“Two weeks, me darlin’ girl. Doctor Branson thought it best that we keep ye sedated for a while.”
As if from across the moors of Callendar, she heard her aunt’s voice. Her gaze shifted toward the sound, and the soft rustle of silk filled the air as Aunt Matilda bent over her. A smile curved the Scotswoman’s lips, but she could see the concern in her aunt’s gaze.
“We thought we ha’ lost ye, Patience,” her aunt said as she gently squeezed her shoulder.
“You’re healing nicely, Lady Patience,” the young doctor said in a quiet voice as he continued to dress her burns. “But you still have a long road to recovery. We’ll need to begin stretching exercises as soon as you are more fully awake. It will be painful, but it’s necessary to avoid contraction of the limbs.”
Patience eyelids brushed her cheeks as she realized the bandage the doctor had applied must have contained something to ease her pain as her arm no longer felt as if it were consumed in flames. It simply throbbed in a way that made her stomach roil. Images of the blaze at Westbrook Farms filled her head, and she drew in a sharp breath of fear. The air made her chest hurt until she coughed violently as she remembered watching Caleb and Devin plunging to their fiery deaths. Patience released a sob.
“Vision… didn’t…understand.”
“
Christ Jesus
, Patience.” Julian’s voice was thick with an emotion she couldn’t decipher. “Tis no’ your fault,
mo leannan
.”
“You can no’ blame yourself, dearie.” Aunt Matilda’s fingers stroked her unmarred cheek. “The
an dara sealladh
, is no’ always clear. There was nothing ye could have done.”
“Caleb,” she breathed her brother’s name. “Devin.”
“They are in a better place now, my darlin’ lass.” Her aunt’s mouth brushed across her brow.
Patience’s eyes fluttered shut. Her visions hadn’t been able to help her save Caleb or Devin, but the scars she’d seen were a reality. She would never be the person she’d once been. Her scars would be her penitence. They would make her a monster to the children.
Worst of all, she’d be pitied. It was no less than she deserved. She’d survive and two fathers had not. She had no children to leave without a parent to love them. Nausea rolled over her. How could she expect Julian or her family to look at her again without flinching? God how she wished they’d left her to die in the fire.
“Do no’
ever
let me hear you say something like that again,” Julian growled fiercely.
Her eyes opened at his low rumble of anger, and she realized she’d spoken out loud. Patience met Julian’s gaze, which was dark with emotion. Pity? The thought was unbearable. She tried to pull her hand free of his, but he held fast to her fingers. The strength of his grasp made her heart ache while giving her the courage to do what was necessary.
“Leave,” she whispered hoarsely. “I don’t want you here.”
“I’m no’ going anywhere, Patience,” he said as he tightened his grip on her hand. “Everything will be all right.”
“Liar.”
The word was a soft condemnation, and Julian paled beneath her gaze. He was wrong. Nothing would ever be the same for her—or for him. Not only was she barren, she was now an object to be pitied. He was better off without her. Patience tugged at her hand, but Julian refused to let it go as a stubborn expression crossed his face. Angry that he refused to listen, she came up off her pillow to tugged viciously against his grip.
“I
don’t
want you here,” she cried out. The movement of her mouth tugged at the burns on her cheek, and a scream of pain escaped her.
Tears blurred her vision as the room erupted in a rush of sound. Her heart shattered as Julian did as she’d ordered and released her hand. Exhausted, Patience closed her eyes, barely hearing Julian’s harsh whisper as he argued with her aunt and Doctor Branson. Another voice joined the others, and she recognized Sebastian’s calm presence. Her brother would take care of everything. Sebastian always brought order to chaos. He would convince Julian to leave. The thought made Patience’s heart constrict painfully in her chest. She wanted to take back her words, but knew she couldn’t. It was the last thing she remembered as she slipped back into the depths from which she’d come.
“S
he’s my wife
. She belongs with me,” Julian exclaimed out with angry frustration.
“And she’s
my sister
,” Sebastian said with an implacable coldness and stubbornness reminiscent of Patience’s temperament. “I’m abiding by her wishes. Patience has made it clear she wants to remain here at Melton House.”
“For how long? It's been six months since the fire. She’s refused to see me since the day she—since the day she first woke up.”
