The Heart Series: Complete Boxed Set (68 page)

"Please don't diss one of my favourite films," I fumed.

How dare he!

"I'm surprised Elijah isn’t around so you can both swoon over him together," he added sarcastically.

"He's at the boutique or he would have been. I daren’t tell him I’ve cracked open the Ben & Jerry’s he would go mad. We're supposed to be eating healthy, we made a pact, one which I’ve already broken but he doesn't need to know that."

I would easily hide that from him, ignorance is bliss and all.

"So what's it worth keeping this little secret of yours," Joel asked, his eyes searching mine.

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh no? How about you switch this off and let me watch the football and your little dirty secret stays between me and you.” He smirked.

"Wow, what a low blow, but we're not watching football." I snorted.

"Oh come on, Iz, purlease, it's a huge match."

"Every one of your matches are huge and half the time it's a bloody third league game." I had fallen for that line too many times.

"How do you know that?"

"I’ve looked it up on my phone. I'm sick of football, go upstairs and watch it."

"But I want to watch it on the big television.” He scowled.

"Ughhh men, I'm off to have a bath and you're not invited," I fumed. There was only room for one.

He snorted at my lack of invitation. "Fine, I'm busy watching the match anyway."

"Oh and I think I might reread Kellan again, at least he doesn't let me down," I yelled, stomping out of the room.

“That's because he's fictional," he shouted after me.

I rushed back in. "Yep and perfect," I added with a smile

"Whatever, he's not real." He rolled his eyes, flicking over the station.

"Well, I think I know that. Why do you think I love him so much? He doesn't come in and interrupt my ice cream session with Patrick to watch some shitty football match."

"Iz, I’ve been working all day I do deserve some kind of treat you know," he explained, giving me a look of annoyance.

"Oh whatever, I’m taking a long bath and you are not invited," I taunted.

"We'll see about that."

"Good luck, buster."

I stomped upstairs, annoyed I'd missed out on my film night because of a third league football match Joel just had to watch. The bathroom soon filled up with steam as the scalding water flowed from the taps. I would have my own relaxing time in here. I spilled half the contents of the bubble bath into the water and sighed, breathing in the intoxicating air. I smiled as I turned the lock. There was no way Joel was wrangling his way in here after disturbing my girls’ night with Ruby, that was for sure.

I slipped under the water and sighed. The candles gave off a sweet scent as I tucked eagerly into the rest of my tub. It was heaven after the strenuous day I’d had working out. I was pretty sure Joel thought I’d vegged on the sofa all day. It saddened me to think sometimes he really didn’t get me. Thirty minutes later, I topped up the water, still not ready to remove myself from the tub when the handle dropped down. I smiled at the fact he was even trying it. Didn’t he understand no meant no?

“Iz, have you locked the door?”

“Yep, come back and pee another time.” I was not moving an inch.

“I don’t need to pee, I want in the bath with you.”

I snorted at his audacity. “I think not, enjoy the rest of your match.”

“But it was over in the first thirty minutes. They’re not going to come back from that. Please let me in, I could scrub your back,” he pleaded.

“Yeah, not likely, bye, Joel.”

“Izzy, please, you know I love our bath times.”

“This time there’s only room for one, sorry.” I nestled down and closed my eyes, ready to relax and enjoy the peace and quiet when I heard the faintest sound. I popped open an eye to see the lock turn and Joel stroll in, in all his naked glory.

“Err, what do you think you’re doing?” I shrieked.

“What does it look like?” He hooked one leg over and then the other as my eyes widened at his rude arrival when there was clearly no invite.

“Joel, seriously.”

What a cheek!

“I told you, baby, I love our baths together, no lock is going to stop me.”

I scowled at his words. “Where did you learn to do that?”

“Well, growing up I regularly got locked out on purpose with my dad so I learned to do it, or else I would have chilled my balls off outside.”

I frowned at his honesty. Talking about the past always made me sad. “Did he do that a lot?”

His eyes flicked up and met mine. “Yep, most of the time he was too drunk to realise what he was doing, but there were times he would do it on purpose.” He shrugged like it was just the norm. I hated his dad for his cruel ways.

“Come here.” I opened my arms to him and he frowned.

“I didn’t tell you that for you to feel sorry for me. That’s all in the past now, I have a much better life now here with you.”

“I know but it still astounds me how anyone could be that cruel.” Just when I thought he couldn’t get any worse, he reached a whole other level.

