Authors: Emma Hart
Everything. Everything has been a great big lie to him and now I don’t know who my heart hurts more for. Cam or Kyle. I don’t know whether it hurts more for the love lost or the one never had. I don’t know which it’s supposed to hurt more for.
My mouth is dry and my head is banging. I went straight to Layla’s after leaving Kyle’s yesterday and a part of me regrets it when I think of him. Until I remember he cares only because he’s obligated to. Because he promised he would.
But it felt so real. Every touch and every kiss from him felt as real as the ones I gave. There was that twinkle in our eyes with every smile we shared. Maybe I should have told him the reason I haven’t been with anyone since he got home isn’t because he stopped me, rather because the only person I want to be with is him. Maybe it wouldn’t have made a difference.
Maybe it would have.
“Please smile.” Iz hands me a dress. “Between you and my brother I think I’m getting depressed.”
I smile sadly and hang the red dress back up. “I’m fine.”
“Right. And I’m the president. You’re not gonna tell me what happened are you? I bugged him all day yesterday and he’s refusing.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Roxy.”
“Iz, please. I just…”
She looks at a dress and shakes her head. “It’s none of my business. I know that. But you two are my favorite people in the world. Kyle pisses me off something chronic sometimes, but he’s still my brother. I don’t need my major to know you care about each other. Hell, I don’t need my major to know you’ve cared about him for a lot longer than anyone realizes.”
I open my mouth and close it again.
“I also don’t need it to see something big happened. I just want you to be happy. Both of you. And all this to-ing and fro-ing is giving me a headache.”
“Okay.” I grab a pair of light skinny jeans from the rail and put them over my arm. “Can we forget about it now? It’s your birthday.”
“As long as you promise to talk to him tonight.”
Great. I grit my teeth together. “Fine. I’ll talk to him later.”
“Thank you.” She smiles. Her eyes travel to the jeans over my arm. “Jeans?”
I finger the hem of them. “I just don’t feel like dressing up too much tonight.”
“Smile, Rox. He’s an ass sometimes, but he’s a loveable ass.”
“That’s the problem,” I whisper to myself when Iz heads into the dressing room.
~
I wriggle my toes in my heeled shoe boots and put the final clip in my hair. Selena has spent the last thirty minutes curling it, and there’s about twenty slides holding it to one side. If it wasn’t for the face of make-up and fancy hair, no one would guess I was going to a party. For the first time in ages, I’m dressed like the Roxy I used to be.
“You’re the only person I know that can pull off double denim,” Selena announces when I stand.
“It’s because the pants are white,” I reply and adjust the jacket. “You have to look twice to tell they’re denim.”
“Still. I’d look like an eighties reject if I tried it.”
I look at her head of curly hair and grin.
“Already do, darling,” Iz sings from the corner of the room. She stands and smooths out the crinkled pale pink material of her strapless dress.
“Holy shit. If my cousin doesn’t drag you into a corner tonight I’m booking him for an eye test,” Selena bursts. I giggle into my hand, more so when Iz blushes.
“If your cousin tries to drag me into a corner I’ll—”
“Willingly follow him there for him to have his wicked way!” I finish with a dramatic flair.
“Shut up!” Iz throws her pillow at me, and I catch it.
“I don’t hear you denying it. Did you, Leney?”
My blonde bombshell shakes her head. “No denial heard here, Roxy.”
“We have you all worked out, Ms. Daniels.”
“You two.” Iz points her finger at us threateningly before throwing her arms in the air. “You’re incorrigible.”
I tilt my head to the side with a sassy smile on my face. “It’s why you love us.”
“Right.” She rolls her eyes, but she knows it’s true. Despite her being two years older than us, the three of us have been through thick and thin together. “At least you’ve cheered up.”
“She hasn’t seen Kyle yet.” Selena catches the lip gloss I throw at her. “Hey, thanks.”
“She’s right. Who knows what kind of mood I’ll be in then?”
