The Forest Ranger's Husband (6 page)

“Ah, Mom. Do I have to eat it?” The boy groaned.

“Yes, you do.”

“It’s good for you. It’ll make you a better baseball player.” Matt picked up his fork and thrust a piece of broccoli into his own mouth before chewing with relish.

A look of repugnance crinkled Davie’s nose. “How can you eat that stuff? It’s yucky.”

Matt chuckled. “Not if you put a little butter and salt on it. And maybe some cheese.”

With a disgruntled frown, the boy sat down and reached for the plate of cheese slices. Both Matt and Andie continued eating, but they watched Davie as he broke a slice of cheddar
into thin slivers and laid them on top of the broccoli. Then he salted the vegetable.

“Not too much,” Andie cautioned.

The boy picked up his fork, jabbed the broccoli in a death thrust, then lifted it to his mouth. With an expression of agony, he popped it inside and chewed, then swallowed.

He looked at his dad and frowned. “The cheese doesn’t help much, but it does make it a little bit better.”

“One more and you’re done,” Andie said.

With a little sigh, Davie speared the last piece of broccoli and placed it in his mouth. Matt swallowed a laugh as he watched the pained expression on his son’s face. The boy’s cheeks bulged because he’d placed what should have been several bites into his mouth all at once.

With a huge swallow of milk, Davie washed down the offensive vegetable. Setting his glass aside, he laughed in victory. “I’m really done. Come on, Dad. We can go play now.”

“I’m almost finished. Go get your baseball glove.” Matt never knew having kids could be this much fun. As an only child, he’d never had any siblings or been close to his parents. He hoped to change that for Davie.

The boy raced down the hall to his room, leaving Matt alone with Andie. She showed a faint smile before eating her own broccoli.

“He’s a good kid,” Matt said for lack of something better to say.

“Yes, he is. But I doubt he’ll ever like broccoli.”

“That’s normal. Most kids hate veggies. Maybe he’ll like it when he’s older.”

“Maybe.” She took a drink of milk. “How’s your leg today?”

“Fine.” He looked away so she wouldn’t see the pain in his eyes. Few days passed when his leg didn’t hurt like fire. While he’d watched Davie eat his dinner, Matt had forgot
ten his pain for several blissful minutes. Now it came back in full force.

He slid his hand beneath the table so he could rub his aching thigh muscle. Hopefully Andie didn’t notice.

“How’d you hurt your leg, Matt?”

Andie’s question took him off guard, and he dropped his fork to his plate with a clatter. “It was just an unfortunate accident.”

“What kind of accident?” she pressed.

“It doesn’t matter.”

She set her fork aside and leaned her elbows on the table, looking him in the eye. “It matters to me. Tell me about it.”

No!
His mind screamed with anguish. Why wouldn’t she let it drop? Speaking about what happened would only make him relive it in his mind. The smoke suffocating his lungs. The boiling heat of the fire as it melted his flesh. Jim’s cries of pain that went on and on.

Jim Lockrem. Dead because of him. In the darkest part of each night, Jim’s screams of agony still filled Matt’s ears until he sobbed with anguish. Even now, Matt couldn’t figure out why he’d survived. He would bear the scars on his legs for the rest of his life.

A constant reminder of what he’d done.

Matt clenched his eyes closed, wishing he could go back in time and change things somehow. Wishing he could forget.

“I was injured in a brush fire.” He barely got the words out around the lump in his throat.

“What happened?”

“I got burned and they took me to the hospital. That’s it.” He scraped his chair back from the table and gripped his cane like a lifeline as he stood.

She glanced at his half-eaten burger. “You haven’t finished eating.”

“I’m not really hungry. You ready to go, Davie?”

“Almost,” the boy called.

“Matt.” Andie also stood, her eyes filled with the one thing he just could not accept from her. Pity.

“Don’t, Andie. Just let it go. I’m dealing with it the best way I can. I don’t want to talk about it.” He hobbled to the door, refusing to look at her. Refusing to let her see the torment in his eyes. If he let down his guard now, he’d end up like a puddle of water on the living room floor. And he couldn’t do that. Not if he wanted to keep his sanity.

Davie came running, wearing a jacket, baseball cap and his leather glove. “I’m ready.”

