“You were in London for two days before you came home, Julian. Where were you?”
“
Bloody hell
, tis no’ what it looks like, Patience.” He shoved both hands through his hair. His head was starting to hurt as if he’d just awoken from a night of drinking.
“What
is
it supposed to look like Julian?” she glared at him with a cold disdain that ignited an angry frustration inside him. Julian intended to wring Una’s neck for upsetting Patience and making his wife doubt his love for her.
“You don’t deny you were with her,” she sneered. “So, I’ll ask you again. Is she your mistress?”
“
Damn it
, Una is no’ my lover,” he bit out. It was as if he were a large fish caught in a fisherman’s net and the more he tried to escape the tighter the net encircled him.
“The woman knew about your birthmark, Julian,” she said quietly. There was a note of deep pain in her voice that belied the contempt on her face. “How could Miss Bensmore know about the mark unless you’ve shared her bed?”
Stunned, Julian stared at her as if he were dull-witted while his brain whirred with a dozen questions all at the same time. He fought through them to the one that seemed the most important. How had Una known about his birthmark when he’d never slept with her? Patience was right. The only way someone could know about his mark was if they saw him naked, and he knew he’d never been naked in Una’s presence. Worse, if he couldn’t make Patience listen to reason—believe him—he was damned for certain. Julian shook his head.
“Patience, I do no’ have an explanation for how Una knows about my birthmark, but I have
never
been with the woman.”
“I don’t believe you,” she spat out with a quiet, cold fury. “The only explanation is that you were in her bed last night, and God knows how many other nights. You were at Crianlarich for two months. Perhaps the dinner parties your father likes to throw for his
close
friends, the Bensmores, encouraged you to take advantage of my absence.”
“Bloody hell, do you no’ know me at all. Are you willing to let the words of a spiteful witch come between us?”
“A woman who says the two of you are lovers.”
“
She is no’ my lover.
” His words thundered in the salon so loudly he thought the walls would shake. “How many times do I have to tell you that?”
“Then explain where you were last night if you weren’t with her. Explain what you were doing so late that you couldn’t come home to me? Tell me why you lied about Lord Mayberry. Tell me why you came back to London, but didn’t come home to me.” The soft plea snagged at his heart as a tear slid down her pale cheek, and the pain in her gaze sliced through his chest.
“I can no’ explain,
mo ghràdh
,” he said with a shake of his head. “Tis no’ my secret to tell.”
“Do you have any idea how that sounds, Julian?” She closed her eyes for a moment, and he saw her throat flex as if she were trying not to cry. Patience looked at him again. “How can you expect me to believe you weren’t with her when I know you’ve lied to me once already? What am I supposed to think?”
“I expect you to have a little faith in me—to believe I would no’ lie to you,” he ground out fiercely as he took a step toward her. Patience raised her hand to stop him.
“Don’t come near me. I don’t want you to touch me.”
The words knotted his muscles tight with something he’d not experienced since he was a child—fear. Julian swallowed the anger rising in his throat. He turned away from Patience and walked to the window to stare out at the street. Hands clasped behind his back, his brain churned madly as he blindly grasped for an explanation that would ease Patience’s fears and honor Caitriona’s request.
The burden of Caitriona’s secret on his shoulders was causing a deep chasm between him and the woman he loved more than life itself. The most crippling thought was that he didn’t know what he could say to close the growing gap between them. Bloody hell, why hadn’t he simply written to her that an old friend from Crianlarich was desperately in need of his help?
Patience was the most compassionate soul he knew. She would have understood. Instead, he’d lied to her, and agreeing to Caitriona’s final request had only made things that much more difficult for him when it came to making Patience believe he was innocent of any betrayal. Slowly, he turned to face her.
“Things are no’ what they seem,
mo ghràdh
. I should have come home last week, but I had to conduct my business in the more sordid parts of town.” Julian met her gaze steadily as he pleaded his case. “I did no’ wish to worry you when I came home late with no explanation why. My father asked me to help Una in a matter that is of a personal nature. It is the only reason I was with her yesterday.”
