The Loss (Heartache series #1) (3 page)

I pull into the mall parking lot and drive until I find a place to park in front of one of the entrances. I immediately see Hailey standing out front, smoking her cigarette. My heart beats faster in anticipation of seeing my best friend. “Hailey! Put that damn thing out!” She looks up and a smile spreads over her face.

“’Bout freaking time!” She yells.

She’s always had the most gorgeous long black hair that hangs down to the top of her small butt. I always envied that. Her black eyelashes are longer than mine, and she works out way more than I do. I need to find a gym! I half jog to her as she deposits her cigarette into the tray beside her and we envelope each other into a hug. “Damn, I’ve missed you,” I say in her ear, trying to hold back the tears that are developing quickly. I push back to arm’s length and look at her more closely. There’s slight bags under her eyes that’s she’s trying to conceal with makeup, but I can see them. “I need to hit your gym, girl. You look rockin’! But you look tired. What’s up, chica?”

She turns, clasping her arm through mine, and we start to walk into the mall. “Oh! So much to tell you, so little time. Let’s get a coffee first and we can chat.” I give her a sad smile as she leads me through the doors and then down the walkway until we hit our favorite coffee place.

“Man! I haven’t been in here in so long. I’ve missed it.” I frown. She pulls my arm, and we walk up to the counter. After we get our coffees, we find a small table in the back corner and sit down across from each other. I take a sip and smile when I look at her. “Okay. Spill. Why do you look so tired? Should I be worried?”

She gives me a sad smile, looks down at her cup and then back up at me. “No! I’ve just…. You’ve been gone so long and I’ve missed you. I just broke up with a guy who I dated the last few years but I’ll get over it.” Her eyes turn sad, and she sighs. “He wasn’t, uh, the kind of guy who takes breakups very well. In fact, he isn’t such a nice guy, if you know what I mean.”

I reach across the table and place my hand on hers. “I’m so sorry, Hail. What can I do to help? Are you okay? Do you need protection?”

She smiles and gives me her ornery look that always means trouble and avoids my questions. “Well, first. Tell me what made you go off radar? Then after shopping, we’re going to go work out. There’s a new gym since you’ve been here last and I think you’ll really love it.” Why am I suddenly terrified? She nudges my hand. “Come on. You’ve always been able to tell me anything. That hasn’t changed, has it?” She’s right, of course. I’ve always been able to tell her everything growing up, and she would tell me everything too. Then why do I feel so weird about telling her things now? It’s just been so long since I’ve confided in anyone other than Bill, anyone who knew anything about my life here growing up. Maybe she feels the same way.

“I….” Shit! I don’t know how to start or what all I should tell her. I look down at my coffee, my eyebrows lowering as I contemplate.

“Hey!” I look up to see her sweet smile. “It’s me, Al. We’ve been through everything together. Is it Jase?”

Is it Jase? Is it Bill? Is it my life? I take another sip of my coffee and sigh. “I’ll tell you but not here. Maybe we can go to Danny’s for a drink tonight? Eat some of his famous chicken strips that I’ve been dying for as soon as I landed.” Her smile reappears, and I’m feeling a little better.

“Okay, deal! So, finish up, let’s go shopping and then hit the gym.” She gives me her look again, and I think I’m in a ton of trouble. I get the feeling there’s something she’s not telling me.

We end up shopping for two hours! Damn, I forgot how she likes to shop. I ended up buying some new shirts, jeans and running shoes, although Bill hates when I wear these types of things. Of course.

I follow her through town, all the sights of the buildings giving me warm memories and also sadness as I see some new ones. I still can’t believe I haven’t been home for two years. I wonder what all I’ve missed. I see the sign for the gym coming up. ‘Battle Ground Fitness’. Hmmm, interesting name. I pull into the small side street that winds into a parking lot around the back and into a parking space next to Hailey. I grab the bag with my new workout clothes and shoes and get out, noticing she’s already standing there by her car tapping her foot. Impatient as always. We walk around the front on the sidewalk, and she talks a mile a minute. God, I’ve missed her!

“So, yeah. I’ve been spending a lot of time at your house with your mom. You know I’ve always loved her especially since mine never gives two hoots about me.” Her mom was always indifferent when it came to her. Always throwing it up in her face how she wished she’d had a son. I always felt sorry for her, but we’d just stay at my house or hang out with the gang in the neighborhood. Jase and she were about as close as he and I were, almost. But then, no one could touch the closeness Jase and I had. The three of us used to hang out a lot, when Jase and I weren’t together. “But that’s old and ugly news. You know that.”

