The Game Series (72 page)

“What do you mean no one can stop her?” Iz demands.

“Exactly what I said. No one can stop her when she’s got her mind set on it. Believe me, I’ve tried.”

My jaw clenches. “Where will she be?”

“At Judy’s house, but you can’t-”

“Just you fucking watch me.” I spin on my heel and run around Si’s house.

Like hell will I let her put that crap into her body. I’m not naïve to believe she’ll find a way to do it without me finding out but this time she’s not. This time she needs to deal with how she feels and not run from it. This time I’m going to make her deal with it even if I have to sit on her until she talks.

Verity Point is so damn small it only takes me two minutes to catch up to Roxy outside Judy’s house on the edge of the woods.

“Kyle?” she looks up at me, surprise all over her face.

“Have you been in there?” I nod toward the house.

“I have no idea what you’re on about.” She shifts uncomfortably.

“Don’t bullshit me, Roxanne.”

Her eyes narrow at my use of her full name. “Don’t—”

“Have you been in the goddamn house?
!”

She says nothing, instead turning and stalking into the woods. I rub my hand across my eyes and follow her.

“Roxy.”

“Fuck off, Kyle.”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s a mind your own
fucking business!”

I grab her arm and swing her round so she faces me. “
You
are my damn business. You always have been. You’re more my business than you realize.”

Blue eyes widen ever so slightly, and questions shine in them as she looks up at me. I hold her gaze without faltering, wanting her to understand something I don’t even understand myself, and tighten my grip on her arm.

“Did you go in?” I ask her again, my voice softer this time.

Roxy breathes in deeply, holding it for a second, a
nd slips her hand into her jacket pocket. I release her arm as she pulls out a small vodka bottle, and I hold out my hand. She pauses, closing her eyes as she puts it in my palm. I curl my fingers around her hand, letting them brush across hers as I take it from her. My fingers unscrew the cap and tip the bottle upside down.

The vodka splashes
onto the ground, and when she opens her eyes, I rub it into the mud with my foot. I hand her the empty bottle when her eyes meet mine.

“You enjoyed that didn’t y
ou?” she asks, snatching it with venom in her tone.

“Not entirely. Did I enjoy emptying that crap onto the floor? Yep. Did I enjoy taking it from
you
? No. I fucking hated it,” I tell her honestly.

“Right. And I’m supposed to believe that.”

“I hated taking it from you because I know it makes it easier for you. It’s just the wrong thing you’re using – I think of you using that and I wonder what the hell Cam would think of you. His beloved baby sister using alcohol to forget and get herself in any number of fucked up situations.”

“You always have to bring him up, don’t you? Maybe I don’t use it for that. Maybe I use it because I like it.”

“I call bullshit on that and every other excuse you have for it. You only “like” it because it lets you forget.”

“And I think I’m allowed to forget, don’t you?” She raises her eyebrows and walks further into the trees.

“Yep. Shit, Rox, you were there when he crashed--”

“And the rest.” She stops in front of a large tree
, the bottle dropping from her grip. She presses her hands against the trunk, tilting her head down and to the side. “And the goddamn, nightmare-inducing rest that haunts me every fucking time I close my eyes.”

Her voice is tiny yet it holds so much power and heartbreak. I feel each crack spreading in her heart with each word
, and it makes my own ache. It makes every part of my body ache for her, for what she’s feeling and the urge to soothe it. My feet ache to walk to her the way my arms ache to hold her close.

“Talk to me,” I say into the gentle breeze rustling the lea
ves above us. “Don’t use alcohol to forget, Rox. Use me to remember.”

“What good will that do?”

I give into the ache in my legs and crunch twigs under my feet as I walk to her. I stop just behind her and push her hair from her face.

“I don’t know, but at least you won’t be hurting alone anymore.”

Her eyes are fixed on one spot on the ground, and I’m almost glad I can’t see them. “It wasn’t just the crash. It was everything. Everything about the night, I saw it all. Selena called the ambulance, and I stayed by the crushed car watching my brother die and begging him not to leave me. I watched them revive him at the scene and bundle him into the ambulance. Then in the hospital I watched them try and fail to bring him back to life for a second time. The whole time I was begging him not to leave me, not to die. I bargained and I bartered with an invisible entity to save him, to not let him go. And I was alone the whole time. He died before Mom and Dad got to the hospital. His last moments were mine. Just mine. That night was so much more than watching the crash. Do you get that now? It was so much fucking more! I watched my brother die –
die! –
right in front of me, and there wasn’t a single freaking thing I could do about it!”

