Authors: Adrienne Wilder
There was a knock at the door. Jon went to the window and pulled the curtain back a half inch. Ellis had his head down and one hand on the door. Jon stood there so long that he knocked again.
“Please open the door.”
Jon undid the chain. The thunder of his heart became louder than the headache from his hangover. Sunlight spilled into the room.
“Can we talk?” Ellis tugged on his wrinkled shirt, then shoved his hands into his pockets.
All the moisture in Jon’s mouth dried up along with his words.
“Please.”
Jon nodded.
Ellis motioned at the door. “If you’re going to make me stay out here to talk, I understand, but you may want to put some pants on. It isn’t exactly warm enough for boxers.”
Jon stepped back. Ellis scanned the room. His gaze lingered on the stacks of empty take out cartons, soda cans on the table, then again on the bedside table where there were two empty bottles of Jack Daniels and one half full.
“I thought you quit drinking.”
“Me too, but I guess I was wrong.” Jon cleared off a chair and pulled it out from the table. “Here. In case you want to sit.”
Ellis put a hand on the back. “On the way over here, I had this big long apology mapped out in my head. I’d say I’m sorry. You’d say you’re sorry, then everything would go back to the way it was.” His shoulders rose and fell on the back of a sigh. “But it won’t, will it? It won’t go back to how it was before…” His grip tightened. “How did this happen?”
“What?”
Ellis waved a hand between them. “You and me. How did things get messed up? When did they get messed up? Was it out there in the pasture that night or was it before? I keep trying to figure out what started it all, but I can’t.”
Jon sat on the edge of the bed. “I’m not so sure we messed up anywhere.”
“Okay. Then maybe I messed up.”
“No.” Jon scrubbed a hand over his face. “You didn’t mess up and neither did I. At least not on purpose. I made a judgment call and it was an unfair one. I won’t say it was the wrong one, because it would be a lie, but it was definitely unfair.”
Ellis nodded like he was answering a question in his head. “You meant it when you said you loved me.”
“Yes.” Jon cleared his throat. “I meant every word. I’ve always meant it. I think you’re strong too.” Ellis’s expression tightened. “Not in the way I think you need to be. You’re right. I do see you physically weaker and even psychologically vulnerable. The former I don’t care about. But the latter? You’re not ruined. Not like the rest of the world.” Jon wanted so badly to take Ellis’s hand and press his lips to Ellis’s fingertips. To pull him closer. To hold him. To breathe in the rich scent naturally born from his body and not put there by colognes. But Jon was afraid Ellis might pull away. “You don’t just witness people’s pain. You feel it like it’s your own.”
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
“Yes, it does. You just can’t see it.”
“So that makes me weak?”
“It makes you vulnerable while, at the same time, making you strong in ways that are feared and not appreciated.”
Ellis sat next to Jon. “I really wish you’d quit putting me up on a pedestal. I’m starting to get nosebleeds.”
“It’s true.”
“It’s not true. That’s the thing. It’s not true. It’s just an excuse for you to treat me like I’m…” He waved a hand. “I don’t know. I don’t know anything anymore.” Ellis propped his elbows on his knees and dropped his head.
Jon needed words that would turn this clusterfuck around and make things right. Not just right, but like Ellis said, what they were before.
The words didn’t exist, so he sat there in silence until Ellis said, “I want to help.”
Jon wanted to say no, but he realized this is what he’d asked for. A chance to fix things. Did he take it? Or did he throw it away again?
What had he just said to Mike about rule number five?
Jon took a measured breath. “Okay.”
“Okay? That’s it? No argument?”
Oh, he wanted to argue. He wanted to box Ellis up and hide him from the world. But if he did, something told him the damage would go deeper than their relationship.
Jon took another breath. Somehow he managed to keep the panic out of his voice. “No argument.”
Ellis smiled and it made his eyes shine. “Thank you.” Some of the happiness drained from his expression. “I still owe you an apology.”
“For what?”
“For saying that you didn’t love me.” Pain flickered through his expression. “I didn’t really think that. I wanted to. I tried to convince myself you didn’t.”
“Why?”
“Because then I wouldn’t have been so stupid for what I did.” He twisted his fingers together. “I broke your faith in me.”
“You didn’t.”
“Yeah, I did. What I did was nothing but betrayal.”
Jon realized the pain he’d felt wasn’t just because he lied to keep Ellis out of harm’s way, it was because Ellis had been so quick to doubt his reasons. “You’re forgiven.”
