The Mercer's House (Northern Gothic Book 1) (21 page)

‘I can’t afford it,’ said Zanna. ‘I couldn’t even afford to go to Northumberland, really.’

‘Well, at least you won’t need to go back now we know she’s not bricked up in a secret room at the Mercer’s House. You’ll never have to see the Devereuxes again. That’s probably a good thing, considering all the weirdness that went on while we were there.’

‘Except that Will’s gallery has offered me representation, so I’ll have to see him again,’ said Zanna. She said it tentatively, unsure as to how Garrett would react.

‘I thought you hadn’t heard anything from them,’ he said.

‘Apparently they’ve been sending me emails which never arrived. I’m sure it’s this phone. It’s always on the blink. It keeps switching itself off.’

‘Remind me to explain the difference between hardware and software to you one day,’ said Garrett. ‘They got in touch, then, did they?’

‘Yes. Will called, and I told him to send it to a different address since my normal one’s obviously not working properly. They’ve attached a contract. Six months to start with, with the possibility of extending. And they mention giving me an exhibition soon after that if things are going well.’

‘So you’re going to sign your life away?’

His tone was much more serious than usual, and she glanced up and saw that his face was stony. Her heart sank.

‘It’s only six months,’ she said.

‘But you don’t have any pictures. I thought you’d stopped painting.’

‘Well, I did start again for a bit. But no, I don’t have much to offer them at the moment. I’ll have to get going again.’

‘It’ll be difficult to fit that around a full-time job, won’t it?’

‘It would be if I had a full-time job,’ Zanna said. ‘And even then I’d paint at weekends.’

‘When does the agreement start? Can you produce enough in the time? I mean, good stuff—not just paintings you’ve dashed off in a hurry. They’ll know if you’ve cut corners. And you must be a bit out of practice. Do you think you can produce the quality of work they want?’

‘I hope so,’ she said, disconcerted. ‘It was something I dashed off in a hurry that made Will take notice of me in the first place. If he thinks I’m good enough then I’m not going to argue.’

‘But you’ll have to go and stay in Edinburgh all the time. That’s going to be expensive. Hotels aren’t cheap. And you’ll be all by yourself and won’t know anybody.’

‘I know Will and Lou.’

‘Only slightly. They’re not going to be your best friends, are they? It’s a business relationship and it’s not their job to keep you entertained. They both live up there and have their own lives. You can’t just expect them to drop everything to look after you, can you?’

‘Well, no, but I—’

‘And these contract terms—are they any good? Six months isn’t very long. And how much do they get out of it?’

He was sounding more and more irritated, and Zanna felt herself tensing up. He had always known how to get her on the defensive.

‘I thought you’d be pleased for me,’ she said. ‘I thought you’d be happy if I made a success of things.’

‘Of course I’d be happy if you made a success of things. That’s what I want for you. I’m just not sure this is the right thing to do.’

‘But why not?’

He turned and looked at her earnestly, and there was no trace of his usual joking manner.

‘Because there’s still no getting away from the fact of all those weird things that happened when you were in Elsbury. Has that stuff all stopped, by the way?’

‘Yes,’ she said.

‘Are you sure? No more emails or phone messages or strange happenings?’

‘No—well, apart from Will’s emails not turning up. But that might be anything.’

‘Did you try that phone number again?’

‘No, I didn’t think about it,’ she said. She was beginning to feel steamrollered, as she always did when she was with him.

‘Give me your mobile. I’m going to call them from my phone, see if I can surprise whoever it is into answering. They won’t recognize my number.’

She handed it over and he looked through her call history.

‘OK, so you deleted the call log again,’ he said at last.

‘No I didn’t,’ she said tiredly.

‘Well, it’s gone.’ He sighed and returned the phone to her. ‘What are we going to do with you?’ he said.

‘It wasn’t me,’ she said. ‘I never touched it. I haven’t looked at it since that night. I don’t know how it’s happened.’

‘Then if you didn’t do it, who did?’

