Authors: Adrienne Wilder
“What’s at the house?”
“Its heart. The Grove is just its nest. The heart of it is in that house.” He pressed closer to Ellis.
“Then what am I supposed to do?”
“He didn’t tell me.”
“Jon?”
“He didn’t. I promise.” His breath shuddered. “I can’t let you into that house knowing it will kill you. I can’t, Ellis. I love you too much.”
“And that’s exactly why you’re not going to stop me.”
Jon crushed Ellis against his body. A cramp pinched Ellis under his ribs, but he didn’t pull away and Jon buried one broken exhale after the other into Ellis’s shirt.
He’d thought he’d understood Jon’s motives for protecting him. It dawned on Ellis he hadn’t even been close. Not until this moment.
“I’m sorry.” The words were useless, but Ellis didn’t know what else to say. He straddled Jon’s legs and sat.
Jon buried his face into Ellis’s shoulder and his entire body trembled with the kind of sorrow that left no tears.
Ellis shushed him. “You’ll be okay.”
He knotted the back of Ellis’s shirt in his hands. “No I won’t.”
Jon was right. He’d lost so many people in his life and now he would again. Another part of his world would be torn away, leaving him to suffer. No one deserved that. Especially not Jon.
For the first time, Ellis regretted falling in love with him. He kissed Jon’s cheek and cradled his head.
“Why you?” Jon said. “Of all the damn people on this planet, why you?”
“I don’t know. But it is me, so it has to happen.”
Jon barked a laugh and lifted his head.
“What?”
“Rule number four: It has to happen.”
For some reason that made Ellis say, “Rule number five: Everything happens for a reason.”
Jon picked at a lock of hair hanging in Ellis’s eyes. “Rule number six—”
“Save the innocent.”
“The innocent. Thing is, I don’t care about the rest of the world. Only you.” Jon tipped his head and their foreheads met. “I know that makes me a selfish bastard, but I will not apologize for it.”
“I wouldn’t want you to.”
“Please.” Jon cupped Ellis’s face. “Please tell me you’re not going to do this. We can just go away. Somewhere far off.”
Ellis placed a soft kiss on Jon’s lips. “An island would be far off.”
Jon’s smile looked painful.
“We could sit on the beach, you and me.” Ellis kissed Jon again. This time slower and more deliberate. “No one but us.”
“Yeah.”
Ellis pulled Jon’s shirt off and dropped it on the floor. “I’d probably get sunburned.”
“We could sit in the shade.”
“Shade?” Ellis undid the button of his shirt. He tugged it over his head and dropped it beside Jon’s.
“There would be palm trees. We could put our blanket there.”
Ellis stood and urged Jon to slide higher up on the bed. Ellis kicked off his shoes and shimmied out of his jeans and underwear.
“We’d definitely need blankets.” Ellis crawled over Jon and undid his pants. With a little encouragement, Jon lifted his hips so Ellis could strip him down. Jon’s shoes got tangled in the legs and came off with the jeans. Ellis pushed everything off the bed. “If we didn’t have blankets, we’d get sand in some uncomfortable places.”
Jon laughed but his bottom lip trembled.
Ellis straddled Jon’s hips.
“We should bring wine,” Ellis said.
“Why wine?”
“Because it’s French? And everyone knows anything French is about love.”
“Maybe we should go to France then.”
Ellis kissed away the tears running down Jon’s cheeks. “France is too crowded. The island would be much better.” Ellis pinched Jon’s nipple between his teeth. Jon hissed.
“What if we got lonely?”
“How could we? We’d have each other.”
Jon’s gaze flicked over Ellis’s face as if he was cataloging every detail, every nuance. Every so often he would touch Ellis’s cheek, his brow, or his ear. The tears in Jon’s eyes made them shimmer. “For how long?”
How long? Ellis wanted to tell Jon forever. They’d lie on that damn beach until they were both too old to walk. Then they’d let the tide take them away. But that future wasn’t meant for them. They only had here and now.
Ellis claimed Jon’s mouth, drinking his next question, erasing it the way he yearned to erase all of Jon’s pain.
Jon stood in the barn just a few feet away from the rope Danny hung himself with. It dangled empty with one end lying in the dirt.
