The Heart Series: Complete Boxed Set (72 page)

I frowned at his tone. “I’m not saying it isn’t, but I want—”

“More, yeah, I get it loud and clear.” He grabbed the bread and proceeded to ignore me.

“Joel.”

“It’s fine, Iz, let me make you that bacon sandwich before I return to my dull job.”

“Joel, please.” My heart sunk at the prospect that I’d really wounded him. I wasn’t saying that I was better than he was, but I needed more. This could not be my life, I had not busted my guts to work behind a bar, it had to be all for something else. It was one big cruel joke.

I walked over and wrapped my arms around his middle sighing into his back, he soon turned and pulled me in close.

“I’m sorry,” I murmured into his chest and he pulled me in tighter.

“It’s fine, Iz.”

“No, it’s not, I didn’t mean to ridicule your job. You do it well.”

“It doesn’t take that much to run a bar really, anyone with half a brain could do it.” He shrugged.

“Don’t put yourself down. The regulars come in to see you, for the banter. You know how to work a bar, you brighten it with your personality. Some people just don’t have the confidence but you have it all, especially the charm. You know how to put people at ease to make them smile, you are the perfect barman.”

Joel smiled at my words. “Thanks, I guess.”

“You know it’s true, you have everyone under your spell.”

“Does that include you?” he asked, looking amused.

I pulled him in closer. “Do you even need to ask?”

“Well, I always like to check, you know for reassurance, that I’m keeping my girl happy, wouldn’t want you looking elsewhere.”

“Like I could get better than you.”

“So am I prime rib?” he asked, winking.

I rolled my eyes. “Trust you to bring meat into it.”

“You know I do like a good steak.”

“You are more than I could ever wish for, sometimes I have to pinch myself to check that this is real.”

Joel grabbed me, pinching me hard as I squealed in pain.

“Ow that flipping hurt,” I huffed, slapping his chest.

“I’m still here, baby.” He grinned.

“I’m glad about that. Maybe you could serenade me later. Sing one of your songs dedicated to me, you know that might cheer me up,” I suggested, hoping he’d say yes.

“Anything to make you smile.”

“Have you got any more gigs lined up?” I asked, grabbing a mug as I clicked on the kettle to make us some coffee.

“Lee is ringing ’round lining some up. They are only small pubs but it’s a start, and he’s started to do all of our social media. He’s setting up Facebook and Twitter, so we could do with a hand just bringing in some numbers then hopefully as we go along the numbers will continue to increase.”

“I can get Elijah to do that, you saw what he did with the YouTube video. Have you got anyone to record and upload onto there? You never know, it could bring in more jobs.”

“I’m not ready for YouTube just yet, I’d be embarrassed to see myself on screen.” He blushed a little just at the thought of it.

“Err why? You’re smoking hot and talented.” I was pretty sure all eyes would be on him once the video was put online.

“You’re just biased that way,” he winked, turning over the bacon.

“Seriously, Joel, I’d never bullshit you. Sometimes I don’t think you see how much talent you really have. I’d like for this to become bigger, for you to have something more.” I wanted him to have an interest that he enjoyed and was good at.

“Than the job I’m in?”

“Joel.” He was taking my comments personal again. I just wanted him to be happy doing something he loved.

“It’s fine, Iz, maybe it might take off. I don’t know, but rock bands are ten a penny, everyone is out there trying to get noticed. I just like to do it for the enjoyment, I’m not looking for fame.”

“If this whole thing does take off you’d better not get all big headed and dump me for some bimbo with massive boobs.” I pouted, feeling annoyed at just the possibility.

“Hey, more than a handful is a waste.” He winked and I rolled my eyes.

“Just remember you’re mine.” I walked over and my arms encircled him from behind.

“Well I have the tattoo to prove it.” He turned to face me as I unbuttoned his shirt and placed a kiss on my name that was written in beautiful script along his heart, my most treasured possession.

“I love this tattoo. I still can’t believe you got it.” I never got tired of looking at such beauty.