Matt wrenched the door open a bit too hard before picking up the baseball bat. Ignoring the dishes, Andie grabbed a sweater from the hall closet and followed them outside, sitting on the front porch steps while Matt played with Davie in the front yard. Matt couldn’t help wondering if she were making sure he didn’t kidnap the boy, or if she just wanted to watch them have fun.

“The daylight will be gone soon. Let’s try some practice throws to warm up,” Matt said.

Davie stood back, waiting expectantly.

“Hold your hands up, not down by your sides. You want to be ready when the ball comes toward you.”

The boy lifted his arms, elbows bent. Matt tossed the ball and Davie tried to catch it, dropped it, then scrambled after it on the damp grass.

“Great effort, son.” Matt was glad his boy wasn’t afraid of the ball. Davie had lots of potential.

Again and again, they threw the ball back and forth to each other. Davie caught it only once, but he had some near misses. He was getting better.

“How about if I pitch to you now?” Matt called.

“Yeah. I’m much better at hitting the ball. Coach says I’m a real slugger.”

Matt chuckled, then stared in surprise as Davie rubbed dirt onto his hands, then picked up the bat and tapped it against his sneaker. Matt tried not to laugh at the ritual, but failed miserably. “Where’d you learn that?”

Davie bent his legs and squatted slightly, holding the bat aloft as he waited for the pitch. “I saw it on TV. All the pros do it. Mom and I like to watch baseball together. She says I can never chew tobacco and spit, though.”

Thank goodness.

Matt glanced at Andie, who had wrapped her arms around herself and leaned forward on the top step of the porch. He caught a glint of amusement in her eyes.

“You don’t need to chew tobacco and spit to be a great baseball player. In fact, I’d prefer it if you didn’t do those things. Tobacco isn’t good for you, and spitting is rude.” Matt caught a nod of approval from Andie.

“I won’t, Dad. I already promised Mom. Come on. Pitch.”

Matt tossed the ball gently and soon learned that Davie meant what he said. The little boy swung the bat hard, hitting the ball dead-on with a loud crack that sent it flying across the hedge into the neighbor’s yard.

“Wow! You weren’t kidding, were you? You can really hit.”

“Yep! I’ll get it.” Davie dropped the bat and trotted off to retrieve the ball.

Matt glanced at Andie, who watched him quietly. He hobbled closer to chat with her for a moment. “You didn’t tell me how good he is for his age. He’s amazing.”

She shrugged. “He takes after his father. Why are you so surprised by his natural athletic ability?”

“I couldn’t hit the ball like that when I was almost six years old. By the time Davie’s out of high school, he’ll be on a full-ride scholarship to any university in the nation.”

Finally she cracked a wide smile. “I sure hope so.”

“Ah, there you are.” He smiled back.

“What do you mean?”

“I knew you could remember how to smile.”

The smile dropped from her face like stone. “I haven’t had a lot of reasons to smile lately.”

Matt inclined his chin toward Davie. “I think that boy is a pretty good reason to smile, sweetheart. You’ve done a great job with him.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but Davie returned, flushed and gasping for breath.

“I figure that was a home run,” the boy said happily.

Matt tugged on the brim of Davie’s ball cap. “I figure you’re right. Good job, hotshot.”

Beaming at his father’s praise, Davie took up the bat again. They continued to play ball with Davie hitting almost every pitch Matt tossed at him, then chasing after the ball while Matt and Andie made small talk.

Within an hour, Matt could take no more. The intense pain in his thigh made it difficult to walk. “It’s too dark. We better quit for tonight.”

“Aw, do you have to go?” Davie whined.

“I’m afraid so.” Matt grit his teeth to keep from showing the agony he felt as he hobbled over to his truck.

Andie stood on the porch watching him go. She didn’t return his wave, able to hear his conversation with their son.

“You’ll come back tomorrow, won’t you?” Davie asked.

Matt looked up at Andie. The wind ruffled her long hair, her expression closed off. It used to be so easy to talk to her. To read on her face what she was thinking. Now he saw nothing there but cold reservation. Both of them were harboring their own angst. If only he could cross the divide between them. “If it’s okay with your mom.”

Davie whirled around to look at his mother and yelled at
the top of his lungs. “Is it okay if Dad comes over to play again tomorrow, Mom?”