Tears stream from her eyes and streak mascara down her cheeks. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her into me, holding her tightly against my chest. Her silent tears turn into body-shaking sobs as she grips my shirt at my back and her knees give way.

As I thread my hand into her hair and turn her face into my neck, it feels as if everything stops. Nature stills as she cries for what I’m guessing is the first real time since he died, her noises of heartbreak the only sounds around us. The only thing I know is her trembling body tucked into my arms and the tears soaking into my shirt, the cries from her mouth and the tightness of her fingers as they hold onto me.

And I understand why she does what she does. She holds so much pain, so much guilt and so much anguish in her tiny little body it’s a wonder she hasn’t broken by now. But there’s nothing I can do.

Nothing except hold her. So that’s what I do.

I hold her to me and sit down with my back against the tree she was just leaning against. Her knees go either side of my hips and she nestles into me, never letting go as the tears keep falling. I bury my face in her hair, feeling my own tears in the back of my eyes for the loss of the person we both loved.

Because I did. I loved Cam as more than just my friend. I loved him as my brother, my go-to guy, my partner in crime. If guys could have guy soul mates, he was mine. I know my own pain and I feel it every day. I feel it everywhere, but what I feel is nothing compared to what Roxy feels.

And this is what she needs. She needs to remember and cry and hold onto someone who’ll never let her hurt without hurting too.

She releases my shirt and wraps her arms around my neck, hiding her face in the crook between my neck and shoulder. My own arm goes tighter around her waist and pulls her closer to me.

T
he closer she is to me and the longer I hold her, the longer I hold her trembling, sobbing body to me, the more a part of me begins to accept the fact there’s so much more than just Cam between us.

“He’s driving too fast.” I’d looked at Selena, worry snaking its way through my body. I knew Stu had drunk more than the legal limit – that’s why I’d tried getting Cam in with us.

“Call Cam. Get him to tell
Stu to slow down,” she replied, pressing down on the accelerator to keep Stu’s Honda in sight.

The repetitive ring buzzed in my ear as I called my brother. My teeth dug into my lip, peeling the top layer of skin away.

“What?”

“He’s going too fast, Cam. He’s too drunk to be driving like that. Get him to slow down.” I tried to keep my apprehension and nerves tucked away, but there was no fooling him. There never was.

“Rox.” Cam laughed. “Don’t worry. Stu isn’t that drunk. He’s in total control. Chill out, yeah?”

“Cam, I…”

The glare of the headlights coming toward us cut through the night sharply. Stu’s car swerved on the tight country road as he tried to avoid the oncoming car, but the line went dead at the same time a scream left my body and Selena slammed on her breaks. The blue Honda’s tires screeched against the uneven surface, skidding and spinning as Stu did his best to regain control of his car. The other car with his too-bright headlights went sideways into the bushes, the engine cutting.

I watched in horror as
Stu’s car slid head on into a tree. The front of the car crushed against the broad, sturdy trunk, and steam billowed out from under the hood on impact.

“Cam! Caaaaaaaam!” My scream broke the momentary silence. I fell out of Selena’s car in my rush to get to him, to my brother, to make sure he was safe. Fuck the car. I just needed to know he was okay.

I yanked open the passenger side door. Cam was leaning forward, blood pouring from a cut on his head. His airbag hadn’t expelled, and he had grazes and cuts all over his face. One of his hands was pressed tightly against his stomach with his fingers curled into his shirt.

“Cam? Oh, God. Cam, Cam.
Can you hear me?” I touched his face frantically, slapping his cheeks and pinching his nose as tears streamed down my face. “Wake up, Cam. Tell me to shut up. For God sake, wake up!”

He didn’t. He sat silently, his chest twitching erratically in place of a rhythmic rise and fall. Nothing else mattered in that moment. I just needed to know he was okay, that he was alive. That
Stu’s stupid, drunk driving hadn’t seriously hurt the most important person in my life.

It felt like an age before I heard the wail of sirens and the pulsing blue lights. But still I refused to move. My hands were wrapped tightly around Cam’s, talking gibberish I knew would annoy him. I just needed him to tell me to shut the hell up. That was all I cared about.

“Miss, please come with me,” a voice said from behind me.

I shrugged hands off my shoulders. “No. I can’t leave my brother. I need to make sure he’s okay. I have to.”