“I’m sorry, Julian,” Sebastian said with a disgusted shake of his head. “Our coaxing her to change her mind only seems to make her all the more adamant in her refusal to see reason.”
“Aye, tis no’ a surprise,” he bit out. “She’s always been stubborn, but no more than I. If I thought it would help matters, I’d simply drag her out of the house and take her to Crianlarich.”
“I am glad to hear ye have no’ intention of doing something as foolish as that.”
Matilda Stewart eyed him with disapproval from her seat on the couch. Julian met the Scotswoman’s gaze and grimaced as her condemnation dissolved into sympathy. He didn’t want anyone’s commiseration. He wanted Patience to come home.
“Staying locked up in her room isn’t healthy,” Julian ground out.
“Don’t you think we know that?” His brother-in-law eyed him with irritation. “Aunt Matilda is the only one allowed in her room on a regular basis. She’s convinced herself she’s a monster people will run from.”
“Bloody hell,” Julian muttered with frustration. “I had no doubt her burns would leave her scarred, but no’ so bad as to have her believe that others will think her a monstrosity.”
“Her burns
are
disfiguring, but no’ to the extent she believes. Give the lass time, Julian. She’s been through far more than any of us could imagine. She still blames herself for Caleb and Devin’s deaths.” Matilda Stewart met his gaze with an expression of sympathy. He shook his head.
“She cannot continue to hide from the world
or me
. I don’t care what she looks like. I love her. I simply want her to come home so I can take care of her.” Julian heard the same amount of stubbornness in his voice that matched Patience’s, and Sebastian uttered a sound of frustration and sympathy.
“Your feelings for my sister are without question, but I have reason to believe Patience’s refusal to see you isn’t simply about her scars.” His brother-in-law pinched his nose and closed his eyes for a brief moment before meeting Julian’s gaze. “I don’t know—nor do I wish to know—what happened between the two of you before the fire, but she’s asked me to begin proceedings for a divorce.”
“I won’t give her up.” Julian’s hard-edged response made his brother-in-law nod in understanding.
“I didn’t think you would, which is why I’ve not done anything about it,” Sebastian said with a wry twist of his lips. Before he could say another word, the salon doors opened, and Percy strode into the room, his expression dour.
“Helen and I have managed to convince Patience to come out of her room.”
“Thank God,” Aunt Matilda said with a relieved sigh, while Sebastian and Julian stared at Patience’s brother in amazement.
“How the devil did you and my wife manage that miracle?” Sebastian asked with an open display of heartfelt relief. Julian didn’t bother to look at the patriarch of the Rockwood family as he studied Percy’s troubled expression.
“How did you convince her? Is she coming down now?” Julian asked as an overwhelming relief swept through him followed by an uneasy sensation.
He didn’t expect Patience to speak to him, but just seeing her again would be enough for the time being. Impatiently, he waited for his brother-in-law’s answer. The other man avoided looking at him, and Julian’s gut twisted with dread. One hand rubbing the back of his neck, Percy finally raised his head to look at Julian with a wary expression.
“She has a condition.” At Percy’s words an uncomfortable silence filled the room.
“She’ll come out provided I’m not here.” Julian clamped down on his teeth until his jaw felt as though it would crack under the pressure. Percy grimaced as his gaze met Julian’s.
“Actually, she said you’re never to come here again.”
“
Saints preserve us
,” Patience’s aunt exclaimed in horror.
“Bloody hell,” Sebastian muttered as he looked in Julian’s direction.
The moment his brother-in-law shared Patience’s stipulation, Julian went rigid. Despite Patience’s rejection of him shortly after the fire, hope had kept him going over the last several months. But the condition she’d just tied to her agreement to leave her room had pulled the rug right out from beneath him.
“I’m sorry, Julian,” Percy said with obvious frustration. “We’ve been arguing with her for more than a week now. But God help me, she’s as obstinate as a mule.”
“I see you’ve told them,” the Countess of Melton said as she entered the salon. She looked directly at Julian with compassion and shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Julian. I know we’ve been saying this for months, but I really do believe she simply needs time. The doctor says her reaction is not unusual, we simply need to be patient.”
