“I hope so. What’s going on with Mason, anyway? I thought he’d leave after I got home but he didn’t and he hasn’t really said anything about it or Cynthia. They didn’t break up, did they?”
“No, not at all. Cynthia had to go back because she’d already signed a contract for a year at an elementary school outside of Wilmington. She’s a substitute elementary teacher, I think. Mason was supposed to go back but since Nora didn’t come home from vacation and my dad is kind of incapable of keeping Bella Vista from going bankrupt on his own, he decided to stay until they could figure something else out. Don’t get any ideas.”
“That makes sense, but it’s been more than a month. And I would never.” She fluttered her eyelashes innocently.
I ignored her fake innocence. “I’m getting a little worried about him. I don’t know why he feels like he has to be loyal to our dad. It’s not like he’s always been loyal to Mason.”
“Maybe he’s not here for Michael,” Hannah suggested.
“Then why else would he stay? He loves Cynthia. I can’t imagine he likes Haven enough to stay here and risk not seeing her more than a few times a year.”
“I think that maybe he’s here for you. In case you haven’t noticed he’s gotten pretty attached to Harper, and I think he’s worried about you. He’s not a huge fan of Adam.”
“I’ve noticed,” I admitted. “He used to offer reasons why Adam might be out so much, but he’s stopped. He thinks Adam isn’t doing everything he can to take care of me and Harper. I’ve tried to reassure him but he thinks what he wants to think, I guess. But I doubt that’s why.”
“I don’t,” Hannah insisted. “Mason adores you, Lainey. I think he really likes playing the role of big brother.”
I smiled. “I think so, too.”
Hannah tilted he read to the side, contemplating. “It’s kind of weird, you know? I mean, before you got pregnant, I thought we had this perfectly normal family. Normal for today’s standards, anyway. And then you got pregnant and all hell broke loose and I didn’t think we’d ever be normal again. But now things seem better than ever. My mom is gone and I’m far from heartbroken over it, Michael’s kind of a little more sane than he ever was before, Mason’s here and taking care of you when Adam doesn’t and we’ve got Harper. And on top of all that, I have my dad. I couldn’t imagine things being better.”
“Yeah, things are pretty great,” I agreed. “But what about Nolan?”
“What about him?”
“Do you ever think about him, at all?”
She shrugged. “Not really. I mean, I did over the summer, but I lost my virginity to him and broke up with him in the same week so of course he crossed my mind. But now I think it was just a silly crush gone too far. And besides, I’m way too busy with other stuff to worry about boys right now.”
“That’s true. Probably a good idea, too. Do you ever talk to him?”
“Nope, haven’t heard from him since June. How about you?”
“I don’t know. He and Adam kind of drifted apart like I said before, and he hasn’t really been in touch. He’s probably having the time of his life in California.”
Hannah made a face. “Yeah, I bet he doesn’t even remember my name by now.”
“I don’t think so. He loved you, Hannah. He told me so.”
“He thought he did, but there’s no way. He wouldn’t have let me go so easily.”
“Maybe,” I agreed, but I had my doubts. I remembered the look in Nolan’s eyes the day he told me he loved Hannah and wanted her back but wasn’t sure how to go about it. I remembered finally seeing a more sensitive side to him.
It was the first time I’d thought about him in a while. But it made sense, given the circumstances. Sometimes people had to walk out of your life in order to make room for more. Unfortunately, that meant Brad was now a part of Adam’s life but it also meant Hannah had the time to focus on her father.
I might have lost my family, or what I’d thought was my family last year, but at least I was enjoying life with my new family now. Adam might not be perfect and we might not be the couple we were at this time a year earlier, but we still loved each other. And more than that, we loved our daughter. What could possibly matter more than that?
Chapter 16
“She looks adorable,” Mason said with a laugh. It was Halloween and he’d stopped by to see Harper before Adam and I took her out trick or treating.
“Yeah she does,” I agreed with a smile. Hannah and I had finally found the perfect costume on a different day. Harper was now officially a living, breathing teddy bear, equipped with a pink bow tie and all. She didn’t look especially happy about it.
“I don’t think she’s a fan of Halloween,” Mason remarked, taking her from my arms and receiving a grumpy look from her.
“Probably not, but that will change once she understands what candy is.”
“Very true. Where are you taking her? Just around the neighborhood?”
I nodded. “Yeah, we’ll probably just knock on a few doors of whoever actually lives here and isn’t just visiting. I know it’s pointless, but Adam really wants to.”
“That’s surprising.”
I frowned at him. “Why do you hate Adam so much?”
