The Hardest Part (28 page)

Turning my head toward him and looking him directly in the eyes, I told him what I wanted to tell him every day for the past few years.
"I hate you. I hated every minute of the three years of my life that I spent with you. My stomach actually felt ill every time you touched me, when you kissed me, when you told me you loved me. There was a small moment in time when I thought I loved you, but that was before I knew what kind of monster you really are. That's when I was weak and naive. That's when I didn't know what it was truly like to actually love someone. There's nothing you could ever do or say that will make me care for you or think of you as any more than a weak, cowardly, and pathetic piece of scum." I could feel my bottom lip quiver when I stopped speaking, but it wasn't from fear. It was from anger.

I wanted to hurt him. I wanted him to pay for what he'd done to me. To Mike. To Reed. As I sat there and looked into his cold, dark eyes, I wanted nothing more than to squeeze the life out of them.

"
Look at you." He smiled, which only increased the anger inside me. "You've gotten brave, but don't forget what I could do to you and your friends. I could've killed you days ago. I could have killed you hours ago. I could kill you right now if I wanted to. So watch what you say to me."

My eyes narrowed and I tried to mimic the cold stare he was giving me.
"You can't hurt me any more than I'm hurting right now. I don't care what you do to me." I wasn't sure how, but my voice came out steady and strong.

He glared at me, pursing his lips, trying to hold back his anger.

"
Don't fight it. If you're going to kill me, do it," I said even louder this time. I had already come to terms with my fate. I probably wouldn't live to see another day, but one thing was for sure; I wasn't going to go down without a fight.

"
Oh, I plan on it. You just wait. Have patience, my sweet Emily. Just you wait." He sat back in his seat, looking forward.

EMILY

"T
HIS IS
what you've been living in?" Jake glanced around my apartment in disgust. The more he looked around, the more confusion spread across his face.

For the life of me, I couldn't imagine why he wanted to come here. I thought we'd be on the first plane back to Vegas. The place where he knew he had power. The place where he knew people and he could get rid of me or do whatever he wanted to do to me.

"
I just had to see inside this place. I wanted to see where you've been living," he said, running his hands along the kitchen counter. "You'd rather live like this, in this shithole, than with me?" He looked at me, shaking his head like I was from another planet. Like he honestly couldn't understand why I ever left him. It was difficult to believe he could be that stupid. He knew he was a monster. He had apologized to me before, many times, but then he would just hurt me again—most of the time, worse than the last.

I wasn’t sure what came over me, but I felt a power grow inside me. I glared at him.
"I'd rather live in the gutters with the rats than with you ever again."

His eyes grew dark as he narrowed them on me.
"You've got a smart mouth, Emily. See what happens when I don't keep you in line?" He took a couple steps toward me and I took one backward, keeping the distance between us.

"
Stay away from me." My voice matched my composure, steady and strong. On the inside, I was terrified. I knew he was about to hurt me or maybe even kill me. I hoped I would have the strength to save myself. The last few months, this was what I’d been preparing myself for, and I was about to put myself to the ultimate test.

My thoughts quickly drifted to Lexi. My chest shook and I almost let out a sob. I could only imagine what her reaction would be when she found out what happened to Reed. It was all my fault. I had brought this danger into their lives. They unknowingly sacrificed so much for me. So many people had. Mike gave his life for me… and Reed. I couldn't even think of him right now. I should've told him the truth from the beginning. I should've listened to Lexi when she told me to tell him. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. Maybe Reed would still be alive.

I blinked away those thoughts. The only image that continued to pop into my head was Lexi's. I wished I could be there with her when she found out. I wished I could tell her I was sorry. She lost the only person she had left. Then I wondered…
Do I deserve to live when Mike and Reed didn't? Should I even put up a fight?

I could feel the battle going on inside me as Jake continued to pick me apart with his eyes, probably thinking of all the things he would do to me. Playing out in his head how he would hurt me and show me the pain he'd been feeling the past few months. I knew at any moment I could just shutdown, giving him an easier kill, but I didn't want him to see that he broke me again. I didn't want to give him that satisfaction.

"
Do you have any idea how long I've waited for this moment? How much I've missed you? How much I cried for you?" His face focused on me and then it softened, but I was too smart to fall for it. I was used to his mood swings. He could attempt to be sweet and loving one second and cruel the very next. "Do you know how much pain I've been in since the day you left? I know sometimes I don't show it very well, but I love you, Emily. I love you very much. Sometimes, I just
—
" He hesitated. "I just don't know how to show it."

"
You hurt me." I glared at him. "Every day I lived with you, I lived in fear. Every day I was with you, I hated you more and more. How could I not want to get away from you?" The words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them, but deep down, I wanted him to know how I felt about him.

With every word I spoke, he got even angrier. His attempt at being sweet and loving was long gone. Maybe I was trying to provoke him. Maybe I was ready to get this over with, whether I was truly prepared for it or not.

"
I gave you everything." He seethed. "Everything you've ever wanted. I loved you. I would have done anything for you." His voice rose with each word.

I shook my head.
"You don't know what love is. You don't love me. What you think is love, it isn't. It's not the kind of love I want, anyway. I know what love is now… what it can be."