Strips of sunlight slipped through the spaces in the walls, illuminating swirls of dust, turning them into floating patches of gold. Silence dominated the space, making Jon feel like he was the only man left alive in the world. Would the feeling become his reality when Ellis was gone?
Life would not get the chance to pick him apart. Next time, Jon would not hesitate to pull the trigger.
Only it was a lie. Even without Ellis, Jon knew he’d keep on. Whatever drop of life Ellis had given him refused to let go. Jon would have to wait until whatever power deciding death picked him.
He touched the rope. Bits of dried and broken hemp prickled his fingers and palm.
A presence pushed against Jon’s back. He turned.
Danny looked as he always did, but here, inside the barn, he wasn’t out of place in his overalls and bare feet. Jon could have almost believed his life had been a dream and he’d just woken up to find himself home again.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
A small smile tugged at the corner of Danny’s mouth.
“I wish you had.” Jon could have been prepared. He could have guarded his heart. He would have understood the reasons why so many people died around him. It was another lie. Jon knew he would have never let any of those tragedies happen. Especially his time with Ellis. Even cut short, it gave him more than all his years ever had.
How was it possible to feel so much loss, and at the same time, so blessed?
Danny held out his hand. His skin was so warm Jon had a hard time remembering he was dead and this was only a dream. Danny led Jon out of the barn.
Sunlight broke through gnarled ebony limbs of six pecan trees. Jon lifted a hand to shield his eyes. Knowing this was a dream didn’t stop the wave of apprehension from washing over him. All around Jon the thick grass rippled with an invisible wind. Danny brushed his hair out of his eyes.
“Why are we here?”
Of all the places Danny could have taken him this had to be the worst. Not even the sight of dead bodies covering a warehouse floor filled Jon with this much dread. His brother didn’t answer, so Jon said his name.
Danny pointed to the trees.
Small creaks and gentle sighs bled from the branches rocking in the wind. Jon moved closer. The bark on the trees had become transparent. Underneath oily fluid pumped in lines, surging upward on one side and down on the other.
“What’s it doing?”
Danny pointed to the ground.
The thick carpet of grass surrounding the tree trunk blackened. Jon stumbled back to keep from touching it. The darkness moved in a jagged line toward the other end of the pasture. Streams from the other trees followed.
Danny kept pointing.
Space shifted and time bent. Shadowy forms of people and buildings etched the horizon.
Trails of black filled the silhouettes. The outlines of buildings crumbled and the ghostly figures scattered in the wind.
The Big and Terrible
had begun to spread.
********
Rule number six: Save the innocent.
Jon fumbled for the phone. He knocked his hand against the lamp and it tumbled off bedside table. How the hell had it had come loose from the wall?
Instead of the muddy browns of the cheap hotel, he was surrounded by soft blues. The sheets smelled like washing powder instead of mothballs and there were no mattress springs jabbing him in the ribs.
“Are you okay?” Ellis rolled over.
“Yeah. Fine.” Jon picked up the receiver.
“You don’t look fine.”
“A dream. Just a really bad dream.”
“So you’re calling someone?”
“I need to warn George.” Jon dialed the number.
“About what?”
The phone rang and Jon motioned for Ellis to hold on.
“He’s probably asleep,” Ellis said. “It’s four am. Most people are asleep. You should be asleep and so should I.”
“I know. But he needs to get up.” The phone kept ringing.
“Are you ever going to tell me what—”
The line picked up.
“Who is this?” George said.
“It’s me. Listen. I don’t have time to explain. You need to get everyone to your house.”
“Is there a problem?”
Jon massaged his forehead. The image of the darkness flooding into town flickered through his mind. “Yeah. I think there will be, if it hasn’t already started.”
“If what—Jon, what on earth are you talking about?”
“
The Big and Terrible
. I think it’s spreading toward town.”
“Spreading? How?”
“I don’t know, but it’s moving.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. I don’t think we have much time left.”
“I assume you’re on your way?”
“We’ll be there as quick as we can.” Jon hung up.
“You mind cluing me in?”
“Something’s about to happen. I don’t know what, but that thing out there is making the first move.”
“You said it was heading into town.”
Jon nodded. “That’s what it looked like in the dream.”
Ellis dropped his eyes and the corner of his mouth twitched into a frown.
“What’s that for?” Jon said.
“What?”
“That look?”