Disbelief and confusion swept across Patience’s face as she pressed her hand to her throat. He stretched out his hand to her.
“Trust me,
mo leannan
,” he said fervently, praying she would see he was speaking from the heart. “I swore an oath to an old friend no’ to reveal what I know. Do no’ believe Una’s lies.”
“You’re asking a great deal of me, Julian.”
“Aye,” he jerked his head sharply. “I am.”
“You’re asking me to forget everything. You lied to me, Julian, and now you want me to believe you, simply because your answer is that you were helping—”
“
Bloody hell, Patience
. I can no’ tell a secret that is no’ mine to tell,” he roared as he smashed his fist on the table next to the window. He saw her jump with fear and immediately regretted his fierce reaction.
“What would you believe if you were in my shoes, Julian? What if I’d lied and I were the one saying I was protecting someone’s secret?” she whispered as if in great pain. “I doubt you would be so willing to believe me any more than I am to believe you.”
She was right. He would find it almost impossible to believe her if the same type of evidence was presented to him where she was concerned. Angry with himself for his lies and stupidity in agreeing to Caitriona’s request, he shook his head.
“I know the evidence makes me look guilty, Patience, but I am no’,” he rasped. “But I must honor my oath.”
“Please stop,” Patience said in a strained whisper. “I can’t think straight, Julian.”
One hand pressed against her temple, Patience closed her eyes and shook her head. A second tear slid down her cheek. Unable to help himself, he quickly closed the distance between them. This time she didn’t retreat, but he could see the raw pain in her eyes. With a gentle touch, he wiped the tear off her cheek. If someone had beaten him until he lay dying in a ditch it would have hurt less than to see the anguish in her gaze. He caught her hand in his and carried it to his lips.
“I love you, Patience. I made a mistake. If I’d come straight home last week, I would no’ have had a reason to lie about Mayberry. I was wrong,
mo ghràdh
. Do no’ let Una’s lies come between us.”
“I need time to think,” she whispered. “I’m going to Louisa’s for the next few days. I can’t stay here right now.”
The lifeless look in her brown eyes tightened the vise wrapped around his chest until it was painful to breathe. He wanted to plead with her to stay, but Patience, like the rest of the Rockwood clan, could be stubborn. As much as Julian didn’t want to let her go, he knew it would only make matters worse if he insisted she stay. With a sharp nod, he released her hand, and stepped back from her.
“If that’s what you wish. But know this, Patience, you’re my wife. I’ll go to hell and back to keep you. I love you. Nothing will change that. Nothing.” Something flashed in her eyes, and it gave him hope he would be able to win her trust again.
“I’ll leave in the morning for Westbrook Farms.” A pained look crossed her face. “Please sleep in the spare bedroom tonight. I do not want you near me.”
Her words made his head snap backward as if she’d hit him. What had he expected? Patience walked past him and headed toward the door. He turned to watch her, hoping against hope she’d look back at him. If she did, he would know he had a chance to win her back. Just as she walked through the door, she glanced over her shoulder. Hope flared in him. She did love him. He was certain of it. There was no doubt he would have a fight on his hands regaining her trust, but that one brief look meant he stood a chance.
P
atience took a sip of the Madeira Louisa’s husband, Devin, had poured for her and sat opposite her sister in the drawing room of Westbrook Farms. Dinner had been a festive affair. Yet despite the jovial manner of the family gathering, all Patience could do was think about Julian. She missed him terribly, and the more she thought about him, the worse her heart ached.
“Really, Patience. It’s been two days now. If you continue to look so down in the mouth the rest of the family will start meddling in your affairs. Particularly Constance who is grateful for your interference in her and Lucien’s happiness, and would gladly like to repay the favor.” Louisa nodded toward their sister and her future husband who were watching Sebastian and Devin’s intense chess game. The youngest of the Rockwood clan’s astute observation made her flinch.
“I thought I was acting quite cheerful at the dinner table,” she said quietly.
“At a dinner party anywhere else, I’d say you would have easily fooled all the guests. But you forget your family has far too many special talents for your unhappiness to go unnoticed,” Louisa said with a sympathetic look. “Even Sebastian, who doesn’t have the sight, noticed you’re despondent, and he asked where Julian was.”