“Oh trust me that was the tip of the iceberg. I don’t think you’ll ever understand just how much your family saved me in more ways than one.”

“Well, I’m glad we were there for you, well maybe not when I think back to all those times you teased and taunted me and made me want to rip my own hair out in sheer anger.” Those were the not so good times. I wasn’t so happy to remember.

He smirked. “Yeah, there might have been times where I maybe pushed it a little too far.”

“You think?” I asked annoyed.

He shuffled forward. “But you do forgive me though, don’t you, as most of those times it was just me showing you in my own unique way that I was attracted to you.”

“I’d never have guessed that, I just thought you were being a typical boy being cruel.” Boys always liked to make girls cry. I never thought there was an exception.

“There was that as well, Iz, guys have a different way of expressing themselves. Trust me when I say we don’t always get it right, sometimes the thing we envision in our head doesn’t actually match the outcome.”

I snorted. “You got that right. But in my head I never thought you would even look at me that way, you had the choice of whoever you wanted at school and boy did you use that to your advantage.” That was an understatement.

“I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t enjoy parts of that, sure it was a boost to the ego—all the admiration and attention and all the guys looking at you like you’re some kind of legend, but it soon got old. When a girl just wants to be with you so she can crow to her friends how she nailed you, it just becomes something that is so far from being amazing to something that’s pretty pathetic. Girls used me equally as much as I used them, but for me it was something else. It was like I tried to find a connection, hoping that someone would be the one that I would feel something for, so I didn’t have to face up to the reality that the one person I wanted I could never have. I never thought for one second you’d look my way, be interested. I just saw you as someone on a pedestal that was so far out of my league when it came to brains and beauty that I never stood a chance. I saw the looks of disgust you gave me on a regular basis like you couldn’t bear to be in the same room with me and that hurt. I know I’ve always led a lifestyle that wasn’t to be proud of, but I hoped that you would see more. That if you looked hard enough you would see past all the bravado and see the real me.”

“Joel, I’m not going to lie but living with two brothers who were fast becoming the shaggers of the year was hard, but there was a part of me that couldn’t stop loving you and I loathed myself for that. I wanted someone who was worthy and what I deserved, but it always came back to the same thing, wanting you. When your heart makes up its own mind you can’t fight against it, believe me I tried. But you’re all I’ve ever wanted. Yes, your past does sting sometimes, but I love you, Joel and with that, I have to accept every other part of you. It’s what makes you who you are.”

“Thank you.” He smiled shyly.

“For what?”

“For loving me, for seeing past all the bullshit and digging your heels in when I told you to walk away, for forgiving me for such terrible things. For always being there when sometimes I really didn’t deserve it. You have such a big heart, Iz, I’m so proud to call you my fiancée, and when the day finally comes, I’ll be even more proud to call you my wife.” The sincerity there shining in his eyes and his sweet words blew me away.

“Joel, there are no thank yous needed. You made it easy for me to love you, even when I tried my hardest not, you were there all the time in my head, in my heart. That’s the true testament when you know that person is the one when every waking moment is spent with that person on their mind. You bewitched me from day one, and I knew I never really stood a chance no matter how hard I fought against it.” I was always destined to be with him, my heart would never love another.

“I’m glad I wore you down and that you gave up because being without you is not even a possibility, it’s not something I can physically do. I need you like my next breath of air. You have weaved your way around my heart, and there is nothing I could do but to let you in. You showed me what its like to love to be loved, and I thank god for letting you walk into my life. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I’m grateful for every day we share together.” His eyes became all glassy and I knew he was becoming overwhelmed. He was learning to be more open about his feelings, and I welcomed every single thing he shared.

“I know, Joel, I feel the same way too. We’ve both come so far. Yes, we’ve had niggles and minor disagreements, but we’ve got past them.”

“Minor disagreements? I think you hating the holy grail of football isn’t minor, but I’ll let you off with it because you’re a girl,” he teased.

“It’s nothing whatsoever to do with being a girl. I just have no interest in watching twenty-two guys chase a ball around a stadium for ninety minutes. I’ve way better things to do with my time, thanks.”

“What like read a book?” he teased. He knew it was my obsession.

“Exactly.”

“You are such a book geek, I swear one of these days I’ll have to surgically remove your hand from that Kindle.”

He was clearly joking, but there were times that could actually be a possibility.