She opens the door, and I walk in and stop. Everything’s so clean and there are tables and chairs away from the front door, like a small lounge area, and a small snack and protein bar in the corner on the right. Then behind the small lounge are the women’s and men’s locker rooms and over to the left looks like some offices. Stairs are on either side of the sitting area where I’m imagining is where all the machines are. “Come on,” Hailey says, putting her arm through mine. “Let’s get you checked in and go change.” She leads me over to the right where a counter is and a pretty but unique looking girl is sitting behind. “Jolie, this is Alena Spencer and she need….”

Jolie slides off her high stool and walks to the counter, bending down putting her elbows on the glass and her chin in her hands. “This is Alena? Wow! No wonder.” I wonder what she means by that? She stands up and crosses her arms over her chest. “Go on in. No charge.” What?

“Oh, no! I can pay. You don’t have to….”

She gives me a smirk. “Nope. Go on in. On me. See what you think and if you want to join after that, great. Just let me know.” She winks and then climbs back onto her stool. Well, she’s a little spitfire.

“Come on, girl. Let’s go!” Spouts Hailey and pulls me away from the counter. I have no idea what just happened, but I guess a free pass makes sense. Guess I’ll be trying it out. The small hairs on the back of my neck seem to stand, and a chill runs through me. I feel like I’m being watched but when I look around as we walk to the locker room, I don’t see anyone looking. Weird.

Chapter 3

She’s here. I watch Alena through the two way mirror from my office as she stands by the front counter, following her as she walks passed and to the locker room. Fuck, I’ve missed her but I’m not sure how I feel about her being in my gym. I guess it was bound to happen at some point, and I’ve been dreading it. I don’t know if my cock can handle watching her workout. It’s having a bad time now, just seeing her. I think I’m gonna have to go put something else on to hide it better. I adjust myself, again, and wait by the glass until I see her and Hailey leave the locker room and my eyes about pop outta my head. Alena is in a tight fitted half top, her short shorts so small on her tiny frame that I know all the guys will be staring at her, and I feel a bit of jealousy twinge through me. Why should I be jealous? She’s not mine. In fact, I don’t even know if she’s dating anyone right now although I’ve heard through the years that she was with some pencil dick. Her skin is unblemished with a healthy glow and looks so soft. I look down and see her flat stomach and is that a belly button piercing? Shit!

I walk back to my desk and sit down trying to do some work on my computer, trying not to give in to the urge to go upstairs and watch her. I’m pretty proud of myself until about thirty minutes later and three interruptions from staff, I get up, walk out of my office and head to the stairs. I can feel Jolie staring at me, and I’m sure she’s wondering what the fuck I’m doing. I know I’m wondering myself. It’s as if I’m not thinking, not feeling anything enough to hold me back as I climb the stairs. I numbly walk around, stop and lean back against the wall of the track and look around. My eyes instantly find her. She’s running on a treadmill, ear buds in, and looks like she’s been keeping up with her workout, by the look of her sexy body. Shit! She’s definitely filled out in all the right places. Her breasts not too big but just the right size for my hands, her waist is slim and her butt. Oh, my freaking God! Tight and just the right size for my hands to hold and squeeze. Fuck! I need to get my mind off her and now, or I’m gonna have another problem.

My eyes roam back up her body and then my heart stops as they land right on hers, staring a hole in me. Busted. The light pink that’s on her beautiful face tells me I’ve embarrassed her pretty good. I can’t take my eyes off her. My mind fades back to a time when she took care of me.

“Jase! Oh, my God! Are you okay?” She looks at me in the hospital bed, and suddenly everything is okay. “You scared the shit outta me. When I saw you drop on the track, the pain you were in…. I tried to get to you but they wouldn’t let me.” I needed her so bad. I wanted her to hold my hand and tell me everything was gonna be okay.

“Yeah, I really made a mess outta my knee. They had to do surgery. I’ve already been told my track days are over,” I tell her sadly.

“Oh, no!” She sits down on the bed beside me and takes my hand in hers. “Jase, I’m so sorry.”

