The Forsaken (19 page)

Just as I’m thinking,
Am I deluded, or is this boy actually going to try to kiss me?
he leans in and presses his lips against mine.

I’m in shock.

This is my first kiss, and I still can’t believe it’s actually happening. His touch is almost too much for me. I press my chest against his, as his hands hold me tight, moving against my body—

Then, coming to my senses, I shove him away from me.

“Ow!” he says. “What’s wrong?”

“You’re what’s wrong,” I snap at him. “This can’t happen. It doesn’t matter how I feel about you. I promised Gadya I wouldn’t get involved.”

“Gadya,” he says. “First she dumped me and now she’s trying to stop me from liking another girl?”

“Exactly.” I cross my arms.

He sighs. “You girls always stick together.”

“She said the same thing about you and the other hunters.” I try to compose myself. “Don’t kiss me again.”

Liam looks disappointed, embarrassed, and bemused all at once. “Well, I guess it’s good you’re loyal to your friends,” he finally says, brushing back his hair. “So, I feel kind of stupid right now. . . .” His words trail off. He smiles sheepishly. “Make that
really
stupid.”

“It’s no big deal.”

“It’s just that since I first saw you, I felt kind of comfortable around you. Like maybe we had some kind of connection? I know that sounds pretty weird, huh?”

He turns away.

“Wait,” I suddenly say, speaking before I can stop myself. “There’s something you should know. The day before I got sent here, when I toured the Harka Museum in New Providence, I saw you on the screen.”

He turns back to me.
“What?”

“You were talking to the camera. You were trying to send a message, and then you got attacked.”

“I can’t believe you saw that! I didn’t think anyone was watching.” He pauses. “It’s something I usually do every time I head into the gray zone, or on a mission. I swing by the camera and try to signal to my family. Just in case they’re out there watching somehow. It’s a long shot, I know. I was using sign language ’cause my little brother Gabriel is deaf.” He pauses. “The drones often hang out there, so it’s a dangerous place. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

“Because I didn’t want you to think I was crazy. And I don’t know if it means anything or not, or if it’s just coincidence.”

A loud crashing noise makes both of us startle. I turn to see a figure lumbering between the trees, down the trail toward us. It’s Markus again. I wonder if he just constantly prowls the forest.

“Hey, man,” Liam calls out.

Markus stops walking. I realize he didn’t see us. “Sorry,” he says. “Just checking for drones.” He stumbles away, averting his eyes, like he caught us hooking up or something.

Once he’s gone, Liam and I look at each other again.

“We better get back to the village,” he says. “I’ve got guard duty in a few minutes.”

We start up the narrow path, which barely gives us room to walk side by side. He takes hold of my hand to help me navigate around a tree branch, and squeezes it. For an instant, I squeeze his hand back, like we’re passing a secret signal between us. Then I let go, dropping my arm to my side.

I knew I felt something for him—even that first time I saw him on-screen in the museum. I still feel like I could fall for a boy like him. But I promised Gadya I wouldn’t. And I’m not about to backstab the girl who saved my life.

There are so many other things to worry about on the wheel that love would probably be a liability here. I tell myself I’ll have to keep my guard up around Liam, despite my feelings. Still, it’s going to be hard, and I know it.

EXODUS

FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL
days, I don’t see as much of Liam as I hoped. I kind of expected that he’d try to kiss me again. But he’s busy training and strategizing with the hunters. I don’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. I guess I feel a bit of both. So I put myself in Gadya’s hands, turning my schedule over to her.

She gets Veidman’s approval to spend her days training me. She’s happy to have found another girl who wants to be a warrior, and I’m happy to have found someone to teach me. Of course, I don’t mention anything to her about my moment with Liam, because I feel so guilty about it. We also don’t talk about what happened with David. It’s just become another mystery of the wheel.

Gadya doesn’t go easy on me in training. “We’re gonna run five miles today,” she announces on the first morning. She has woken me up before sunrise, when the dew is still thick on the grass underneath our hammocks. “I gotta get your heart pumping. Turn some of that blubber into muscle.”

“Blubber?” I say, wounded.

“You’re not fat, but you’re not toned either. Still, there’s no time for magic. We’ll have to focus on skills. I’ll teach you a condensed version of everything I know—if you can handle it.”

For the next few days, I’m at her mercy. We go through endless drills in the heat, mostly running and sparring, sometimes so hard I throw up. My hair gets soaked with sweat, and so does my ragged, disintegrating bra.

But Gadya does what she promised. She teaches me how to notch an arrow into a bow. How to pull the arrow back and release it, so that it flies fast and true with a snap of the bowstring.

The bow reminds me of my guitar—except the notes its string plays are violent and deadly. We use trees as targets, peppering their trunks with arrows. Slowly, very slowly, my aim improves, until I can hit a one-inch mark from a hundred feet away. Gadya’s initial frustration with my ineptitude gives way to grudging satisfaction. She jokes that I’ve finally found an instrument worth playing.

Gadya also shows me simple defensive moves I can use with a stick or spear. She shows me how to throw a punch like a boy, with my thumb outside my fist, supporting my index finger. And how to throw a rock like a boy too. How to wrestle. How to grip a knife the right way, with the tip of the blade pointing down, so I can slice upward at my opponents, using my full strength.

I admit to myself now that I was secretly jealous of athletic girls back home. They always seemed so carefree. It was probably an illusion, due to their thought-pill consumption. But still. I missed out on a lot of fun because I was afraid to try new things. Now I don’t feel so afraid anymore. Or rather, I guess now I’m afraid of more serious things—like death—so the little things don’t matter as much. I’ve been forced to stop being a coward and start taking responsibility for myself. And to start caring again—for the first time since my parents got taken.