“The paramedics can’t get to him with you sitting here. We’ll just go a few meters away. You’ll still be able to see the car,” the same voice said softly. I allowed them to pull me back from Cam, my eyes never leaving his still form. “Are you hurt?”

I shook my head. “No. I was in my friend’s car.” I move my eyes to the woman police officer guiding me toward her car. “He’ll be okay? My brother?”

“I don’t know anything until the paramedics have examined him. I’m sorry.” She sits me in the back seat. “Why don’t you tell me your details, and we can have your parents meet us at the hospital?”

“Hospital?” My eyes widened, flitting frantically from her to
Stu’s car. Paramedics were swarming around Cam with medical equipment, and I needed to be there. More than anything I needed to be my brother’s side, holding him, telling him it was okay.

The offi
cer held me back before I realized I was moving.

“It’s okay. Let them do their job, sweetheart. He’s in the best hands.”

“No. No. I need to be there. Be with him. Please.” I didn’t recognize the voice crying out. It was raw, it was pained. It sounded nothing like me. Nothing at all.

“You can be. At the hospital,” she says softly. “There’s nothing you can do for him right now.”

~

I broke. Shattered. Gave in.

For one glorious hour, I collapsed under the weight of the pain wrapped around my heart and let it consume me whole-heartedly. I let myself feel the burn of losing Cam more clearly than I have since the day he died.

And now I hate myself for it.

I hate it because the pain is stronger. It’s more noticeable. It’s heavier. It’s frightening and it’s panic-inducing. I hurt more than I ever thought I could and I miss him more feverishly than I ever knew.

So I need to forget. I need to put all the bullshit aside, bury the pain and hide the heartbreak, and get on with life. Right after I’ve stepped through the imposing gate towering above me in the waning light and stared at his headstone for a while.

I’ve never hesitated this way before. I’ve never been so scared to go in there and see his name carved perfectly into the marble or sit next to the grass that covers the space where he’s laid to rest.

I don’t know how I do it. I just know I do. Somehow my feet move, one in front of the other, and take me to his grave.

A few tiny leaves have fallen from the trees lining the section of the cemetery he lies in and sit on top of his headstone. I rub my hand across the top and brush them away, watching as they flutter to the grass, and lower myself next to his grave. I hug my knees to my chest and rest my head on top of them, turned so my eyes trace the letters of his name the way they do every time I come here.

His name. His date of birth. His date of death. The one line that sums his death up perfectly.

The sky has gained the brightest star it will ever have.

My words. They were all I could say when we ordered the stone, but nothing else would have fit him. He was the bright star in everyone’s life, so it’s only right that’s where he ends up. High in the sky, shining over everyone and lighting our way. There was no need to say he’d be missed; we all know he is and he probably knows it too.

“Light my way home tonight, yeah, bro?” I whisper, kissing my fingers and pressing them to the stone. “Miss you.”

I hold back the tears as I push up from the grass and walk away from him. Selena’s house is only minutes away from the cemetery, but I’ve hidden my emotions for so long they’re not noticeable by the time she says goodbye to her parents and we turn toward Leanne’s house for her birthday party.

“Is Kyle going tonight?” Selena asks.

I shrug. “I don’t know. Why would I?”

“No reason, I guess. Just that he ran off like his ass was on fire when he realized you’d gone to Layla’s the other day.”

“Only because he wanted to
empty it over the floor,” I mutter dryly.

So I don’t actually care about what he did… That much. A part of me is pissed at him, but another part of me is still lolling about in a glowing bubble from him holding me for so long, and both parts know it wouldn’t have happ
ened if he didn’t empty the vodka all over the floor.

“Good on him,” she replies brashly. “Personally I would have shoved it up your butt, but whatever floats his boat.”

I roll my eyes and push through the open door at Leanne’s. “Whatever. I need a drink.”

“Here we go,” she mumbles.

I ignore her and make my way into the kitchen. Olly’s standing by the fridge with his eyes following my every move. His lips curve upward as I approach, and he holds up a bottle of vodka.

“Can I get you a drink, Roxy?”

Like hell you can.

“Thanks, but I think I can pour my own drink.” I take the bottle from him. “I’m not quite helpless.” I grab a cup and pour it in, mixing it with some coke.

The drink, not the drug.

Olly leans in toward me and puts his mouth by my ear
, his hand settling on my hip. “I can make you helpless.”

