The Meridian Gamble (43 page)

Cecily comes rushing into my room,
and I am surprised at how I have become accustomed to her uninvited visits. She
is my one true ally in this battle, and it feels like a lifetime since I’ve
seen her last.

“Mademoiselle, the vampire is
here,” she says, with her eyes filled with nervous excitement.

“I know.”

“And you’re going to see him?”

“Of course, I’m going to see him.”

“Are you sure that it is wise?
After what has happened?”

An image flashes in my mind, of
myself in Pharaoh’s bed, sharing passion. And of the moments we spent in the
carriage, after they rescued me from the alley. I take a deep breath, and try
to reign in my intense attraction to Roland. And I find my true self again.

“I will be fine, Cecily. Roland
does not control me. My visit to the past has changed all of that,” I say,
though I’m not quite sure that it’s true.

I turn to our maid, who still looks
at me with fear covering her dull, round face. And I think to myself that the
Luminos have not changed their tactics much. She is a young girl, someone they
think is expendable, who no one will miss if they send her into the heart of
danger. But perhaps they are clever. Even Roland would not think her a spy.

“I need your help, Cecily. Please
arrange a meeting between myself and my people. As soon as possible. I must
find the Luminos again. I have much to tell them.”

“Oui, mademoiselle.”

“And help me
to get dressed.”

I go outside to the garden, where I
have asked to have tea with Roland, despite the protestations of my mother.
It’s a chilly day, though I suspect that he will not even notice the cold. I
remember how powerful I felt as Saga, though in reality, her strength was only
a degree more than that of normal mortals. I could not throw a horse, or lift
large slabs of stone. But I have little idea how far the powers of the monsters
progress over time, or if the older vampires are simply more cunning from
having lived so long. And I wonder how much the daylight affects them, even
when they are finally able to walk in it. There are still so many questions I
have to ask.

I approach the gazebo in our
garden, and Roland is standing there, looking like a vision of masculine
perfection. And his face brightens with a smile when he sees me. He’s so
beautiful, and I cannot help but to feel butterflies in my stomach as we draw closer.
Even though he is hundreds of years old, perhaps thousands, he still looks
fresh and young as he did in the days of Pharaoh, when he was dressed so
differently.

And I wonder how time has affected
him.

“My love,” he says, standing as I
near. “It is so good to see you. The time we’re apart feels like an eternity.”

He kisses me on the cheek, and
allows me to sit. And I stare back at him, coldly.

“I’m sorry to hear you were not
feeling well. I thought it best to let you …”

“Your bite does not control me
anymore,” I say.

And for once, Roland does not seem
powerful and commanding. He is suddenly speechless.

“I am Luminos. I am Saga.”

“What?”

“The memories have started coming
back to me. They’ve freed me from your control. That is why I was sick. I fell
into a stupor, and Saga’s life came flooding back to me in a fever dream,” I
say. “Did you know I was her? Is that what this is all about?”

“I did not know. But I suspected,
or at least thought it could be true,” he says, quietly.

And for the first time, Roland has
a note of guilt to his voice, or at least sounds like a being who’s capable of
remorse.

“There were signs. Your mind is
very difficult to read or influence, which is sometimes a trait of the Luminos.
And you’re both so similar. You have her spirit, you have the same innocence
about you that makes one want to protect you from the horrors of the world. But
there were other things. My feelings were so strong from the moment I saw you,
the strongest I have ever felt since Saga. But after a while, it did not matter
to me who you were. I thought maybe I had just moved on and found love again.”

I will not feel pity for this
creature, I think to myself, this slaughterer of millions. Or at least a
monster who has drank from many, as he does not seem to kill them, for the most
part. It confuses me what to think.

I steady my heart.

“Did you do this to my father?” I
hiss. “Did you destroy his company, so he would be weak, and you could arrange
this marriage to me?”

“No, your father put himself in
that position on his own. Though we may have … helped it along, to facilitate a
union to one of his lovely daughters. But it was all before I knew you,” Roland
says.