‘Are you sure it’s not the phone playing up?’

‘It could be, I suppose, although I don’t know why only those particular records are self-destructing,’ he said. ‘And don’t you think it’s a bit of a strange coincidence that the emails from Helen have gone as well? You haven’t lost any others, have you?’

‘Only the ones from Will,’ said Zanna.

‘He has a connection to Helen,’ said Garrett. ‘It’s just really strange that these things only started happening when you turned up in Elsbury and said you were looking for her.’

‘I suppose it is,’ she said.

‘Do you really think it’s a good idea to be keeping in touch with these people?’ he said gently.

‘Maybe not,’ she said. ‘But this is the first decent career opportunity I’ve had in years. Other people who graduated at the same time as I did have done really well, and I feel like I’ve been left behind. I wasted a lot of time when I was with Adam, and now I have the chance to try again. I’d like to accept it, Garrett. It could be a new beginning for me, a chance to move on.’

‘But I don’t want you to move on,’ he said, and at that she looked up and saw his stricken face.

‘Garrett,’ she said.

‘Of course I want you to be successful. You’re beautiful and talented and I always knew someone would recognize that one day. But I thought it would be here in London. Don’t go to Edinburgh. It’s too far away.’

‘It’s not that far,’ she said. ‘And I haven’t said I’m moving up there, have I?’

‘No, but you will,’ he said. ‘I can tell. You’ll sell a few paintings to the Scots, then you’ll get all popular and start making friends, and then someone will suggest you move, and then I’ll never see you again.’

She took a deep breath.

‘But don’t you think that might be a bit healthier?’ she said. ‘You know I can’t give you what you want. I’ve tried to tell you, but you don’t seem to understand. Perhaps it would be better this way.’

‘No. No, it wouldn’t,’ he said crossly. ‘And you’re a fine one to talk about being healthy. I’ve seen you at your worst.’

‘Garrett—’ she said again.

‘Who was there for you when Adam dumped you?’ he said. ‘Who took you out and cheered you up? Who kept an eye on you to see you were OK even after you said you couldn’t handle another relationship? I would have made everything all right if only you’d let me, but I stepped back and let you take things at your own pace, just as you asked me to. And now you tell me you’re leaving. I don’t expect grovelling thanks, but I don’t appreciate being dumped as soon as a better opportunity comes along.’

‘I’m not dumping you,’ she said in distress. ‘We’re friends. Friends are supposed to be pleased for each other when nice things happen.’

‘But this isn’t a nice thing. You’re running away to Edinburgh to chase after this bloke. Don’t think I don’t know that’s what it’s really about. It’s nothing to do with the gallery, is it? It’s him you’re after.’

‘That’s not—’ she began, but he went on:

‘I don’t know why you’re bothering. He won’t do you any good. I know the type—cold and distant, so you can never tell what he’s thinking. But it’s deliberate with him. I bet he’s the sort who likes to keep people off-balance so they never know where they stand with him.’

Zanna said nothing, as she couldn’t deny the same thought had crossed her mind.

‘It’s emotional manipulation, pure and simple. I could see he was that kind of person as soon as I met him. I bet that’s how he gets what he wants out of people. He’ll do it with you, too. He’ll convince you he’s interested in you, and you’ll go running after him and come whenever he calls, then he’ll mess with your head till you think you can’t do without him, just to keep you doing what he wants. Then when he’s bored with you he’ll chuck you and cancel the contract without a second thought, and you’ll be stuck up there in Edinburgh and I’ll have to come and pick up the pieces again. Is that what you want?’

‘Of course not,’ she said. ‘And that’s not what’s going to happen. It’s just a business arrangement.’

‘Look me in the eye and tell me that’s all it is,’ he said. ‘I’ve seen the way you flutter your eyelashes at him. Go on, tell me honestly you’re not interested in him for anything but his money. You can’t, can you?’

‘Don’t be silly,’ she said. ‘I like him, but that’s all. There’s nothing else going on.’