I rest the urge to roll my eyes and turn, gripping his collar. “Try it, Oliver, and we’ll see who’s really helpless by the end of the night.”

“That sounds like a promise.”

“Oh, it is, but you won’t like being helpless.” I glance at his pants. “In fact, I think nature already did the job for me.” I raise my glass in his direction, a small smile playing at the corners of my mouth. “Cheers.”

I leave him standing glaring after me, and move through into the front room. A glance around tells me Kyle isn’t here yet – if at all, and I relax a little. Both from the freedom him not being around gives me and because I haven’t seen him since I oh-so-elegantly smeared my mascara across his white shirt.

My drink goes down smoothly – too smoothly – and the others follow. One after another, no thinking, no counting, no anything except the liquid in my cup and the sweet oblivion creeping up onto me. Nothing except the music pounding off the walls and flowing through my body. Nothing except—

“You really don’t need anymore,” Selena says through a sigh as I pour another drink.

“Whatever,” I reply, my choice word for the evening. “Lighten up, Leney. I can still talk, I can still walk, and I can still remember my name.” I turn to her, smiling, the now full cup in my hand. “When I can’t do any of that, then I’ve had enough.”

I down the drink, feeling it join the already warm puddle in my belly. I don’t care what number drink that was. I just care about the swimming in my head…

And the blue-grey eyes looking into mine. Well, hello there.

“I don’t think we’ve met,” the owner of the eyes says.

“I think I’d remember you if we did.” I look over him. Light brown hair, strong jaw, fairly firm arms… “Yep. I’d definitely remember you.”

He smirks. “Then we should introduce ourselves.”

My lips move into a smile that mirrors his but holds more confidence. “Feel free to introduce yourself, but I don’t do names.” I take his hand and pull him into a dancing group of people.

He cups my hips with his hands and draws my body close to him. I slide my hands up his body to his neck as he lowers his head, turning his face into my hair, and he coaxes my body to move. I go with it and let him take control because this is the only control he’s gonna have.

The second we leave the control is all mine.

His hands wander, slipping to my back and down to my bum, his fingers probing through the material of my tight skirt. His breathes flutters my hair, his lips ghosting my ear, and I move my face toward his.

“Fucking hell,” Kyle’s voice says behind me.

I groan. “You have got to be kidding me.”

“What?” the guy in front of me asks.

My arms fall from his neck and Kyle’s hand clamps on one of them.

“You’re leaving,” Kyle orders.

I snatch my arm and glare at him. “Again? Really? Are you my fucking keeper?”

His eyes are hard and his jaw tight. “The way I see it you have two options. You leave by my side or slung over my goddamn shoulder. Either way, you’re leaving.”

“Who is this dick?” No-Name guy asks. “Your brother or something?”

“Not her brother,” Kyle responds. “And you’re one lucky jackass he isn’t here.” He turns back to me. “Choose. Now.”

Fine. You wanna play this game.

I grin sassily. “As tempting as your shoulder is, Kyle, I can still walk. But feel free to hold me up if you want to.”

He drops his head back as I walk past him, putting extra swing in my hips.

“Wait.” I stop walking in the hallway.

“What now, Roxanne?” he groans from behind me.

I turn to him. “If you throw me over your shoulder, would you s
lap my ass? If you would, I might have to reconsider my answer.”

His eyes flash with something between annoyance and heat, and tingles run through my body with the knowledge I’m affecting him.

Men.

This is what I can control.

And not even Kyle is immune to it.

“Get your ass outside,” he warns. “Don’t fuck me around, Rox.”

“Spoil sport.” I pout, walking outside. His car is parked in the drive, the only one there. “Let me guess; you want my ass in your car so you can haul me home?”

“And it’s a gold star for you,” he replies dryly, unlocking it and holding open my door.

“I’m getting good at this.” I flash him another grin as I climb in and he shakes his head.

This is fun.

He pulls out of the driveway. “I have no idea what to do with you, girl. I really don’t.”

My smile widens, and I shift in my seat so my body is facing him.

“Don’t say it,” he says gruffly. “Don’t say what you were about to.”

“What?” I blink innocently.

His eyes shoot a warning glance in my direction. “You know exactly what I mean. You’re just making a complete idiot of yourself.”

“So why do you keep turning up here and saving me like I’m a damsel in distress? I gotta say, your armor isn’t up to much, Sir Knight.”