Julian’s gaze flitted from one Rockwood to the next, before he stalked across the salon to one of the windows overlooking the street. Outside the avenue was busy with the day’s traffic, but all he could see were images of that terrible night. The images still had the power to make his muscles tighten and grow hard as a tree trunk.
The memory of the anguish and fear on Patience’s face as they’d all watched Devin and Caleb plummet to their deaths. Then her screams of grief and fear afterwards. The sound of her cries still echoed in his head whenever he thought about that night.
What had been all the more gut-wrenching had been the expression of surrender he’d seen on her face only seconds after her brother fell to his death. She’d been terrified, but resigned to dying like her brother. The memory of it made him fold his arms across his chest and dig his fingers into his biceps.
It had been his bullying that made her jump through the flames, but he wasn’t sure she’d forgive that or anything else he was guilty of. The thought filled him with a despair he’d not felt since the day his mother had died. If he lost Patience, life would hold little meaning for him. He turned to face the people he’d come to cherish as a part of his own family.
“If it means Patience will come out of her seclusion then I’ll abide by her wishes,” he said through clenched teeth.
“It will pass, Julian,” Aunt Matilda said quietly. “Patience is a strong woman, she will come around, and all will be well.”
“No,” he said with a vicious shake of his head. “Percy said it well, she is as stubborn as a mule, and I can no’ make her forgive me. I’ll leave and will no’ return unless she asks for me.”
With a nod, he walked toward the salon door. He had little doubt that his current state of unhappiness could have been avoided if he’d simply been honest with her. But he’d been so exhausted the day they’d argued, that he’d not been thinking clearly enough to realize Caitriona had only made him swear to not to tell her father. She’d not sworn him to keep the truth from anyone else.
He could have told Patience everything that day without really breaking his word to Caitriona. It would have stretched the boundaries of what was honorable, but at the moment he’d gladly give up everything he owned, including his honor, just to take his words back. His failure to stretch the confines of his vow had cost him everything he held dear. Every inch of him ached as if he’d been in a boxing match. A competition he’d lost. But he had lost. The only woman in the world he would ever love had condemned him to a prison he would never escape from unless she produced the key.
“Julian.” The manner in which Aunt Matilda called his name made him stop, but he didn’t turn around. Silk rustled quietly as the Scotswoman moved to his side to touch his arm. “The lass loves you. I’m certain of it.”
“Does she? She’s made her decision, and I will abide by it,” he said as the words ripped at his insides. Julian drew a harsh breath into his lungs and looked over his shoulder at Sebastian. “I have a condition of my own. I will never give her a divorce. I’ll fight it with everything I own.”
“I’ll make that quite clear to her, Julian.” Something akin to satisfaction crossed his brother-in-law’s face.
Nodding, Julian didn’t say another word, and left the room. In the hallway, he accepted his hat from Madison, the Rockwood butler. A brief whisper of sound made him jerk his head up as he saw Patience’s unusually slight figure in the dark shadows of the second floor landing.
Christ Jesus
, she’d lost weight. It was impossible to see her face in the shadows, and he longed to see her.
Without thinking, he crossed the floor to the staircase, his hand on the bannister as he put one foot on the steps. Her horrified gasp fluttered down to him, and in a flash of movement, she disappeared. Frozen in place, he heard the sound of a door slamming. He didn’t have to hear the grinding of a metal key to be certain she’d locked her door. Locked him out of her life for what he feared would be a lifetime. The thought was enough to bring him to his knees. His body rigid with pain, he walked out of Melton House leaving his heart behind him.
§ § §
The train rolled to a stop at the Crianlarich station. Jerking his bags down from the overhead rack, Julian threw open the car door and stepped down onto the narrow, roughly hewn platform. In front of him, craggy hills rose up above the forest that made up the rest of the landscape. The gray sky cast a pallor over the hills giving the land a stark appearance that was as ominous looking as it was hauntingly beautiful.
Whenever he came home to Scotland, he was always in awe of his country’s harsh, yet resplendent majesty. The few people who had gotten off the train with him had already begun their walk into the village. His gaze fell on the carriage that had been sent to bring him home. It carried him one step further away from Patience and one step closer to the man who’d help destroy his life.