Right then, right at that moment, I knew my knee didn’t matter as much anymore. She’s the only thing that matters, and she’s here.

“Jase!” I turn my head and see Scott walking towards me on the outside of the track. “Hey, man!” He stands beside me and presses his back against the wall. “She’s hot!” I almost growl at him when I notice he’s looking at Alena. “Hey, relax! I know she’s off limits,” he adds quickly and raises his hands up in front of him. I relax a bit but am still so wound up from watching her. “She’s always been off limits, dude. No worries.”

I push away from the wall and start walking towards the stairs with him right behind me. “Leave it alone, Scott.” I jog down the steps and walk quickly to my office. I try to slam the door shut, once I’ve entered, but it doesn’t close.

“I’m just sayin’, we all know to stay back from her, Jase. Don’t get your male ego up.” I sit down and see he sits on one of the chairs in front of my desk. “So, how is it, seeing her? You okay?”

Scott’s been a friend forever but there are just some times I wanna punch him. He’s always trying to pull up feeling shit from me, and he knows I hate it. Probably why he does it. But he’s been here with me since before the doors first opened. Help me get things set up and also with all my drunken nights at Danny’s, trying to move on from Alena. Placing my elbows on my desk, I rub my face with my hands and then run my fingers through my hair. I look up at him, sitting there eager to talk, and I really don’t feel like hashing out my feelings right now. Knowing Scott, I won’t have a choice. He’s a pushy motherfucker.

“I’m okay. I don’t feel like talking about it, either. But….” He looks at me with that sad look, and I’m feeling that way more than he’s showing. “It’s weird. I bumped into her this morning while running.” His eyebrows raise and a small smile pulls from the corner of his mouth. “Yeah, I mean, I literally bumped into her. She fell and I landed on top of her. Damn, she’s really grown up. Better than I ever imagined in my head. Fuck!”

“Well, we all wondered what she looked like in the last five years. I’m sure she wondered that about you too.” My brows raise as his words sink into my hard head.

“You think?” I wonder if she’s thought about me. About us. Does she have the same feelings I have? Does she dream about me as I do her? Fuck, I sound like a girl. Pussy. “No matter. I heard she’s with someone. I don’t touch anything that’s already taken.” Now, I want to go workout and take out my frustrations on the punching bag for about an hour. That’s probably not long enough.

He leans over until his arms rest on the edge of my desk. “I heard, from a very reliable source, that she’s not happy. That he dictates everything she does.”
Motherfucker!
He sits back in the chair and folds his arms. “But you didn’t hear it from me.”

“Who the hell is your source? She hasn’t been here for a few years and Hailey told me she hasn’t heard from her for a long time.” Who else would she confide in?

He laughs and then winks at me. “Well, I’ve been seeing Tate Pratt for a while now.” I tilt my head at him and give him a smirk. “Yeah, we haven’t really told anyone. But anyway. You know her mom and Ma Spencer are best friends. Tate overhears a ton of shit. Ma Spencer’s been going on for years about how she hates this Bill guy and wishes Alena would move back home. Said she always thought the two of you would be together.”
Really?
“Yep, I guess everyone in town thought you two would be married with a bunch of kids by now. Kind of scary if you ask me.” He winks and gives me a smirk back.

Yeah, well. We’ve talked about this before. Many times. “You know I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize my friendship with Alena. Besides, I don’t think she feels that way towards me.” Now he tilts his head and the look on his face tells me he thinks I’m full of shit. “She’s apparently with who she wants to be with so knock it off.” I stand up abruptly, my chair hitting the wall behind it, and start to storm out of my office. “I need to punch something. Now.”

He doesn’t follow. He knows better. After running up the stairs, I walk quickly to the small room where the punching bag is. I wrap my hands and start beating on it. After thirty minutes my body is wringing wet with sweat, my heart is pounding, and it hasn’t helped at all.

“It’s not gonna help,” Hailey’s voice sounds from the doorway. I grab the bag, steadying it then walk over to the small counter, grabbing my towel and running it over my face then my chest. She pushes away from the wall she was leaning on and walks towards me only to hop up and sit down on the stack of mats beside me, bringing up her legs and crossing them comfortably. “I don’t know why you both are so bent outta shape at seeing each other again,” she says looking down at the nails on her hand. “I mean, you two were best friends, did everything together.” She looks up at me, and I see the sadness in her eyes. “A little time apart shouldn’t make a difference.”

