"I'll just bet you are," she said to my back.
Inside, I went to the bar for a fresh drink. I was in the
middle of my second one when Betty Sue came back
from the bedroom. She had changed out of her
nightgown and into her old baggy clothes.
"I liked you better the other way," I said.
She didn't bother to answer as she stopped to lean
against the frame of the study door. The glare of the
tilted desk lamp fell harshly across her pale, worn face.
"Let him clean up his own goddamned messes," I
said.
"I can't," she said. "What if you had felt that way
about my mess?"
"That's different," I answered lamely, but she had
already stepped into the study.
The angle of the light lowered, the line of shadow
sweeping across the carpet toward the doorway, and
the desk chair squeaked as if she were sitting down. I
poured myself another splash of whiskey and went
outside, switching off the deck lights as I stepped
through the door. My .38 Airweight still huddled on the
pad of the chaise lounge where the deputy had tossed
it. I unloaded it and stuck it in my back pocket. A slice
of moon like a hairline fracture opened the night sky,
the dark bulk of the remainder clearly visible. As I
stared at it, I heard Fireball whimper down on the
lawn. I called him and heard his slow scuffle up the
stairs. Up on the deck, he waddled over and climbed
painfully up into my lap as I sat down on the lounge
chair. His haunches were trembling furiously.
"That's okay," I said as I patted his head. "Everybody is gun-shy the first time. " The bulldog whined as I rubbed his neck until he stopped shaking. Then I sat
him down and went back into the house. He followed,
his nose brushing my heels.
Betty Sue still sat at the desk, her head in her hands
as she leaned over the pile of tangled yellow pages. Her
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eyes were dry, though, when she glanced at me.
Fireball walked over to her, and she lifted him into her
lap. I went over too and leaned against the desk.
"Are you all right?" I asked.
"What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing. "
"Then why did he try to kill himself?"
"He can't handle it, I guess."
"Handle what?" she asked as she wiped at her nose
with the back of her hand.
"Love and forgiveness," I said.
"I think I'm leaving him," she said softly.
"That's probably the best thing. "
"For whom?"
"Both of you."
"You're probably right," she said. "It might be the
best for everybody."
"Where are you going?"
She stared at me for a long time, then answered
slowly, "I'm ten years late but I'm going home. "
"At least I'll know where to find you," I said.
"Don't," she whispered, "please don't. "
"Whatever you say."
"And don't worry about Hyland and the rest of the
money," she said. "I'll take care of it somehow."
"Are you really leaving?" I asked.
"Yes. "
"Wait a minute," I said, then went out to the El
Camino to pick up the checks and her five thousand
cash.
"What's this?" she asked, as I gave her the envelope.
"Look at it," I said.
"My god." She sighed as she pulled the checks out.
"Catherine?"
"And his mother."
"If they want him back this badly, I guess I have to
let them have him," she said, then handed me the
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checks and the cash. "Give the checks back to Catherine and the cash to Hyland," she said. "I pay my own way."
I folded up the checks and stuck them back into my
pocket along with the five thousand in cash. "In the
morning," I said. "I'm going to the bank to cash this
one for forty thousand, then I'm driving down to
Denver and put it in their hands. Catherine can have
your five thousand and these other two checks back."
"Please don't," she pleaded.
"Listen," I said, "you're not the only one involvedmy ass is on the line too."
"I'm sorry," she answered. "Thank Catherine for
me-tell her I'll pay her back. "
"You tell her."
"I'll be gone before daylight," she said. "I've got a
few things to pack up in the studio and a few clothes,
then I'm gone. "
"I'll b e gone before that," ·I said.
"Come here," she said, and I leaned toward her. She
slipped a hand behind my neck and pulled my face
toward hers. Our lips brushed lightly. "Thank you,"
she whispered. "Thank you for everything."
"Do me a favor," I said as I stood up.
"What?"
"When you go home, take that goddamned worthless
bulldog with you. "
"Thank you," she said again, a touch of laughter
rising through a mist of newly born tears.
