The Fourth Sunrise (18 page)

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Christine led me through the front door. The house had a wonderful smell of home cooking and clean air. Christine sat me in a nice big comfy easy chair. When I sat in it, I felt a bit of fatigue. It was very relaxing.

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Christine sat to the left of me in a loveseat. Christine went into the kitchen and poured some iced tea. ‘So, do you like sun tea, Joel?’

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I love it,’ I said.

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Soon Christine came back into the living room with two glasses of sun tea and some Wheat Thins. ‘How have you been, Joel?’

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I sat up and said, ‘Life has definitely been interesting the last couple of years.’

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How so?’

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I was quiet because I knew the returned letter was a sensitive subject for both of us. I needed to choose my words carefully. ‘Well, after I wrote you the letter...’ I paused awkwardly, waiting for a response, but she dismissed it, so I continued speaking. ‘You see it had been years since I even...’ I paused, a little bit embarrassed.

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Thankfully, Christine jumped in. ‘You mean sex.’

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Yes,’ I said, embarrassed.

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How long had it been since it last happened before the letter?’

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I was quiet. I was proud of what I did, but admitting it out loud was a lot more embarrassing than I anticipated. But I answered the question the only way I knew how…honestly. ‘You.’

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Me?’

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Yes.’

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Me? What?’

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The last time I had sex was before I wrote that letter to you. It was three years before that, when I was with you in 1982.’

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You went almost twelve years being celibate?’

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Don’t say the word celibate. It makes me sound like a monk. Trust me, I’m no monk. I chose to not have sex. You and I were corresponding regularly and I was as fulfilled as I ever felt.’

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Then why ‘the letter’?’

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I had to. I was losing my mind waiting for you. The letter was a symbol of my independence. It was a proclamation to myself. It was more about my crying out and hoping I was listening.’

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Was it that bad, Joel?’

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I was corresponding with you regularly. They were the greatest years of my life. Once a month, I received a letter in which you poured your heart out to me. You told me how much you loved me and cared for me. As long as I had my memories of your face, and with my two pictures that I received along the way, I was content to stay faithful to you.’

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Christine was quiet and then said, ‘But I wasn’t faithful.’

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I know,’ I said simply. ‘I knew you would need to fulfill your wifely duties, especially the fact that you stayed married to Captain Jack so long.’

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Christine’s back stiffened. ‘Captain Jack? How do you know everyone called him Captain Jack? I never told you that. As a matter of fact, I have purposely never told you his nickname because I dislike it so much.’

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My heart sank. I knew I better seriously think about telling her the truth because keeping silent made me look like a stalker. ‘Fate’s a funny thing,’ I said.

“‘
How so?’ Christine replied. Her temperament had mellowed out some since the previous question.

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I knew I needed to finally come clean about serving with her husband in Hanoi for six months. ‘I got drafted,’ I said.

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No, you didn’t. You told me you never served.’

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It was my only lie to you. There was a darn good reason why I didn’t tell you.’

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So, you served?’

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Yes.’

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Why would you lie to me about that?”

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Like I said…there actually is a very good reason for that.”

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Why?” Christine stared into me as if she was trying to figure out if everything I had ever told her had been a lie. One lie seems to be like a deck of cards. Once it falls off, the whole house falls down. But this fib was different. I was just protecting everyone involved. It was such an odd coincidence that I didn’t even know how to bring it up. Now I was caught and needed to tell the truth…fast.

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Christine,’ I said. ‘Your husband, by a very odd twist of fate, was my Captain for six months in Hanoi. I was under the command of Captain Jack.’

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Christine’s face turned white. ‘Why didn't you tell me?’

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I couldn’t. I didn't know if he might have told you about me. I wasn’t the best man in the Army. Also, I stole his favorite picture of you from him because it was also my favorite picture that he had displayed.’

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You stole a picture. Which one?’ Christine asked.

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It was the best one. He spoke of you often. I grew to love you even more than I already did by listening to all the amazing stories he used to tell about you. It was as if an angel came down and gave me a video of your life.’ I paused, and then I said, ‘After a while I was going to tell you, but I couldn’t figure out the right way to do it until now when this opportunity dramatically presented itself.’

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The story just sounds too unbelievable to me,’ Christine said.

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Why?’

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Because I was all alone in Virginia at the time, raising a little boy all by myself. I couldn’t fathom my husband longing for me. Yet, there were two soldiers with their lives on the front line who were loving me. It’s quite powerful to think about it! If you only knew how alone and unloved I had felt during those years. To be honest, that was the beginning of the end.’

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How’s that?’ It’s pretty clear you two are going to cross the finish line. I’ve done just about everything I can to ask you to be with me and you’re still with your husband.’

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There are a lot of reasons for that. But the main one is I know he loves me the best way he knows how. He might not speak to me in the kind of romantic way I long for but one thing is for sure, he has given me a lifetime of security.’

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I just nodded my head. I knew there had to have been a practical reason why this woman would stay with a man who was good enough. ‘Who knows? I might have made a horrible husband,’ I said.

