The Meridian Gamble (39 page)

He leans back against the pillows
of his bed with a smile. Pharaoh is appealing, with his arms pinned back in a
helpless way. And it’s difficult for me not to look lower, to see the rest of
him. But I suspect he is only taunting me, that it would be impossible for me
to hurt him unless he let me. And there’s something else, a certain weariness
to his eyes. I almost think he wants me to do it.

I raise the knife over my head,
thinking I should at least try. I am quite skilled with blades, and can throw
them with unerring precision. But as I face him, something stops me. Perhaps
it’s the futility of it all. And I set the knife back on the table.

“No, I don’t want to kill you. I
never did.”

Pharaoh looks at me in surprise.

“Do you not hate me for what I did
to your friend?”

“Why would I? You let her live.
Should I not thank you for that?”

And he laughs.

“No, you should not, because I
tricked you. It was a bit of a ruse. I would never have drank her last drop,”
he says. “That’s one of our secrets. When you drink them to the point of death,
you carry their spirit around with you for years. Sometimes centuries. Can you
imagine having Mar Mar following you around forever?”

“She would talk you to the point of
madness.”

And I can’t stop a quick laugh from
escaping, which he shares in.

“Yes, it would be a form of torture
even I could not endure.”

And I look at him, amazed by this
strange creature sitting before me, and I can’t stop my curiosity from creeping
in.

“What I don’t understand is, it
seemed as if she wanted you to do it.”

“Another of our secrets,” he says.
“Our bite has a venom that causes an almost indescribable pleasure, such that
our victims will almost beg for it.”

And I stare off, confused.
Pleasure, and in venom, again like a snake. Combined with his unnatural beauty,
it seems almost cruel, that he could control someone in that way. But it makes
sense. Why else would Mar Mar be so eager for her death? And I wonder if I will
feel the same way when he finally does this to me.

“Did they not tell you?” he asks.

“No, they did not. They only said
that I should be careful never to let one of your kind bite me. I assumed it
was so that you would not drink my blood.”

And he furrows his brow, looking at
me in confusion.

“You are quite odd for a Luminos,”
he says. “You don’t know much about the monsters you fight. And you do not seem
to understand what it is to be one of your people, to burn with anger and
resentment for the torture we’ve inflicted on you over lifetimes.”

“No, you are the one who does not
understand,” I say, with almost contempt. “Because I am of the Luminos, yet not
of them at the same time. That is why they sent me here, because I am
worthless. I have no past lives to remember, no knowledge that is of value to their
war. I am expendable.”

“Do you mean to tell me that this
is the first life you’ve lived?”

I shake my head.

“No. My second life, apparently.
There was one more, when I was a savage, living in the dirt long ago. In a time
before civilization. But I remember very little of it.”

I don’t know why I tell him this. I
should hide my secrets, yet they escape from me all the same. And he stares at
me, looking me over once more, as though I am the one who is a strange
creature.

“And where do you think you’ve been
all this time?”

“I don’t know,” I say, shaking my
head. “I’ve forgotten.”

“Fascinating. How absolutely
fascinating. You are a conundrum, Saga, my dear.”

I turn, facing him, drinking in his
beautiful features as he leans back against the pillows. And it scares me, to
think that he will lash out at me at any moment, to strike me down. But, he
isn’t moving, as though he is not in a rush, though I know there will be no
escaping this fate.

“Are you going to torture me now?”
I ask, timidly.

“Well, I should. It’s what we do.
You Luminos have a terrible habit of coming back. And I suppose that’s why you
hate us so, because of our cruelty toward you. But we must put some fear in you
over the thought of attacking us, so you’ll consider it carefully before trying
again.”

“You’ll never see me, after this,”
I say. “I’ll be the one who remembers. If I come back to this wretched world,
I’m going to hide from the Luminos. I won’t take part in their silly war. I’ll
never again be their pawn.”

He sits up on the bed once more,
moving next to me, very close. And an involuntary shiver runs through me.

“Then perhaps I won’t torture you
after all. I’m not sure that I want you to stay away.”

