The Mill House (35 page)

'Of course I understand why you're angry,' Josh responded when she told him what had happened, 'but he's always been like that, going off about God when he's not getting his own way, you know that better than I do, so don't let it get to you.'

'That's easy for you to say when you don't have

to put up with it,' she retorted. 'And you're not the one who had the beating.'

'Twenty-odd years ago, and it happened once. Time to get over it.'

'Well, thanks for the sympathy.' 'This isn't exactly new, Julia. OK, it hasn't come up in a while ...'

'Stop, stop,' she cried, not wanting to get into an argument about that, when right now it wasn't really relevant. 'Just tell me what you make of the cheques.'

There was a moment as he thought. 'Well, blackmail is obviously the first thing that comes to mind ...'

'But he didn't bank them. Why?' 'If there's an answer to that, it's going to be down there with you.'

'And all those things belonging to me. What's that about?'

'He was your father. He wanted to hang onto stuff that was yours.'

'Would you do the same if it was you, with Shannon?'

'I guess so, but considering the circumstances, I'm not sure I like where this is going ...'

'Try not to make it about you,' she retorted, and hearing him laugh she smiled. 'Just tell me you don't think it's anything sinister,' she said. 'Did it feel creepy when you found it all?' 'Not really. Actually, it was quite touching,' but even as she said it, she felt a shiver run through her. 'Well, maybe it is a bit odd,' she said, 'but that could be because everything's been tainted by that call from my uncle. He - and my mother, let's not

forget her - are absolutely desperate to stop me going through this house, which is making me all the more determined to carry on.'

'Why doesn't that surprise me?' he commented. 'But listen, I have to go. I've got another call holding, and I'm due in a meeting in ten minutes.' 'Dan's OK is he?'

'He's fine. Call and speak to him if you want to be sure. Now, I'm gone. I'll talk to you later,' and the line went dead.

'Well thanks for that,' she muttered, hanging up too. She was trying hard to understand that he had other priorities right now, important to him and his agency as well as to their livelihood, but this was important to her, and she wanted his support. However, she clearly wasn't going to get it in the next half an hour, so to make sure that odious uncle of hers didn't get under her skin for a moment longer, she decided to give her mother-in-law the privilege instead. She would ring to find out how brilliantly the old dear was coping with her beloved son and grandson in her selfish and neglectful daughter-in-law's absence.

After finishing his call with Julia, Josh was now speaking forcefully to a bewildered editor at a major publishing house, whilst keeping a regular check on the time. 'But what the hell happened?' he was demanding. 'A week ago the woman was all ready to sign the contract, now, after a lunch with you, she's refusing to go near it. So what was said, for God's sake?'

'I swear, I've got no idea,' the editor replied, it all seemed to go well ... Christ, I've known her

for six years, we've never had a problem before.'

'Well, it looks like you've got one now, so may I respectfully suggest that you get on the phone and find out exactly what went wrong, or there'll be no deal, which isn't what either of us wants.'

As the editor rang off Josh clicked over to take another call. 'Can you hold please for Janet Greene, a perky young voice requested.

He immediately returned to his open agenda, checking what was on for the rest of the day, but as his eyes skimmed down the page his thoughts were returning to Julia, immediately stirring the wretchedness inside him for the way he was deceiving her. He pictured her down there in Cornwall, so beautiful and capable, and yet so alone in her search for answers to her father's desertion. He wanted to be there with her, to protect her from any more pain, even though right now he was its greatest source. He didn't understand how he could do this to her, it made no sense when he loved her so much, and recalling the way she'd broken down on the phone yesterday he felt such an overwhelming surge of self-loathing that it seemed almost to choke him. He had to make this up to her, and he would, just as soon as he'd worked out how.

Making a mental note to call her back once he'd finished with Janet Greene, he then instantly reversed it, since the next hour or so probably wouldn't be the best time to be talking to her.

'Josh, how are you?' Janet Greene enquired, in her honeyed Scots tones. 'I'm surprised you're not at some glossy West End restaurant having an expensive lunch on my account. That's what you agents do in the middle of the day, isn't it?'

Ignoring the jibe he'd heard a hundred times before, and from a hundred different authors, he said, 'You want to know about the royalty cock- up. I'm on it, so don't worry, it'll get sorted. How's the new book coming along?'

As she regaled him with far more information than he needed, he waved out to Marina as she went off to lunch, then going to close the door between their two offices he started to wind up the call.

When finally he was free, he switched the main phones through to the answering machine and took out his mobile. For several long minutes he merely stared down at it, turning it over in his hand as doubt and indecision clouded the purpose in his mind. In the end, reminding himself he could ring off at any second, he began to press in the number.

As he waited for the call to connect he walked over to the window, his thumb still poised ready to cut the line. He thought he would, he was sure he would, but when it started to ring at the other end, he just let it.

'Hi,' he said, when Sylvia's voice finally came down the line. 'Did I wake you?'

'No, I was just dozing,' she responded sleepily. 'This is a nice surprise.' 'Are you jet-lagged?'

'Maybe just a little.' She yawned and stretched. 'Where are you?' 'At the office.'

There was a pause before she said, 'You're back in London already?'

'I was on my way here when I got your message.'

'Then it seems we're both back early,' she said, sounding sultry and pleased.

'I'd like to see you,' he told her.

'Well, I imagine that can be arranged. When?' 'I can come now.'

'Then I'll be waiting.'