“So I have a reading obsession, you knew that already.” It wasn’t like I had lied about it. I was very open about being a book geek to the core.

“Yeah, but do other people act like you with these BBs. It’s a little worrying.” He pulled a face, holding back a smile but I was not amused.

“What, that they get lost in a book? That they connect with the characters to a point it almost seems real, that you wish it were real. If I told you how many men I’d been unfaithful to you in the book world, you’d be pissed.” He could put that in his pipe and smoke it.

“Well, now I have to know,” he asked looking intrigued.

“Please remember the amount of time we’ve been together and how often I read.”

“Which is every day,” he added.

“I would say around a thousand.” I bit my lip smiling.

Shit, that was a lot.

“What?”

“That’s just an estimate, but I have gone through a lot of men in my time.” I’d had more BBs than hot dinners.

“Well, that makes up for my past then.” He snorted.

What the hell?

“Joel, I haven’t physically been with them in that capacity.” He was having a laugh now even comparing it to that.

His eyes flashed up to meet mine. “Yeah, but yours are worse, you had feelings for these guys, you have had, what do you call it?”

“Book hangovers?”

“Yeah, book hangovers where you’ve mooched around all sad because you’ve came to the end of your series. I can always tell when you’re coming down from a book high, you have this sadness about you. I see it in your eyes.”

I smiled at the fact he would notice something like that. “That’s because it’s always sad to finish an amazing series. You connect so well with the characters they become part of you, so when you finish the last page and close the Kindle it’s like a final goodbye, and well it’s heartbreaking to let them go. You almost feel like you’re cheating on them when you open another book. I like to finish and then give myself the rest of the day to let it all play out in my head, to say good bye and then tomorrow is another book day, where I’ll hopefully fall in love with the next characters.”

He rolled his eyes in disbelief. “I don’t get it, they are fictional.”

“You know when you have an amazing player at Arsenal and then they up and leave to a better club.”

“Baby, I’m going to stop you right now and tell you that Arsenal is one of the biggest clubs, a player is blessed when they come to play at the mighty Emirates stadium.”

Oh jeez, I had quite clearly touched a nerve, judging by the scowl quickly covering his face.

“Err, have you won the Premiership in the last few seasons?” I mocked.

“No but—”

“Have you won the Champions league lately?” I was on a roll.

“No, but we have back—”

I held up my hands to cut him short. “Oh please, none of this back in the day,  it’s starting to get old when you have to hark back to the good old days when you did actually win something.”

He pouted and looked completely shocked. “Baby, I have never seen this mean side to you before. I don’t like it the way you’re brutalising everything I love about my team.”

“The original point I was making before you rudely interrupted me was that when a player you have watched season after season, that you have grown to love, that the club depends on, that you can’t imagine being without. Well, when he hands his transfer in to go to pastures new, tell me that doesn’t sting, that you don’t have that dejected sinking feeling that you’re never going to experience him and his football magic ever again. That all you have left are sweet memories that you can fondly look back on, but you grieve for those times again, to experience it all from the start, to witness that kind of magic on the pitch. Well, that’s how I feel about certain books I read, you never get to read a book the same, you’ll only experience that magic once. Of course you can reread and love it even more. But there’s something about meeting those characters for the first time, watching their story unfold and taking that first journey together that can’t be replayed. That’s why I’m sad when I finish a book, because I’m grieving for the characters I have to say goodbye to. Yes, I have a million more books to read and a million more experiences to go through, but I have a list of books that have blown me away, that have pulled me in so I lived every word on the page. Those are the books that you don’t forget, despite being a hundred books on, I’m still hungover for the truly beautiful ones I left behind.”

“So Kellan and Travis and the others are like the Championship final for me.”

“Exactly.” I nodded.

“I think I kind of get it now.”

“I’m glad, so now you won’t be quick to make fun of me in future.” He might sympathise rather than mock me about my obsession.

“Well, I can’t let it slide all the time, after all, they are fictional guys and I’m the real deal. I have to make sure I’m doing my job in showing you that magic does happen outside the pages of a book too.”

I smiled at his suggestion. “A girl does need reminding as she tends to forget what with all these amazing book boyfriends filling up her day, it can become a little distracting.”

His eyes heated at my words. “Oh I will remind you alright, but baby, first of all, I think I need to pay you back for your little cruel display earlier in dissing my team.”

Oh god, this was not good.