He leans across the table, and
stares at me, gravely.

“Though rest assured, I would have
destroyed a thousand companies and anyone who stood in my path, if that’s what
it took to be with you.”

I turn my head away. I’m not sure
if I can believe Roland, after his bite. I know the vampires, and how much they
love their power. They are capable of anything. I do not trust that he would
not lie to me, after the way he has manipulated me.

“Why do you say this?” Roland says.
“Why do you think we’re responsible?”

“The Luminos told me. They have
contacted me.”

Roland sighs in frustration, and
shakes his head. And he leans across the table, staring at me, seriously.

“No, Caroline, no. You must not
contact them. It is not safe,” he says. “How did they reach you?”

“A card,” I say, lying to protect
Cecily. “They sent it to me, under the guise of it being from one of my friends.”

“And what did it say?”

“Just that. That we were being
controlled by your people. And that they would contact me again.”

“And do you still have this card?
Can I see it?”

“I burnt it,” I say, quickly,
without thinking. “It frightened me. I did not think it could be real, until I
remembered.”

He stares at me for a long moment.
And I feel that he can detect my lies with his keen vampire senses. But Roland
says nothing.

“Caroline, whatever you do, you
must not let anyone know you are Luminos. Especially not my people.”

“And why? What would it matter?
You’ve transformed the Luminos before.”

“Things have changed. It would be
an immediate death sentence for you. Only if you are transformed will you be
safe. The blood is sacred, and even a Luminos cannot be destroyed once you
become one of us.”

“So I no longer have a choice? Once
again, you’re telling me I must become vampire?”

“Of course, you have a choice. I
will not force the transformation on you. I will keep you safe. But no one must
ever know your true nature. And whatever you do, you must not let anyone know
you are Saga. You are important, in ways that go beyond you and I. And I am not
the only one who will be interested in your return.”

I don’t feel important. It’s odd
what he says, and I wonder what Roland means. Who else will want to know that
I’m back? Adam? Marion? My sister Lina, if she’s still out there? I’m almost
afraid to ask. Roland leans forward, taking my hands into his own. And the
warmth of them feels so comforting in this cold weather.

“This is our chance, Saga. To be
together, forever. You are here with me now, more beautiful than ever. Our
marriage is set to take place. Don’t throw it away, not over my foolish
mistakes. Not when we’re so close to finding the happiness that was taken away
from us.”

It all sounds so tempting, in the
same way it tempted Saga. But I think back to how that ended, the many deaths
that she caused. And I wonder, if I give in to Roland, will it end that way
again?

And Adam. I have to know what’s
happened to him in the time I’ve been away, if he’s all right. But I cannot ask
Roland, not without him knowing. I doubt even now that he has an inkling of my
true feelings. And I must remember that Adam hates me. The last time I saw him,
he all but told me so. And I can’t help but to wonder if he’s still with
Marion, though that doesn’t seem to be the case. She had that strange
relationship with the man she called her father, the one they sacrificed to
their Elders.

And now I know that’s what they
were, the three strange visitors at the Bennett’s party. And that I scarred the
woman in my first life. It gives me a chill, to think I was so close to them
again. And even worse, that the bald one seemed to know me, though I’m not sure
how he could.

I turn back to Roland, who stares
at me, expectantly.

“Tell me, did you miss me very
much, while I was away?”

“Terribly,” Roland says. “I’ve
looked for you in every face that I’ve seen. I’ve never experienced anything
that resembled my love for you, until now,” he says. “And what of you?”

“Me?” I say, nervously.

“Caroline, your life as Saga was a
very long time ago. Have you been back since then?”

“I … I don’t know. If I have, I
don’t remember.”

But I do remember my death throes
as Saga, and I think back to the image of myself, her vision of the future. In
her moment of death, she seemed to know what her next life would be. Yet, I’m
not sure that I should let Roland know of this strange ability, if it’s
something that all the Luminos have.

