Authors: Adrienne Wilder
They were a half mile from the Grove when two state patrol cars shot around them, eating up the road like their asses were on fire. It was no surprise that everyone stayed quiet. There wasn’t a reason to comment. They knew what it was. The evil living under those pecan trees had spread into town.
Dave’s knobby hands tightened on the steering wheel. The truck engine revved and the speedometer jumped from fifteen miles per hour to twenty leaving inches between them and the rear end of the tractor.
Up ahead was the gravel road. The long stretch of rock and dirt slipped between the tunnel of woods carved from the trees, curling from each shoulder.
The sedan made the turn and pulled to the side, followed by every vehicle except the truck. It stayed in the center of the road. Dave put it in park. Morning had set in overhead turning the monochrome sky into a sheet of blue. There were no clouds and the unfiltered light glinted off of every speck of frost cultured during the night. It was no different at the other end where the woods stopped and the expanse of green field took over. But it was an illusion hiding the festering rot spreading beneath the ground.
The wind kicked up and the trees around them danced. Their branches slapped together with a dry needy sound.
Anxiety picked at Ellis’s nerves. But it wasn’t his, it emanated from the terrible entity less than a football field away.
“You ready, Ellis?” Dave opened the door.
“Wait.” Ellis put a hand on his arm. “It knows I’m here.” Dave’s gaze flicked past Ellis, then back again.
Terrance said, “Knows how?”
“I’m not sure. But I can sorta hear it and I think it can hear me too.”
“It talks to you?” Dave sounded worried.
“No. Not like you think.” Ellis touched his chest. “I hear it in here. It’s sort of a feeling, but it’s so strong it has a sound.”
The two veterans exchanged looks again. Ellis had no idea what it was on Terrance’s face that made Dave ask, “Are we compromised?”
It was a question that Ellis had never considered. Could
The Big and Terrible
read his mind? Was Ellis really reading its mind or just somehow experiencing its fear? “Just in case, after you help me get the bike down and I’m out of earshot, switch up your plans a little.”
They got out and went to the back to unload the bike.
“Now remember,” Dave said as the back wheel touched the ground followed by the front. “Speed won’t help you if you wipe out. Play it safe. You don’t have enough experience to try anything fancy.”
“So no wheelies?” Ellis threw his leg over the side and sat back on the seat. Dave scowled. “I’m kidding.”
“Save the jokes for when we break out the beers and the cigars.”
“I don’t smoke.” Ellis cranked up the bike and it sputtered to life.
“Son, everyone drinks and smokes after a battle. Even those who don’t drink and smoke.”
Terrence clapped Ellis on the shoulder. “When all this is said and done you’re taking us out to dinner at that fancy seafood place in Maysville. They have oysters on the half shell. I plan to eat at least two dozen, so bring your wallet.” The concern in his eyes didn’t match the smile on his face.
“You’ve got yourself a deal.” Ellis released the clutch and rolled the throttle back. The men moved to their assigned vehicles. Jon was a shadow in the pickup truck pulling the trailer. Ellis forced himself to look away. As he made some distance he increased his speed.
The annoying whine of the engine followed him into the shroud of trees. No birds rushed from the branches and no small animals scurried across the ground. Nothing was alive here except maybe a few plants. Had
The Big and Terrible
consumed it all or did the wildlife just steer clear of the place? Ellis suspected it was both.
A sharp breeze tossed a cluster of dead leaves across the road in front of him. The ritual became a pattern, turning into streaks of debris. An unnatural phenomenon Ellis took as a kind of warning, maybe even some kind of taunt.
“Yeah, well, fuck you too.” Ellis swerved, hitting the flow of swirling leaves cutting them in half. Somewhere behind him the engine of the dump truck rumbled. Just in case
The Big and Terrible
could read his mind Ellis scrambled to find something to concentrate on.
Baseball cards, oatmeal, bike rides, and cartoons. All the things Rudy loved.
Ellis was caught off guard by the swell of anger rising in his chest. He hunkered down on the dirt bike and the green carpet of fescue blurred past him.
The only imperfections in the field were the black monoliths. Ellis no longer saw them as trees. They were blights, cancerous growths connecting
The Big and Terrible
to this world.