Throwing the towel down on the counter, I lean against it. “It’s been five years, Hail. I think that’s more than ‘a little time’. And you know why it bothers me so much. YOU haven’t been gone.” I give her my famous smirk and a laugh bursts from her. I grab the towel and start to leave when she stops me.

“Okay, I’m sorry, Jase. Come back.” I turn around and she’s patting the mats beside her so I walk over and hop up, leaning back against the wall. “I know this is hard on you. I get it. But you know what?” I turn my head and look at her. “I think she’s really unhappy, Jase.” My eyes widen with a shimmer of hope. “And she’s wanted to be closer to you for years too but like you, she’s always been afraid it would ruin the friendship you have. Personally, I think she quit contacting you because she was trying to move on.”

My shimmer of hope fades quickly. “What has she said,” my voice sad even to my ears.

She slides off the mats and pats my shoulder then turns and starts walking off. Suddenly, she stops and looks over her shoulder. “Not much, yet. But we’re going to Danny’s once we leave here. Give us an hour then come over.”

I watch her walk out of the room, my heart heavy. Fuck this! I’m going to go take a shower, do some more paperwork, then head over to Danny’s. She wanted what I wanted and had the same fear as me? That has to mean something.

♥    ♥    ♥    ♥

“Hurry up, will you? God, you take longer than any woman I’ve ever known.” Hailey’s standing outside my shower yelling at me which in turn makes me slow down. She knows this but does it anyway. Finally, she leaves me alone, and I’m lost in my thoughts as I try to finish.

“But I’ll be back home as often as I can, Jase. I promise.” We’re in our old fort that we’ve grown out of a long time ago, but it’s still one of our favorite places. He’s all worried that I’ll get caught up at college and forget him. Like that’ll ever happen. He sighs and runs his finger up my arm causing tremors of shivers to move down my body. My feelings for him are growing stronger and stronger, and I’m afraid of them. We’ve been best friends for so long, and I know a sexual relationship will ruin what we have. Won’t it?

“I know, Al, but I’ll miss you. We’ve been together our whole lives. It won’t be the same. You’ll meet someone, get married, have kids and where will that leave me?” I’d laugh but it’s not funny, and I’ve been feeling the same way about him. The thought of him with another woman, having kids with her, makes my stomach twist in knots. I turn until I’m facing him, my legs crossed and my knees are touching his.

“Jase, don’t. I don’t wanna leave like this. Okay?” He looks down, and the sad look on his face breaks my heart. “We’ll be in contact all the time. I swear!” His eyes look up, and I try to hold back the tears that are threatening to form in mine. “It’ll be like we’re both at home, talking on the phone, texting, IM’ing on the computer, just like we’ve done for a long time.”

The corner of his mouth starts to lift slightly. “Yeah, but I won’t be able to sneak out and run over to your place, climb in the window and talk all night like we’ve done so many times.” Shit, he’s got me there. “But yeah. You go get smarter, do great things with your graphic designs and then come back to me, okay?”

I can’t hold back the tears anymore. His hand starts to move up to my face, and I close my eyes as they fall, his thumb rubbing them gently away.

I shut off the water and lean my hand against the tile, my forehead pressing against it. Sadness washes over me, and I can feel the wetness in my eyes knowing it’s not from the shower. I didn’t come back to him, didn’t keep in contact. I’m a shit and selfish friend. After drying off quickly and putting on a pair of my new jeans and tank top, along with my flip flops, I apply some light makeup and blow dry my hair. I run to the locker, putting everything into my sack, pick up my phone to see five missed calls and ten texts, all from Bill, and hightail it out to find Hailey. She grabs my arm and leads me to the front door when I hear, “Come back any time, Alena.” I look over and see Jolie leaning on the counter, a big smile on her face. We walk out into the fresh air, and Hailey leads me down the street.

“Uh, kind of a strange girl, huh? And aren’t we taking your car?” She only smiles and after the intense workout I’m having a hard time keeping up with her.

“She’s okay. Kind of different, ya know? And, uh, no. We can use the walk. Danny’s is only a few buildings down anyway.” Can use the walk? Wasn’t she just in there with me working out? God, I’m so out of shape. Of course that just makes me think of all the times I wanted to go workout and Bill said I was beautiful just the way I was but secretly, I know he didn’t like me to go anywhere without him.

