush. The shock of the discovery brought another round of spinning. She grasped for anything she could possibly understand.
Maybe Neala has packed my things.
She saw no saddlebags.
She refused to acknowledge what had happened in the hall, too embarrassed by the filthy, stained sheet Neala had held out for all to see and too stunned by what Ian had asked. Claire was certain that the last piece of her heart had died when she refused him. Yet she knew she would never stay to be one more obligation to be met.
In a heartbeat, Claire knew she was no longer alone. Without a glance, she asked, “Where are my things?” Weakness was something she wouldn’t show. Despite the dizziness, she forced her body to stand straight.
“I had your things moved into what was to be our chamber. Come, Claire, we can fetch them now if you wish.” His extended hand was ignored as she staggered by him.
To let the wave pass was one thing, but to walk down the corridor to stand in front of his chamber was another. It was the one place Claire had sworn she would never enter again. A hollow sensation filled her heart as she entered and felt only the loss of one more personal promise broken.
Claire blinked in shock at the sight before her. The chamber looked so very different. The fire was built for warmth, sparingly lit candles filled the chamber with a soft glow, and a meal now occupied the table normally reserved for the chessboard. A quiet meal, one with cold meat, cheeses, bread, and even the greens she had recently come to crave. Her chest was placed at the foot of the bed next to Ian’s. The basket of baby clothes rested on top. Even her robe was in place and rested on her side of the bed. Her head shook at the last thought because it wasn’t her side.
“Mayhap we could have a quiet meal and talk. There is much that needs to be spoken.” Claire shook her head as he spoke. “Then I will speak and mayhap you could listen if only for the moment.”
She did not want to be there. The chamber was too perfect and set for a wedding night, her wedding night. She didn’t want to listen but was unable to make her body move. A sigh escaped her. The sooner Ian began, the sooner she could leave.
“The last time we were in here, I asked you to leave.”
Without facing him, Claire’s eyes locked firm on the wall. “No, Ian, you told me to leave.”
His eyes closed as the pain of that night filled his soul. Ian knew what the loss of Claire meant; he was not willing to live like that. One day had been long enough for him. Closing some of the distance between them, he said, “My hands were tied, even more than the day we met. Tavis struck hard and threatened the fate of my clan. If I had gone against his demands, the Crown would have come with a small army to take my lands. So many lives could have been lost. What we shared could nay come before all of my people.”
Ian hoped for some acknowledgment that she at least listened, but she did not turn to face him. “Telling you to leave was the worst thing I have ever done. I never wanted you to leave. Watching you ride out, I would have sworn my soul died that morn. Then when you came back, injured, bloody, and full of dirt, I was horrified because I set you on your path.” He stepped closer to her back and reached for her left hand. The scar on the palm filled his vision. “My actions led to this, to your needing to fight for your life. If I had any thought that Nolen had intended . . .” His voice choked at the horror of what she had endured.
“You didn’t do this.” Claire spoke with a quiet voice.
Ian wrapped her hand in his and stood against her back. “I did, sweeting. By nay preventing this and by nay being there to protect you, as I swore I would, the fault is mine.” His arm wrapped around her waist, and he felt her tense from the contact. The swell of their child growing filled his palm. “I left you alone to protect our child. So many ways I have failed you, Claire.” Awe filled him as his hand caressed the bump. His child grew and thrived despite all of his failings. “I can feel where our child grows.”
“Let me go, Ian.” Claire’s request was softly stated as she tried to take a step away from him. He felt her tears fall on his arm, and he held tight and refused to let her go.
“Stay with me.”
“I know you didn’t want this child. I refuse to force you into something you don’t want. It would only hurt all of us in the long run.”
Struck by the simplicity of her words, he pulled her body to turn to face him; her wet cheeks drove a dagger through his chest. He held her face within his hands and willed her eyes to open. “Never did I claim to nay want this child. Such words you have never heard from me.” He paused long enough to make certain he spoke every word with clear meaning. “I dinna expect this one, but there is only delight in my heart that you carry this life.” He wiped the tears from her cheeks and begged, “Stay with me.”
Claire’s head shook slightly in his hands. “If there was no baby, we wouldn’t be here right now.”
“Is this what you believe, sweeting?” Her head moved in acknowledgment even as his hands held it. That she could doubt his love for her and for their child even as he pleaded for her to stay broke his heart. “Do you recall what we spoke of before I left for the mines?”
She pushed him away and opened her eyes to glare at him. “We spoke of nothing before you left. You wouldn’t even refer to me by name the only time I saw you.”
He tried to take her hand, but she stepped back again. Ian halted to give her space. “I was with you from the moment you were brought to your chamber. Neala and I cleaned your wounds, and I held your hand as she stitched it closed. She almost threw me out of the chamber when I demanded you be moved here, to our chamber. Neala believed moving you would cause more injury. I left your chamber only a handful of times, first to check on Hagan and then to meet with Lachlan. Dinna you ken this? Could you think I would leave you untended and alone?”
“The only time I remember you in there was when I told Lachlan what happened.”
Now he knew why she looked at him with only hurt. “I had asked the man to leave you alone. You needed rest to heal and nay to be plagued by reliving the attack.”
Ian dared a step forward. “We spoke the night before I left. When I returned to your chamber, you were having a bad dream, and there was pain. I gave you the herbs left for you. You were upset, and I thought you were concerned for Cerwyn’s safety. I did nay ken you thought you would lose . . . lose our child. After you calmed, I held you and spoke of what was to come, of what I hoped for us to have in this life. You answered me that night. I thought you kenned that. We spoke of our future and what would be upon my return.”
Ian reached to steady her as she stumbled on her feet. Her voice was soft as she said, “I don’t remember much about the first few days. But I dreamt of you, you said . . . you said . . . There was something about my being safe, that you were sorry and how you would fix things. I thought it was all a dream.” Silent tears fell as she blurted out, “I never thought it could have been real.”
The feel of Claire in his arms, even if only to prevent her from falling, was a precious gift. Resting his forehead against hers, he said, “If for one moment I thought you dinna hear me, I never would have left. I rode out thinking you kenned of my love for you, of my want to be with you, and with an understanding of our future.” Once more, Ian wiped the warm, wet tears from her cheeks.