"
Is that the kind of love Reed gave you?" His jaw tightened.

Just the sound of his name sent shockwaves of pain rippling through me. I tried to control my tears, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"
What did it feel like losing him?" he asked, taking another step toward me. "Did it feel like your whole life had been ripped away from you? Like your heart had been torn out of your chest?"

As hard as I tried, I couldn't control them; tears rolled down my cheeks as I pictured his face. If I was going to die in the next few minutes, the last thing I wanted to be thinking of was him.

"
It makes me wish he were really dead, so you would hurt as much as I've hurt."

My breath caught. Something in my brain clicked and I became focused on the words he just said. I choked back my tears and my heart pounded in my chest.
"What are you talking about? He's not…" My voice drifted off quietly. I couldn't even say the words.

An evil and satisfying grin spread across his face.
"I had to say something that would get you out of the restaurant quietly. Rico distracted Reed while I called you. The last thing I wanted was to cause a scene and prolong our reunion. I knew as long as you thought your lover was in danger, you'd do whatever I asked. And look, I was right."

Reed is okay?
I blinked away my tears, feeling a sense of relief rush over me. Just a few minutes ago, I didn't care if I lived or died. Now, I would do anything to get out of here. I would do anything to see him again. To make sure he was okay.

His dark eyes glared down on me.
"Believe me. The day will come when I kill him. Watching him with you, with his hands all over you… I wanted to tear him apart, but tonight, he was just a simple distraction to convince you to leave quietly."

He took another step toward me. We were now just a few feet apart. I took another step back, even though I knew I was backing myself into a corner.

"
Stay away from me," I said, feeling my survival instincts begin to kick in, hoping I remembered the moves I learned and could actually use them.

He laughed and shook his head.
"Look at you. You're actually thinking about fighting back. Did Mike teach you how to be brave? Did Mike coach you on what to do if this little plan of running away from me didn't work out?"

I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. Taking in a shaky breath, I asked a question that I already felt like I knew the answer to.
"Where is Mike?" If Jake knew that Mike helped me, then I was pretty sure he was dead. However, I wanted to keep him talking. I wanted another minute to get together a plan to make it out of here alive.

He leaned toward me.
"You mean the guy that I trusted more than anything? The guy that I trusted with my life?" The muscles in his jaw tightened. "Well, you will be sad to know that Mike is no longer with us."

I gasped, even though I knew his fate before I asked the question.
"You had him killed?"

Anger flashed in his eyes.
"No, I didn't have him killed, Emily. I did it myself. I shot him in the back, the same spot where I felt he had stabbed me. The son of a bitch betrayed me." His voice grew louder and his eyes grew even darker. I couldn't remember a time when I saw so much hate in them. "He took away the one thing that meant the most to me. He helped you leave me."

"
No." Tears pooled in my eyes. Mike died because he saved me. He died for me. "You crazy…" I choked on my tears and deep, heavy sobs poured out of me.

He took another step closer.
"In the beginning, I knew something was strange about you getting away so easily. I spent hours, days, weeks, searching for you. Wondering how you did it. Wondering how a girl with nothing, with no one, could just disappear. Then, as hard as it was to believe, I started to suspect Mike had something to do with it. He was acting strange and doing whatever he could to avoid me. The past few months, he began pulling away, but he was my oldest and closest friend. He was like a father to me. I just couldn't believe he would do something like that. He knew how much I loved you." He gritted his teeth and his fists balled at his sides. "But the more I questioned him on that night, the more his story changed, and I knew. I knew he was keeping something from me." He paused, taking in a deep breath as he took another step toward me.

I backed up, hitting the wall behind me. One more step from him and he would be within a foot of me.
"He's lucky I didn't kill everyone he ever loved. He has a sister in New Mexico. A dad in Texas. He's lucky I allowed them to live."

"
You're a crazy son of a bitch. Don't you hear yourself? How twisted and sick you are?" I said between tears. I had never spoken to him like that before.

Those words sent him into a fit of rage. He lunged forward and grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled down, exposing my neck. He squeezed it firmly, clenching it tight, cutting off my air supply.

"
Mike would still be here if you hadn't left me," he spit out in anger. "He would still be alive. So the way I see it, it's you that killed him. And don't think I don't know all about your life here in New York City, too. I know everyone you've been in contact with. Don't doubt I will hurt them if you don't come home with me quietly. It would be a shame to see your friend Lexi go through any more pain. The poor girl's been through enough, don't you think?"

My body shook as the tears flowed out of me. He squeezed down harder, and I tried to breathe but couldn't find the air. A part of me was ready to let go, let him do whatever he wanted to me, if I knew it would save the people I cared about, but I didn't trust him. Killing me wouldn't be enough for him. He wouldn't allow my friends to live. I pictured him picking them all off one by one. The only way to save them was to get out of here and warn them.

My vision began to grow hazy and I knew it was just a matter of seconds before I passed out. If I passed out, I knew there was a good chance I would never wake up. I didn't want to die. I didn't want to give him that power over me. I was stronger now than I was a few months ago. I had worked hard to prepare for this moment, but as I stood there, feeling the same fear I had felt in the past, my mind went completely blank. I couldn't remember a single thing from any of my self-defense classes.