I’ll probably be reminded of the sting in my chest.
“We should move and find out,” Iz replies. “The sooner you two kiss and make up, the sooner we can all be happy and get drunk.”
“I’m not getting drunk,” I reply automatically. They both look at me, Selena more shocked than Iz. “What? I don’t want my parents on my butt about my drinking. My dad will have his eye on me tonight, and I don’t feel like having yet another argument about my supposed “bad girl” behavior.”
“You’ve always been pretty badass, if I’m honest.” Selena opens the door.
“Yeah, I mean, no one expected quiet little Roxanne Hughes to be such a hot cookie before.” Iz shrugs.
I roll my eyes. “Puh-lease. I was never quiet – I just had a lot of shit I kept inside. Now I’m letting all that noise out.”
“That’s what she tells her one-nighters,” Selena stage-whispers to Iz.
Despite my annoyance at that comment, I smile and elbow her. “Bitch.”
“True though.”
“I never told them much of anything.” I link my arm through hers and we turn in the direction of the village hall. “Does anyone feel like we’re ten again? I mean, wasn’t that the last time we had a party in the village hall?”
Iz shrieks a laugh. “Wasn’t that my twelfth birthday? I seem to remember us all using those fake tattoos you put on with water. Cam walked in on us putting them on our asses and insisted on telling everyone.”
“We all had our asses viewed that night,” Selena muses.
“What – are you putting those on your bums?” Cam had laughed like a crazy child.
“Oh my God!” Iz yelled. We all scrambled to put our pants back up as he ran away. We could hear him yelling to anyone who would listen we were tattooing our bums, and all three of us went back out with red faces.
“You put a tattoo on your butt?” Kyle looked at us all. “Really?”
“They did. Furby ones.” Cam cackled.
“Go away!” I shouted. “Stop being so mean.”
“We’re not being mean,” Kyle protested. “I’m only asking, Roxy.”
“Well don’t, ratface,” Iz shoved him.
We turned to walk away. All we heard was the count to three and our pants were pulled down. Our butts were on show to everyone in the hall, and all Cam and Kyle did was laugh at us.
My lips twitch. “He was such a shit. Him and Kyle – they were the worst. And before you went to high school, Iz, they paid some kid who’d just moved from Utah to set off the fire bell.”
“That was them?!” Iz stops.
I nod. “I was there when they did it and I was given detention every night until I told Principal Gough who it was.”
“Did you?”
“Yep. He kept me after school every day for two weeks and I told him as I walked out the door on the last day.”
“Man,” Selena whistles. “I bet he was pissed.”
“Not as pissed as Kyle and Cam were.” I push against the village hall door. “They thought they’d got away with it. Man, that was a sweet moment.” I grin and we walk into the hall.
We’re the last to arrive – like anyone is surprised – and we stop when we see the place. It’s only Iz’s twentieth, but this could rival her sweet sixteenth, and will need some topping for next year. Silver and pink ribbons hang from the ceiling. A DJ is set up in one corner, and in another is tables laden with all kinds of food. In the center of the food table is a four tier, pale pink cake with silver butterflies and dark pink flowers. Her parents have transformed the dreary old hall into something fan-fucking-tastic.
“Wow,” the three of us say in unison.
Selena and I stand by as everyone in Verity Point comes and wishes Iz a happy birthday. I play with the ends of my hair and smile as I watch one of my best friends surrounded by people that love her.
There’s so much love and joy in this room it’s almost bursting. It feels corny, like it should be in a movie, but it’s true. We all suffered a tragedy months ago, my family the most, but we all suffered. We all loved Cam and we all had our hearts broken when he died, but now… Now I’m reminded of what Verity Point is.
It’s a community. A place where there’s always someone with a kind word, a joke to put a smile on your face, a hand to hold. When times get tough we stick together. We get out the superglue, glue our hands, and link our fingers. We laugh together, we smile together, we cry together.