“Well, I’m planning to be with you for the rest of my life so it seemed like a good plan, but if it all goes kaput, I can easily get it removed.”

I could hear the humour in his voice, but I wasn’t impressed even if it were a joke. “Joel,” I pouted, feeling wounded at the very idea he could erase me so easily.

“Stop taking me seriously, Iz. I’m joking, you, me forever, right?” He pulled me into him.

“I hope so,” I mumbled into his chest.

“I know so, but right now I need to get back to this bacon, so sit your pretty little bum down and let me feed you.”

“Yes sir, I like it when you get all masterful.”

He winked and proceeded to take out the bacon, quickly buttering the toast and making the coffee. For the next hour he would more than keep my mind off the situation before he returned back to work and my mind would wander to that dark place again.

* * *

“So how did it go?” Elijah asked, barely through the door.

“Oh seriously don’t ask.” I wasn’t in the mood to discuss it, but I was certain Elijah would not let me off so easily.

“That bad, huh?” He frowned taking off his jacket.

“Not really, in fact I probably danced the best I ever have.”

He looked at me confused. “Then why the long face?”

“Because when I finished they just stared at me with no indication of if they liked it, in fact the look on their faces told me they didn’t like it at all.”

“It’s their loss, they’d be lucky to have you.”

“I know but I wanted it so bad. I thought that maybe this was my moment, my time to shine. I’ve been so down lately, I needed this but I guess it’s like all of the rest of the auditions, I just wasn’t good enough.” I sighed. I had to face facts I was just not good enough.

“Oh come on, Iz, you know you are, but maybe they were looking for something different. We can scrutinize all day long, and we still won’t know why. You’ve just got to take it on the chin and move on, or else you’ll go crazy,” he replied, giving me a hug.

“I think I’m half way there now,” I mumbled into his chest.

“I don’t think so.” He kissed me hair before stepping back.

“I downed a three quarter tub of Ben & Jerry’s without barely drawing breath,” I admitted, feeling extremely guilty.

“Without me?” he whined.

“You were at work and I was freaking out, so I couldn’t wait.”

“Damn, you know I love hanging out with those guys.” He actually looked sad.

“And I watched The Notebook without you,” I whispered, scared of his reaction.

“I know you were in slight shock, Iz, but you know the rules, we share Ryan.” He narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

“I know, I know. If it’s any consolation, I wasn’t really watching it. I had a cry and then fell into an ice cream coma. The next thing I knew Joel was waking me up.”

He pulled a face looking deep in thought. “Well, what can we do to cheer you up?”

“Maltesers and hot guys are always a great place to start,” I suggested, winking.

“Lucky I packed those, go grab the pizza menu, we’re going all out. My girl needs cheering up, so if I have to eat carbs then so be it.” Yeah, like he was really going to force himself.

“You can watch me eat the pizza and then you’ll still be in a carbs free zone,” I suggested, knowing what the answer would be.

He pulled a face. “Screw that, I haven’t had pizza in six weeks, I deserve a meat feast after all this denial,” he protested, looking like he was ravenous.

“I want chicken and sweetcorn,” I mused. It was always my go to pizza.

“Are we going half and half?”

“You read my mind, I don’t want to overdose on carbs, got to leave room for the Maltesers too.” There was always room for chocolate.

“Now which DVD?”

“Crazy Stupid Love,” I suggested. I needed more Ryan in my life.

Elijah’s face immediately brightened. “Ahh, great choice.”

“I need Ryan to cheer me up. I think I need to overdose on him today.” It might just be the only thing to get me though this day.

“Well, if there’s anyone guaranteed to put a smile on your face, it’s him.”

“I know, please order the pizza and then we can get this cheer Izzy up underway,” I suggested handing him the phone.

“Coming up and I might see if Dan can deliver, you know just on an eye candy basis.” Elijah winked.

“Oh he is cute, Joel caught me looking and got real mad, but his punishment was something I’d do over and over.”