I touched her cheek with the fingers of my broken
hand, then left her that way.
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1 9 ••••
WIDLE I WAS PACKING, I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM TO
pick up my toilet articles and found the large mirror
broken by the round Trahearne had fired through the
floor. A large piece had fallen off it and crushed the
slim vase with its burden of straw flowers and lonely
women's faces. I reached into the tangle of glass and
pottery to pick out a large piece with a woman's face
upon it. I stared at it for a long time, then tossed it back
on the counter and finished packing.
After I loaded the El Camino, though, I didn't have
anyplace to go. I drove down the gravel track to the
highway, anyway, then turned right toward the mountains again. When I reached the crest of the first rise, I stopped and got out, lit a cigarette and opened a beer.
The Trahearnes' houses were dark, but a flood light
spilled out of the studio up the hill from his house, and
behind the windows, Betty Sue's shadow walked back
and forth briskly. In the darkness of the valley, the
studio seemed like a crystal island in a sea of black
water. I finished the cigarette and the beer, then drove
on up to Moondog Lake to wait out the rest of the
night.
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At dawn an early loon filled the far end of the small
lake with his maniac gibber. I kicked out my poorly
tended campfire and headed back toward Cauldron
Springs.
When I reached the edge of town, I stopped at an
outdoor telephone booth to call Torres to tell him that I
had his money, then I eased through the waking town,
searching for a cup of coffee. Everything was still
closed, though. I toured the town aimlessly, the only
person awake except for an arthritic old man shuffling
from a cheap motel toward the hulk of the hotel and its
hot spring waters. I stopped to offer him a ride, but he
refused, cackling as he told me that he needed the
exercise. I drove slowly on past the hotel and as I
turned, I saw Betty Sue's VW parked in the alley
behind the pool house and the tennis c,ourts. Staring at
it, I went past, then turned around and eased down the
alley to park behind her car, which was stuffed with her
gear.
The back door was unlocked, but when I went inside
the pool house, the waters lay flat and empty, filled
with a luminous viscosity from the underwater lights, a
light as ashen as that seeping through the skylights. I
walked over to the pool and shouted her name, but her
naked body floated face down in the pellucid waters,
her right arm draped over the small body of the
bulldog, as if she had tried ·to protect him from the
bullets. Three black holes clustered in the middle of
Betty Sue's back, and another glowed like a coal behind
Fireball's ear. Below them, the .45 nestled like a
poisonous sea plant against the bottom of the pool, and
a cloud of blood, undissipated in the still water,
surrounded the bodies like a hazy halo around a dark
moon.
It wasn't what I wanted to do, but what I had to do. I
went back outside to open the hood of the El Camino
and remove the air cleaner. I hid the checks and the
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cash inside the paper element of it, then went back
inside and over to the hotel. The old man who had
refused a lift and an even more crippled and older desk
clerk were discussing their ailments. I let the conversation die a natural death before I told the desk clerk to call the sheriff's office.
The first thing Sheriff Roy did, of course, was arrest me. I spent two weeks and three days in the Logan County jail without saying a word to anybody
except my public defender lawyer, and I only told him
that I didn't have anything to say. If the Trahearnes
didn't push, the county attorney had no case, so I
kept my mouth shut, and they didn't push. They came
once, thougb, Catherine and Trahearne, to visit me
in jail. We sat at the end of a long table, my attorney at the other end. Trahearne looked downcast, but Catherine smiled as she told me that I wasn't going to
be charged.
"Thanks," I said.
"We told them about those people in Denver,"
Catherine said, "but of course they all have iron-clad
alibis. "
"Those sort of people always do," I said.
"What happened to the money?" she asked casually.
"It's in a safe place," I said. "Do you want it back?"
"You've earned it," Catherine said, smiling.
"Right," I said.
Trahearne started to say something, but Catherine
reached over to press her fingers to his mouth. I
assumed that she was living in his house again, comforting him, protecting him.