“Drummond. Is he all right?”
“Aye, Crianlarich, but he has a broken arm and a gash on his leg, which needs stitching.”
Julian nodded and suppressed a sound of pain as he tried to find a more comfortable position to recline in.
“Sir, we need to get you out of the carriage,” Croft said.
“My leg is broken,” he said hoarsely as his every word sent pain jabbing through his forehead to the back of his head. “You’ll need a board. I can no’ walk or ride.”
“Right. Ainsley go tae the castle and fetch help.”
“And bring lights,” Julian snarled through his pain. “How the devil were you able to see anything out on the moors at this time of night?”
“Night, sir?” Puzzlement mixed with worry in Croft’s words.
“Yes, night. I can no’ see a damn thing in this infernal darkness.” Julian frowned with anger. Was the man daft for being on the moors without a lantern when it was so dark? Deep inside, the whisper of something insidious slithered its way through him.
“What time is it?” Julian demanded.
“Tis a little after four, sir.”
“In the morning?” he snapped unwilling to believe what the voice in the back of head was suggesting.
“No, sir,” Croft said in a worried voice. “Tis the afternoon. Ainsley and I were out on the moor when we saw the carriage roll off the road.”
“Four in the afternoon…” Julian growled like a wounded animal.
With a growing sense of doom, he roughly rubbed his eyes hoping to erase the black abyss that had replaced his vision. When he opened his eyes again, all he saw was darkness. Anger and fear weighed against his chest with the heaviness of a tree trunk. Desperately, he struggled to suppress the shout of fury rumbling in his chest.
The result was a low groan of pain breaking free from his lips. It barely eased the tightness in his chest, but it hid the dread rising inside him. Eyes closed again, he willed himself to obliterate the darkness. When Julian opened his eyes to nothing but blackness another cry of rage rose up in his chest. He was blind.
Shock wrapped its arms tightly around him causing him to go rigid as he fought to contain the rising stem of dread. Panic struck deep at the core of him. He pushed back against the terror as he rationalized the reason for his blindness. The only blood was from the gash on his temple. It was obvious his eyes themselves were uninjured. That left his head injury as the only logical reason for his blindness. A temporary blindness he told himself, despite a growing fear that it might not be temporary at all.
Croft seemed to understand he had no desire to talk as they waited in silence for Ainsley to return with help. Images of Patience filled Julian’s head, and once more he experienced gratitude that she hadn’t been with him. The thought of her suffering more injuries or perhaps even death made him choke back bile. Would she be worried about him if she learned of the accident?
Suddenly he remembered her vision of a spinning carriage wheel and fire. Twice the
an dara sealladh
, had shown her disaster, and yet both accidents had been unpreventable. For a second time he was grateful she wasn’t with him. She blamed herself for Caleb’s and Devin’s death. She might easily blame herself for this accident as well. Muireall would want to send word to Patience, but he wouldn’t let her. Patience had paid enough in pain and suffering, he refused to add to her pain. Julian wasn’t sure how long they waited, and at the sound of approaching voices, he experienced a small measure of relief.
“
Julian
,” his half-sister’s voice filtered through his pain, and he frowned. “Julian, are you all right? Is father all right?”
“Damn it, Muireall, what are you doing here,” he snarled not wanting her to see their father’s body like this. “Croft, get her out of here.
Now
.”
Muireall protested vehemently and suddenly he caught the scent of heather and lavender breezing into the broken carriage. Her dissension quickly became a wail of sorrow. Furious that he’d been unable to shield her from the truth a little longer, he shot upright in an attempt to grab her hand. When he found nothing but air, the pain wracking his body slammed through him like a fast-moving train. A fraction of a second later, he lost consciousness.
“J
ulian.”
Patience screamed his name as she awoke and jerked upright in her chair. The book in her lap fell to the floor as the fire crackled in the fireplace. Running feet pounded against the marble floor of the foyer announcing Percy before he even charged into the morning room. Her gaze met her brother’s who moved quickly to her side. As he knelt in front of her, she turned her scarred cheek away. Gently, he turned her head toward him and brushed tears off both sides of her face. Startled by the touch, she realized she’d been crying.