Yeah I maybe should have kept that part to myself.

“Oh me and Sam equally perv over Dan that way, I would love to eat pizza off that body.” He was practically salivating.

“He is a treat for the eyes and that body. He would make a killing as a topless pizza guy. I swear he gives Channing a run for his money.”

“He may be even better. When I get him up close and personal, it’s all I can do not to drool. Oh please let him be free.” He clicked on the phone quickly dialing the number. Answering, he asked the inevitable question and then his face dropped. I guess Dan was not part of the plan tonight then.

“No Dan?” I asked, when he got off the phone.

“No, he changed shifts.” The look on his face was priceless.

“How inconsiderate,” I muttered.

“I know, right?” he asked looking overly annoyed.

“I guess we’ll just have to make do with Ryan tonight.” I sighed.

“Well, that isn’t all bad. Pizza, Ryan and my bestie, that sounds about perfect.”

And I couldn’t have agreed more.

After our Ryan marathon, Elijah left just after eleven. He had done a great job of cheering me up, and of course, was around to flirt with Joel the moment he arrived home from work. Joel really didn’t appreciate his playful ways. The next day I was back at work, serving up pints when I stopped to go have my break. It was a sunny day so I left the confines of the pub to sit nursing a lemonade in the beer garden, taking advantage of my precious fifteen minutes. I clicked on my phone only to find a missed call from an unknown number. There was a voice mail. I patiently waited for it to connect. My eyes almost bulged out of their sockets when the familiar voice filled my ears.

“Hello Izzy, this is Lorna, we’ve spent a lot of time discussing all of the auditions, and I’m pleased to tell you that yours was an outstanding performance and we were all in agreement that you got it hands down. We have so much to discuss if you choose to sign up. I need to talk you through the schedule for practicing and then walking you through the tour. If you can give me a call back then we can finalise everything. I’m going to be in a meeting for the next two hours after that I will be contactable on this number. I look forward to hearing back from you.”

I clicked the end button in disbelief. Was I dreaming right now? I sat there in complete trance trying to just process the message I’d just heard. There were no words. I had gotten the job, I had freaking gotten the job. Everything I had worked towards had finally paid off.

Then I had a freak out. I would be on stage with hundreds of eyes on me, the thought alone made my stomach churn but just getting to perform for an audience was enough to send a wave of butterflies through me. This was it, the dream was happening and yet I was still stunned to even move. I knew I needed to tell Joel, my mother and Elijah, but I couldn’t move. It was all too overwhelming. Then a voice brought me out of my trance.

“Iz, break time’s over,” John said, smiling.

I quickly snapped out of my head and back into the present looking at my watch. Shit, I was ten minutes over. “Sorry John, just enjoying the sun, I lost track of time.”

He smiled pulling out his phone, automatically texting as I headed back inside. I didn’t know what I was going to say to Joel. Would I just blurt it out like ‘surprise, I got the job, in a month I’ll be touring and leaving you on your own?’ I knew he would he happy that I got it, but I couldn’t help but think that he was going to take it hard. His mind instantly went to that dark place when he felt like he was being left alone. It was something that scared me, but I hoped we’d come far enough for him to understand this was part of the job and even though I would be leaving for three months, we would still talk several times a day. I may not be physically there in person, but I’d still make sure that the distance between us was not one that was going to cause a rift between us.

“Hey, there you are,” Joel remarked, finishing off pulling a pint. The bar was starting to fill up now that we weren’t far from the lunch rush that was due shortly. This was when we needed all hands on deck. I quickly took the next order and set about filling the glasses and taking payment. Joel smiled in a grateful way, it was all heavy going around this time. As more people came walking through the door, John joined us, and we all managed to make the drinks and take food orders in a reasonable time.

When the lunchtime rush was finally over, I went into the kitchen to collect my order, a tuna baguette I was just about ready to devour. At least the rush had kept my mind off things. Joel was still serving so I decided to break the news to him tonight when we would finally have some peace and quiet. We needed to discuss it in length without people constantly interrupting, and there was a part of me that was wary of his reaction. I didn’t want him flipping out in front of the customers. So I decided to keep a lid on it till it was the appropriate time. This was going to be one long afternoon.

