The Minnesota Candidate (32 page)

“You can say that again,” said Marie.

A blast of wind whipped rain into the garage and
Tom walked back to the far wall to close the door. He had been
about to ask where the cigarettes had come from, but he caught
himself in the nick of time. Shari hadn’t left her beloved car in
the driveway, he seemed sure of it. Still, he could never admit
that to anyone. Tom closed the door and rejoined the smoking women.
Shari coughed as she smoked. “I haven’t done this since college,”
she said, offering the cigarette to Tom.

“No thanks,” he said, waving his hand at the
coffin nail. “Who wants breakfast? I was thinking about scrambling
up some eggs.”

“I’ll have mine over easy,” said Marie, crushing
her cigarette under her shoe.

Doris dropped hers in the same spot and ground
it out. “You know me, honey. I’ll take three eggs poached and three
pieces of toast. Thank you, this is really a treat.”

Shari continued smoking as the two women walked
into the house. “I thought for sure that I parked in here,” she
said. “I don’t know… with everything going on, I feel like I’m
losing my mind.”

“What did you think of the journals?”

“I don’t want to talk about them. I don’t want
to talk about anything serious, okay? I’m sorry, but this day has
gotten off to a horrible start. I just want to have some breakfast
and coffee. I’m just not ready to deal with anymore bullshit. We
can talk later.”

Tom watched as Shari dropped her cigarette to
the floor. Without even stomping it out, she tossed her head back
and walked to the door. Tom waited until she was gone. He then
began doing a mad dance of rage. He swung his arms and kicked his
legs and silently screamed at the open rafters. He was so angry
that he picked up Shari’s cigarette and he began to smoke it.

“What are you doing?” asked Shari, who was
suddenly standing at the door.

“What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Put that thing out. Your mom says that she’s
starving.”

Chapter 24

“Boy,” said Sam, standing at the window, “this
is one helluva storm.”

Chona was still in bed and she sat up, sleepily.
“What time is it?”

“It’s almost seven. I’m going to Mass at that
church down the street. Would you like to come along?”

“You know what? That sounds good. If we get
moving, we can make the eight O’clock service.”

“Yeah, I was thinkin’ the same thing. I love ya,
baby-doll.”

“And I love you, too, cutie-pie.”

Sam smiled, remembering the last time someone
had called him cutie-pie. He had broken the guy’s nose. “I’ve
already got the coffee on. Should I bring you a cup?”

“No, thank you. I’ve got to get up and get into
the shower.”

“I’m all done in there. Knock yourself out.”

Chona swept the covers back and climbed out of
bed, completely naked. Sam smiled as he watched her walk into the
bathroom. She was muscular, but curvy in all the right places. He
couldn’t believe how much his life had changed in such a short
amount of time. He walked into the kitchen and refilled up his
coffee cup. He had been up since 4:00 and was already into his
second pot. He sat down at the kitchen table and stared out the
window into the driving rain, thinking about his conversation with
Fat Tommy and Shari. “A ray gun,” he said, chuckling to himself.
“That’s rich, Tommy. Now I’ve heard everything.”

Thunder boomed overhead and the rain obscured
the houses across the street. Sam hoped the storm would let up
while they ran to church. He sipped his coffee, knowing in his
heart that he had done the right thing by spilling the beans to
Shari. Two wrongs didn’t make a right and nobody knew that better
than he did.

The rain did let up and Sam and Chona walked to
St. Olaf’s Catholic Church, under the protection of Chona’s
umbrella. The church was nearly filled to capacity and they had to
sit in the back pew. Parishioners continued to funnel into the
sanctuary. The elderly were offered folding chairs and younger
members stood in the wings. Father Ericson said Mass and gave a
powerful sermon about standing up for Jesus Christ and the Catholic
Church. “These are dark days,” he had said, and God had seemed to
answer with a roaring clap of thunder. Later, after they returned
home, Sam asked Chona about that.

“That was uncanny,” she said. “I know my heart
was pounding.”

“Yeah, mine too. I thought that old Priest was
gonna have a heart attack.”

Chona laughed. “So, you never told me about how
it went with Tom and Shari. Were you able to sort things out?”