“Another dream?” Percy asked gently.
The worried frown on his face made Patience wince. The doctor had said her nightmares about the fire would eventually fade with time. He’d even said the one or two instances when she’d walked in her sleep would run its course. But this dream had not been about the fire.
This time they’d been filled with nothing but images of Julian lying in a dark space with his leg bent beneath him in an awkward fashion. Was it a dream or a vision? It was impossible to tell the difference any more. She swallowed the knot of pain that had quickly formed in her throat and shook her head.
“I’m fine. Dr. Branson said it would take time for the nightmares to disappear.”
The soft whisper of feminine footsteps moving quickly across the main entryway made Patience turn her head to see Louisa enter the room. Dressed in mourning black, her sister’s life with Devin had been a good one, and she had been desolate since that terrible night. Now as she met her sister’s gaze, Patience experienced guilt at causing Louisa worry. The youngest of the Rockwood siblings hurried to the settee and sat down next to her. She clasped Patience’s hand in hers and squeezed it in a gesture of comfort.
“Another one?”
The concern in her sister’s voice made Patience nod. The fire in the hearth suddenly crackled and popped loudly. Patience jumped violently at the sound, and Percy quickly moved to the fireplace to spread out the coals in an effort to deaden the sound the flames created. She was certain it was his attempt to alleviate any possible reminder of the fire for all three of them.
“I’m fine,” Patience said softly as she gently pulled her scarred hand free of Louisa’s grasp.
She covered the marred flesh with her other hand while dipping her head slightly in an effort to minimize the scars her sister could see on her face. Patience wanted to spare her sister as much pain as possible. Her burnt flesh was simply a reminder to Louisa that her husband was dead and Patience wasn’t.
“
Don’t
,” Louisa said sharply as she uncovered Patience’s scarred hand. “Don’t you ever be ashamed of those scars, Patience Rockwood MacTavish. If it weren’t for you and Caleb, the family would have lost our future that night. Devin would say the same thing to you if he were here. Our children were more important to him than life itself.”
Patience’s eyes widened with surprise as she met her youngest sister’s fierce gaze. There was deep pain in Louisa’s hazel eyes. But the strength displayed on her lovely features was an expression she knew well. It was same look Patience had witnessed on the faces of her entire family as each of them had dealt with their grief over the past nine months.
Yet despite Louisa’s reprimand, Patience found it unbearable to look in the mirror. Last week in an effort to stop Sebastian’s badgering, she’d ventured out with her brother for a morning ride. They’d rode out just after dawn, but their effort to avoid people had been to no avail, and it had proven painfully obvious why she should never go out in public.
Several family acquaintances had been out as well, and despite the netting attached to her riding hat, she’d endured looks of horror and revulsion. But it was the looks of pity that had made her withstand Sebastian’s growing insistence that she ride with him again. From the fireplace, Percy cleared his throat as he clasped his hands behind his back.
“Several of us were wondering—”
“Patience, I’m planning on going with Aunt Matilda to Callendar Abby in a few weeks,” Louisa interrupted with a nasty glare at their brother. “I hope you’ll reconsider going with us. We’re taking Greer, Alma, and Braxton with us.”
“We’ve discussed this before. I’m content where I am,” Patience said as she cast a glance in Percy’s direction before looking back at her sister.
It was obvious the family thought she should go to Scotland, but there were two reasons why she refused to do so. The first was that the journey meant being out in public where she’d be the subject of scrutiny no matter how much she tried to cover her scars. Secondly, Crianlarich was little more than an hour north of the abbey. She had no intention of enduring the possibility of Julian coming to visit her aunt.
“It will be good for you, Patience,” her brother said in a coaxing voice.
“I’m quite happy here.”
“Louisa could use the help, and you know the children adore you. They don’t care about your scars any more than the rest of us do. We all love you.”
Her brother’s blunt words made her flinch. She averted her gaze as she struggled with the idea that her family members might really not care about her disfigurements. Patience swallowed hard at Percy’s words. Perhaps it was time to accept herself as she was. Her throat tightened. No, her family might see past her scars, but society would not, and the thought of going out of the house was almost paralyzing.
