The melody in our hearts (21 page)

She thought it was something she would actually do as soon as she stepped out of that room: It would be her revenge, and she would make him regret the moment he had thought he could cheat on her and pretend nothing had ever happened.

Deirdre stood up and quickly picked up her blouse, knowing it would probably be best if she left. Jake had told her Valerie’s shift was over and she had gone home: How could Deirdre have known Valerie would come back and find them there? Why had she come there anyway?

“I...I think I’d better leave the two of you alone....”

She didn’t meet Valerie’s eyes, and she simply tried to sneak out past her, hoping she would vent all her rage upon Jake only.

“I’ll check your shift, Deirdre. If you were supposed to be working now, I’ll speak to the manager. You won’t get away with such unprofessional behavior,” Valerie said dryly, as soon as Deirdre walked past her.

She didn’t reply and simply walked away as quickly as she could, not wanting to witness what was about to happen between the two of them.

“Valerie.”

Jake stood up and buttoned his pants, but didn’t bother to put on his t-shirt, and this surely didn’t help Valerie think straight. Seeing his muscular chest made her think of all the times he had held her tight, whispering sweet words in her ears, and how safe she felt when his muscular arms were wrapped around her.

She had been planning their first night together, down to the smallest detail, only a few minutes before, and now all she wanted to do was smash his head with her bag and yell at him so loudly that anyone within a five-mile radius would hear her.

But she couldn’t say a word – she couldn’t find anything clever enough to say to him. She only wanted to close her eyes, turn back the hands of time, and pretend they had never met, he had never asked her out, and she had never trusted him.

He put a hand on her forearm, wanting to pull her close to him, but she shook it away.

“Don’t touch me!” she managed to say, and he pulled back.

He had never seen her so mad, and she had every right to be, of course, but if only she would let him explain, she would probably forgive him.

“I hadn’t planned for this to happen, but it did. I’m sorry.”

She couldn’t look at him, so she kept staring at her feet, wondering whether he really was sorry or if he was still pretending, hoping for forgiveness. Had he always been lying to her? Had this happened before? She needed to know, yet she wasn’t sure she wanted to. Maybe it would be best if she just slapped him and walked away, without knowing the whole truth.

“How long has this been going on, Jake? How many times has this happened before? And don’t bother lying to me now because it’s really useless.”

“This is the first time, I swear, Valerie. It never happened before.”

She wasn’t sure she could trust him, but it didn’t matter now, not anymore. Much as she was attracted to him, much as she had thought he could be her Prince Charming, it was over now; she would never in a million years forgive him for cheating on her.

“C’mon, Valerie, what was I supposed to do? I’m a man; you can’t expect me to keep enjoying romantic strolls hand in hand and candlelit dinners forever! Today with Deirdre, it was only sex after all, there’s nothing else involved. You said you didn’t want to have sex with me, and I knew Deirdre had a thing for me, so I thought there’d be nothing wrong in having a bit of fun with her!”

She felt as if he had just punched her in her face. She suddenly felt a sickening knot rise in her stomach, and she thought she was either going to vomit or to faint. But she didn’t. Her body, on autopilot again, took control of the situation, and she saw herself slapping his face so hard she felt her hand ache afterwards.

He winced, clearly not expecting such a reaction from her, and wasn’t able to say or do anything. He just stood there looking as tears welled up in her eyes and started rolling down her cheeks.

He felt awful when he saw the pain showing so clearly on her face, and he wished he hadn’t been so stupid. He had never wanted to hurt her. He only wanted to have some fun, knowing she would never know and could therefore never get hurt. Then, when she would finally be ready for him, everything would be fine, and he wouldn’t have to go look for someone else to have fun with.

“Get out of my life!” she yelled. “I never want to see you or hear from you again! You’re done working in this hospital, Jake. Just leave me alone, and get out of this hospital and of my life; either you leave willingly, or I’ll have you fired, simple as that.”

She hated having to use the fact that she outranked both Jake and Deirdre to get her revenge on them but, after all, she was only doing what was best for the hospital. She was pretty sure they were both supposed to be working, but they were having fun in the staff toilets instead, and this was extremely unprofessional. Had it been somebody else, she would probably have done the same and reported them to the manager. In this case, she was even more determined to make them both pay for what they had done to the hospital and to herself.

“That’s a pretty nasty thing to say,” he said, taking a step closer. “We were good together, after all. She means nothing to me, honestly: You’re the one I love, not her. She was just… a fling.”

“A…fling?” she asked, glaring at him. “Is this how you treat women, Jake? Like flings? And what was I, then? Another name on your list of flings?”

“No, Valerie, don’t get me wrong. She was, but you weren’t. I really liked you, and I still do. Can’t we simply get over it and pretend nothing happened?”

He took another step closer and reached out to touch her, but she recoiled and took a step back.

“Don’t!” Jake flinched at the tone of her voice, and she brought her bag to her chest, hugging it as a sort of shield.

“Stay away from me, Jake. Don’t bother trying to make up some excuses or sweeten the pill. I won’t buy anything you’ll be saying from now on, and I’m too busy to waste time with a person like you.”

“Aww, c’mon now, Valerie. No need to take it personally! I told you it won’t happen again!”

She stepped back and looked at him, disgusted and shocked to see that the person standing in front of her was a totally different person from the one she had been dating and she had thought she knew.

“I’m done with you. Stay away from me. I don’t ever want to have anything to do with you. You make me sick. Honestly, I’ve never been more disgusted in my life.”