“Well, that depends on how you look at it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, we had a long talk, but it wasn’t about
her thinkin’ I stole her gun or nuttin’ like that. As a matter of
fact, I’m kind of embarrassed to tell you what we talked about.
You’ll think it’s crazy.”

“I will not. Go ahead and tell me, now you’ve
got me curious.”

“Tommy didn’t want me to tell anyone, but I
ain’t gonna start keepin’ secrets from you. I expect the same in
return. Secrets are the torpedoes that sink marriages. I know we
ain’t married, but it means the same thing.”

“I couldn’t agree more. I promise never to keep
secrets from you, Sam. Now, tell me what you guys talked
about.”

Sam tried to remember where Tommy had started.
“I’m warning you, this whole story is gonna sound nuts.”

“Just tell it like they told it to you.”

And that’s exactly what Sam did. When he had
finished, Sam thought Chona had proven herself to be a good
listener, barely interrupting his story more than a dozen times.
That wasn’t too shabby, Sam thought, for a woman.

“I believe every word of it,” Chona said,
excitedly. “I’ve read a ton about microchips and how the New World
Order plans to use them to control the population. If Shari’s
father invented something that destroys these chips, we have to
find it.”

“Yeah, but a ray gun? Come on, honey-buns, that
sounds like somethin’ straight outta Flash Gordon.”

“Sugar-pie, a ray gun makes perfect sense. Just
think about it. The world has gone crazy and we have to do whatever
we can to set things right. Let’s get changed and drive over there.
Shari has to let us in that house.”

“You’re the boss.”

They went into the bedroom and undressed, but
they didn’t remerge for another hour. Sam wore a white t-shirt over
blue jeans and Chona wore a blue button-up shirt over a pair of
khaki shorts and running shoes. Sam called Tom and told him that he
and Chona were going to drive out to talk about the rebuilding
project. Tom said something about having car trouble and they would
be home all day. They locked up the house and jumped into the Ford,
with Sam taking the wheel. “You never let me drive,” she
pouted.

“A real man always drives, that’s just the way
it is.”

“You’re such a male chauvinist.”

“Nope, I’m just old school. My old man taught me
that.”

“Tell me more about the house. Tom said that
it’s full of booby-traps? Did he say what kind?”

“I dunno nuttin’ about that, so we’re gonna have
to be really careful. I was thinkin’ that maybe you should stay at
the other house while we go in there.”

“I’ll do no such thing. I’m a big girl and I can
take care of myself.”

Sam started the Ford and backed out of the
little driveway, into the alley. “I knew you were gonna say
something like that,” he said. “You just stick close to me,
okay?”

“I will, I promise.”

The traffic was surprisingly heavy for a Sunday
morning. They were both happy to see the gas stations had reopened
and while there were still lines at the pumps, they were much
shorter. Sam drove with both hands on the wheel while Chona made
calls on her iPhone. Traffic ground to a halt on 394 and inched
along for several miles. By the time they pulled up to the gate, it
was nearly noon. “Yeah, it’s me,” said Sam to the talk-box, “Open
up!”

The gate opened and Sam pulled through. “This is
so beautiful, isn’t it?” asked Chona. “God, I’d kill to live out
here.”

Sam turned to face her. “I know plenty of guys
that thought the same thing. You should see where they’re livin’
now. Don’t ever talk like that.”

“I’m sorry, buttercup. It was just an expression
of speech.”

“Ah, don’t worry about it. I know you didn’t
really mean what you said. Yeah, this is really a nice place they
got.”

The Ford topped over the rise and the big house
rose majestically before them. Chona stared at the house as they
drove past. “I can’t wait to get in there,” she said. “I can’t
believe that no one has been inside that place for five years.
That’s just crazy.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what Shari says. Look, they
must have lost a tree in the storm. That’s too bad, that was some
big tree. Hey, what’s that underneath it?”

“It almost looks like it could be a car.”

“That’s just what it is. That’s Shari’s
car.”

“Oh, the poor girl.”

“Are you kiddin’ me? Take a look around and say
that again. I dare ya.”

Sam shifted the Ford into park and shut off the
engine. They climbed out under the cloudy sky and walked around to
where they could skirt the fallen tree. The little car was crushed
almost beyond recognition. Tom waited for them on the other side of
the mess and he stood shaking his head. “We just can’t catch a
break,” he said. “Can you believe it?”