As I train, I think about finding the messages my parents supposedly left for me in the gray zone. I imagine that my secrets make me seem preoccupied. If so, Gadya doesn’t notice. She’s too busy yelling at me, “Think on your feet!” and “Push yourself harder!”

Our training sessions attract attention, mostly from the boys. A few of the girls seem curious too. I’m hoping others might join us, but none do. In the village, hunting is mostly a male activity. Gadya is an anomaly. But now there are two of us.

Of course many of the kids are getting ready for the expedition in other ways. The hunters are frequently off in the deep forest of the blue sector, practicing routines of their own. The drones launch a few minor attacks on us, but nothing like the ones prior to the burning of the prisoners.

When Liam isn’t training, he occasionally stops by to watch us with his friends. At those times Gadya becomes harsher, barking out orders like she’s trying to impress him. I still haven’t found the nerve to tell her about Liam’s kiss.

I wish we weren’t all so busy. Liam never seems to be around when I want to talk to him in private. Maybe he regrets trying to kiss me. Or maybe he just doesn’t want to be friends anymore. In some ways, I understand. I don’t want to be tempted by him into betraying Gadya. But there is no denying our connection, even if we refuse to act on how we feel.

One night after dinner, I overhear Sinxen talking to another hunter about Liam, near one of the huts around the fire pit. I linger behind the hut, trying to catch the words.

“He’s gonna lose his edge, getting distracted over that girl,” the other hunter is saying.

“Yeah, it’s not like him to talk so much about a chick,” Sinxen agrees. “I heard that Markus saw them together down by the river.”

It takes me a moment to realize that they’re talking about me. I freeze.

“Usually girls have crushes on him, not the other way around,” the other hunter muses. “He’s gotta remember to stay focused.”

Their voices start growing fainter, like they’re walking away. I strain to hear, moving sideways around the hut. But I can’t make out any more words. I just stand there for a while, heart racing, not sure what to think. I already knew Liam liked me. But I didn’t know how unusual it was for him to feel that way about someone. And I don’t know what to do about it.

Then, on the fifth day of training, I wake up early, and there’s no sign of Gadya. It’s unlike her to be late. I pick up my spear and go down to the grassy area that we use for our training ground. Minutes tick by as I wait.

I’m about to give up and go look for her, when I hear footsteps behind me, and someone steps out of the trees.

I turn around, expecting to finally see Gadya, or maybe just another villager who wants to chat.

Instead, I see some kind of unholy monstrosity.

A tall masked figure draped in hoofer skins stands before me, wielding a spear twice the size of mine.

Before I can scream, the figure lunges forward, swinging his weapon wildly. His mask is a scowling wooden atrocity.

My training kicks in immediately, and I parry the first blow as best I can. Then I spin around, like Gadya taught me, trying to stab my attacker in the flank.

But he’s way faster than I am, and he knocks the spear out of my hand with barely any effort. I stumble back. He raises his weapon.

I’m about to scream for my life, when I hear a muffled voice say, “Relax, Alenna! It’s okay!”

The figure reaches up a hand and takes off the wooden mask, tossing it onto the grass.

It’s Liam.

“What the hell!” I exclaim, both furious and relieved. “What’s wrong with you?”

“You’ve got a substitute teacher today.” I can see that he’s trying to stifle a grin, and it makes me even madder.

“You really scared me, you jerk! It’s not funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be funny. I wanted to see how you’d respond.”

“Why?”

“Because you gotta be prepared if you’re really coming with us.” He kicks at the mask. “I got it off a drone. Ugly-looking, right?”

“I’m mad at you.”

“Sorry.”

I take a deep breath. “What does Gadya think about all this?”

“It’s cool. She’s running errands today. Besides, who do you think trained her?”

“Are you serious?”

He nods. “Yep. And I cleared it with Veidman, too. He agreed it’s better if you have more than one instructor. That way you gain experience in different styles of fighting.” He pauses for a second. “If you’re coming on the expedition, I don’t want you getting hurt.”

Is he being straight with me? Or did he just want to find a way to finally spend some time with me? Either way, I realize that by training me today, he’s not hanging out with the other hunters, and I’m flattered. “So what’s with that creepy mask and the hoofer skins, anyway?” I ask.

“Element of surprise.” He starts putting down his weapon. “You never know what to expect on the wheel.”

I suddenly reach down and pick up my own spear. “Then who says this battle’s over?”

He grins. “That’s the spirit.”

I lunge forward like Gadya taught me. For a second, I think I’ve caught him off guard. But then his spear is back in his hands, and he has knocked mine away from me again. My palms sting from the impact.

“Good attitude,” he muses, “but we gotta work on your technique. . . .”

We spend the rest of the day practicing. Liam is a lot kinder than Gadya, but he’s also a lot stronger and faster. Impossibly fast. By the end of the day, I’m more exhausted than I’ve ever been in my life.

We finally take a break just before dinner. I slump down on the grass. I’m panting for air and drenched with sweat. I lean back on my arms, stretching out my bruised, aching legs. Liam sits down nearby and hands me a water flask.

“I’m impressed. You’re picking stuff up faster’n Gadya did.”

“I guess I should thank you for training me. But honestly? I feel like I’m gonna croak.”

He smiles. “Then, I’m doing my job.”

I take a swig of water. Then I pass the flask back to Liam. We sit there in silence for a moment.

“Sorry about the other night,” he finally says. “I mean, the part where I tried to kiss you.”

“You didn’t just try. You actually
did
kiss me, remember?”

“Well, I’m sorry. I mean, if I came on too strong.”

“No big deal,” I tell him. I want him to know how much I like him, but I’m nervous, afraid I’ll just complicate things even more if I speak, so I stay silent.

“You know how I feel about you,” he continues. “I think you’re awesome.” He pauses. “I’m cool with just being friends, if that’s all you want. Okay?”