His shoulders drooped and he sighed, but Valerie couldn’t tell if this was another pantomime he was setting up, hoping to make her feel bad about him, or it was real. Either way, she didn’t care; she was done with him, done with men, done with whatever could steer her attention from her career. She had studied hard to get to where she was and nobody, let alone a playboy like Jake, would be able to spoil it all.

“So that’s it, then? It’s over?”

“I’m not even sure there ever was something between us: It all seems like a big bunch of lies to me now.”

“But it wasn’t, Valerie. I really liked you.”

“Stop it!” she said firmly, having had enough of that useless conversation. “I don’t care whether you liked me, you loved me, or you simply wanted to have some fun with me. I don’t feel anything at all for you right now, so just make it easy on both of us and leave. It won’t be hard for you to find another job in another hospital.”

She spun and stormed out of the room, leaving Jake standing alone in the staff toilets, his t-shirt in his hand and his head bent down in resignation.

~
Thirty-six
~

I should have seen it coming. I should have known it would end up like this
, she thought, while she was quickly running down the corridors toward the closest exit. She needed to breathe fresh air; the smell of disinfectant she had become so used to was now making her sick. She felt a sense of claustrophobia taking hold of her, making her long to get out before she ran out of breath.

Somebody greeted her, but she didn’t stop, she didn’t even recognize who it was, she just pressed on, yearning for one thing only: To get lost in Ryan’s arms.

I should have seen it coming. I should have known it would end up like this
, she kept repeating in her mind, scolding herself, cursing herself for being so naïve.

He was handsome and funny, he was always surrounded by adoring women, and she had always been pleased that it was her he was dating, while they all gave her envious glances whenever they were together.

But she realized now that she had been a fool. He was way too handsome and way too easygoing, and that obviously attracted women like bees around a honey pot.

He didn’t seem like the kind of guy who would cheat or do anything behind her back, especially after chasing her for such a long time, but she should have guessed that, being a man and a very attractive one, he wouldn’t have difficulties in getting what he wanted from other women when he couldn’t get it from her.

She blamed it all on herself, on her upbringing, and on all the good principles she had been taught by her family, and she somehow thought she had deserved it because you couldn’t simply say no to a guy like Jake and expect he would just sit back and wait, twiddling his thumbs. Those would only be some silly girl’s fantasies; the world was a totally different thing altogether.

Still, she had wished that he would be a Prince Charming, not the kind of man he had turned out to be that afternoon.

She didn’t know how she had been able to reach Ryan’s apartment, but as soon as she pressed the doorbell and heard his voice, she knew it was going to be all right.

Ryan was at home working on a new song, and when he heard the tone of her voice in the intercom, he rushed downstairs, wondering what could possibly have happened.

“It’s over!” she cried, before throwing herself into his arms.

“Shh...Val, calm down now. Why don’t we go upstairs so I can make you a cup of tea and you can tell me everything?”

She nodded and sniffed, holding onto Ryan’s body as if her whole life depended on him, then followed him into the elevator.

She didn’t say a word until they reached Ryan’s apartment, and he had locked the door behind him. From the only words she had said a few minutes before, he had understood it had to do with Jake, and he was sure he wasn’t going to like what she was about to tell him. Nevertheless, he put on a sweet, encouraging smile, hoping it would be enough to help her calm down. As they were sitting on the couch, his arm around her and her head leaning against his shoulder, he urged her to let it all out.

“The short version of the story is that I found him having sex with a nurse in the staff bathroom,” her voice cracked and she wiped away a tear with the back of her hand, inhaling deeply before going on. “If I hadn’t got my finger stuck in the locker’s door while I was trying to call you, I would have probably never found out, and I’d be at home preparing dinner for a romantic night with him. I guess you involuntarily saved me from making the worst mistake of my life.”

He squeezed her a bit tighter and felt like running out the door, finding the guy, and kicking his ass. He had never wanted to beat someone so badly in his whole life. Even when Kevin had acted silly with her when they spent Christmas at his place in Maine, he had only warned him to keep his hands off Valerie, and he would have never needed to fight him.

But right now, as he was holding Valerie’s shaking body, all he could think of was how much he wanted to hurt that guy who had caused her so much pain.

Much as he had always wanted to protect Valerie from all the stupid men around, he felt responsible for her pain now because he had been the one who had pushed her into Jake’s arms. If only he had known what kind of guy he was, he would have never let her go out with him in the first place. He would have turned again into her knight in shiny armor and would have protected her the way he had done in the past.

He would never have wanted to hurt her, and he felt so bad about it now, he could slap himself. But he knew that what Valerie needed more than anything right now was his friendship and his love, so he pushed the thoughts away and tried to find the right words that would comfort her.

“He’s a jerk,” he said, rubbing her shoulder with his right hand and brushing away a lock of hair from her face with his left hand. “There’s no other explanation for his behavior. You should be grateful you’ve seen the real him soon enough to spare yourself further pain. It’ll be so much easier to get over him now. I know it’s easy for me to say it, but if he’s that kind of guy, you’re better off without him.”

She sighed and snuggled up closer to his chest: It had always felt so good, so comforting, and she realized now that she had never felt half as good when she was in Jake’s arms.

“I should have known better,” she whispered, her voice hoarse from crying. “I wanted to believe that Prince Charming exists and that it might be him, but I’ve been a fool. A fool and a dreamer. There’s no Prince Charming, and men are just all the same. End of story.”

“Don’t say that. It wasn’t your fault. You only wanted to believe in love, and there’s nothing wrong with that. He was a fool, and he surely doesn’t know what he’s missing. But don’t say that men are all the same. Prince Charming still exists, only it wasn’t him.”