Authors: Adrienne Wilder
When he figured out where it came from
…
“Do you think…” Coffee sloshed over the edge of the cup. Jon tightened his grip to keep his hands from shaking. “That it…that thing was like the power that let the barber levitate objects?”
“I don’t know.” Eleanor’s expression sobered.
“I think we need to go back and get a better look at it.” Ellis put down his cup.
“No,” Jon and George chorused.
“That thing almost killed us,” Jon said. “Getting close to it is the last thing anyone needs to do.”
“But I don’t think we saw all of it.”
“What the hell do you mean by that?” George sat back.
“I don’t know.” Ellis’s gaze turned distant. “It’s just a feeling I have.”
“What kind of feeling?” Jon said.
Ellis folded his arms on the table. “When we first got there, it was afraid. I could feel it the same way I know when I’m afraid.”
“Maybe you
were
afraid,” George said.
“No. I wasn’t.” The look of concentration on his face intensified. “Then, when I walked out into the field, it ran from me.”
“You sure we’re talking about the same thing? ’Cause from what I remember we were the ones doing the running.”
“But at first it ran away..”
“If it was scared of you, why did it change direction and come after us?”
“We turned our backs on it. I’m pretty sure it did because we gave it the opportunity.” Ellis turned to Jon. “It was angry too.”
Fear and anger were powerful motivators for violence. Jon had seen first hand what regular people did when pushed. “What was it angry about?”
“Me. I think. I’m not sure. But whatever it felt towards me was so strong I could almost hear it.”
“Son, you don’t hear emotions.” George stood, taking his cup with him. “I need more coffee. Anyone want some?”
“Sure.” Jon handed over his cup. “Ellis?”
“No, I’m good.” He tapped a finger against the table. “Maybe if I got closer I could talk to it?”
The seriousness in Ellis’s tone made Jon’s heart stutter. “No. You will not get closer to it.”
“But if I could communicate with it maybe we could figure out why it’s here.”
“To kill people, obviously. You saw what happened to Russell at the prison. You heard what he said, and that stuff he puked up was the same stuff that you got all over your shoe.” It was currently in a plastic bag in the back of the sedan. George wanted to take it to the station and send it for analysis. They didn’t even know what that stuff was yet and here Ellis wanted to get closer to it. “No, Ellis. No.”
“I’m not a child. You don’t get to tell me what to do.”
“No, you’re not. But I love you and if I have to handcuff and hogtie you to keep you from going back there, I will.” He would never let Ellis near that place again. “Promise me.” He made Ellis look at him. “Promise me you will not go back there.”
“What if it can answer all the questions? Your dreams, the sleepwalking, why Rudy died.”
“I don’t care about the answers. I only care about you.”
“I care. Especially about Rudy.”
“Rudy’s dead. You’re not.” The words were out before Jon could stop them.
The gray-blue of Ellis’s eyes sharpened and he yanked out of Jon’s grasp.
“That’s not—” But Ellis was already gone. “Fuck.” Jon shoved himself from the table just as George walked in with coffee.
“You leaving?”
“I need to talk to Ellis.”
Jon checked their room but he wasn’t there so he headed for the living room. He turned the corner and almost ran into Eleanor carrying basket of laundry. Jon stumbled to the side to keep from knocking her down.
“Whoa,” she said.
“Sorry. I was just trying to find Ellis.”
She nodded at the door. “He just left.”
A streak of cold shot through Jon. “What do you mean he left?”
“He said he needed to go somewhere. I told him to use a pair of George’s old runners he keeps by the door.”
Jon ran outside. Ellis was almost to the end of the driveway.
Jon caught up and stepped in his way. He tried to walk around Jon, but he blocked him. “We need to talk.” He put a hand on Ellis shoulder. Ellis knocked them away.
“Move, Jon.”
“No.”
“Move. Now.”
“Listen to me.”
Rage crushed Ellis’s expression. “You have nothing to say that I want to hear.”
Jon scrubbed his hand over his head. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“You did mean it.” His voice cracked. “You meant every word of it.” He squeezed past Jon.
Jon went after him. “Ellis.”
“Go to hell.” He quickened his pace.
“Ellis, please.”
“Fuck you, Jon.” Ellis’s fast walk turned into a jog.