“Julian had business to attend to,” she lied. Louisa’s penetrating gaze made Patience feel as though she’d been placed under a microscope.
“You know there isn’t a single member of the family who believes that ridiculous story in the paper, dearest,” Louisa said quietly as Patience drew in a swift breath of horror. Her family had said nothing about the article since she’d arrived at Westbrook Farms, which made her believe no one had read the article or made the connection. Now, as she met Louise’s gaze, a wave of humiliation swept over her.
“No one said…”
“Of course we wouldn’t, darling,” her sister scolded gently. “At least not until now when you look so miserable. It’s obvious you’re taking this gossip to heart, and you shouldn’t. If there’s one thing we all believe, it’s that Julian loves you. He would never betray you. There has to be a logical explanation for it. You just need to ask him.”
“I did ask him.” Patience closed her eyes for a brief moment at the memory of their argument and his deception.
“I see,” Louisa said in a cautious tone of voice. “I take it this whole matter has to do with a red-haired woman I keep seeing?”
The remark made Patience flinch. With as much nonchalance as she could, she leaned forward and set her wine glass on the round coffee table in front of the settee.
“I don’t have to ask how you came by that knowledge,” she murmured with resignation. Her sister offered her a small, knowing smile.
“When it comes to those we love, the Rockwood gift is something to be cherished.”
“As someone who has a wee bit of the
an dara sealladh
, I must agree with Louisa. It is troubling tae see ye so verra unhappy, dearest.”
The soft lilting sound of Aunt Matilda’s brogue floated over Patience’s head as her maternal aunt circled the settee to sit next to her. The Scotswoman patted Patience’s knee. With a wince she glanced at first her aunt and then her sister.
“Who else—or would it be better to ask who
hasn’t
seen something?”
“Other than me and Aunt Matilda, no one else has mentioned anything. At least for the moment, they haven’t,” Louisa said with added emphasis on the last part of her statement.
Patience groaned softly at the idea of her heartbreak becoming a family matter. If left unchecked, it would quickly get out of hand, and everyone would be offering advice as to how to fix her marriage. It was the last thing she wanted. Determined to stop her aunt and sister in midstride, Patience turned her head toward Caleb, who seemed attached to the liquor cart.
He’d drank heavily at dinner, and had imbibed at least two full snifters of cognac since the family had retired to the salon. Her brother’s unrelenting sorrow had been evident to her all evening. She shook her head with concern.
“I think the one we should all worry about is Caleb. It’s been a year since Georgina’s death. Every time I see him, he’s drinking.” The most handsome of her brothers, Caleb’s excessive drinking was beginning to take its toll on his health and appearance.
“We’ve tried to convince him to stop, but it only enrages him when we mention it,” Louisa said with an unhappy frown. “And he wants nothing to do with the children.
“Aye, the poor bairns did no’ lose just a mother, they lost their father too.” Aunt Matilda’s expression was one of sorrow as she shook her head in dismay.
“Does he even visit the nursery?” Patience asked as her gaze shifted to Caleb who was pouring himself another drink. The youngest of her three brothers had been devastated by the loss of his wife in childbirth, and she hated to know that his children were suffering for it.
“Seldom,” Louisa said. “I know they miss him terribly. Although I’m not Caleb, I make sure to give Alma and Braxton as much attention as I do Charlie and William. Greer is too young to understand, but it is Caleb who is missing out. They’re all growing so fast.”
“Well, perhaps I can at least coax him away from the liquor cart for the rest of the evening,” Patience said as she rose to her feet.
“Tread lightly, Patience,” her aunt warned as she touched Patience’s arm. “Ye brother is no’ always pleasant when he’s been in the drink.”
“I’ll avoid any mention of our concern for him.” With a squeeze of her aunt’s hand, Patience crossed the room to her brother’s side.
“Would you indulge me in a game of cards, Caleb?” she asked. With as cheerful a smile as possible, she tucked her arm in his. “You used to trounce me easily, but I think my skill has greatly increased since we were children.”