After ringing off he grabbed his coat, dropped the mobile in his pocket and went outside to hail a cab. He wasn't thinking about anything now beyond his reason for going there. He wanted nothing to distract him, nor would he consider the nightmare of Julia finding out that Sylvia was already back in London, for never in a million years would she believe that it had nothing to do with his own early return. But it didn't, because he hadn't even known Sylvia had left New York until he'd picked up her message telling him that her plane had just landed at Heathrow. By then he'd been at home, dropping Dan off, and though she'd rung two or three times since, he'd been careful not to call her back until a few minutes ago, when no-one else was around.

By the time the cab pulled up outside her mews house he was so bound up in guilt and apprehension that he almost told the driver to keep going. He was crazy to come here and he knew it, since he barely trusted himself any more than he did her, but she was ringing so often now, and was starting to sound so serious and even possessive that he needed to make her understand that their relationship really was over. What was more, he needed to do it in a way that left neither of them in any doubt that he meant it.

As the cab pulled away and he turned to the door, he had to concede that allowing her to think he couldn't wait to see her had probably not been a good move, for even he was now seriously doubting his true motive for coming.

She didn't speak into the entryphone, merely buzzed to release the door, then hung up again. As he walked through her workshop he was wondering how he would handle it if she was naked when she opened the door, or dressed in such a way that she might as well be. The mere thought of it was starting to turn him on, and as he pictured it he found himself thinking, maybe one last time - a kind of goodbye. No-one would ever know, and what difference would it make when it had already happened so many times before?

The answer, he knew, was that Julia would be absolutely devastated if she knew he was here, never mind his purpose, so he must keep reminding himself of that: he'd only come because he didn't want to go on hurting and deceiving her the way he had been.

Sylvia was waiting at the door, wearing, to his relief, a silk, cream-coloured suit that was quite modest in its cut, though the shortness of the skirt showed off her bare legs to perfection, and not all the jacket buttons were fastened, but at least she was dressed.

'Hi,' she murmured, raking him with her ice- blue eyes, before lifting her mouth for a kiss.

Pressing his lips briefly to hers, he walked on into the room where her suitcase was in the middle of the floor, and a freshly opened bottle of wine was on a table in front of the window.

'I can't stay long,' he said, turning as she closed the door.

Her eyebrows went up, but she made no comment as she sauntered past him to go and pour the wine.

'Not for me,' he said, as she made to fill the second glass.

Her hand paused, but then continued to pour. 'So is there something else you would like?' she enquired, picking up her own wine and turning round to lean back against the table.

For a moment he was able to look into her eyes, but then his own moved away as he said, 'We have to talk.'

She arched her eyebrows and sipped her wine. 'Considering how much we've done of that lately, I rather thought you might be ready for something a little more . . . physical, by now.'

He swallowed hard and dug his hands into his coat pockets. 'You know what I'm saying. We have to end this.'

For several seconds she seemed to have no reaction at all, until finally she started to smile. 'Poor Josh,' she said, 'you're clearly having a dreadful struggle with your conscience again. I can't say I'm surprised, though I am a little disappointed, because I was so looking forward to our reunion. I've missed you, my darling, and I don't think you can deny that you've missed me too.'

'Sylvia, please,' he said. 'We had an agreement. As soon as one of us wanted out...'

'I do remember,' she assured him, 'but a lot's happened in the past few months, things have

changed between us, you know that as well as I do.' 'No, not for me.'

'I think it has,' she corrected. 'And I've become extremely attached to you too.'

A thud of alarm beat in his heart. 'But you know Julia means everything to me,' he said, trying to keep his voice calm. 'I've never tried to pretend otherwise, and it hasn't changed. It was only because... Well, you know why this affair started, and it was never meant to last.'

Sylvia nodded thoughtfully and took another sip of wine. 'Are you sleeping with her again?' she asked.

His eyes didn't meet hers as, wishing he could say yes, he replied, 'That's not the point. I love her, she's the only woman I want...'

Sylvia laughed softly. 'Now we both know that's not true,' she chided. 'You want me too, Joshua. Very much in fact, and look at me, I'm not resisting, am I? I'm right here, and you know you can do anything you want to me.'

His groin tightened at the words, and he could only feel glad she was unable to see it.

'You know, I'm prepared to make a lot of changes in my life for you ...'

'No?' he cut in. 'Don't. Christ, it's the last thing I want.' She regarded him sceptically. He dashed a hand through his hair and started to pace 'Look, I'm not denying it was good between us,' he said, 'or that I haven't enjoyed our times together, but it has to end, Julia ...'

Her eyes narrowed as she registered the wrong name.

'Don't read anything into that,' he told her sharply. 'Just don't.'

She took another sip of wine, watching him intently over the rim of the glass. 'Tell me why you're really here,' she said finally.

'I'm trying to,; he answered. 'I need you to understand that you have to stop calling me ...'

'But you didn't have to come here in person for that, you could have told me on the phone.'

'I've tried,' he said, 'OK, maybe not hard enough, but that's why I'm here now, to make sure you understand that we can't be in touch any more.'

Turning to put down her glass, she folded her arms across her waist, then regarded him again. 'The trouble with you, Josh,' she told him, 'is that you say one thing and mean another.'

'I mean what I'm saying.'

She was shaking her head. 'But your actions aren't bearing it out,' she said, sitting up on the table and resting her feet on a chair. 'First, you try to find a way to see me in New York, then you come straight up to London the minute you hear I'm back ... You're here now because you couldn't wait to see me ...'

Appalled by how she'd misread everything, he said, 'Sylvia, I promise, you've got totally the wrong end ...'

'Darling, it's fine by me if you don't want to admit it,' she cut in, 'I'm not going to force you - why would I, when I know the truth without having to be told? And the truth is, we both know you won't be leaving here today until you've had what you came for. So really, all this talking now is nothing more than a waste of time.'