The Murder of Jeffrey Dryden: The Grim Truth Surrounding Male Domestic Abuse (13 page)

“
Prosecution, do you have
anything to state or request at this time?” Timmers asked. “Yes
your honor, at this time the State asks for the charges against
Mrs. Chiquita Fizer are held and for the court to move on to trial
of the Defendant, Chiquita Rena Fizer, with 2nd Degree Murder of
Jeffrey Scott Dryden.”

“
Defense, do you have
anything to say at this time?” Judge Timmers asked before making
his ruling. “Your Honor, the Defense asks that all charges against
the defendant be dropped as we feel the evidence presented before
the court is not enough to hold the Mrs. Fizer for the charges
alleged at this time.” The Defenses stated.

“
Request by the Defense
denied,” Judge Timmers stated, “at this time I feel there is an
ample amount of evidence to charge Mrs. Fizer with Second Degree
murder for the death of Mr. Jeffrey Scott Dryden,” Timmers stated.
“In that regard your honor the defense would like to make a request
for bail,” the Defense attorney stated as Fizer wrote down what we
believed was a number of the amount she could afford for
bail.

“
We have a body sir, we
have a victim and we have the only person witness to the crime as
the suspect.” Judge Timmers stated before the court, his words
directed towards the defense, “The defendant will be remanded, and
charged with murder in the Second Degree, furthermore she will
remain as a ward of the state until trial,” he stated, thus ending
the pre-trial hearing.

In the Aftermath that ensued, it became
evident that this trial was going to be trying on my entire family.
No thanks in part to the killer’s family, who were escorted out of
the courtroom first, followed by Barton Dieters, a crime reporter
for The Grand Rapids Press who later reported the events that took
place outside as we waited in the courtroom that
afternoon.

“
After the hearing, several
family members and supporters of Fizer stormed out of the court
building where they loudly decried the process that has jailed
their loved one (Deiters, August 20 2010),” Dieters wrote. Later we
found that several members of Fizers family had plans to remain on
site, lying in wait for us to come out of the courtroom. However,
thanks to the attentiveness of the Wyoming Police Department, who
waited outside in full force with four police cars, several
officers and detectives, this idea was adverted and we were not
allowed to exit the building until after all her supporters and
family members left the area.

CHAPTER 12: MEN MUST BE
MEN:

WHY MEN STAY IN ABUSIVE
RELATIONSHIPS

In a previous chapter, you may recall
one of Chiquita’s supporters whom posted, “IF HE WAS BEING ABUSED
BY CHIQUITA… WELL HE SHOULD HAVE HAD ...ENOUGH FUCKING SENSE TO GET
THE FUCK OUT OF DODGE WHEN SHE FIRST STARTED KICKING HIS ASS.” I
find it ever so interesting how people can make such comments so
easily when standing from the outside looking in without truly
knowing what is going on inside.

Would she make the same bold and
otherwise ignorant statement if it were a woman being abused
instead of a man? Would she take kindly to those same derogatory
remarks of advice if her ass were the one being kicked?

What she and the bulk of our society
doesn’t know, is that for men, leaving an abusive relationship can
be more difficult than it is for a woman being abused by her male
lover.

As a whole, due to our own society’s
interpretation of what and how a man should act under certain
predetermined situations, boys growing up into young men are led to
believe that in order to be a successful man, they must lust over
the sharply tight curves of all women. They must drink and make
marry, feast heavily and enjoy the camaraderie of other men while
either watching or playing some sort of physical
activity.

Boy’s becoming men are led to believe
by the mediated culture around them in both the movies in the
theaters and on television that a real man shows no weakness, knows
no pain, and can hold their own against any opposing
force.

Even the bible takes this stance in
teaching men what it is to be a man. In the story of Job, God
allowed the devil to take away everything Job had, killed off his
family, burned down his house, killed all his animals and plagued
him with all sorts of diseases all to see just how faithful Job was
to his Lord. However, when Job was finally ready to give in, ready
to give up, God came to him and said, “Brace yourself like a man, I
shall ask you questions and you shall answer them, (Bible,
1984).”

According to 1 Corinthians 16:13 of the
bible, the phrase, “like a man,” means “boldly, courageously,” thus
to “Brace yourself like a man,” would mean that men, since biblical
times, were to act boldly and courageously in everything they
do.