Behind Tom, standing in a cloud of smoke, stood
Doris and Marie. Sam nodded his head. “Yeah,” he said, “I can
believe it.”

“Hi Sam,” said Marie, “I’ve never met your
granddaughter.”

Doris roared with laughter. “Maybe it’s his
great granddaughter?”

“Will you two knock it off?” asked Tom. “Mom,
Marie, this is Chona. She’s going to be rebuilding your house.”

“What kind of a name is Chona?” asked Doris.

Chona strode over to stand in front of her.
“Look Boris, I’m Sam’s girlfriend. Do you have a problem with
that?”

Doris backed away. “No, I don’t have a problem
with that. We were just joking around. Umm… my name is Doris, not
Boris.”

Chona glared at her. “Oh, so it isn’t funny when
someone makes fun of your name, is it?”

“No, I was just curious, that’s all. I’m
sorry.”

Chona pointed at the women. “Sam has told me all
about you two. I’m going to be blunt. I’m nobody you want to mess
with. I run my construction company with an iron fist and I don’t
put up with any crap. You might be Tom’s mother, but that doesn’t
mean anything to me. We’ve got a job to do and I’m here to get it
done. You don’t have to like me. One more thing: anyone who messes
with Sam messes with me. And ladies, I play hardball.”

“You know what?” asked Marie, “I like your
style.”

“Me too,” said Doris, offering Chona her hand.
“I’m sorry if we got off on the wrong foot.”

Chona shook Doris’ hand and then she shook
Marie’s. Sam watched the scene unfold feeling proud of Chona, but
also wishing she would have punched both women in the mouth.

“Shari is inside making lunch,” said Tom. “Shall
we go inside?”

“Sure, that’d be great,” said Sam.

Doris and Marie continued to smoke as the others
walked into the house. “I don’t like her,” said Doris.

“I hate her stinkin’ guts,” said Marie, spitting
onto the patio. “Who the hell does she think she is, anyhow?”

“She’s a dirty little bitch, that’s who she
is.”

“I hope Sam gives her an STD.”

Doris laughed. “How are we going to get into
that house with everyone here?”

Marie shrugged her shoulders. “I say we use the
day to gather everything we need. We should have a rope and some
flashlights.”

“And a first aid kit.”

“Right, we can’t forget that. We should also
have some bags to put stuff in. We can’t be sure the money is in a
briefcase. I think that stuff only happens in the movies.”

“There’s a flashlight under the kitchen sink and
a first aid kit in the downstairs bathroom. I’ll go inside and grab
them. See if you can find some canvas sacks and a rope in the
garage. And find a way to cut the power next door, there could be a
circuit breaker or something. Oh, and maybe she’s got one of those
hook things to tie on the rope. That could come in handy.”

“What kind of hook thing are you talking
about?”

“You know what I mean,” said Doris, using her
hands to help explain, “one of those metal things with three big
fishhooks on the end.”

“You mean a grappling hook? She ain’t gonna have
one of those. What, do you see us scaling up the wall like Batman
and Robin?”

“No, stupid, I thought it might come in handy
for lowering stuff out the window.”

“Well, I can tell you right now that she doesn’t
have one.”

“How would you know?”

“Why would she have one? Do you think she’s Cat
Woman?”

“Maybe you should just go home. You know what,
Marie? I’m getting sick and tired of your big fat mouth and your
shitty attitude. This is my score, not yours. I invited you here
out of the goodness of my heart, and this is how you repay me? I’m
the only person on this planet who gives a rat’s ass about you. I’d
think you’d have a little more respect for me.”

Marie wore one of her ugliest scowls. “Are you
finished?”

“As a matter of fact, no, I’m not finished. “I
mean it, Marie. You either shape up or you can ship out. I’m sick
of your negative attitude. Why do you have to suck the fun out of
everything?”

Marie stabbed her finger at Doris and bared her
teeth. “I suck the fun out of everything?” she asked,
sarcastically. “I have a negative attitude? Doris, that’s the kind
of crap I’ve been putting up with, from you, for the past forty
years!”

Doris crossed her heavy arms and made a pinched
face. “Do you think she’s the Cat Woman?”

“Can’t you take a joke?”