“Okay, you’re right. I meant it.”
Ellis stopped.
“I meant every word.” He caught up to him again. “I meant every word because it’s the truth.” He touched Ellis’s cheek and he jerked away. “But I didn’t say it to hurt you.”
“Then what the hell did you think it would do?”
“I don’t know, I—” Jon growled under his breath. “I guess I just wanted you to stop and think about yourself for once.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’ve spent the last twenty years thinking about Rudy. You’ve never taken time to think about yourself.”
“He was my brother.”
“I know.”
“He was my responsibility.”
“Not anymore. He’s gone. You’re not.”
“That’s right, Jon. Rudy’s dead.” Ellis jabbed a finger against his chest. “Because I screwed up.”
Jon took Ellis by the arms and did not let go when Ellis pulled. “Rudy’s death was not your fault.” Ellis started to argue and Jon shook him. “Just stop it. Stop punishing yourself for something you had no control over, could not stop, and could not predict.”
“Maybe I deserve to be punished. Maybe…”
“You don’t.”
“How do you know?”
“Because you’ve already suffered so much and you’ve suffered for a very long time.” Ellis had surrendered his life. Why wasn’t that payment enough? He made a half-hearted attempt to escape again.
“That picture you were given. Does that look like a picture drawn by someone who feels like you let them down? Does that picture show resentment or disappointment?” When he didn’t answer Jon took Ellis’s face in his hands. “Tell me what the picture he drew meant.”
Tears gathered in Ellis’s eyes and his bottom lip trembled. He swallowed several times.
“Say it, Ellis. Say what it meant.”
He shook his head.
“We can stand here all day if that’s what you want, but I will not let you go until you say it.”
His lips moved.
“Say it louder?”
Ellis tried to turn his head, but Jon wouldn’t let him. “Say it so I can hear it.”
“I don’t know what it meant.”
“You do and you know you do. Now say it.”
“I—”
“Say it, Ellis. Say it right now.” It hurt to see Ellis flinch, but Jon wasn’t going to back down, especially if it kept Ellis from throwing his life away.
“It meant…” His voice crumbled and he licked his lips. “It meant…it…”
“Say it.”
“It meant ‘I love you.’”
Jon found Eleanor in the laundry room folding clothes. “Ellis and I are going to run into town and pick up some clothes.” Five days of wearing the same ones and having to wash them every night was getting old. “Do you want me to grab you anything while we’re out?”
“What about the nighties? You could always wear those around the house.”
His cheeks burned. “Uh, thanks for those.”
“Can’t have you wandering around naked. What would the neighbors think?” She gave him a playful grin.
“So, uh…” He jerked his head toward the front of the house. “You want me to stop anywhere?”
“Yes, in fact, I do. There’s a grocery list on the fridge. George is off playing sheriff today and that means he won’t have time to run to the store.” She slapped another pair of pants on top of the growing stack. “You’d think after thirty years he’d get tired of that place.” Eleanor picked up the clothes and put them in the basket. She propped it on her hip.
Jon held the door for her. “Ellis talked to the insurance company today. They said they’d pay for a hotel.”
“Nonsense. You’re fine right here.”
“We make more work for you.”
“As if I’ve got anything better to do with my time.” She patted his arm. “Besides, with you two here, I’m not lonely.”
“You sure?”
Eleanor rolled her eyes. “Get out of here and go buy some clothes.” She headed down the hall. “And don’t forget my groceries.”
Jon met Ellis at the door. He said, “She doesn’t want us to leave, does she?”
“You were right.”
“Staying here is better than a hotel anyhow.” Ellis smiled.
“Why is that?”
Ellis opened the door. “Thicker walls.” When they got to the car Ellis said, “You want me to drive?”
“Nah, I got it.”
“You tossed and turned all night last night. You’ve got to be tired.”
It wasn’t the lack of rest that made him tired. It was the constant state of worry fueled by the way Ellis clung to him in his sleep, the way he would sometimes stare at nothing, and the worst, how he carried the drawing around in his pocket. Jon would often find him holding it, when he thought no one watched.
Ellis held out his hand. “Give me the keys.”
Jon handed them over. He went around to the passenger side. It had been so long since he’d been driven around, he wasn’t quite sure where to put his hands and found himself checking all the mirrors.