“It’s nothing.” Ellis got out of bed. He picked their clothes off floor.
Jon started to dress. “It’s has to be something.”
“It’s not.”
Jon sat and took Ellis by the hand. “Please don’t shut me out.” The sadness in Ellis’s eyes made Jon catch his breath.
“Why don’t I ever see Rudy in my dreams?”
“I didn’t see Rudy, I saw Danny.”
Ellis shrugged. “Still. You get to see your brother. I never do.”
What would it be like to know someone else could see his brother but never getting to experience it himself? It left a strange hollow place inside his chest that nothing could fill. “I don’t know what to tell you.”
“It’s okay.” The tone in Ellis’s voice said otherwise. He picked up the rest of his clothes.
“I’m sorry.”
Ellis put on his shirt. “What are you sorry for?”
“I don’t have a clue. I just feel like I need to apologize.”
“It’s not your fault I don’t dream about him.”
But it didn’t stop Jon from feeling guilty.
They pulled into George’s driveway just after four thirty. Light spilled from every window of the colonial style farmhouse. Several of George’s buddies stood on the porch, casting long black shadows across the clump of cars gathered in the front.
The once tranquil atmosphere of predawn thickened with tension.
Equipment occupied the usual parking spots, so Jon parked beside a beat up VW Bug.
“This is really it, isn’t it?” Ellis said.
“Looks that way.”
“Do you think they remembered the dirt bike?”
Jon had the feeling Ellis didn’t ask the question because he really wanted the answer, he asked it because he was afraid of what he was meant to do.
“I’m sure they remembered.”
“I won’t have a lot of time to refresh myself on how to ride it.”
“They say you never forget how to ride a bike.”
“This is a bit faster than a bike.”
“Still a bike.”
Ellis chuckled, but there was no humor in it. “I guess if I could learn how to ride one when I was six, I can relearn it at thirty one.”
“You’ll do fine.” Just enough light came from the front porch to let Jon see the sadness in Ellis’s gaze.
He wrapped his arms around Jon and crushed their bodies together. “If I had known this was going to happen, I would have never let you fall in love with me.”
He hugged Ellis back just as hard. This would be the only time he had to tell Ellis goodbye, to hold him, to kiss him, to tell him he loved him. “If I had known, I would have made sure to fall in love with you twice as hard.”
“Then I’m glad you didn’t know.”
Ellis’s exhale was warm on the shell of Jon’s ear. “Promise me you’ll be happy.”
It took Jon a moment to realize what Ellis was really saying. Happy without him. Happy with the rest of his life. There was no way Jon could do that. “I’ll be fine.”
“Promise me. I need to know you’ll keep living to the fullest. I want you to love and laugh. I want you to grow old with someone.”
How did he tell Ellis there was only one person he could ever love? “I promise to live, to grow old, maybe even laugh, but I can’t promise to love anyone else because it would be a lie.”
“Jon…”
“It’s the best I can do.”
Sitting inside George’s car, knowing what lay ahead and not tearing apart the world to keep it from happening, made Jon feel undeserving of anything he’d promised to Ellis. But he would try because that’s what Ellis wanted.
Buck tipped his hat at Jon and Ellis as they walked up to the porch. “Morn’n, boys.”
Dave pushed himself off the post he leaned on. To Buck he said, “No, morning means there’s daylight.” He held out a hand to Jon and they shook. “Hope you’re rested, I think we’ve got quite a day in store for us.”
“I’m real—”
Dave stopped Jon with a look. “There are no apologies in war. You save those for later.”
This was war, wasn’t it? The thought was more than just sobering.
Buck jerked his chin in the direction of the door. “Go on in. George’s waiting on you.” He put a hand on Ellis’s shoulder. “You, however, come with me. I need to show you where the gas and brake is on this piece of shit Dave calls a dirt bike.”
“Watch what you say about my bike, cowboy. She’s a classic.”
“Still shit.”
Buck turned. Before Ellis could follow, Jon grabbed his hand. They’d already exchanged goodbyes, but there were so many important things Jon needed to tell him. Their gazes met and all the things Jon wanted to say evaporated.
Ellis kissed Jon on the cheek. Then he stepped back and Jon let him go. Just like that he let Buck lead Ellis into the darkness. Jon stared long after they walked beyond the pool of light.