“I’m fairly certain that I have not
been back since then,” I say.

“Then do you know where you’ve
gone?”

“I’m not sure. It’s a mystery to
me.”

And it’s his turn to stare off in a
daze, pondering my words.

“Listen to me, Caroline. I know
that you are angry with me. I know you are confused by everything that you are
remembering. And I cannot apologize enough for the foolish things that I’ve
done. But I must ask … do you doubt in your heart that I love you?”

I consider his sweet words for a
moment, and the sincerity I know lies within them.

“No, I don’t. I know you love me
dearly.”

“Good,” he says. “I must go out of
town tonight, for our family’s business. It kills me to leave you, now that I
have found you again. But if I do not go, they will become suspicious. While I
am gone, let your memories come back to you. And the more you remember of your
time as Saga, the more you will have faith that I am being sincere.”

And I think to myself that exactly
what I need is time to sort out what’s going through my head.

“Do not leave your home. Pretend
you are still feeling ill. And if the Luminos contact you, whatever you do, do
not go near them. Will you promise me you’ll do this?”

“I …”

But before I can say anything, a
bright red ball comes rolling toward us from across the yard.

My sisters, the Twins, are nearby,
playing croquet in the garden, wearing adorable velvet jackets to protect them
from the cold. Though the girls hardly know the game, they pretend to play
anyway, hitting the balls about, as one of the maids watches on. And Hope comes
our way, chasing after the wayward globe.

“Caroline, will you play with us?”
she says, as she grabs it.

“In a moment,” I say. “I’m having
tea with Roland right now.”

And I see it, as though for the
first time, though I’ve certainly noticed it before. Hope has a certain glow
about her, only now, I realize what it is; she is Luminos, like me. And I am
suddenly frightened for her.

As with most of the others in
Saga’s life, I do not recognize her from the past. And I am thankful that she
is most likely too young for the memories to have started returning to her,
that she does not recognize me or know of my sins from a past life.

As Hope runs back to continue her
game, Roland looks after her with the slightest bit of interest. But he returns
his gaze to me.

“Caroline, your promise. Do I have
it?”

“Of course,” I say, calmly. “I
promise. I will not go near those people.”

And relief washes over his face.

But I’m lying
to Roland again, because I have no intention of doing what he says. Looking at
my sister, I now know what I must do, if only to protect her. I must make
contact with the Luminos once more.

As I retire to my room that night,
my mind dwells on Roland, and my possible betrayal of him. It feels wrong. When
I look back on my past as Saga, I know that his love is sincere, just as he said,
no matter what he’s done. And I feel something for him too. The idea of being
with him forever appeals to me, and if I do not go through with the marriage,
my family could be destroyed. Yet, there is an imbalance to the vampires. They
lead to death and destruction, and I cannot take part in that anymore. What I
did to poor Philippa Middleton alone will haunt me for lifetimes. I must see
the Luminos again. Perhaps they can save me from this fate.

As I sit in my room, I hear a small
knock at the door. And before I can answer it, Cecily enters. She rushes to my
side, once again.

“It is done.”

“What is done?”

“Your meeting with the Luminos.
Madame LaForge will send you a card tomorrow morning, advertising a new
shipment of wedding dresses. When you go shopping with your mother and sisters,
insist on visiting the store. She will offer you a special gown she has chosen
just for you. Tell your mother that you simply must try it on.”

“Mother will find it hard to
believe that I want to try on a dress. She will want it sent to our home
instead.”

“It is for your wedding, she will
believe you. You must make her. There is no other way.”

“And how did you contact them so
quickly?” I ask.

“A boy from the market who fetches
things for Cook. We send messages back and forth through him.”

Cecily gets up and goes to the door
once more.

“I must get back now, before anyone
notices I’m gone.”

“But …”

“Goodnight, Mademoiselle. And good
luck.”

And she
skitters out again, as quickly as she arrived, leaving me to ponder my
unanswered questions about the strange race to which I belong.