It was almost true. Nothing had happened or was likely to happen as things stood. She felt awful at what she was doing to Garrett. He’d told nothing but the truth: he’d been there all the way through the breakup with Adam, even when she’d used him and given him every right to walk away. He’d offered her friendship and comfort, and even though she hadn’t strictly wanted anything from him, she couldn’t deny that he’d sacrificed his time and his energy to help her through all those bad months. And was this how she wanted to repay him?

‘I wish I could believe that,’ he said. He was silent for a minute or two, then said quietly, ‘Please don’t do this to me, Zanna. I’ve never asked anything of you before, but I’m asking this.’

His words wrenched at her heart. She could have withstood him if he’d got angry, shouted, sulked. But she couldn’t bear his misery, couldn’t bear to feel she’d been ungrateful when he’d been such a good friend to her. Could she leave him alone after all that? She said nothing for a few minutes, struggling with the question. What was the right thing to do? Which was more important—career or friendship? Was it right to trample over other people’s feelings just to have a chance of success? And did she have enough talent anyway? Did she still have what it took? Her tutors at Goldsmiths had been excited about her work, had spoken of her as someone who was likely to achieve great things, but eight years later had she lost whatever ability she’d had? Maybe she’d become stale over the years. What if she went to Scotland and found that nobody liked or wanted to buy her work? Maybe Garrett suspected this would happen and was trying to let her down gently. After all, there must be
some
reason she’d never managed to make a living from her paintings. For the past few years she’d put it to the back of her mind, but lurking in the innermost part of her consciousness was always the fear that she wasn’t good enough—that she was doomed to be one of those talents whose star burned brightly but briefly, and then fizzled out into nothingness. A feeling of inevitability began to creep over her. So that was it. Garrett was doing her a kindness, really. She had no business pretending to be a professional, and it had been stupid of her to attempt it. She should have known there was no way out; that this was all there was or would ever be for her. She had no reason to believe she deserved anything more.

‘All right,’ she said finally, staring straight ahead, not looking at him. ‘I won’t go. I’ll say no. It probably wasn’t a very good contract anyway.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘I had no right to ask that.’

‘No, you had every right,’ she said. ‘I owe you. I’ll stay here and find a job. Maybe I’ll even start trying some galleries in London again, once I’ve finished a few more paintings. If Will and Lou liked my work then there’s no reason why other people shouldn’t like it too.’

‘I’ll help you find something, I promise,’ he said. ‘I can probably swing you a few days’ admin work at the paper just to keep you going for a bit. And I’ll speak to the guys from the Culture section. They’ve got their ear to the ground. They might know of somewhere you can try with your paintings.’

‘Thanks,’ said Zanna. She didn’t hold out much hope for his influence in the art world, but she wouldn’t say no to the office work.

‘Are you going to email them, then?’ he said. ‘Why don’t you do it now, get it over with?’

‘I suppose I might as well,’ she said dully.

She tapped out a short email to Lou, thanking her for the offer but turning it down with regret. She couldn’t bring herself to copy Will in, as she suspected that as soon as he received it he’d phone her to demand why she’d said no.

‘There, it’s gone,’ she said as she pressed send.

‘I’m sorry,’ said Garrett. ‘It was the right thing to do, though. You’ll see. There’s far more for you down here than there is in Edinburgh.’

‘You’re probably right.’

‘I’ll get us another drink,’ he said.

He got up, and she was left to stare at the oil paintings on the wall of the wine bar and think empty thoughts.

W
ILL CALLED the next morning, but she was in bed and didn’t answer, although she knew perfectly well who it would be. He called back again half an hour later, then again after lunch. He obviously wasn’t going to be put off. Eventually, on the fifth call she braced herself and answered.

‘What was that email all about?’ he said, without so much as a greeting.

She had been planning to give some cool explanation as to how Edinburgh was too far and how she’d had some interest from an artists’ collective here in London, but his accusing tone threw her off-balance.