Authors: Emma Hart
My long strides swallow up my front yard and I stop behind her. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her back into me. Her back slams into my chest, and I reach up and pull her hair to the side. My lips move close to her exposed ear, and she shivers.
“I’ve told you before. Don’t fuck with me, Roxy. Don’t even try it. Stop playing your little games with me, because you won’t win.”
She swallows and takes a deep breath, her back heaving against me.
“Oh – and I can shut you up. And you know I can do it fucking good. Keep giving me your shit and I just might have to remind you of that.”
She really does take a deep breath this time, and her whole body goes tight. My fingers are splayed over her taut stomach, and she turns her face into mine. Her eyes are bright in the darkness when they meet mine, and her voice is breathy.
“Is that a threat?”
“No. It’s a promise.” I release her stomach and push my front door open. “Get in.”
“You’re not taking me home?”
“Roxy, you asked me not to so I’m not going to. You can stay here tonight. And quite frankly, I’m reaching the point where I don’t care if you stay in my sister’s room or mine, so get your ass in and go and find her before I make your fucking mind up for you.”
Her staying in my room would be disastrous since I have kissing her on the brain and a growing hard on inside my pants.
She scoots inside and I follow her up the stairs, knocking on Iz’s door at the top.
“What do you want?” my sister calls through.
“Present for you.”
“If it’s another stink bomb you can suck it.”
I glance at Roxy and smirk. “No, but she’s definitely a ticking bomb with her temper.”
She smacks me. I grin.
Iz opens the door and looks at Roxy. “I guess we’re having a sleepover. Good job I raided Kyle’s stash of candy.”
“Bitch,” I mutter, turning to my room before I change my mind about Roxy’s sleeping arrangements.
“Mothereff,” I mutter, looking at the mug of coffee attached to the end of Iz’s arm. “My head hurts.”
“That’s because you were hammered last night,” Kyle wanders into her room.
“Dude, we could have been naked in here!” Iz cries at him.
He smirks and points to me. “Take it.” Then at her. “Leave it.”
“Go fuck yourself,” I mutter. Yep, I’m still sore from yet another fight between us last night.
“Still giving me shit, Rox?” His eyes twinkle.
“I’ll give you shit until you realize you can’t shut me up for longer than five minutes.” I chuck the covers off, sit up, and take the mug from Iz.
Kyle’s eyes flick to my legs and travel up my body. “There are alternatives to shutting you up, now I think about it.”
“Can you just control it for five minutes?” Iz shoves him toward her door. “Take your sexually active mind and go and get yourself off or something.”
He laughs as she slams the door behind him and shakes her head at me.
“How do you put up with that?” she asks me.
“I play him at his own game. It works for a while.” I shrug and sip the hot coffee.
It works until he touches me and whispers something in my ear. Then he unravels me, tearing me apart until it takes everything I have to step away from him. Last night was particularly testing. I cried, we fought, then he turned on the sexy. And fuck, can he turn on the sexy.
There’s nothing more dangerous than a guy who knows how to turn you on with his words alone.
Kyle knows exactly what to say and when to say it. Hell, he knows
how
to say it, from the speed he talks to the inflections he puts on words.
He’s such a bastard.
“He’s such a horny teenage boy it scares me,” Iz mutters. “Anyway. Finish that coffee, get dressed, and let’s get out of this house.”
I glare at her, and she grins.
Yes, boss.
~
“You’ve got hearts in your eyes.” Selena smirks.
“You need to lay off the cartoons, idiot.” I throw a fry at her.
“She’s right,” Iz agrees. “You have a crush on my brother.”
I turn to her. “Says the one who’s had her eyes glued to Si’s butt for the last half an hour.”
“He has a nice ass. What can I say?”
“Dude. That’s my cousin!” Selena makes a gagging noise.
“I have to listen to my brother and Roxy bitching at each other ten times a day. I never thought I’d say this.” Iz looks at me. “But I almost wish you’d just go away and get it over with.”