“Can you ever really forgive something like that?” The sorrow in his gray-blue eyes was palpable.
Jon decided the risk was worth it. He took Ellis by the chin and kissed him.
There was only a moment of hesitation then Ellis grabbed Jon by his hair and forced their mouths together hard enough to leave his lips aching. Jon surrendered, letting Ellis take what he wanted. Their teeth scraped together and the taste of him, mints and coffee, reminded Jon he hadn’t brushed his teeth. He tried to pull away. Ellis shoved him down on the mattress.
Ellis dragged his teeth along Jon’s jaw to the soft spot under his ear. “I missed you.” His voice was muffled against Jon’s skin. “I missed you so damn much.” He pulled Jon’s hair, tilting his head back. Ellis licked a burning a path across Jon’s neck. His cock hardened, pushing through the gap in his boxers.
Jon slipped his hands under Ellis’s shirt, across his ribs, then his chest. He pinched both of Ellis’s nipples and was rewarded with a thrust from Ellis’s hips.
“You asked me once.” Ellis lifted his head, but was still close enough that Jon could feel his exhale and see every speck of color in his eyes. “You asked me if I wanted to fuck you and I told you I was too scared to try.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m not scared anymore.”
Jon closed his eyes for a moment and groaned.
“I take it you like that idea.”
“Been a long time and I miss it.” Jon cradled Ellis’s face. According to Rudy, they’d been brought together because Ellis needed him. Jon wasn’t so sure anymore that it was Ellis who needed someone.
Ellis shed his jacket. He had his shirt over his head when Jon squeezed the bulge behind Ellis’s blue jeans. He braced himself with his hands on Jon’s chest and rocked against Jon’s palm. Eyes half lidded, lips parted, a pink heat in his cheeks, just the sight of Ellis was enough to make Jon ache.
He stopped long enough to strip, dropping everything onto the floor. Ellis crawled on hands and knees until he hovered over Jon.
He followed the scattering of freckles on Ellis’s shoulders with his fingertips. Maybe it was the days away from each other, but Ellis looked more handsome than Jon remembered.
“What are you thinking about?” Ellis said.
Jon smiled. “Isn’t that my line?”
“Not anymore.” Ellis brushed his lips against Jon’s.
He ran his hand through Ellis’s hair. The thought of something happening to him again terrified Jon, but he loved Ellis too much to not give him what he wanted. “I swear to you from here on out I’ll always treat you like my equal.”
Ellis kissed Jon’s palm.
“I just need you to promise me something,” Jon said.
“What?”
“Don’t leave me again. I know that’s a lot to ask, but I can’t lose you. I just can’t.” Jon brushed his thumb over Ellis’s bottom lip. He caught it with his teeth and then closed his lips around the tip. Ellis sucked Jon’s thumb so hard it hurt. Images of Ellis on his knees flashed through Jon’s mind.
“Damn.”
Ellis let go and grinned at him. “How about we start there?”
“My thumb?” Ellis tweaked Jon’s nipple. “Ow.”
“Behave.”
“That’s no fun.”
“Don’t make me get out the handcuffs.”
Jon laughed. “You don’t have any handcuffs.”
“I could buy some.”
If only that didn’t sound as erotic as hell. “Do not tease me like that.”
Ellis licked a line down Jon’s torso, stopping just above his cock. “Who says I’m teasing?”
“Okay, now you’re not playing fair.” Whatever Jon was about to say evaporated when Ellis took the end of Jon’s cock into his mouth. Wet heat slid over the thick head, then partway down the length. On the upstroke Ellis sucked hard enough to make Jon bark in surprise. “Oh, fuck, that’s—”
Jon spread his legs so Ellis could kneel between them. The new angle let him take Jon deeper. Ellis rolled Jon’s nuts and then gave them a tug, sending a quick electric shock right up his spine.
This time when Ellis moved to the end of Jon’s cock he swirled his tongue and flicked it against the slit. Jon let himself sink into the rhythm, riding the wave of euphoria washing over him with every pull of Ellis’s mouth.
Jon raised up on his elbows. What could ever be more beautiful than the site of Ellis on his cock? Then Ellis looked up. Desire glowed from the depths of his gaze. The intensity made Jon catch his breath.
There had been a time when Ellis couldn’t make Jon come with his mouth, but time and practice had paid off. Jon no longer had to coach him because Ellis had mastered the secrets of his body. Jon realized then Ellis had also unlocked the secrets to his heart.