This man has an incredible power to
him that makes me feel weak. And I shouldn’t do it, but I cannot stop myself.
And why should I? I have nothing left to lose.

“Will you do something for me? A
small kindness for your most hated foe, since you’re going to kill me anyway?”

“And what would that be?”

“Will you hold me?” I say, softly.
“Just once, I want to see what it feels like to matter, before I leave this
place. To know how it feels to have someone care that I exist. Even if it’s a
lie, even if it only lasts for a little while.”

And a small gust of breath seems to
escape from his lips.

“Yes. Yes, I will do that for you
…”

And Pharaoh finally does lash out.
He grabs me, and pulls me onto his naked lap, burying his face in my neck,
though not to bite me. He holds me close to him, so tightly I feel as though
he’ll never let me go. And he’s warm, so very warm, far more than normal. And
it feels delicious.

He pulls his head away from me,
just a bit, and stares deeply into my eyes.

“I’m going to make you feel like
you matter, Saga. I’m going to make you feel like you matter very much,
indeed.”

He kisses me.
And with one hand, Pharaoh rips off my dress, and tosses it aside. He lies down
on top of me, pushing apart my legs. And for a moment, I feel a pain that
shoots upward into my body, as he presses himself into me. But soon enough, the
discomfort melts into a new sensation. And it becomes the sweetest of
pleasures, as Pharaoh claims me for his own.

I spend the next several days in
Pharaoh’s bed, and never before have I felt such bliss. In my wildest dreams, I
never imagined I would find someone I would want to touch so intimately, who I
would feel so comfortable with that I would never want to leave his side. I
couldn’t even picture having this with Adam, and I wouldn’t mind if Pharaoh
devoured me now, so complete is my happiness. And in that way, I could be a
part of him forever.

Servants come to the room to bring
food for me to eat, and to bathe us. Yet, I never see him drink, which makes me
think he will finally sip from my neck. But he doesn’t. And when we aren’t
making love, we talk of the many things he has seen, the wonders of the world,
which amaze me.

Sadly, it does not take long for me
to betray the Luminos. Perhaps this is Pharaoh’s game, to make me feel
comfortable, so I will tell him my secrets. If so, it isn’t much of a plot,
because I quickly share with him what little I know. I first tell him about the
old man at the gate, of course, who my uncle bribed to let me in. And of my
journey to the arena several days away from here, and we discuss the places
where it could possibly be.

And I tell him more, about my
mother and sisters, and my beloved Lina, who I still worry about. And when I
finally mention that my father is the General, Pharaoh seems surprised.

“I know of this man. He is one of
their greatest leaders. But I had no idea he was back, or that he existed in my
city.”

So, my father is more than a
lieutenant. He is one of their greatest leaders, or so my lover says. And I had
no idea. I can only imagine how pleased he would be to see what I have done
with his training.

Though I don’t want to think about
the future, eventually I become curious about his intentions for me. As we lie
in the bed, enjoying the aftermath of our passion, I turn to him.

“Are you still going to torture
me?” I ask.

“No, I am not, my dear Saga. You
are far too precious for that. And you have beguiled me, completely. Never did
I think I would find such contentment with one of my enemies.”

“Well, what are we going to do?”

“I’m not sure just yet.”

I curl up in his arms, and look
into his unnatural blue eyes, which he claims exist in other parts of the
world. And I want to stay in this place forever. And I begin to wonder if I
can.

“Perhaps we can live a different
kind of life. We’re both eternal, in a sense. Perhaps I can come back to you,
instead of the Luminos. And in that way, we can be together, forever.”

“Perhaps. But I have another idea,”
he says. “I’m thinking of turning you.”

I’m stunned, his words come as a
shock. It had never occurred to me that he would want to change me into one of
the monsters.

“Think on it,” he says. “You won’t
have to suffer the pain of dying. You will stay my young and beautiful Saga,
and we can be together forever. But rest assured, I won’t do this unless it’s
your choice.”

“And what if I say no?”

“Then I will watch you grow old.
And pray that you ignore the Luminos, and come back to me. And in that way, we
will be together forever.”