She doesn’t say anything more, just continues to pull me down the street until we’re entering the doors of Danny’s. I stop, her arm still tugging on mine, and look around. All the memories invade me and about knock me over. When we turned eighteen, we spent nights here hanging out after school pretending to do homework, getting drunk and then later getting in trouble when I got home and then I think about the last night we were all here together, celebrating, a lot of us leaving for college.

“Well, as I live and breathe.” My eyes shoot over to the bar counter and there stands Danny. Hailey releases my arm as I pull away and I walk straight into his arms. “It’s good to see you, Alena.” I promised myself I wouldn’t cry if I saw people I knew, but now realize I’m not going to be able to keep that promise. He pushes me back a little and looks at me. “You look great. How have you been?”

I swallow hard and smile. “I’m good, Danny. How’s business and the family?”

“Okay, you both can catch up later. It’s my turn.” Hailey comments, pulling on my arm again as she scowls at Danny. “She’s mine for a while.”

Danny smiles and winks as Hailey pulls me away to the back of the room and into what was always our corner booth. “Pushy much?” I smirk at her, and she bats her eyes at me.

“Well, Alena Spencer. How nice.” I look up and see Michelle Windsor standing at our table, giving me her famous ‘I hate you’ look. I guess some things haven’t changed in my absence. “I guess you’re back here for the reunion.”

I nod and give her a sickly sweet smile. “Yes. How nice to see you, Michelle. I’ll have a light beer on tap and Hailey?”

“Same,” Hailey spouts and gives her a sneer.

“Fine,” Michelle barks then turns and walks away, her hips swaying in a magnifying way with her tight t-shirt and short shorts.

I let out a big sigh and look back at Hailey. “I guess she hasn’t changed, huh? Still hates me.”

Hailey laughs and then snaps her lips shut. “Sorry. Jealousy is a bitch and so is karma. You know after Jase took her out once, got what he wanted and then wouldn’t give her a second look afterwards, she’s always been jealous of you. Seriously, she and the cheerleading squad all hate you, always have. None of them have changed and I’m sure you’ll see that at the reunion. But anyway….” Miss Bitch picks that moment to interrupt us by setting our beers down and starts to walk away. “Oh, and Michelle?” Hailey says sweetly. Michelle stops, only turning her head our way. “We want to be left alone. A.L.O.N.E. We’ll let you know when we’re ready to order food.” I try to hold my snicker in as Michelle huffs, rolls her eyes, and walks away. “Okay, now. Spill it all, woman! Don’t leave anything out. You know I’ll never tell another soul as long as I live.” She does the sign of the cross over her heart, and that makes me spew out the beer I just drank. “Nice!” She grabs a napkin and starts wiping off the liquid that hit her.

We both laugh for a bit until she stops and gives me her best smirk. I sigh and take a quick drink, swallowing it down along with the lump in my throat. “Well, which part do you want to know first?”

She taps her chin like she’s thinking really hard but I know better. “Oh, I dunno. How about we start with Mr. Bill.” I laugh again but then get somber quickly.

I look down, wiping the condensation away from my glass. “Well, I met him in the middle of my second year of college. I had gotten really depressed, wasn’t sleeping….” I look up and into her sad eyes. “I was missing home, all of you and….”

“Jase.” She spews.

I only nod and take a big drink of my beer. “He ended up, eventually, spending a lot of time with me. Helping me to try to move on and supported my graphic design. By that summer, he and I started dating. I got so busy with school and him that I just kind of lost contact with everyone. That’s all.” I wait to see if she’s buying it, but I know better all too well.

She just sits there and looks at me. I shift in my seat in anxiousness. “Uh, huh. Well, I was only around you guys for that one weekend but….” She leans in and sadness forms in her eyes. “Alena, you belong with Jase. You know it, I know it, he knows it…. Hell, the whole town knows it. I know you’re afraid of it ruining your friendship but you know what? Your friendship has changed over the years. You both have changed. Have you ever thought he might be worried about the same thing?”

My heart begins to beat faster at the thought. Could he? I take another drink, shaking my head. “I don’t think he feels that way about me, Hail. It’s silly to even think about it.”

“About what?” A rough and low voice sounds not far from the table.