“So many things are wrong with that statement,” I reply. “Mostly you telling me I need to sleep with your brother. Which, by the way, isn’t going to happen.”
Selena grins and glances at Kyle. “Oh yes,” she says dryly. “Because that would be absolutely fucking horrific to sleep with him. Who in their right mind would be attracted to that body and those eyes?”
I narrow my own eyes. “I never said I wasn’t attracted to him.”
“No need to be pissed off because she’s pointing what most other girls in this town think,” Iz whispers in my ear.
“I am not pissed off!”
She grins.
“Come on, Rox,” Selena says with amusement. “Just go over there, run him down, and slap your lips on his. I bet he has a killer kiss.”
My cheeks flush, and I know it’s given me away when her eyes widen.
“Clearly I missed something! You kissed him?”
“He kissed me,” I correct her. “So I told him to, but whatever. I was drunk.”
“And that was it? Just once?”
“Just once.”
“Liar, liar, pants on fire!” Iz sings immaturely. “You’re lying!”
“I am not!” I protest. “Once.”
“Then why are your eyes flicking to the right? And why are you touching your nose?”
“I thought eyes went to the left.” Selena frowns.
“Depends what hand you write with,” Iz tells her. “Left is for lefties, right for righties. Don’t ask me why. Point is, you, Roxy Hughes, are a big fat liar!”
“Twice!” I lie again, sitting on my hands. “Twice, okay?”
“Your mouth is twitching.”
“Three times!” I throw my arms in the air. “I can’t believe you’re interrogating me about kissing your brother.”
And now I’m looking at him and thinking about him kissing him again. His body against mine, his lips against my ear, his breath across my skin, and I’m wondering what skin on skin would feel like. I’m wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone I actually care about and who cares about me.
I’m wondering what it would be like to have sex with someone because I actually want to. Because it’s an all-consuming, demanding need to do it. Because if I don’t feel them, if I don’t give in to the screaming inside my body whenever he’s around, I’ll go crazy.
Kyle will break my jackass rule. No doubt about it.
“Hey…” Iz says slowly.
“Hm?”
“Wanna do something crazy?”
Selena and I look at each other. “Like what?” Selena asks.
Iz pulls her keys from her pocket. “Let’s run off to Portland and get a tattoo.”
“That’s your crazy idea? I have two.”
“So get a third.” I shrug. My eyes flick to the guys playing football. Okay. Kyle. “Let’s go.”
~
I hide my hand in the sleeve of my lightweight cardigan as we join Kyle, Ben and Si for dinner. The bandage covering Selena’s star on her foot is exposed by her sandals, and Iz’s bandage on her thigh is poking out from the bottom of her shorts.
“Where did you go?” Si looks at us.
“Nowhere,” Selena replies.
“Nice try.” His eyes flick to her foot and Iz’s leg. “Another one?”
“Three. I have three, Si. I’m not exactly a walking coloring book.”
Kyle’s lips curve up. “You got tattoos?”
“One each.” I touch my hand.
“What did you get?”
I smile and shake my head.
“Good luck,” Iz mutters and grabs a menu. “I couldn’t even get it out of her. She wouldn’t let us see.”
“Why not?” Kyle tilts his head to one side, and I shrug.
“I just don’t want to share it yet.”
He gets up and walks around the table.
“What are you doing?”
“I want to see it.” His eyes are twinkling playfully.
“No.” I get up and walk backward around the table. “It’s mine.”
“Show me.”
“No!” I half-shriek it as I just escape his grasp and run across the café. I yank the door open and round the side of the café, laughing. My stomach is clenching with how hard I’m laughing at him, so hard I almost miss him stopping in front of me.
Almost. There’s no way I could miss his lips taking mine again.
He holds my face to his. “Back there. You smiled like you haven’t in a long time. I haven’t heard you laugh like that either.”
“So?” I open my eyes to his.
“So I liked it,” he mumbles, curving his hand round my head. “I like this Roxy. Always have.”
Warmth spreads through my body. I reach up on tiptoes and kiss him – the first time I’ve kissed him. He always comes to me, but this is my moment. His words have reminded me I’m worth more than I think.