The echo of apprehension radiating around him hardened into fear.
“That’s right, you bastard. You better be afraid.” Ellis popped over the shoulder in the road. Grass shredded under the tires and a rattling hiss vibrated the air. It was the kind of sound heard on hot August nights when the cicadas were as thick as the humid air.
The closer Ellis got to the other side field, where the dense woods created a wall at the edge of the Grove, the fear of
The Big and Terrible
sharpened. Somewhere in there was the house; the heart of this thing, or maybe the equivalent of its soul?
In the distance, earth and grass swelled into a wave, blocking Ellis’s path. He jerked the bike, skidding to a halt, almost laying it down on his leg. Blades of fescue clung to his shoes and crawled over the tires. He hit the throttle and ribbons of fescue slapped the frame of the bike. When he had enough slack he righted the bike and took off.
Behind Ellis clots of dirt erupted from the pursuing mound.
“That’s it, you big badass.” Ellis shifted gears. The bike rewarded him with more speed. Bits of earth and rock pecked against his back.
Up ahead the ground churned. Ellis cut the turn too tight. Grass grabbed the front tire and the bike swung wide. A second bulge formed in his path. Ellis swerved around it going full speed. The move kept
The Big and Terrible
from grabbing the wheel again but almost cost him another wipe out.
The bike hit a hidden rut. Then the rut widened. Ellis begged the bike for everything it had as the ground sank. The thick tire tread let the bike crawl up the steep edge.
Ellis cleared the rim reaching flat ground.
The second swell joined the first in chase.
It occurred to Ellis that this thing was playing with him as much as he was tempting it.
He needed to do something to make it worry. If nothing else, to let it know things were serious. He cut another turn and headed back toward the road. When a bubble emerged to block his path he veered off, cutting a path through the woods in the direction of the house.
A burst of static filled his mind like the reception in his brain had gone bad. The emotions radiating from
The Big and Terrible
condensed into words. Ellis didn’t understand the language, but whatever it was saying rode on a wave of disdain so strong it made him gag.
The strength in Ellis’s arms went out and his legs weakened. In order to keep from going down, he was forced to stop. The mounds following him rode in waves along the tree line.
He’d expected it to slow down because of the mass of roots, but not stop.
As Ellis turned the bike around a high-pitched scream cut through his mind knocking him off his feet. His shoulder connected with a tree, propping him up.
“C’mon…c’mon.” The audio feedback clawed his thoughts.
Doughnuts, Go Fish, laundry, boots…
Another burst of static whited out the world around him. Images of Lenny standing over Rudy emerged from the haze.
The street. The truck. The loneliness and fear.
Rudy lay on the ground with his hand up, trying to block the kicks aimed at his face.
“What else did I tell you, retard? What else did I say I was gonna do to you and your faggot brother?”
All these years Ellis wondered what it would be like to be free of Rudy. Now he was free to do as he pleased. Go to the store. Watch the news. Out to eat. Take a trip.
He righted the bike.
No more impatience. No more anger at Rudy’s incompetence.
No. More. Rudy.
“Stop it.”
The static condensed and the sound of Ellis’s own voice filled his head.
This is your fault, Ellis. All your fault.
His tears blurred his vision.
Do you have any idea how much Rudy suffered? He screamed for you. He screamed for you to save him and you didn’t. You left him there. He called for you and you abandoned him.
The Big and Terrible
was right. Ellis had squandered Rudy. He’d fallen down on his job to keep his brother safe. Ellis had failed to keep Rudy’s clothes from being wrinkled so people wouldn’t think he didn’t take care of him.
Maybe you even failed him on purpose.
Ellis shook his head.
Are you sure about that?
He was.
But you always wanted him gone. You wished for him to be gone. Just some peace and quiet. For him to shut up.
Vertigo riding on a wave of grief swept him to the ground.
Ellis landed on his side and the muffler connected with his calf. The heated metal hissed against the dew soaked denim.
Pain seared a gouge into the meat of his leg.
He rolled to the side. The weight of the bike followed him. He kicked the frame and the cuff of his jeans ripped, exposing his skin.
The sweet smell of burned flesh joined the scent of earth and rot.
Ellis screamed.