She hesitated and Matt held his breath, waiting. He couldn’t believe he wanted to come play games with a five-year-old boy, but he couldn’t get enough of his little son. Or Andie. How he wished he didn’t have to go home to his lonely apartment.

“Yes,” Andie said before turning away.

Matt let out a
whoosh
of air, unable to deny a feeling of euphoria. It dimmed the pain in his leg and in his heart.

Tomorrow. He’d come back and visit his son again. And Andie. The woman he loved.

T
rue to his word, Matt showed up again the next evening, and the next. The days became a whirlwind of work and evening play with Davie. Rain or shine, Matt spent every minute teaching Davie to catch a baseball and slide into home plate.

Andie tried to broach the subject of the wildfire again, but Matt shut her down with a stern look. He didn’t want to confide in her and she couldn’t blame him. Without him saying so, she knew he must feel culpable for losing his crewman. She feared the guilt might be eating him up inside. And then she wondered why she cared. Matt wasn’t the same anymore, but neither was Andie. Over the years, they’d grown apart and might never feel comfortable around each other again. They harbored too much hurt, anger and resentment.

Or at least she did. She couldn’t figure out Matt’s motives. To save her life, she just could not believe him when he said he regretted leaving her. Too many years had gone by. They’d both moved on with their lives.

Or had they? Somehow she felt stunted in life, as though she couldn’t really move on until she resolved the issue of her marriage to Matt.

By Friday afternoon, Andie felt jittery as she drove to the Forest Supervisor’s office for a fire meeting with Matt and
the other district rangers. She parked beside the flagpole and shut off the motor, sitting quietly for several moments to gain her composure. Her boss and colleagues would be present. As the only woman ranger on the forest, she needed to appear professional and confident. Her personal feelings for Matt had no place in this meeting.

She looked in the rearview mirror to ensure strands of hair hadn’t come loose from the clip she’d pulled it up into at the back of her head. Stepping out of her car, she smoothed her spruce-green pants and checked her ranger shirt to make sure she hadn’t spilled any lunch on it. With her laptop and several files held securely in her arms, she made her way up the sidewalk and into the main foyer of the redbrick building.

“Hi, Andie.” Craig Spencer, the ranger from the Bridgeport District, greeted her.

“How you doing, Craig?”

“Good.” He leaned closer and whispered for her ears alone. “I’m eager to hear the fire plan from our new FCO. Have you met him yet?”

She bit back a hard cough. “Yes, I’ve met him.”

“And what do you think of him?”

Oh, boy. That opened the corral gate. But Andie didn’t want her colleagues to know about her personal relationship with Matt. Her work should stand on its own merits, not her marriage. “I think he’s highly qualified for the position.”

Okay, that was true enough. With his training and background experience, no one knew wildfire fighting better than Matt. Even in her anger, she couldn’t help feeling proud of his accomplishments.

They gathered around the wide table in the conference room to await the other attendees. Sherry, the administrative assistant, urged them to help themselves to pastries, coffee and drinks. Andie chose a bottle of water and sat down to wait. Within minutes, the room filled with people. She and
Miriam Christensen, the Watershed, Soils and Range staff officer, were the only women in the room. More than ever, Andie felt the pressure to perform well and was determined not to fail.

Cal Hinkle came in and greeted them each with a handshake. He made chitchat while the other rangers milled around the coffeepot. Then he took his seat at the front of the room.

Andie was deep in conversation with Miriam when Matt walked in. Without looking up, Andie sensed his presence. Like radar. As she turned her head and saw him talking with Craig, she became conscious of him not as an enemy, but as a very handsome man.

Her man.

A twinge of desire settled in her chest. She couldn’t help remembering the strong gentleness of his arms around her or the scent of his warm skin. It’d been a long time, and she mourned the loss of the closeness they’d once shared.

No, he wasn’t her man anymore. And yet, as long as they were married and shared a child, she couldn’t help feeling possessive.

Cal cleared his voice, signaling it was time to get down to business. “We have a number of new people I’d like to welcome. Matt Cutter has joined our team as the new FCO and brings with him a wealth of knowledge I think we’ll soon come to appreciate.”

Matt nodded, his eyes aglow with appreciation.

“Andie Foster is the new ranger over Enlo District, and Tim Bellows is the new ranger over Austin District. Both highly qualified. We’re glad to have you on our team. Welcome to you all.” Cal smiled warmly at each newcomer.