I grasp onto his collar with my bandaged hand and press our bodies together. His fingers splay out on my back and I revel in his touch. He reminds me I didn’t die that night. A part of me, a big part, is still living.
“Birds,” I whisper. “Five birds.”
“Can I see?”
Slowly, I peel the bandage from my left wrist and hand. There, on the side of my hand and wrist, is five tiny birds in flight. Each one with their own meaning, each as important as the other.
“Any reason for the birds?”
I look at the red rimmed tattoo. “They all mean something to me. One for grief, one for moving on, one for acceptance, one for freedom, and one for… love.”
Kyle takes my hand in his and rubs the pad of his thumb across the skin above the tattoo. His eyes raise from my hand to mine, and his gaze holds me.
He whispers, “It’s perfect.”
“Yep.”
He’s silent for a moment, just stroking my hand, and then he pulls me to him. I wrap my arms around his waist as his go around mine, and I breathe in his distinctive scent. Calvin Klein is suddenly my new favorite smell.
“Let’s go,” he says into my hair.
“We’re having dinner.”
“So? We haven’t ordered. Let’s go.”
“Where?”
“Who cares?”
“The gorge,” she whispers. “Let’s go there.”
I take my arms from her waist and grab her hand. “Quickly. Before anyone notices us.” I tug her after me.
She giggles. “Like anyone will care.”
“My sister.”
“Least of all her.” Roxy’s blue eyes are shining with a happiness I really haven’t seen in a while as she looks up at me. “She told me this morning I should sleep with you.”
“You should.” The words blurt out before I can stop them and she freezes.
“You’re not a jerk.”
“Exactly.” I pull her into the woods. Toward me. “I know how to do something other than fuck a girl like she’s worthless.”
“Even if she is?” Her voice is quiet.
“Roxy.” I wrap my arm around her waist again and tilt her face up so her eyes are on mine. “Nothing about you is worthless. You are worth everything.”
She swallows, blinks harshly, and threads her fingers through mine when she pulls away. “I knew you’d play the field at college.”
Hey there.
“Are you calling me man whore?” I smirk and let her pull me along.
She shrugs. “Fraternity,” is all she responds. Like that’s a good reason. Actually… I remember Braden and Aston before their asses were tamed.
“I’m no man whore.” I close the short distance between us and wrap my arms around her shoulders from behind.
“I don’t believe you.” Her cheeks twitch with her smile and her face turns into mine.
I move my lips to her ear. “You don’t need to be a man whore to know how to make love to someone well enough. You just need the right girl.”
My carefully chosen words have the effect on her I wasn’t expecting. She swallows again and lets out a deep breath with a tremble. Huh. Seems Miss-Casual-Fuck isn’t quite so okay with the idea of something realer.
“You win,” she breathes out. “Point taken.”
I grin and release her again. Not because I want to – but because she needs to be able to walk properly. If I could, I’d keep her against me all damn day. It’d certainly be easier for me when I decide to talk her down from her little antics. She’s gonna try to run a mile.
“Did you bring me here deliberately?” She looks at me with raised eyebrows.
“Where?” I glance around and notice the pool Cam pushed her in a few years ago. “Ah. No.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Seriously. I was too busy looking at various parts of your body.”
She barks out a laugh and slaps my chest, making me grin. “Prove it.”
What is it with this girl and challenging me at every turn?
“You asked for it.”
I spin her into a large tree near to us and meld our bodies together. My lips crash into hers, and I sink into the softness of her body. I half expect her to push me away, but she doesn’t. She grabs the sides of my shirt, winds her fingers in the material, and holds me to her. Her tongue flicks out against mine, teasing me, and she grazes my bottom lip with her teeth.
I cup the back of her head with one hand and slide my other across her back and down. My fingers curve round her ass, pulling her hips into mine. She makes a small whimpering sound in the back of her throat and I swear to God, all the blood in my body rushes down to my dick. My erection presses into her stomach. She shifts against me, moving ever closer, and knocks my hand from her head. Her hands guide mine to her thighs, and I get it.
