The Minnesota Candidate (28 page)

“I did,” agreed Tom. “But wake me up in an hour.
I want to get Steve and Lumpy out of here.”

“But they’re out of gas.”

“The boat is full. I’ll siphon out a few gallons
and dump it into Steve’s pile of crap. It isn’t even noon yet and
they’re both drunk. You go downstairs and cut them off. We’ll sober
them up and send them packing.”

“What about Marie?”

Tom thought about that. He didn’t like Marie, he
had never liked Marie, but she did keep his mom out of their hair.
“I don’t know,” he said. “She keeps mom busy.”

“I know and she can stay, but you have to talk
to the both of them. They’re not getting into my parent’s house. I
won’t have it.”

Tom held his hands up and nodded his sleepy
head. “I’ll talk to them.”

Shari walked to the door and turned to say
something else, but Tom was already getting undressed. She smiled
and decided to burn his new clothes as soon as he was asleep. She
walked downstairs and stared at the telephone. She had to call
Chona, but she was afraid of what Chona might say. Silently, Shari
chastised herself for accusing Sam of stealing her gun. She prayed
that there was some way she could make it up to him.

And then the phone rang.

Shari walked over to the telephone and stared in
shock at the name on the caller ID. She picked up the telephone.
“Hello?”

“Shari, its Chona. We have to talk. Did I catch
you at a bad time?”

“No, not at all, I suppose this is about the
house?”

“Yes, that’s exactly what it’s about. I just got
off the telephone with my insurance agent. The house and everything
in it was covered. We can’t rebuild it in a week, but we can
probably have it completed by the middle of July. I’m sorry, but
that’s just the way it is.”

“But you’ll rebuild it. I thought you were
staying down in Rochester?”

“You don’t understand, Shari. I don’t want to
rebuild the house. I’m required to rebuild it by my insurance
company. Don’t think that we’ve forgotten about what you said to
Sam. You really hurt him.”

“I’m so sorry about that,” groaned Shari. “Will
you please tell him that? I was out of my mind, Chona. I didn’t
know what I was saying. I’m begging you… please tell him how sorry
I am.”

For a long moment, Chona was silent. “Okay, but
I’m not making any promises. I can’t speak for Sam, but I’ll try
and put the incident behind us. You and I are going to need to work
together. But I’m warning you, that kind of shit doesn’t fly with
me. Are we clear on that?”

“Oh yes, you have my word on that. Thank you,
Chona, thank you so much. Give my love to Sam, will you?”

“I already did, Shari, I already did.”

Shari actually laughed as she hung up the phone.
Her prayers seemed to have been answered. Her heart seemed a
hundred pounds lighter. She put on a pot of coffee and opened up
the patio door, enjoying the cool breeze that blew in from across
the bay. She saw that Lumpy and Steve were sitting at the end of
the dock, hanging their feet in the water. Doris and Marie stood
behind them, smoking. There were even boats out on the lake, which
made everything seem right in the world. Shari was so happy that
she began to sing an old Blondie song. She danced around the
kitchen as she tidied up the room.

Upstairs, Tom was having a hard time falling
asleep. Exhausted as he was, he just couldn’t shut down his brain.
He was going to have to get Shari out of the house, but he had no
idea how he would be able to do it without making her suspicious.
She had proven herself to be highly perceptible to what was going
on around her. If she caught him inside the big house, she may well
throw him out into the street.

Tom thought about Sam and wished he was there to
give him advice. Sam would know what to do, Tom was sure of it. If
what Mrs. Kindersley had told him was true, Tom was going to need
help finding that ray gun. Even the thought of a ray gun made him
laugh. The whole idea now seemed as far-fetched as the plot to a
James Bond movie. But Mrs. Kindersley had not been laughing when
she had explained it to him. She had been extremely serious and Tom
had never known her as being a practical joker. Besides, she had
given him the journals; jokers didn’t go to such lengths to fool
people, at least, they didn’t in Tom’s world.

Tom fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of ray
guns and secret Muslim agents.

Shari slipped into the bedroom and picked up the
green slacks and the plaid shirt and after checking the pockets,
she stuffed them into a trash bag. She brought them down to the can
before returning to the bedroom. Tom’s hour was up and she was
excited to tell him the news. “Hey baby,” she said, caressing his
arm, “time to wake up.”