You deserve to pay for what you did, Ellis. You deserve to hurt. Rudy hurt. He hurt so badly.
A vice tightened around Ellis’s heart.
Shouldn’t you pay for failing him?
Ellis clawed at his chest.
Dying would be penance, Ellis. As pitiful as it is, dying is all you have.
The air in Ellis’s lungs wheezed out. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pull it back in.
Don’t fight it. You don’t deserve to fight it.
And he didn’t. He didn’t deserve to live. He never deserved to live. He’d taken everything for granted: his parents, Rudy, even Jon. Ellis deserved to hurt, to writhe in agony to pay for the lives he’d squandered.
Let go.
It would be so easy.
Just let go, Ellis. Let it all be over.
There would be no more pain, no more thoughts of how he’d let everyone down. Exhaustion rode over Ellis and he collapsed. Above him, the tree branches crisscrossed in front of the clouds in the sky. A numbness rode up Ellis’s hands and feet. His hearted fluttered.
“Ellis.” Rudy stepped into Ellis’s line of sight. “Ellis, you can’t give up. It can’t hurt you like this as long as you fight it.”
But he’d failed him.
Rudy knelt and put a hand on Ellis’s cheek. “No you didn’t.”
He was dead.
“It was my choice.”
No one chose to die. Not really. The world might suffocate them, but deep down they all wanted life.
A few revoked their privilege. Like Ellis. He’d done everything wrong.
“No, you didn’t. You took care of me. You loved me. You still love me.”
God, he did. So much. So very, very much.
The numbness in his limbs stopped.
“Now someone else loves you too.”
Jon. Jon loved him.
“He needs you now, Ellis. George needs you.”
The tingling under his skin pulled back and the muscles in his limbs twitched. Air seeped back into Ellis’s chest. “I’m so sorry.”
It was strange seeing the childish wonder in Rudy’s eyes replaced by the kind of wisdom that belonged to old men. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”
“I tried. I really tried.” Ellis reached for him. The feel of warm flesh under the fabric of a pale blue button up sent a shock right to his soul.
“You need to get up now, Ellis. You need to stop
The Big and Terrible
.” Rudy stood.
Ellis tried to keep hold of him. “Wait.”
“You need to hurry.”
“Rudy, please wait.” There were so many more things he needed to say.
“And I’ve already heard every one of them and my answer will always be the same. I love you.”
The pressure in Ellis’s chest snapped. He drew a full breath and coughed.
Rudy walked in the direction of the field.
“Rudy!” Ellis grabbed the handlebars on the bike. He fully expected to fall again, but the more he moved the more the fatigue binding him faded away. Rudy paused. Ellis threw his leg over the bike. The put-put of the engine became an all out whine when he hit the gas.
He caught up to Rudy at the edge of the field. “Please don’t leave me.”
“I’m already gone.”
“Then I want to come with you.”
The Big and Terrible
paced at the tree line.
“What about Jon?”
Flashes of blue plastic shimmered through the thick grass where the barrels marked the path of the pick up. It passed the tractor. Mist clouded the ground just below the sprayer.
“It will turn on them soon.”
“Why hasn’t it already?”
“It didn’t have any reason to. It wanted you. But right now, it’s listening to every thought in your mind. It will find out why they’re out there. Then it will kill Jon.”
Ellis didn’t understand until Rudy looked back. The dirt bike lay under the trees and Ellis was flat on his back in the dirt.
He looked down, but the bike was gone. So was the pain in his leg.
“Rudy? What’s going on?”
“You’re being given a choice. The same one extended to me, to Danny, and to Jon. You can leave now and know peace, or you can go back and know suffering.”
“Then why would I want to go back?”
Rudy put his hand on the back of Ellis’s neck. “Because, little brother, the gift of being loved and loving someone else, makes the pain obsolete.”
He was right. The fear, the loss, the guilt, it was nothing in comparison to the well of love Jon had wrapped Ellis in. It completed him in a way nothing else could.
Or would.
It was a gift as precious as life.
Maybe more so, because it made life worth living.
Ellis hugged Rudy. The soft cotton of his shirt smelled like laundry detergent and his hair like shampoo. “I don’t want to lose you.”