“So where to first?” Ellis said.
“Let’s do the clothes first, then the groceries.”
“The insurance said they should be able to cut me a check for the house repairs by the end of next week.”
“Do you think it will be enough to cover it?”
“I don’t know.” Ellis turned out onto the road. “I asked George what he thought. He said it would be hard, but he knew some local boys who would work cheap. He also has some contacts at the hardware store and thinks he can get a good price on timber and sheet rock.”
The house was important to Ellis, but leaving it behind might be the best thing for him. The memories surrounding the place were as much a poison as they were a comfort.
Ellis pulled to a stop at a four-way and laughed.
Jon looked at him. “What’s so funny?”
“You.”
“What did I do?”
Ellis glanced at Jon’s feet. He had his foot cocked, pushing an imaginary brake pedal. “Sorry, old habits.” Jon hoped Ellis didn’t catch him checking the rearview as he made a right onto the two-lane highway.
The clothes shopping went faster than Jon thought it would, because Ellis knew exactly where to find everything they needed.
If only the grocery shopping was as easy. They got through the store quick, but the lines to the cashier were awful. It was almost two hours before Jon put the last of the groceries in the trunk of the car. His stomach growled.
“Hungry much?” Ellis said.
“Starving.”
“You know they say to never go grocery shopping on an empty stomach.”
“I think mine passed empty a while ago. You think we could stop and get something quick?”
“There’s a short order café right up the road.”
“You okay with that?” Jon said.
Ellis had lived here a long time. The memories of life before Rudy’s death could only be thick.
Ellis’s shoulders rose and fell with a sigh. “Yeah.”
“If you don’t want to I’ll wait till we get back.”
“I don’t know. I’m kind of tired of home cooked meals. I’d like something detrimental to my health.”
Jon grinned. “Then make sure you choose the greasiest place possible.” The air vibrated with the deep rumble of a diesel engine. A familiar gray pickup pulled into the parking lot several lanes over. Jon was pretty sure Lenny didn’t see them or, better yet, Ellis didn’t see Lenny.
Jon got in the car. “Let’s go.”
“Something wrong?”
“No, why?”
“I don’t know. You seem upset.”
Jon forced a smile. “I’m just really hungry.”
Ellis didn’t look convinced.
As they drove, Jon kept his eyes on the rearview.
By the time they pulled into the café parking lot his muscles knotted all the way down his back. He hadn’t even realized Ellis had parked and gotten out until the door slammed. Jon took a couple of breaths before joining him.
Their food came and Jon was able to relax enough to eat.
Ellis swirled the glob of ketchup on his plate with a French fry. “Do you still wonder what it is?”
“Huh?”
“Do you still wonder what it is?”
“What?”
“What? You know what I mean.”
“No.” Jon ate a pickle.
“I thought maybe we could go to the local library and see if there’s any information. You know, history on the town, or folk lore.”
“It would be safer not to even think about it.”
“If I can’t see it again, I at least want to know if anyone else has ever seen it. Do you think after we drop the groceries off we could head over there?”
“I guess.” He only said it because he didn’t want to argue. After all, it was only the library. There were no
Big and Terribles
living under the floor there. But even the idea of reading about the damn thing made Jon sick. At least Ellis had stopped asking to go back. When he was awake anyways. At night he talked about it in his sleep.
It made Jon want to tie bells around Ellis; if he so much as got up to piss he’d know.
Ellis took a sip of his drink. “I thought you were hungry.”
Half a burger sat on Jon’s plate. “I guess my eyes are bigger than my stomach.” At least Ellis had eaten most of his. He was putting weight back on, but he was still too thin.
“Do you want to get a box?”
“Nah, I’m good.” He slid out of the booth and dropped a twenty on the table. The waitress waved to them on the way out.
“Do you mind if I drive us home?” Jon said.
“Am I that bad?”
“Of course not, I just feel like driving.”
Ellis tossed him the keys.
Jon double checked the rearview mirrors when he pulled out into the street. The light traffic made it easier for him to watch their tail. Part of Jon scoffed for being so paranoid. The part that had been trained to expect and deal with the worst case scenario when transporting witnesses, felt it was better to be safe than sorry.