The Girl I Last Loved (10 page)

“I won’t go in a shared auto since we will have change to it.”

“Okay.”

As Kasam said this, we both settled in the back of the auto.

Thank God we were going in a reserved auto, now the
autowala
won’t ask me to sit in the front seat and settle there.

Whenever we were stuck in traffic, people walking by were staring at Kasam as she was looking exceptionally beautiful.

Her hands were shining with the reflections from those bangles.

She was looking outside and then peeped into my watch. Then looking at me, she giving a tired smile. We reached the
mandir
in an hour. She went to one of those stalls were they sell
puja ka saman
.

“You can leave your shoes here; they will take care of it.”

She bought all the things,
akshat
,
chandan
,
nariyal
,
agarbatti
,
belpatta
, flowers…

She arranged her
duppatta
again and placed it over her head. We then started to climb the stairs. She gave money to some beggars sitting at the doorway to the
mandir.

As her purse fell down, she bent down to pick it up. Just then it struk me that she was wearing quite a deep necked dress. I grabbed her arms and straightened her. She was startled. I calmed her and said, “I will get it.”

I bent down and picked it up for her. We marched ahead. She looked one hell of a girl in that attire. She walked slowly barefoot.

When we reached there, she placed her
duppatta
over her head again. I could never be successful at assessing how much more beautiful she could look. She asked me to grab
jal.
We started with pouring
jal
over the
shivalinga
. She told me to place the
belpatta
and flowers. I followed her words. She handed me
akshat
and
tika.

“Why are you not doing anything?” I asked her.

“Cause it’s for you,” she smiled with conformity.

Her smile initiated mine.

Then we lit those
agarbatti
and did a
parikrama
of the area. By the end, she placed her index finger on the
sindur
scattered about the deity and made a dot on my forehead and placed one on her neck. As a final step, she went ahead to pop the
nariyal
. She tried and failed and swayed her hands in a ‘whatever’ gesture.

For the first time in that whole day, she looked like herself. Some things dress can’t change.

“Give it to me,” I asked her.

I smashed it hard and it popped open.

“Let’s just sit for some time,” she announced.

We sat there for around fifteen minutes in silence, soaking in the aura around us, not talking. Her face glowed in the sun and her eyes looked beautiful. Rays falling and reflecting back from her
bindi
constantly distracted me. Her eyes looked beautiful.

In order to stay longer, I struck a conversation.

“You know what my father says?” I was excited.

“Yeah, I totally know,” she chuckled.

Ignoring her I went on, “…that all these customs, rituals and festivals, they are not bound by the process of doing it. They are just an entertainment like movies. Back in the times people didn’t have technology, so they invented rituals. So enjoy when you pray. Make your rituals, and things which sound illogical avoid those.”

“Wow… I like his way of thinking. I would like to meet him some day.”

“You will surely like him.”

Then we rushed suddenly as she shouted, “We are on a schedule!”

I just followed her. We grabbed an auto and headed to the nearest church.

She brought a pack of candles and two chains with a cross. She hung one around my neck.

“Now you look cool,” she clicked.

The lady selling it was all cranky about giving money in change, but definitely that wasn’t the highlight of the moment. We marched into the gigantic church, having no idea where to go or how to initiate a prayer. My idea of a church was only limited to what I had seen in the movies. So we decided to follow a guy who just entered. We maintained a certain distance and followed him. There were very few people owing to the obvious reason – it wasn’t a Sunday. The guy moved forward, opened the gigantic gate and we lost him inside. We went there and tried opening the door. Going against our expectation, that door was closed. It started drizzling a bit. I looked for any other entrance while she followed my instructions to stay just where she was. She was wearing heels and almost slipped about five times. I knocked at the three doors but they were all closed. We decided to ask someone.

“What’s the way in?” I asked a passerby.

“The church is closed for lunch.”

“What?” Kasam panicked.

“But you can visit the prayer room at the backside.”

Kasam kept on blabbering how the day got ruined because of this. I tried to convince her that it was not bad. At least we had some place to go. I never understood why girls needed to plan every single moment and if anything at all deviated from the plan, they were bound to freak out. In the process I almost forgot it was my birthday and not hers. She was kind of worried about leaving her brand new, thousand-rupee sandals, which was a whole lot of money to be spent over sandals those days. Finally, in the end she left them by the staircase as there were no other options. Again clueless, we followed what others did. There was a big painting of Jesus at the centre and big giant candle in front of it. People were lighting their own candles from that one and placing them around it. We did the same. Others, who were early there, sat in silence, praying or reading the Bible. A few people where adding money in the donation box. We sat there for some time, prayed, analysed others, and also donated ten bucks. Finally we noticed that there was a register where people where writing what they wished for. Kasam grabbed a pen and scribbled something. I wanted to read what she wrote but she placed her palm over it. It was my turn. I wrote ‘
thank you
’.

We walked past the serene premises.

“So, what’s next? A
gurudwara
?” I chuckled.

Her expression said it was her next surprise. In no less than twenty minutes, after an awe-inspiring
rickshaw
ride, we were keeping our first steps in the
gurudwara
. I have been through so much in this whole day that I was no longer afraid of being at a completely new place. We will manage. At the very entrance, there where shoe shelves and we placed our bags and shoes there. Then the inviting look of taps at the corner, when we started walking ahead, indicated that we needed to wash our feet. Then we marched ahead. As some people were already settled there – girls on one side and guys on other side – so we assumed it was the way and followed the same norms. It was already past ten minutes when I noticed a couple walking in and they sat together. Ignorance isn’t always bliss, as people were walking in, they went and bowed their head. We even did the same. A kindlooking man grabbed the jar which contained some nuts probably, the
Prasad
and distributed it among everyone. By the time we were out of the
gurudwara,
it was three in the afternoon, I was tired and hungry as hell.