Her tongue dives into my mouth as I lift her with only the tree supporting her. Her legs wrap around my waist, her feet locking at my back, and she grabs the back of my head. I run my hands along her thighs, my thumbs teasing at the apex of them, and she pushes herself into me.
I want this girl. Fuck, I do. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anyone else in my life, and if she was anything less than everything to me I’d take her up against this tree in a split second.
But she is. She’s everything. And when I do have her it’ll be somewhere I can explore every inch of her body the way it should be explored.
“Roxy,” I whisper against her jaw. “We have to stop.”
She lets a long, shaky breath escape from between her swollen lips. “Why?”
I lower her to the ground slowly and push her hair from her face with a kiss to her forehead. “We just do, okay?”
I’m not about to tell her we have to stop because I’m worried one time is all it will take to make me fall in love with her.
~
“Protect her.”
“What do you mean?”
“If anything happens to me—”
“Don’t be a dick, Cam. Nothing’s going to happen to you.”
“Nah… You don’t know what’s round the corner, man. One day you could be all happy and shit, and the next lying on a hospital bed while your family says goodbye.”
“That’s some deep shit.”
“Fuck off. I’m just sayin’, alright? Roxy means the world to me, you know that. So if anything happens to me, ever, make sure you look after her little ass. She’d be lost without me.”
“Alright.”
“Promise me, man. Promise me you’ll be there for her. You’re the one guy I trust her with.”
“I promise. I’ll always look out for her and protect her little ass.”
We were fourteen and it was like we both knew. Even then. Like he knew he wouldn’t be around for her. Like I knew I’d eventually fall in love with her. And what a tidy fucking package it looks, eh?
He dies. I come riding in to save the day. She cries on my shoulder. We fall in love.
Maybe if it was a movie. Maybe even a book. But this shit is real and it’s never gonna fit in a pretty little box. I was six months too late to save the day, she kicked my ass before she cried on my shoulder, and we either argue or make out. If only it was as easy as it looks to anyone outside.
“Right,” Iz shakes her hair out. “I’m going to the café. Myra mentioned something about a job.”
“You have a job,” I say dumbly.
“In Miami, moron. Funnily enough, this is Oregon.”
“Alright. I get it.”
“See you later!” She opens the door but pauses before she walks through it, flicking a sassy glance over her shoulder. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t!”
“Free reign then,” Roxy mutters at the slam of the door.
I laugh and pat the sofa behind me. She raises an eyebrow.
“Why are you sitting on the floor?”
“Scamp kept dropping his ball on the floor instead of my lap. I couldn’t be bothered to bend down every time so I’m on the floor.” I grab the blue ball and nod to the sleeping terrier in the corner. “Stupid animal.”
“Hey. He’s adorable. Until he humps my leg.” She sits behind me. I lean my head back to look at her.
“You know dogs take after their owners, right?”
“Yeah, I can see it. Your dad is kinda cute.”
I laugh and grab her legs. They hook over my arms and she bends forward, her hair tickling the bare skin on my shoulders.
“Your hair tickles.”
“Put a shirt on then,” she fires back with a grin.
“You don’t really mean that.” I tickle her legs. She says nothing. “Roxy.” She grins wider. “Do you?”
“No,” she finally gives in. “It would solve the problem though.”
“Who said there was a problem? I’d like your hair to tickle me in all kinds of places.”
“Kyle!” She slaps my chest and I laugh. I love winding her up.
“What?”
“Pig.”
“Eh, it’s better than jerk.”
Her legs tighten. “Do we have to go there again?”
I wish we didn’t.
“As much as I hate talking about the pricks you’ve been spending nights with, yes.”
“In case you’ve forgotten, I haven’t spent the night with anyone except your sister since you came home.”
I turn to face her. I know my face is like stone – my jaw is tight. “I should fucking hope not. But it’s not the only problem,” my voice softens at the end.
She draws in a sharp breath and her eyes shoot daggers at me. “You’ve been speaking to my parents.”