“I don’t hate him at all. I just think he could do a lot better than what he is.”
I sighed. Why had I asked?
“He’s doing the best he can, Mason. He didn’t ask for any of this.”
“No, but he didn’t try to prevent it either.” I shot him an angry look and he shrugged his shoulders helplessly.
“What? It’s true. You’re the one who told me about his ex-girlfriend. If he didn’t learn from that experience…”
“You’re holding evidence of the lesson he didn’t learn in your arms,” I pointed out. “I don’t think it’s such a tragedy.”
“It’s not a tragedy at all, Lainey. I know how much you love Harper and I love her too, it’s just… you’re only sixteen. You could have had Harper a little later in life after you have everything else figured out and it might have been better. I get that that isn’t what happened and that you’re okay with it, but Adam could still do a little more to help support you and make it all easier.”
“Having a baby this young isn’t supposed to be easy, whether the father is doing everything in his power to help or not,” I replied. “I accept that. And like I said before, I get why Adam isn’t around every second of the day and I’m okay with it.”
“I think you’re lying to yourself about that last part.”
I shook my head, feeling the frustration bubble up. I was tired of this conversation. I was tired of defending Adam.
“Regardless, I’m not unhappy. That should count for something.”
We were silent for a few minutes as I walked around the nursery and gathered some things to put into Harper’s diaper bag. Surprisingly she remained just as quiet; almost like she could sense now wasn’t a time for cooing or giggling.
“I’m sorry Lainey. I guess my big brother instincts are in overdrive since I wasn’t around for sixteen years,” Mason said finally. I turned to him with a small smile.
“It’s okay. Just trust me when I say it’s all going to be okay.”
“I’ll try.”
The door to the nursery opened and Adam stepped in. A look of annoyance crossed his face when he noticed Mason. I didn’t know what it was what between the two of them. Mason was always insisting Adam wasn’t playing his role as a father to his fullest potential, and Adam was acting as if he were jealous about all the time Harper and I spent with Mason.
“My mom said we should get going soon,” he said.
“But trick or treating doesn’t start officially for another hour.”
“I know but it’s not like we’re really asking for candy, and she doesn’t think it’s a good idea to have Harper out too late. It’s supposed to get really cold tonight, the start of a cold front or something.”
“I’ll bring an extra jacket.”
“Then it’ll mess up her costume,” he argued. He walked over to Mason and took his daughter from him. “Just hurry up and get ready so we can leave.” He turned around and left the nursery, bringing Harper with him.
Mason turned to me, eyebrows raised. “Yeah, he really is Prince Charming, isn’t he?”
“He’s not that bad, Mason.”
“He looked like he wanted to kill me for holding his daughter. I’m her uncle, for crying out loud.”
“That’s my fault,” I admitted. “I made a comment a while ago about Harper not knowing the difference between her father and her uncle and he took it personally.”
“He wouldn’t have if he didn’t think he had anything to be ashamed of.”
“Mason…”
“I know, I know. No more Adam-bashing. I’ll be good.” He grinned at me and left the room, probably in an attempt to smooth things over with Adam.
I went into our bedroom and changed into a long sleeved shirt and jeans, anything that wasn’t covered in whatever Harper felt like covering me in. I’d been trying to introduce her to baby cereal the past few weeks and it wasn’t going too well; she seemed completely appalled at the idea of eating anything that didn’t come from her bottle.
I ran a brush through my hair, amazed at how long it had gotten. I made a mental note to see if Hannah wanted to cut it for me sometime. Halloween had fallen on a Friday this year and she’d skipped school to head down to South Carolina the night before. She was originally going to wait until Thanksgiving, but David called a week earlier and asked if she considered Halloween enough of a holiday to visit and she agreed.
I had a sinking feeling that pretty soon Hannah was going to be receiving a one way ticket down there. I wanted so badly to be happy for her. She’d finally made a real connection with the one parent she always thought didn’t want her and it turns out not only does he want her as a part of his life, but he wants her to live with him, to continue raising her for the next two years. That was big and exciting. But all I could feel was dread over the thought of losing my best friend.
I sat at the edge of my bed, deciding to take a moment for myself. It was Halloween. Exactly one year to the date that I found out I was pregnant. It was amazing all that had changed in that year. I’d gone from hiding my positive pregnancy test in a tampon box and continuing the rest of the night like nothing was wrong to sitting in a bedroom I shared with my fiancé, getting ready to take our daughter out for a walk, pretending to trick or treat. A year ago, I never would have imagined it working out like this.