So many times I’ve berated living in a tiny village just off the Columbia Gorge. So many times I’ve cursed the lack of amenities here. So many times I’ve bitched and moaned about our tiny, woods surrounded community.
But watching my best friend of a lifetime swamped in love, I realize how much I love this place.
Two familiar hands settle on my waist, and my heart skips a beat involuntarily.
“What are you doing?” I hiss at Kyle as he tugs me away from everyone.
“I want to talk to you,” he says in my ear. He takes my hand and pulls me outside.
“You’ve already made yourself clear.”
His strong hands spin me into him. My fingers rest against his chest and I look up at him.
“No. I haven’t. Not by a long fucking shot, Roxy.”
I step back from him. “Kyle, this is your sister’s birthday. Do we really have to argue here?”
“The only person arguing is you.”
I cover my eyes with my hand. My heart has gotten over its stuttering and is thudding dangerously loud in my chest. If I don’t get away from him, the tears threatening in the back of my eyes might just spill over.
“I’m not arguing with you. Not tonight. Can we just pretend to get along for your sister’s sake?”
He sighs, his features illuminated by the waning sun. “After all these years, you think we need to pretend? After the last
week,
you think we need to?”
I don’t answer that.
“Exactly. This isn’t a game, okay?”
“I never said it was.”
“Good, because you’d be wrong. You know you’re good at being wrong don’t you? Even when you think you’re right.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What the fuck does that mean?”
He takes a step toward me and takes a lock of my hair between his finger and thumb. “Rox… When you left the other day, you said I didn’t care. You said everything lately was a lie. You were wrong, okay? I do care – and not because of your parents or Cam. I care because
I care.
” He reaches up and moves a curl from my face. I flick my eyes from the floor to his gaze. “I care because it’s you.”
“Okay,” I say quietly. I step back from him and walk into the hall. There’s a lump in my throat as I swallow. He cares because it’s me. Cam’s sister. That’s all. I wish it wasn’t true, but is. I can’t kid myself anymore.
My eyes scour the hall. My parents aren’t here yet – Mom will be closing the café still. Thank God. I find Selena by the drinks table.
“No,” she says as I approach.
“One,” I beg. “Come on, Leney. I’m behaving tonight.”
Her eyes flit across my face for a mere moment before she gives in. “Fine. But I’m pouring.”
“
Fine
.” I cross my arms and watch as she puts a smidge of vodka in a glass. “You’re taking the piss, Leney.”
“Give her a little more,” Iz insists as she wraps an arm around my shoulders. “Don’t be boooooooring, Leney.”
I grin smugly.
Selena puts a little more alcohol in my glass and tops it up with coke.
There we go.
I’ve suddenly changed my mind on my no drinking policy for the night. The more I can drink before my parents arrive, the better. There’s not enough vodka for it to burn my throat as it goes down, but a few Selena-Measures and I’ll be good.
The party goes on around me. The twins seem to have coerced their fancy-man from the weekend to hang around, and even old Mr. Yeo is chilling in a corner. Iz is flirting with Si in another corner, Selena is dancing with Ben, and everyone is wrapped up in their own thing. And I’m sitting in the corner, watching people come and go, watching people take drink after drink.
Watching Kyle lean against the wall, his feet crossed at the ankles, his arms folded across his chest, and his eyes focused on me.
Shivers snake through my body. His gaze is hot, and I’m pretty sure it’s the cause of my shivers. The party is still going but, after three sneaky drinks, all I can see is him. All I can feel is him. For the hundred people between us, there may as well just be us.
The effect he has on me is incredible. A tiny part of me has always belonged to him, but now it feels like all of me does. He’s branded into every part of me body, his stare searing into my skin and spreading heat through my body. For so long I laughed at the girls that said they had The One. For so long I’ve imagined it was bullshit, imagined Kyle as a girlish crush, almost. And I was wrong.