Tom pried his eyes open and felt worse than he
did before he fell asleep. He pulled himself into a sitting
position and yawned. “Do we have coffee?” he asked.

“I just brewed a fresh pot. Honey, I have
fantastic news. I just got off the telephone with Chona. She and
Sam saw your mother’s house on the news and you’ll never guess what
she said.”

Tom felt instantly awake. “Oh my God, what did
she say?”

“She said that the house and everything in it
was covered by her insurance. Can you believe it? And it gets
better, are you sitting down?”

“Look at me.”

“Ha, I know, I know, but this just keeps getting
better. Chona is required by her insurance company to rebuild your
mother’s house. Don’t ask me how that works, but I’m certainly not
complaining. Chona and Sam are on their way back from Rochester and
they plan to return to work on Monday. Isn’t that wonderful? She
said the house should be done by the middle of July.”

“Did you talk to Sam?”

“No, but I begged Chona to ask him to forgive
me.”

“He’s a big man. I’m sure he’ll put it behind
him.”

Tom smiled and reached out for Shari. The two
embraced and exchanged a short kiss. “Oh,” she said, “somebody has
a bad case of stinky-breath. I want you to march into that bathroom
and brush those teeth.”

Tom’s smile vanished, but it quickly returned as
Shari began to undress. “Oh… right,” he said, “I’ll be right
back.”

Later that afternoon, Doris and Marie stood in
front of the big house and stared at the chain. “If I were you,”
said Marie, “I’d be mad as hell. What, doesn’t she trust you?”

“I guess not,” said Doris, “and after everything
I’ve done for her.”

“That chain looks ridiculous. Who does shit like
that? What a little bitch.”

“I can’t stand the sight of her. I wish Tommy
would get a good lawyer and take her for half of everything he
owns.”

“Why stop at half? I’ve got just the lawyer for
him. You just say the word.”

Doris nodded her head and continued staring at
the house. “How in the hell are we going to get in there?”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” said Marie,
scratching the whiskers on her chin. “All this time, we’ve been
trying to get in through the front door. Ain’t there a back
door?”

“There are like five of them, but those are all
chained and locked.”

“What about the windows?”

“They’re barred, every single one. The backside
of this place looks like a prison.”

“Well, Sam would feel right at home.”

Doris and Marie both howled with laughter. “Stop
it,” said Doris, “you’re killing me.”

The fit of laughter passed and Marie began
walking around to the back of the big brick house. Doris followed
along and they began dreaming out loud as to what they would
discover inside the old house. “If I had a lot of money,” said
Marie, “like if I was a millionaire or something. I would keep a
big pile of cash hidden in my house. You know, just in case the
banks went tits up.”

Doris nodded her head in agreement. “I’d do the
same thing with silver and gold.” From out front, Shari drove away
in her fancy car. Doris watched her go and she was happy that Shari
hadn’t seemed to notice them. “The dizzy bitch,” she said. “She
didn’t even see us.”

“She’s probably too busy counting her money.
Rich people do stuff like that.”

“Oh, I know they do,” said Doris. “Maybe someday
that’ll be us.”

Marie nodded her head. “You can take that to the
bank, sister.”

Where the front of the massive home was flat,
the backside was odd-shaped and seemed to jut out in every
direction imaginable. There were moss-covered patios and sundecks
on the upper levels of the four-story home. Marie tried each of the
five back doors, but Doris had been right, they were practically
sealed shut. “What did I tell you?” asked Doris. “Those locks just
make me crazy. What could she be hiding in there?”

“Millions,” said Marie.

“Billions,” replied Doris, “who knows?”

“What if precious Shari was to have a little
boating accident? You know, I was thinking about that when we were
out on the lake.”

Doris shook her head. “How could you even think
such a thing? That’s Tommy’s wife we’re talking about. Just because
we don’t like her, doesn’t mean we should have her whacked.”

“I wasn’t going to have her whacked. I could do
it, myself.”

Doris considered this, but she frowned and shook
her head. “No way, Marie, we could get caught and spend the rest of
our lives in prison. Don’t you ever watch those shows on
television? The cops always catch people who kill people for their
money. I’ll be happy with Tommy’s half. Do you have the number to
that lawyer?”