* * *

After work I made us a stir-fry, we were both bushed and just needed something quick and easy. Joel went and had a shower while I got dinner going. I didn’t have much of an appetite wondering what Joel’s mood would be like once I gave him the news. I just prayed he would take it as an amazing opportunity for me and not see it just as something that would keep us apart for the next three months.

It didn’t take him long to demolish the plate in front of him, and he even finished off the majority of mine. There was never any food waste in this house with Joel around. I quickly set about doing the dishes but was soon pulled back into his hard chest as his lips gently sucked on my neck.

“Iz, are you okay? You’ve been quiet all day, what’s wrong? I know you’re sad about the audition, but something good will come along soon, I’m certain,” he soothed.

Oh god, it was now or never.

I turned to face him. “I got the job. They called me earlier to tell me.”

“What? That’s amazing, why didn’t you tell me?” I could see a look of confusion cross his face.

I bit my lip biding for time. “Because I was nervous about how you were going to react.”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you weren’t ecstatic about the three month touring part. I wanted to get you on your own to tell you so that we had a proper chance to talk without people interrupting.”

“Well yeah, I can’t say I’m thrilled that you’re leaving me for three months, but this is what you’ve worked hard for I knew this when we got together. You have to take whatever opportunity that comes along. I want to see you happy, not worrying about me, I’ll be fine.” He pulled me into him as he hugged me hard.

“But will you—I don’t want you to think that I’m abandoning you,” I mumbled into his chest, feeling tears fill my eyes.

His body stiffened at my words. “Fuck, Iz, is this why you were hesitant to tell me, you thought I’d freak out? I thought we were in a better place that we wouldn’t let our demons dictate our happiness.”

“I know and I’m sorry, I just didn’t know,” I protested. I didn’t know which way he would react.

“So instead of it being a day of celebration, you’ve wandered around looking sad over me? I just feel awful that you’d even think I wouldn’t be happy for you.”

I stood back and cupped his face. “Joel, please, I just didn’t—”

He sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening. “No, it’s fine. Let’s start again.”

“What, a do over?” I asked.

“Yes.” He smiled.

“Can we do it tomorrow, I’m bushed and I really don’t have the energy to tell people, especially Elijah.” I needed to brace myself for that moment.

“Then leave it till tomorrow, let’s have an early night and celebrate in our own way.” His lips pulled up at the corners in delight.

“And what would that be?” Though I really didn’t need to ask.

“Let me show you.”

He didn’t need to ask me twice.

* * *

“Oh god, Joel-don’t stop, seriously don’t stop, I’m almost there,” I panted, clinging onto him for dear life.

“Fuck Iz,” he groaned, with a look of desperation, clinging on so that he could get me there.

“I’m almost there, don’t come yet. Oh god-oh god.” I screamed as the orgasm ripped through me. Joel soon followed seconds later with an instant look of relief.

“I don’t know if I can take the job if it means giving this up for three months, I’m going to explode with frustration. I’ve gotten used to these regular orgasms. This being apart is really going to suck that way,” I huffed.

“We can get ’round it with phone sex,” Joel suggested, quirking a brow.

“It’s not the same, I need you inside me. I’ll always crave you.” I sighed, snuggling deep into his chest. “Phone sex doesn’t include snuggles either. What am I going to do without you in my bed? I’ve grown so accustomed to having you beside me that I don’t think I’ll sleep without you,” I groaned.  I really was going to miss him so much.

“Hey, we’ll find a way. I can give you one of my T-shirts so you’ll have my scent to send you to sleep.” That thought alone almost sent me back to that dark place, when I spent over three months not knowing if Joel was even alive. That part of my life made me shudder. I hated even the slightest reminder. I purposely fought to push it to the back of my mind so I could keep my sanity.