Heat prickled Jon’s skin and his balls tightened. He arched against the mattress but before he could fall from the cliff, Ellis stopped.
Jon collapsed against the pillow with a moan. So close. So very close.
He opened his eyes to find Ellis hovering over him. Jon caressed his cheek. To think he’d almost lost this.
Jon kissed Ellis’s swollen lips.
“You still with me?” Ellis squeezed Jon’s thigh.
“Barely.”
“You better have something slick, because I am not running to the drug store.”
Jon was pretty sure he did. Now he just had to remember where he’d put it. He fumbled for the drawer in the nightstand. Ellis opened it for him and took out a bottle of lotion and box of tissues.
Ellis chuckled. “Masturbating much?”
“I missed you, so sue me.”
The humor in Ellis’s gaze was replaced by something softer. Jon had no idea what, but it went right through him.
“I did miss you.” Jon pushed his fingers through Ellis’s hair.
“I missed you too.”
“And I mean all of you. Your voice. Your kindness. The way you look at me.” Moments that Jon knew he could never live without.
Ellis claimed Jon’s mouth and he lost himself. Somewhere far away there was the snick of a lid. A moment later cool slick fingers passed over his entrance.
“You’ll have to walk me through this, because I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Jon cupped the back of Ellis’s head, reluctant to let him pull away. “It’s not difficult. Just remember how I did it for you.”
The pad of Ellis’s finger pressed against Jon’s opening.
“You’re going to have to push harder than that,” Jon said.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t. Just go slow.”
Ellis tried again.
“That’s it.”
“You sure I won’t hurt you?”
“Do I hurt you?”
“No.” Ellis pushed in a finger.
Jon bent his knees. “Yeah. Like that.” He lifted his ass and rocked against Ellis.
Ellis licked his lips. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you look right now?”
Jon grinned. “If it’s anything like you, yeah.”
“Two?”
“Yes. God, I’d forgotten how good this feels.”
“Does that mean you want me to do it more often?” Ellis’s lips rasped against the stubble on Jon’s chin.
“If you like doing it, absolutely.”
Ellis thrust his fingers. “I can’t believe anything could fit in something so tight.”
“Wait till it’s your cock.” Jon did not miss how the flush darkened in Ellis’s cheeks.
“Three?”
“Do it.” The burn turned into an ache. Jon hissed and Ellis froze. “It’s okay.”
“That didn’t sound like it was okay.”
“Trust me. I’m fine. It’s just been a while, so it takes some time to get used to.”
Ellis pushed his fingers deeper. “You sure?”
“I’m sure.” Jon’s entire body hummed with pleasure.
“So where is that spot?”
Before Jon could answer Ellis curled his fingers. An electric burst shot up Jon’s spine. His muscles contracted and he bowed off the mattress with a shout.
“Wow.”
Jon laughed. “Wow?”
“Yeah.”
“You do the same thing.”
“I do not.”
“Oh, yes you do.”
Ellis did it again and Jon plundered his mouth in the same way he wanted Ellis to plunder his body. Ellis moved his fingers faster and Jon’s aching cock tapped against his stomach.
“Ellis…” Jon fought against the tight coil of heat twisting in his gut. “I think…you’d better…now.” Ellis removed his fingers and everything came back into focus.
“Does that mean you’re ready?”
“If I was any more ready I’d come.”
“So how do you want to do this? On your back or knees?”
“Back. I’m a lot taller than you.” Jon put the pillows under his hips. “There. That should make it easier.”
“Are those like training wheels?”
“Nah, more along the lines of a booster seat.” Ellis pinched Jon’s nipple and he yelped. “For me, not you.” Ellis kissed the bruised nipple before sucking it into a swollen bud. Jon grunted. “That mouth of yours is going to get you in trouble one day.”
Ellis put one of Jon’s legs on his shoulders and positioned himself between Jon’s knees.
“That’s going to get heavy,” Jon said.
“I doubt I’ll notice it once I get started.” Ellis used another glob of lotion to slick himself up. Then he pressed the thick head of his cock against Jon’s entrance. Ellis hesitated. “You sure this won’t hurt you?”
“If you don’t hurry up, I’m going to hurt with the worst case of blue balls anyone has ever experienced.”
Ellis rocked forward. The pressure increased against Jon’s entrance until the head of Ellis’s cock breeched the opening. The invasion stole Jon’s breath away.