I smile and
roll on top of him, as we share a sweet kiss. And we begin making love once
more.

Eventually, we are forced to leave
Pharaoh’s chamber. There is to be a dinner of state, and he declares that I
will attend with him. I am to sit in a chair next to his throne, as Pharaoh’s
consort. I have no idea what this will entail, and I am nervous about appearing
before others in this way, as I am little more than a lowly servant girl who
has spent her life fighting in basements.

On the day of the dinner, Pharaoh’s
attendants come to prepare me. I am taken to a private chamber, where they
bathe and perfume me. My hair is combed and decorated with flowers and gold
pins, and I am given a tight white dress to wear that has different colored
threads woven into it in an intricate pattern, the likes of which I have never
seen. It is a dress fit for one of the royals, and I am embarrassed by the
thought of even being seen in it.

They take me to a table in
Pharaoh’s chamber, and decorate my face with make-up. The attendants put
charcoal around my eyes, and grind up a green paste with water, to form more
color with which they decorate my lids. I stare at myself in a mirror made of
bronze, and am amazed by the magic they perform.

The woman I see looking back is a
stranger, nothing like the young woman I’d seen staring back at me from
puddles, in my adolescence. And I can almost see why other’s would call me
pretty, though I will never really think of myself that way.

As they paint my face, the Queen
enters the room, and the servants stop what they are doing to bow to her, as do
I.

“That’s not necessary,” she says,
at least to me. And she looks at my face with concern.

“No, you’re doing this all wrong!”
she screams at the servants. “She has an exotic look, you must raise the lines
up more at the sides of the eyes. In fact, leave this to me …”

The Queen waves them away, and
picks up the charcoal, and begins to put it on my eyes herself. I’m nervous,
almost shaking, not just to be around her, but because I worry what she must
think of me. I cannot help but to wonder if she hates me, and am afraid she
might lash out and snap my neck for having invaded her husband’s bed. But
instead, she dotes over me in an attentive way, and gives my eyes a cat-like
look. What I see in the mirror amazes me. There’s almost a seductive beauty to
my face which I thought could never be there before. And she applies more of
the green paste to my eyes with a brush, along with some copper-colored powder
to my cheeks.

“There. Pharaoh will be so
pleased,” she says.

And I’m grateful, for this gift. My
eyes are brown and mud-like, and do not compare to the beauty of the Queen’s,
which sparkle before me. And though I don’t imagine I will ever match her
attractiveness, at least now there is less of a chance that Pharaoh will become
bored with me when I am sitting near her.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must
go and find Pharaoh.”

But I cannot bite my tongue,
especially after she has been so kind to me.

“Your Highness, may I ask you
something?” I say, before she leaves.

And she stops to patiently listen.

“Do you …”

“Hate you? Despise you for seducing
my husband, the king?” she says, with a smile. “No, I don’t. But it is very
sweet that you would worry about my feelings.”

“Is it not a betrayal that I share
his bed?”

“You know our true nature, Saga. We
have lived for a very long time. Pharaoh and I are no longer lovers. Our
relationship has changed, long ago. We only play these roles as a way to hold
power,” she says. “Besides, it would be a difficult thing to hate you. You have
a sweet nature about you, which is disarming.”

“And has he told you what I am?”

“You are Luminos. Which is a bit
foolhardy on his part. The idea that you could betray us is worrisome. But if
the king is so taken with you, perhaps it will be worth the risk. You can stay
with us forever, and we will be like sisters. Who knows, Pharaoh may have even
found a solution to our war.”

She smiles, and goes to leave the
room. But the Queen turns back to me again.

“And Saga, if we are truly to be
friends, you must call me Marion.”

“Yes, Marion, I will. Thank you,” I
say.

And her words comfort me. Though I
miss Lina greatly, I like the idea of having a sister again.

That night, we go to the large
dining room, the one where Adam and the members of his army were entertained.
And as I’m led to my seat on the dais, Pharaoh is already sitting there, and he
smiles in a way that warms my heart. He’s never seen me looking like this, and
I’m happy that he’s pleased, and am grateful to the Queen.