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Why would you think that?’

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I’m pretty selfish. Even to the point of loving you, I have been selfish.’

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I think you would be a fabulous husband.’

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I looked through Christine and I knew she meant what she was saying. ‘I was just a couple months too late. I have often wondered what would have happened if I would have just immediately gone to you when my 1968 season was over. I had a ticket home and my dad had taken a turn for the worse. It could have been Delta, Colorado, but I chose California.’

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You needed to see your parents and siblings. Please don't be hard on yourself. You couldn’t have known then what you know now. Do I wish you came? Of course I do. My entire life would have been different. But I wouldn’t have two amazing kids that are everything in the world to me.’

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Life is a bizarre ride.’ I changed the subject, the children being a sore spot in my heart. ‘You know I have a picture of you.’

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No, you don’t, besides the one you said you stole. What’s that about? And I never sent you one. I hate taking pictures.’

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You used to do it. Get your photo taken,’ I said.

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I used to be young and pretty.’

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You are still the most beautiful woman in the world to me.’

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You might need your eyes checked, Mr. Murphy.’

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I have fantastic vision. Always have. As you can see right here, I have a picture of you.’ I reached into my pocket and pulled out my wallet. I handed her the photo that I had kept for almost thirty years in my wallet.

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Oh my God,’ she said. ‘You have the photo with you.’ Christine grabbed the photo and stared at it. ‘This was my favorite photo. It was the only photo not to make it back from Vietnam and it broke my heart because it was the only one I had of it. I like it more than any of my wedding pictures.’

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I’m sorry. I had to take it. Take solace in knowing I have loved and adored that photo for a very long time. You see what great condition it still is in.’

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Whatever top secret operation you pulled off to steal that picture from my husband, you could have taken a different one.’

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That one was my favorite,’ I said. ‘If I was going to risk being court-martialed, I was taking the golden ticket.’

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We both laughed. I continued to look at the picture even though I had the real deal right in front of me. The photo was still as beautiful as ever. And the Christine who was right in front of me was even more beautiful. ‘You look pretty angelic in this photo. That was why I took it. It’s how I remembered you all those years.’

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I do think it’s incredibly sweet you still have it in your wallet after all these years.’

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Sweet?’

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Yeah, it’s sweet.’

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Try pathetic.’

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I like sweet…a lot better. We can’t define what we are. We can’t deny that there is a supernatural force leading us both back to the small, little town a couple times through the years.’

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It’s amazing to me that I’m here with you once again. Don’t get me wrong, there is no place in this world I’d rather be than with you right here right now. I’m just not doing a good job of protecting myself.’

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Protecting yourself from whom?’ Christine asked.

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From myself,’ I answered.

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How are you not protecting yourself?’

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From how much I love you.’

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Christine’s eyes locked into mine. ‘I need you, Joel.’

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You do?’

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I need you to be with me. I need you to do the things to me that only you can do. I know I’m selfish. I know I have a man who has no idea how to love me in the way I deserve, but he loves me, nonetheless. Right now, today at this point in my journey, I need all of you.’

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For how long?’ I held my breath.

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I can promise you tonight.’

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My heart sank at hearing those words. What was I thinking? Why was I here? Why did I return to the scene of the crime? Did I dare say the words,
I can’t do this
? It had been another fifteen years and I was in a house alone at night with the woman I had loved all my life. I was getting a third crack at the kind of love I had only imagined that this world had to offer. So, I let those words filter out of my mind. Although it was heavy on my heart to say them, I wasn’t a masochist. I needed to indulge in the moment more than I needed to breathe.

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I stared at Christine’s face. We had both stopped talking and we just stared at one another. At first, our stares were about observation and intrigue. Then something happened. We both got out of our minds and into our hearts. We both did it simultaneously.

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I want you, too,’ I said.

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But?’

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But nothing. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything. I honestly mean that.’

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Christine and I stared calmly and intensely into one another’s souls. Then simultaneously, we each had a tear slowly drip from our eyes. Our tears were expressive streams on our solemn faces, faces telling each other that they were loved beyond words.

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Christine took my hand and led me to the master bedroom. ‘Before you get too weirded out, this is a completely different bed than my parents used to sleep on.’ I laughed in the midst one of the most passionate moments that I was to embrace.

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We both fell onto the very large bed. We both rolled on top of the comforter and began to kiss each other passionately. As I kissed Christine, everything else in the world took a pause. My relief was being there in her presence. I knew in the depths of my soul that she was the only woman for me. Never had I felt more complete than I was in her embrace and her kiss. And kiss we did.

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Christine and I kissed like a couple of teenagers who were discovering each other for the first time. This was only our third time to be together. Each kiss had its own rhythm. Each embrace had its own heart. This was pure ecstasy. This was my heaven and indulge I did.

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We began removing one another’s clothes and soon we were both naked lying on top of the covers. I covered her body with mine. It wasn’t sexual in nature, but in more of a protective possession. For one moment in time, I wanted to be the one to protect this vessel of a beautiful woman.