“I’ve given you my decision. I no longer wish to discuss the matter,” she said in a quiet, but firm voice. Percy could plead all he wanted, but she had no intention of going to Callendar Abby.
“Are you afraid?”
Percy’s confrontational question told her that he knew precisely why she refused to go to her aunt’s Scotland estate. Tension tugged painfully at the scarred skin on her cheek while her hand ached as the stiff scars protested as her hand tightened into a fist. Patience tried to relax in an effort to ease her discomfort as she narrowed her gaze at her brother.
“No, but Julian might take it in his mind to call on Aunt Matilda, and I have no wish to see him.”
“For the love of God, Patience,” her brother exclaimed angrily. “When are you going to forgive the man for whatever wrong he’s done you?”
“Whatever happened between Julian and me is our affair and no one else’s, Percy,” she said coldly as she rose to her feet. “But I have my reasons.
Good reasons
.”
Regret swept across her brother’s features, but she ignored his obvious remorse and walked out of the morning room. With each passing day, one family member or another gently pressed her to reconcile with Julian. She resisted vehemently, not because she couldn’t forgive him.
Patience had forgiven Julian his small lie and accepted how important his honor was to him. It made her heart ache for not believing him. She’d allowed the Crianlarich and Una to make her question Julian’s faithfulness. But what kept her from going to him was the thought of being the recipient of his pity. Even if he still loved her, it would be impossible for him not to feel pity for her. Worse, he might view her and their marriage as one of duty.
She’d already earned more than her fair share of pitying looks. The burns from the fire had left horrific scars on her arm, parts of her leg, and her cheekbone had been burned back to her ear. She was grateful that she’d not suffered the loss of hair. But the last thing she wanted was for Julian to see her like this. It would be unbearable, particularly when there was the possibility of seeing Una.
Compared to the woman’s beauty, she would look like a beast if she were ever in Una’s company again. Her stomach lurched at the thought. She had no wish to suddenly face the Crianlarich or Una and become the target for their ridicule or pity. Patience winced as she crossed the floor to the main staircase. She paused at the foot of the stairs, acknowledging the fear that held her paralyzed for a brief moment.
It had taken time for her to go up and down the stairs without the vivid memory of fire engulfing the staircase of Westbrook Farms. The memory of being trapped had proven crippling on more than one occasion. She started up the stairs and winced as the tight scars on her leg were forced to stretch with her movements. She’d been lax in her exercises and was paying the price.
Behind her, she heard the door knocker hitting the metal plate on the front door. A streak of panic spread through her. She never accepted callers, and always hid when someone arrived at Melton House. Ignoring the pain in her leg, Patience moved quickly up the stairs as Madison opened the front door. She was halfway to the second floor when she heard a voice pleading with the family retainer.
“Please, I need tae see Mrs. MacTavish.”
“I’m sorry, miss, but Mrs. MacTavish is not receiving callers.”
“Oh please. Tis verra important. I can no’ leave without seeing her.”
The soft lilting brogue filled Patience’s ears and her heart stopped. Slowly, she turned to see Muireall attempting to push past the stalwart servant. Her sister-in-law was almost seventeen, and Patience drew in an appalled breath that Muireall stood on the doorstep without a chaperone.
Her heart skipped a beat. Was Julian waiting outside and had sent his sister in as an emissary? Conflicted as to what to do, Patience stared down at the small altercation at the door. The moment Percy and Louisa emerged from the morning room, Patience made up her mind before her siblings did so for her.
“It’s all right, Madison. This is my sister-in-law. You may let her in.”
No sooner had she given the order than Muireall pushed her way past the butler with the rough strength only available to the young. The girl charged forward as Patience slowly descended the stairs. Muireall’s eyes widened in horror the moment she saw the scars on Patience’s face. Unable to help herself, she flinched in the face of the girl’s dismay. Tears formed in the girl’s eyes, and as Patience reached the foot of the stairs, Muireall raced forward to fling herself into Patience’s arms. The girl didn’t say a word. She simply clung to Patience in a silent message of sympathy for what Patience had suffered. Gently, she pushed her sister-in-law away from her and wiped the tears from the girl’s cheeks.