“Joel, please—” I begged. I didn’t want him to say another word.

“Iz, what’s wrong?” He shuffled our bodies so we were now facing each other.

“Well, it just takes me back to that time that I don’t want to be reminded of,” I whispered. I hated even talking about it.

His fingers stroked my cheek. “Hey, this time it’s different, you are the one leaving me.”

“Yeah, but not willingly it’s my job, I have to go,” I stressed, I didn’t want to leave him for a moment.

“I know, that’s why this time it isn’t a bad thing there’s distance between us,” he explained, pressing his lips against my forehead.

“So you’re not going to miss me then?”

He sighed. “Of course I’ll miss you, but this time will be different. When you sleep with my shirt it’s only because you’re doing the job you love and if that takes you away from for a while, then I can deal with that.”

“So do you want one of my shirts?” I asked.

“I don’t need one. I smell your vanilla scent everywhere I go.” His sweet words made me smile.

“So we’ll speak every day?”

“Of course and FaceTime, cause I need to see this face.” His fingers lifted my chin so I was staring right into his eyes.

“And we’ll have phone sex.” I blushed slightly just at the thought.

“Yep, looking forward to that part.”

“Have you ever had phone sex with anyone?” Oh god, why did I have to ask? I really didn’t want to know.

“No, you’re my first.” He grinned and I knew he was enjoying this part way too much.

“I don’t know what my schedule is going to be like, but hopefully we can see each other somewhere in between, even if it’s just for a day. I can only handle being away from you for so long, a girl has needs that can’t be fulfilled over the phone and I need to be this close to you, to feel you up close and personal.” Every part of me burned for him, it always would. I constantly craved his touch.

“We need to more than make up for it before you leave,” he suggested, smiling.

“I have a month while the tour is on a break, so you’ll have enough time to more than make me happy.”

“Yeah, that might be long enough, I guess. I can work with that.”

“Well, you know I am a greedy girl and I will always want more,” I breathed, brushing my lips against his.

“You have no complaints from me, I love how I brought out this side out of you.” He slowly kissed his way down my neck.

“You brought out a lot of things, trust me,” I moaned. His lips were slowly undoing me in the best way possible.

“I just helped you to unleash what you were always holding back.”

A smile tugged on my lips. “I never knew I had it in me till we—”

He flicked his eyes up to meet mine. “I love the way you still blush when you try to talk about it.” He chuckled.

“I think I always will.” I would forever be tomato red whenever the subject was brought up.

“Good, I love your sexy blush, I find it sweet.”

“Well, I don’t, I hate that I always react the same way, you would think I’d be conditioned to it now.” I hated the way my face always gave me away. Traitor.

“Hey, don’t ever change a thing, Iz, I love every part of you.” He lips kissed along my cheek to returning to my lips.

“Even the bad parts?” I mumbled between kisses.

He pulled away in confusion. “What bad parts?”

“Oh you know the jealousy, the moody me. I don’t think you love them,” I snorted. I hated those traits about myself, but it was something I just couldn’t control.

“Wrong, I love every part of you. I like that you get jealous, that you are staking your claim. But I’ll always tell you the same thing over and over you are the only one I want,” he stressed, urging me with his eyes to believe him.

I frowned. “I know, I feel the same. I think I finally get it.”

“Good, because I need you to know that I am yours and you are mine, nothing or no one will break us. We’re going to live long happy lives together.”

“But what about the wedding?” It was already a touchy subject, the thought of asking him to delay it even more scared me. Would he take it to heart?

He sighed. “The wedding will just have to be pushed back, I can handle that. I’d rather see you happy doing the job you love than stuck behind the bar with me.”

“It does have its perks though when the boss is so hot.” I rolled on top of him so our faces were barely inches apart.

“Wow, that’s not very professional of you, taking advantage of your boss, perving over him when you think he’s not watching.” He grinned.

Oh he loved every minute of it.

“That is the highlight of my day.”

“Scandalous, maybe I need to give you a warning.”