I’m not saying anything. She knows it’s true. No point confirming or denying it.
“I can’t believe this.” She pulls her legs up and moves to the other side of the sectional.
“I spoke to them because I wanted to know.”
“Then talk to me instead!”
“I’ve tried. Every time you tell me to fuck off because you don’t care. Well here’s some news for you, Rox,
I care!”
She shakes her head. “Because you always want to talk about Cam. I’ve done that, okay? I’ve done what you wanted when you did. The memories, the movie night… I can’t take any more than that.”
“Fine. No talking about Cam. Will you talk now?”
Nothing. She says nothing. I climb up on the sofa next to her and grab her hands.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she says weakly.
“Besides the drinking and drugs.”
“I hardly use drugs.”
“Hardly isn’t good enough. It should be fucking
never,
Rox. Never.”
She takes her hands from mine and runs them through her hair. “There’s no way to talk about this without bringing him up, is there?”
“Looks like you have to pull on some big girl panties and get the hell on with it, then.”
“I’m not—”
“Seven months,” I interrupt her. “Seven months and you still can’t talk about it? I’m not expert on grief but you’re taking the piss. You don’t want to talk about him. There’s a damn big difference between can’t and won’t.”
“I was there the moment he died. Of course I won’t talk about it. I don’t want to remember that moment.”
“If anyone had to be there it should have been you. You were the love of his life. In his eyes no one even came close to his baby sister. But you’re not the Roxy he loved.” Her heart is breaking in her eyes and I hate I’m the person doing this to her. But she has to listen. I need to talk her down from her games. I’m probably going about it all wrong, but it’s hard to substitute what I want to say with what’s right to say. “The Roxy he loved never would have done everything you have since he died. She would have been there with her parents, getting through it together.”
“The Roxy he loved died when he did.”
“Bullshit. She’s still in there. I see her when you’re with me. When it’s just us, she’s there. Now this is the new Roxy – the person you think you want to be. She lives for nothing but all the shit you’re destroying yourself with.”
She stands. “Destroying myself?”
I look up at her. “You are, aren’t you? How many nights can’t you remember? How many names of guys do you know? How much can you drink in one go?”
“That’s nothing to do with you.”
“Yeah it is. It’s everything to do with me.”
“You’re not my brother!”
My eyes flick to her lips and back to her eyes. “Obviously I’m nothing close to your brother.”
Her eyes harden. “And it makes sense.” She turns and walks from the room.
“Wait. What makes sense?” I jump up from the sofa and go after her. “Roxy!”
She stops at the door, her head down, her fingers holding tightly to the handle. “Everything since you’ve been back. Taking me from the parties, taking me to the gorge, holding me when I cried… kissing me… I get it.”
“I’m glad you get it. I don’t.”
The door opens forcefully. “Everything was to stop me destroying myself, wasn’t it? It was for my parents and for the promise you made Cam.”
I stare at her in disbelief in as she walks to her car. “Not true. Not one damn bit, Roxy.”
She opens her car door and looks at me. “We both know it’s true.” She gets in the car and starts the engine.
“Roxy!” I step outside when she pulls away. “Roxy!”
Her car disappears and Scamp yaps inside. I shut the door and lean against it.
How can she really think that? How can she think everything was for everyone else?
And I get it. I get what she thinks.
I spoke to her parents. I made a promise to her brother to always look out for her. Now I am, and she doesn’t think I actually care about her the way I do. She thinks the week since she demanded I kiss her has all been a bunch of crap.
And when she looked at me just then, before she got in the car. When she looked at me her eyes weren’t shining in anger. They were shining because she was crying. The last week has been as real to her as it has to me.
I’m shoved away as the door opens.
“Okay so Roxy just flew out of here like her ass was on fire and you’re standing with a face like a smacked one. What the hell happened in the twenty minutes I’ve been gone?” Iz kicks a toy toward the dog and stares at me.
Fuck.
I rub my hands down my face and look at my sister. Concern is glaring from her eyes.
“I fucked up, Iz. I fucked up royally.”