“I was just kidding around.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“Whatever… I have that number at home. I’ll get
it for you when Tommy is ready to file for divorce.”

They walked around one of the many corners and
came face-to-face with Tom. “Tommy,” exclaimed Doris, “you damn
near scared the crap right out of me.”

“What is all this talk about me getting a
divorce? Don’t lie to me, ladies, I heard every word you just
said.”

“What did you hear?” asked Marie.

“I heard you tell Mom something about me getting
a divorce.”

“Yeah,” said Marie, “well, I was just telling
your ma that I know of a good lawyer, just in case you and Shari
get a divorce. Face it, Tommy, now that she doesn’t look like
Popeye the Sailor anymore, she can have any guy she wants. No
offence, but you ain’t no George Clooney.”

“She’s right, Tommy,” said Doris. “You’re no
George Clooney.”

Tom was so angry that he brushed past them
without saying a word. Tears stung his eyes as he walked away. And
he began muttering really bad things that no one should ever say
about their own mother.

When Tommy was out of sight, Marie turned to
Doris. “He’s got thin skin, just like his old man.”

“Do you think he was angry?”

“Oh yeah, he was mad as hell, not that I give a
shit. What do you suppose he was doing back here, anyhow?”

“I don’t know, but I was just thinking the same
thing.”

“I’ll bet he was doing the same exact thing that
we’re doing. He’s looking for a back way in.”

“Oh, my Tommy would never do that. He’s a good
boy, Marie.”

“Maybe he is, maybe he isn’t. What do you really
know about him, anyhow? You thought Sam was a good kid and look how
he turned out. I’m just saying that we need to keep an eye on
Tommy. We can’t let him get in here before we do. If he does, you
can kiss those millions goodbye. I’m not kidding, Doris.”

“I see your point, but I’m sure we don’t have
anything to worry about. I ought to know my own son.”

“And he should know you, but he doesn’t. If he
did, he wouldn’t let you within ten miles of this place.”

Doris laughed at that and Marie joined her. They
continued walking around the house and staring up it as they slowly
waddled past. Suddenly, Doris pointed up to a fourth story window
and she began to jump up and down. “Look,” she cried, “do you see
that window? Marie, it’s open a few inches.”

“Oh my God,” said Marie. “You’re right!”

The window was open, but it was also fifty feet
in the air. Doris felt woozy just looking up at it. She knew she
couldn’t climb a ladder, open the window and climb inside. The
thought made her skin prickle with goose flesh. “But I’m afraid of
heights,” she said, “how about you?”

“Absolutely petrified, I can’t even look up at a
tall building without losing my balance.”

“But how are we going to get up there?”

Marie gave Doris a confident nod. “We’re not
going up there. Lumpy and Steve are going up there. Come on,
sister; let’s go see about getting a ladder.”

“Lumpy and Steve,” said Doris, excitedly. “Why
didn’t I think of them?”

What they didn’t know was that Tom had also
spotted the open window. At that moment, he was on the telephone
with a rental company asking about extension ladders. Furthermore,
Tom had already dumped four plastic jugs of gas into Steve’s car.
Lumpy and Steve were already halfway to Minneapolis. The women
continued walking around the house at what they considered to be a
brisk pace. “We’re going to have to figure out a way to cut the
power,” said Marie. “If I have to, I’ll use a damn butcher knife.
Nothing is going to stop us.”

They were back around to the front of the big
house and walking across the lawn. Doris pointed down to the end of
the driveway. “Steve’s car, it’s gone,” she said.

“Where the hell did it go? Those guys didn’t
have any gas.”

“How am I supposed to know? I’ve been with
you.”

Marie stopped and put her hands on her wide
hips. “Well, this is just great,” she said in a voice thick with
sarcasm. “I don’t have their telephone numbers, do you?”

“I lost all of my phone numbers in the fire. I’m
sure that Tommy has them.”

“Sure he does, we’ll have to get them without
Tommy knowing about it. He’d want to know why we want them and it
ain’t any of his business, anyhow. Ugh, I just hate the idea of
having to call those nitwits. Are you sure you couldn’t climb in
that window? What if we practiced it?”