The Last Testament: A Memoir (62 page)

Azazel,
169

Babel Development Board,
22

Bachelorette, The
(TV show),
306

Ba’hai Faith,
253

Bale, Christian, Mandela’s grandson insulted by,
111

Balrythioid Quorngrankers,
287

Ban Ki-moon, singing by,
350

Barabbas,
199

Bartholomew,
195
,
196

basketball,
292

Bastille Day,
345

Bathsheba,
123
,
124

Batman 3: The Dark Knight Rises,
God’s excitement over,
345

Bay, Michael, new film of,
340

Beatles,
107
,
232

Beck, Glenn, ominous page numbers in novel of,
335

Beckett, Samuel,
146

Beckham, David,
158

beetles, God’s constant refining of,
7

Berkeley, Calif.,
335

Berlin Wall, odd behavior of,
350

Bernsen, Corbin,
345

Bible:

bureaucratic minutiae in,
85
–86

as dictated to Moses,
19
–20,
87
,
88
,
89

errors in,
61
–62

see also
New Testament; Old Testament

Biden, Joe:

policies debated by,
352

racist remark of,
349

Bieber, Justin,
305

as porn star,
335

Biloxi, Miss., as intended target of Hurricane Katrina,
55

bin Laden, Osama:

afterlife of,
245
,
249

burial place miracles and,
341

Bison-Beast,
28

Black, Rebecca,
304

Black Dahlia, surprising killer of,
145

Black Death,
25
,
221
,
267
–68

Black Eyed Peas, music ruined by,
113

blogging,
304

Bloody Marys,
229

boils,
75
,
357

Bolt, Usain,
158

medal in new race won by,
346

Book of Mormon,
89

Boox!iya,
332

Boss’s Day,
352

Boston Massacre,
137

Brady Bunch,
deaths of actors in,
347
–48

Brahmins,
249

Brangelina, new names of,
340

Brave,
as good,
343

breast augmentation,
36

Brighter Horizons Clean Living Facility,
187

British Empire,
292

Brooks, Mel,
271

Brown, Dan,
180

Buckner, Bill,
63

Buddhism,
250
–52

Budweiser, abdication of throne by,
338

Buñuel, Luis, battle of Jericho as directed by,
118

Cain,
14
–15,
16
,
87

Caleb,
117

California Pizza Kitchen,
348

Campbell’s Soup Cans
(painting),
232

Canaan,
30
,
93

obliteration of inhabitants of,
119

Carey, Mariah, fourth person address desired by,
113

Caroline, or Change,
269

Carrot Top, as unfunny,
110

Cassiopeia,
54

Catcher in the Rye
(Salinger), Ecclesiastes similar to,
125

cathedrals,
263

Catholics,
221
,
270
,
274
–75,
280

Ceepher, Lou, Scrabble championship won by,
342

celebrities,
107
–14

Celebrity Center,
253

Cetera, Peter,
164

Chagall, Marc,
45

Chaldea,
29

Chamber of Commerce,
22

Charlemagne,
267

Chase, Chevy, painkillers stolen by,
109

Chauvet Cave,
337

Chavez, Hugo,
331

Cheryl,
354
,
355
,
356

Chicago Cubs,
157
,
159

World Series won by,
353

Chichen Itza,
357

chicken, as coming after egg,
147

children, prayer by,
220

Children’s Crusades,
264

China, Marco Polo’s journey to,
268

Chinese folk religion,
252

Chinese New Year,
242

Choctaw mythology,
205

Chosen People, Jews as,
29
,
82
,
86
,
90
,
97
,
98
,
100
,
102
,
117

Christianity, Christians,
54

PPB among,
221

as similar to Walmart,
244

circumcision,
36

civil rights,
139

Civil War,
136

clouds, shapes of,
343

Code of Hammurabi,
22

Coldplay,
112

Cold War,
136

Colonial Williamsburg, revolution at,
347

Colorado,
340

Colussus of Rhodes,
230

communism,
303

Congo, inexplicable birth in,
347

Constitutional Convention,
137
–38

Cooper, D. B., Bigfoot’s meal of,
146

Cordero, Angel, home vandalized,
353

Costas, Bob,
155

cows,
86

Craigslist, al-Qaeda’s use of,
336

creation,
3
–4,
5
–8,
52
,
87
,
88
,
111
,
164
,
273
,
288
,
297
,
298

of humans,
17

Creation of Adam, The
(painting),
232

creation science,
8

cricket,
158

Cruise, Tom,
344

Crusades,
264
,
358

Crystallnacht,
108

Cuba, pitchers emigrating from,
334

cubit system,
18

cyclists, steroid habits of,
158

Cyrus, Miley, blossoming of,
113

Dairy Queen,
deaths at,
347

Dalai Lama:

arrest of,
342

God’s dislike of,
251

Dan, Tribe of,
46

Dancing with the Stars
(TV show),
306

Daniel,
26
,
126

Danish cartoons,
236

Dante,
267

Dark Ages,
263

darkness,
75
,
357

Darwin, Charles,
8
,
9
,
290

David,
91
,
100
,
122
,
125
,
169
,
272

in battle with Goliath,
122
–23

Psalms written by,
122
,
123
–24

David, Keith, fight scene of,
45

Da Vinci Code, The
(Leonardo da Vinci, not Dan Brown),
231

Davis, Miles, shofar played poorly by,
118

Day-Lewis, Daniel, bad performance of,
351

Daylight Savings Time, God’s foiling of,
336

Dead Milkmen, new sales venue of,
345

Dead Sea, creation of,
296

Death Valley, typhoon in,
352

Deborah, as greatest and worst female leader in the Old Testament,
120

Declaration of Independence,
137

De Coelesti Hierarchia,
25

de Goncourt, Edmond,
255

Delilah,
121

Democratic National Convention, singers at,
349

Deuteronomy,
85
,
89
,
93