Andie nodded, conscious of Matt’s gaze resting on her. It seemed no one else was in the room, just her and Matt. She forced herself to concentrate on what the S.O. was saying.

“…and I think you’re all highly aware that we’re having a dry winter and expect a hot summer. That means wildfire. I’m going to turn the floor over to Matt now. He’s designed a plan to help us work more efficiently together and communicate better. Matt?”

Cal looked at Matt with expectation as he sat down.

Matt braced his hands on the table and rose, using his cane to hobble over to a PowerPoint projector. Knowing what he’d been through in the wildfire, Andie’s heart ached with every step he took.

Using a remote clicker, Matt gave a presentation on a new communication structure and heavy-machinery sharing amongst the various districts. By the time he was finished, Andie was impressed by his knowledge of the forest and the various needs of each ranger district. She had also studied the requirements of her district and felt concerned by a few of his proposals.

“Are there any questions?” he asked.

She raised her hand. “Did I notice correctly that you plan to station two pumper trucks in Bridgeport?”

He nodded. “Yes. There’s no doubt we don’t have enough cats and pumpers to go around, but I’d like to station two pumpers in Bridgeport during the high-danger season.”

She tried not to bristle at Matt, but couldn’t help questioning his logic. “I mean no disrespect to Craig, but Bridgeport is over two hundred miles away from Enlo. What are we supposed to do until the pumper trucks can reach us during a fire? We tend to have more fires, and we have heavier timber than Bridgeport.”

Matt met her eyes, speaking in a reasonable tone. “I took that into account, but you already have several pumpers, while Bridgeport only has one. Stationing the two extra pumpers in Enlo would be too far away from Bridgeport to respond adequately to wildfires there.”

Andie didn’t like this. She glanced at Cal to see his expression. He had the last word on the subject.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to side with Matt on this issue, Andie. We really need the extra pumpers in Bridgeport.”

Other issues weighed on her mind, too. She tried to tell herself her objections had nothing to do with Matt being her estranged husband. She was just doing her job, looking out for her district. But worrying about Matt had made her grouchy.

She met Matt and Cal’s gazes without blinking, telling herself she must remain professional. “I’m also concerned about the long-term considerations of where to build an adequate facility to house pumpers and take care of our equipment. I’d rather see that facility built in Enlo, not in Reno.”

Matt shook his head. “I disagree. Reno is larger and a good location to house the equipment. During fire season, we can move the trucks and station them anywhere on the forest.”

Andie bit her tongue, forcing herself to take two breaths before responding. She didn’t get the chance.

Cal’s brows drew together in a thoughtful frown. “Um, I’m afraid I’ll have to agree with Andie on this one, Matt. I think Enlo would be an ideal location to build the facility. Hopefully we’ll get more funding to house a few more pumper trucks in Reno also.”

Andie sat back, pleased to have gotten her way on one issue. When she looked at Matt, she couldn’t help flashing a smile of triumph. Matt took her completely off guard when he winked at her, and her smile faded just as quickly. She was feeling territorial and competitive, but that didn’t disrupt his good humor. She felt childish for letting her personal feelings get in the way of her work and promised herself not to do it again. Matt knew what he was doing, and so did she. Stationing the pumpers in Bridgeport was simply a business decision, nothing more. It wasn’t personal.

The meeting continued with discussions about the fire school Matt had scheduled to host in early May to train summer wildfire fighters. Matt made several assignments, expecting each ranger to teach a specific technique in dealing with fighting wildfire.

“Andie, I understand you qualify as a Division Group Supervisor and passed your arduous physical. Would you be able to teach fire-line construction?” Matt asked.

The other rangers looked at her expectantly. She had an excellent pumper crew on her district and would prefer teaching that, but it wasn’t reasonable to argue this time. “Sure. I can do that.”

The meeting soon ended and Andie breathed a sigh of relief. It hadn’t been easy, but she’d proven to herself that she could work with Matt with a minimum of fallout.

“Thanks for coming, everyone. Have a safe trip home.” Cal stood and paused. “Matt and Andie, would you remain behind for a few minutes? I need to speak with you briefly.”

Andie felt her throat sink to her feet. Maybe things hadn’t gone as well as she thought.