“Kasam, don’t you think we should head home now?” The aroma of home-cooked meal already filled my nostrils.

“No, we should head to any nearby restaurant,” she contradicted.

I wasn’t much into that idea, so I declined. But beautiful faces never go away with a ‘no’. Neither it happened this time.

So, we were at a restaurant and soon there were people pouring in. There was Priya, Vikas and a bunch of people I had never met before.

“Hey, I just knew Vikas among your friends and you know Priya and these are my other friends.” They, one by one, introduced themselves. They were all dressed in a cool kind of way. Where guys were in hanging jeans and accessories, the girls sported black nail paint.

“Hey I just broke up with the girl I proposed two days earlier,” the guy, whose name I forgot, spoke.

“Oh! What happened?” Kasam asked.

“We went on a date yesterday and she ordered
chole bhature
. What kind of chick does that?”

“Yeah, that was cold. How did you fall for her in the first place?” Priya chuckled.

“Yeah… she was kind of cute.” that guy spoke again.

Everyone went into the state of oh… and aahhh.

Vikas tried to blend in. I just sat mum in order to avoid blurting out anything stupid.

Then there it was, the grand surprise. Priya gave me a big box saying it’s my birthday gift from Kasam and her. Though whatever she had done all morning, I didn’t think she even owed me a gift. It was kind of a big box wrapped in red paper. I took it and immediately looked at Kasam who was sitting kind of far away with her friends. She smiled at me. I smiled back.

As I started unpacking the box, she advanced towards me. There were little packets inside the box. It kind of felt strange – small packets of abrupt shapes. I picked one up and started tearing the wrapper while everyone’s eyes were fixed upon me. I flicked it open and found it was a toy snake which sells in fairs. I took it out and sprayed like a small kid while everyone else cheered. Next it was a
phirki
whose wings unfurl when you blow at them. Priya took it from me and started blowing it. Then there was a fake toy sunglass which I had to wear for the next one hour. I was trapped but soon excused as I wasn’t able to see. Then there was a fake flute. I blew through it. I don’t know what I was doing but for sure, I was enjoying it. There was a little toy car and several other stuff. Then Kasam grabbed a pack and unpacked it. It was that thing from which soap bubbles erupt. She blew over it softly. Her lips were mesmerising. When the bubble surrounded us, I totally lost track of others. It felt like just Kasam and I were there. Vikas’s hand on my shoulder burst my bubble. Kasam went away again. There was food everywhere – drinks, ice-cream. Yeah! So I was giving a treat to the love of my life, my best friend, her best friend and bunch of other people, I didn’t know. The money I had been saving for my walkman all went away. I did regret it a bit but not at those times when I saw her. She came with a big pile of who-knows-what. I started unpacking it. By this time I was kind of bored with this packing stuff, but the fact that Kasam packed it up for me, made me carry on. There were big weird leaves hanging from it. I looked up. They were all laughing. I unwrapped it quickly. It was a cauliflower.

“What the hell?” I shouted.

“Everyone gets a flower but definitely its not my style,” Kasam chuckled as others cheered her.

But somewhere from my facial expression she learned I wasn’t much into it. Just then we spotted a guy giving a bouquet of roses to his girlfriend. The whole group moved on to their table and started persuading him to trade this cauliflower with roses.

“Everyone gives roses – there is nothing unique in it. You should definitely go for expressing your love with this one,” Kasam and Priya chorused.

By the time we left that restaurant, I was penniless, with loads of toys and a bunch of roses. The more I knew her the more I fell in love with her.

“How can I go home like this?” I whispered in Kasam’s ear.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of that,” Kasam assured.

As the others left us, we rushed to a mall where I changed and she went into the cyber cafe. Her ultimate getaway. By the time I came back, she was still surfing.

“Hey,” she said on seeing me.

“Hey,” I replied.

“You see this guy? He’s my Dad’s friend’s son… I think he’s kind of into me.”

She showed me a small picture of the guy.

“I sort of like him,” she added.

I was mute.

“How do you find him?” Yes! She was really asking me this.

I looked at him. He was fair just like her. He had nice stylish hair, though not like her but complimenting hers. He had a nice face and a nice built. He looked like one of those Close-up ads model.

However, I said, “He isn’t that good.”

I don’t know why I said that. It sounded so stupid.

“I mean he doesn’t look like someone who would be good by nature,” I tried correcting myself.

“How can you say that by just looking at the picture?” Kasam smirked.

I knew I sounded ridiculous but I was.

I walked her home. Then took a rickshaw for home – no matter how late I was getting, I walked her home – I was so desperate to be with her that I forgot everything else. Even Dad’s warning. I reached home in fifteen minutes. My elder sister was sitting outside. I mouthed her asking if Dad was at home. She mouthed he wasn’t. I breathed in and casually entered the house and then my room.

I sat there for hours, thinking about Kasam. Then about me… then about us… then about my family… then about studies… and then rolling back to her… I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. My mind was racing on everything I could think upon. She was never mine, yet she changed every bit of me. All her friends were now my friends. I even wear the clothes she likes. I walk the way she finds cool. All these things – the gifts, everything – it’s like her. Now I find pleasure in her methods – in her likes with her. How did all these happen… I don’t know?

Do I like it? …I don’t know.

Are we just friends? …I don’t know.

Are we anything else? …I don’t know.