The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel (24 page)

I saw Robert.

He was lying on the ground, clutching a crucifix, looking up at me with fear, with a helmet—looking up at me as if I were the last thing he would ever see. And crying.

And each tear was a different color.

And then I jumped. I leaped straight toward him. I fell through the air like a grenade.

I woke up.

DEAR ROBERT,

What I thought I’d do is fly down and pick you up and give you a ride to Holy Redeemer Church. Right in front of your mom and my mom and EVERYBODY. Then I’ll go fly around for a while and I’ll wait until all the people get inside. Especially Sister Mary Justin. Then I’ll fly in and land right on the altar, right below the statue of The Virgin Mary, and I’ll let the HOLE church look at me for a while. And I won’t even care when they start whispering and talking and pointing as I fly up in the air like the Holy Ghost and pee on Sister Mary Justin. And then I’ll pee on Jimmy Sinceri and Janie Jobb and Duane Machado and Sister Scholastica and Pastor Ponti. Then I’ll fly around again, flying closer, right over Sister Mary Justin’s veil, like a helicopter, and I’ll poop on her.

Right on her head!

Because it won’t matter anymore, Robert. Nothing will matter anymore because we won’t need anybody. Not even our moms or our dads or The Baby Jesus or ANYBODY! Because we’ll have each other, Robert. We’ll love each other. We’ll fly everywhere and do everything. Like Batman and Robin. Like Peter Pan and Tinkerbell. Like Superman and Jimmy Olsen. We’ll be a team. Pals!

At last, Robert—just you and me! JERRY and ROBERT! Nobody else!

Except Superman.

Love, Love, LOVE, 

JERRY

  

  

Dear Superman,

How are you? My name is Robert Sipanno and I am fine thank you. But Jerry isn’t. He’s right here beside me. We’re both writing you this letter. Only I’m doing the writing because he can’t. He isn’t allowed to move his arms because the doctor won’t let him. And neither will the nurse. She keeps coming around and checking on him and giving him pills and that’s why I’m writing it. Only Jerry keeps telling me everything I’m supposed to write down and I write it write away. So this letter is really from me and not Robert. Isn’t that right, Robert? Maybe we better start all over again.

DEAR SUPERMAN,

My name is Robert Sipanno and I’m the one who’s writing I mean printing this letter. But I’m not the one who’s REALLY writing it because this is the way we do it. Jerry says something and then I write it down. And then he says something else and I write it down. That’s the way we do it. So that means that Jerry is really doing the writing and I’m just doing the printing. Only I don’t print too good so I hope you can read it OK. Because I’m sitting in a chair and Jerry is laying down in bed. He can’t sit up. He can’t even have a pillow. In fact he has to lay there looking at the ceiling and he can’t even get up to pee.

Maybe we shouldn’t tell him that, Robert. In fact he has to lay there looking at the ceiling and he can’t even get up 
to go look out the window. That’s better. Superman will figure it out.

And that’s why Jerry can’t do the printing because he hurt his arms. And also his legs and everything else. Except his face. That’s the only thing that’s not all wrapped up. So he has to stay here with the nurses and the nunns all the time. And they wouldn’t let me in at first because they said I was too little. But then they changed their minds. That’s why Jerry hasn’t written you a letter in a LONG time, Superman. Because I wasn’t here to do it for him. But now I am. And this is it.

So we hope you like it.

Goodby.

Your friends, Jerry and Robert.

How did that sound, Robert? Did you get it all down? I hope I didn’t talk too fast. Maybe you better hold it up so I can see it. Robert? Are you still there, Robert? Hey, ROBERT! Will you please stop writing and

Dear SUPERMAN,

Why don’t you change that to Man of Steel?

Dear MAN OF STEEL,

I’ve been here quite a while now. In fact it’s almost a month. Or maybe even more. At first the only person who was allowed to come in was grown ups like my mom and dad. Except my dad never comes but I don’t care anyway. All I cared about was Robert but they said he couldn’t. And I said Why? And they said Because he’s too little and little kids aren’t allowed in here unless they get sick or jump off a building. Which I wouldn’t advise.

So one day one of the nunns came over to my bed and said her name was Sister Madonna. That’s what she said. And I didn’t say anything back to her right away because she was a nunn and you know about them. But it turned out she was a real nice nunn which is probably why she got to wear a white outfit. Sister Mary Justin always wears a black one. So Sister Madonna told me how there was this cute little kid outside and he wanted to come in but he couldn’t So would you please give this present to my friend Jerry please? Then she smiled just like The Virgin Mary when she looks at The Baby Jesus in our Catechism. Then she gave it to me. Only I couldn’t open it because my hands are all wrapped up like the present. So Sister Madonna said she would do it and she did it. And you’ll NEVER guess what it was, Superman? It was SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN NO. 77! I couldn’t believe it!

"Gosh!” I said, and I almost jumped up. But I couldn’t. There’s this big thing all over my chest.

"Oh, be careful!” she said urgently, as if the pain that suddenly shot through me was hers, not mine.

I looked up at her.

“Will you read it to me?” I asked. “Please? Oh, please? You GOT to. I can’t read it myself. Oh PLEASE?”

She smiled, then folded her hands like she was going to pray. Then she said, “Surely.”

Robert would have just said, “Sure.”

First she read me a whole page and then she held up the comicbook so I could see all the pictures. And then she read me another page and that’s the way we did it. I thought it was pretty good, especially the story about TITANO who was a giant gorilla who had Kryptonite eyes. And so if he looked at Superman then he might kill you. And that’s why you couldn’t stop him and so Jimmy Olsen 
had to do it. Because Titano kept stepping on people and climbing up the side of The Daily Planet so Jimmy decided to drink some of that Magic Stuff that made him grow REAL big. Real quick. And on page six he was even bigger than Titano or The Daily Planet or ANYTHING. And that’s how he got rid of that awful ape. And then it said THE AND. I mean END. And then Sister Madonna said, “Did you like it?”

And I said, “Sure, didn’t you?”

And she said, “Well if you did, then I did.”

And I said, “What if I didn’t?”

And she said, “Then I would feel bad because I want you to be happy.” And she smiled her smile.

And I said, “Who do you think you’re kidding?”

And she said, “Myself.”

Then she made the Sign of the Cross and left.

And I thought: Gee, I wished I would’ve had some of that Magic Stuff when I jumped. Then I could’ve been real BIG and I wouldn’t have fallen so far. Then I would’ve showed them!

But I didn’t, Superman. I fell, Superman.

I fell asleep and I was standing on top of my dad’s apartment building and everybody was watching me and I had my green cape on and I felt so good. And I felt so beautiful. And I was looking down at everybody. And I was just bending down, just getting ready to leap in the air, when allofasudden my mom yelled, “LOOK!”

And my dad yelled, “UP IN THE SKY!”

And Buster yelled, “IT’S A BIRD!”

And Veronica yelled, “IT’S A PLANE!”