The room soon emptied, leaving Andie alone with Matt and Cal. Matt remained where he’d been sitting the entire meeting, and Andie sensed his leg must be hurting him. A blaze of sympathy tore through her when she considered that he must be living with severe chronic pain. How did he do it every day without complaining?

Cal and Andie took their seats.

“What’s up?” Matt opened the discussion by leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table.

Cal’s chair creaked as he sat back and looked at them, his forehead furrowed with concern. “It may be nothing, but I sense some hostility between you two. There’s no easy way to say this, but do you two have a problem working together?”

Oh, boy. Andie’s mouth dropped open in surprise, but
Matt’s face remained passive. Unlike Andie, he’d always been good at hiding his emotions. Under the circumstances, Andie figured they’d done quite well today. She didn’t think she’d been rude in questioning Matt’s judgment, but perhaps her demeanor and harsher tone of voice had given her away.

Matt spoke first. “No, sir, I have no problem at all working with Andie. In fact, I count myself lucky to be able to work with such a qualified ranger. I have nothing but respect for her.”

Wow! What could Andie say to that? Likewise, she believed Matt was perfect for the job of FCO. Just not on this national forest. Not here with her. But she had to get along.

“I agree that I have no problem working with Matt.” She looked at her husband. “I apologize if I sounded rude when I questioned your judgment earlier. I intended no harm. I know you’re looking after the best interests of the entire forest.”

He flashed her a crooked smile. “No offense taken. You were also just doing your job.”

“I agree,” Cal said. “Maybe I’m overreacting, but I sensed an undercurrent here that perhaps doesn’t exist. Have you two met before you accepted your new assignments here?”

Andie bit her bottom lip. Cal didn’t know they were married because Andie went by her maiden name.

“Yes…we first met long ago in college,” she said.

Okay, it was the truth, although she omitted the part about getting married and having a child.

“Ah, then you do know each other.”

Matt nodded. “Yes, quite well.”

“Then I’m not going to worry about it. Our forest is lucky to have you both, and I’ll trust that you’ll get along and work together for the greater good.”

“Yes, sir,” Matt said.

“Absolutely,” Andie agreed.

Cal stood. “Good, then. I’ll let you get back to work. Thanks for staying behind to have this chat.”

A rush of relief fell over Andie. She tried to swallow, but her throat had a lump in it the size of Kansas. The room seemed to close in on her. She had to get out of here. Now.

Because of his leg, Matt moved more slowly. Andie stood and shook Cal’s hand, then made a hasty retreat. She planned to take Davie to the movies tonight with Sue and Brett. Matt wasn’t coming over to practice baseball with Davie, and she looked forward to the reprieve. She needed time to clear her head and think.

She needed time away from her husband.

At the movie, Andie went with Brett to get seats while Sue and Davie bought popcorn. Andie led the way up the dimly lit stairs, followed by Brett, who carried little Rose.

“Is this okay?” She indicated some rocking seats midway up the theater.

“Yeah, Davie should like this.”

She chuckled. “He’d have me go all the way up to the top if I would. That boy is just like his father. Always wants the biggest, fastest, highest possible.”

Brett sat in the aisle seat while Andie moved over two seats so that Sue could sit next to her husband, with Davie beside Andie. “Sounds like Matt’s an adrenaline junky.”

Andie crossed her legs and rested back in her chair. “He used to be, although I think the last wildfire he was on may have cured him of that.”

“You mean the one that injured his leg? Sue mentioned it to me.”

“Uh-huh. He won’t talk about it, but I’ve heard a few things that make me wonder what happened. I know it was serious enough to take the life of one of his crew members and nearly kill him.”

Brett shifted the baby in his lap and handed her a bottle. “Andie, what happened to make Matt leave?”

“Sue didn’t tell you?”

He smiled with compassion. “Yeah, she told me, but I’d like to hear your version.”

She glanced at him, then stared at the advertisements flashing across the wide movie screen. She spoke low so other people around them wouldn’t overhear. “We had a fight. A bad one.”

“What about?”

She released a deep sigh. “He’d put in on a hotshot job without my knowledge. When he got the job, he wanted me to just pick up and move with him to Oregon. I knew what it would lead to. Constant absences as he deployed on highly dangerous jobs.”