At that point, I hadn’t thought there would ever be a Harper. I assumed I’d either go through with an abortion or simply place her for adoption. Keeping her hadn’t seemed like an option at all. Now I couldn’t imagine how I could have done anything else. She was the biggest part of me; the best part. I loved her more than I could ever imagine loving another human being; so much so that I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to have any more kids. Harper felt like enough in a way no one or anything else ever had.
I took a deep breath and stood up knowing Adam would get either suspicious or annoyed if I took any longer getting dressed. In a way, maybe he was the one that had changed the most in the past year. I felt like I’d stayed mostly the same while he’d become so unpredictable, his old self shining through one moment and an unhappy, annoyed version showing through the next.
I told myself it was his adjustment period. I’d already gone through mine and it ended pretty quickly, but I’d had no other choice. Harper was here and I’d had nine months to prepare for it. Nine months in which my changing body served as a constant reminder that she was on her way. To Adam, it seemed that one day she just appeared and she was far needier than he must have ever imagined. He’d stood by my side my entire pregnancy, choosing me over spending time with friends, enjoying any of the benefits he might have had as a normal senior in high school.
While everyone from his class enjoyed senior week he worked almost nine hours a day and came home to a fiancé and a baby. While just about everyone from his class prepared to leave for college in August he stayed home, watching them all go from a distance, knowing he was already well within his own future. His immediate future held work, wedding bells, and raising our daughter. That felt like enough to me, but it didn’t seem to captivate Adam the way it did before. It went from being a plan to a reality and I wasn’t sure he was able to handle that as well as he’d thought.
That was why it made it impossible for me to be angry with him for the way he’d been acting. I understood it all too well. He’d handled my pregnancy so much better than I had. He’d been able to see the positives and helped guide me to them. He’d been patient and loving the entire way, even when I wasn’t. Now it was my turn to be that for him. It was my turn to handle the situation better than he could.
I finally stood up and left the bedroom, heading to the living room to tell Adam I was ready to leave. Mason was still here, sitting on the living room couch and watching as Adam walked around, bouncing Harper and making her giggle. The vision warmed my heart.
“I’m ready,” I announced. “Mason, do you want to come with us?” I asked.
“No,” Adam said, before Mason could even open his mouth to reply. “This is supposed to be just us as a family.”
“Mason is family,” I said.
“He’s your brother, not a part of our immediate family,” Adam argued.
“Adam –”
“It’s okay,” Mason cut in. “I’ll just head home and I’ll see you sometime tomorrow, okay?” He walked over to Harper and smoothed her dark hair over before kissing her quickly on the forehead. “Be good, little teddy bear.”
“Mason, you don’t have to go,” I insisted. “You can come with us if you want to. Harper would love it.”
“No,” Adam said again, his jaw clenched. “I said no, Lainey.”
“And I said yes,” I responded, glaring at him. All the compassion I’d felt seconds before was quickly deteriorating. Tension filled the room and Harper began to cry.
Mason took her from Adam and surprisingly enough, he let him. “You two need to knock it off,” he scolded us. “You’re upsetting the baby.”
“The baby you seem to think is yours,” Adam snapped, breaking off our glare.
“That’s ridiculous. I’m trying to be a good uncle.”
“Yeah, I bet. If you want a baby so bad, why don’t you go back to Delaware where you
wife
lives and have one with her?”
“I never said anything about wanting a baby,” Mason said calmly. “Chill out, Adam.”
“No, I won’t chill out. You’re over here constantly, taking care of my kid like she’s yours. Telling Lainey that I’m not doing all I can to be a good father and husband. I don’t know what your deal is, but I’m sick of standing by and letting you say and do whatever you want.”
“Maybe you wouldn’t have to stand by and listen to it if you did anything to make it untrue,” Mason reasoned. He handed Harper to me and I started to head back to the nursery, away from them. But the next words spoken stopped me in my tracks.
“Go back to Delaware, Mason. You’re not needed here,” Adam said, his voice full of bitterness.
“I’ll go back to Delaware when you prove to me that you can take care of my sister and niece the way they deserve to be taken care of.”
“I’d be able to prove it if you’d leave us alone for five minutes at a time.”
“I’ve been here for almost five months and you haven’t proven a single thing, other than the fact that you obviously can’t handle your responsibilities and you’d rather be out doing God knows what than here, spending time with the girl you claim you want to marry and the daughter you created with her.”
“Then leave and maybe I will!” Adam was starting to shout now and I instinctively placed my hand over Harper’s ear, pressing the other against my chest in hopes she wouldn’t hear him or understand that he was angry.