Odd it seems now, that even in this
current age of existence where anyone can choose to believe
whatever he or she desires. We still hold the ideas, that in order
for a male to be a man in our own society, he must stand boldly and
courageously, never faulting to the ideas of pain, nor giving in or
admitting defeat to what our society deems the weaker
sex.

In previous chapters, I have discussed
why Jeff stayed with Fizer during the course of his relationship,
through the interview with his twin brother, Jason Dryden. However,
If we take Jeff out of this for a moment and look at what an
average man (married or not) must go through versus an average
woman in the same situation we can easily see the trouble and
issues that men have over their female counterparts in the
situation.

For example, though a woman may feel
ashamed that she let herself be abused by her lover or allowed
things to get to that point, our society allows women to admit that
they are victims of domestic abuse without fear of harassment or
discrimination.

No one will look down at her or tell
her she is less of a woman for ALLOWING herself to be hit by a man.
Social workers and police officers have been trained to look for
signs of domestic abuse on women when responding to any domestic
related calls.

We have battered woman shelters,
support groups, counseling, financial assistance programs and even
laws that help women being abused. Men however, have nothing to
help them work past the pain or admit to anyone that their female
lover has abused them. In fact, our society does quite the
opposite, not only do we not have programs or assistance for men to
come forward, but when a few men do manage to do so they are
discriminated against at every level and in every facet of human
existence.

Case in point, according to a 2005
survey on the number of emergency shelters in the United States for
Battered Woman and their children, the survey showed that there
were approximately 1,637 emergency shelters, as well as several
thousand non-emergency shelters in the US (Domestic Violence
Shelters in the US -- 2005). However, as I could not find a survey
done for male domestic shelters, (other than a few that catered
only to Homosexual men) I did my own study and after looking for
almost a day and a half on Google, Yahoo, and Bing.

I could only find 15 in the US, if
there are more than that, then they are near impossible to find
using modern day resources, thus, sadly enough I can say with
certainty that there are more animal shelters than there are male
domestic abuse shelters currently in the United States.

In today’s society, a woman that is
abused can call the police and expect their male abuser to be
arrested for injuring and/or threatening to injure them in
anyway.

When it comes to a man being abused by
his female partner however, researchers on this topic advise men,
“that calling the police may make the situation worse.” A study
done on this exact topic showed that, “if the male is present when
the police arrive at the location, there is a 80-90% chance the
male present will be arrested regardless the evidence and
circumstances (Charles E Corry, Fiebert Ph.D., & Pizzey,
2008).”

Additionally, this same study states
that, “By the time the police do arrive, an angry woman often will
have made up a story making it the man’s fault and the cops will
buy her version of events, 9 times out of 10.” In hindsight, the
only reason Chiquita wasn’t believed right away was due to Jeff’s
death, the violent way in which he died, and her own prior criminal
background.

A concurring report on this topic
stated, “It is common for police officers to believe that a ‘man
can defend himself in a dispute,’ and therefore do not classify the
assault in terms of a domestic event (Furse, 1993).” The same
report later states that, “Many officers lack the sensitivity
training to take action because most of the education efforts focus
on women being abused and not men.”

Self-Defense

On the issue of self-defense, a woman
can defend herself against her male abuser without fear of being
deemed an abuser herself. However, if charged with the crime of
assault, a woman who claims she was battered can seek out free
legal aid to defend her and help prove that she was being
abused.

On the other side of that if a man is
being abused by his female lover, he is advised to “Flee” if
possible. “If he does not flee but instead attempts to restrain her
from injuring him and she is injured in the process, it is the male
who will almost certainly be arrested and jailed under current laws
and practices (Charles E Corry, Fiebert Ph.D., & Pizzey,
2008).”

Leaving &
Children

If a woman is being abused by her
boyfriend or husband, finally gets up enough courage to leave and
take her kids with her, she can expect to find room in a Women’s
Domestic violence shelter. Be given free room and board, assistance
in filing a divorce and eventually win full custody of her
children.

If a man does the same, however, he can
expect to find himself suddenly homeless without anywhere to go. He
can expect to, “have false allegations of domestic violence or
abuse made against him during a divorce by his spouse solely to
gain advantage in child custody and property disputes, particularly
over the marital home, (Gardner, 1992)” and have these allegation
deemed fact by the courts.

Furthermore he may expect to have a
Personal Protection Order placed against him, time with his kids
observed and supervised by Child Protective Services, and have no
way to pay a lawyer to defend himself over these false allegations.
Currently there is little to no support by the government to assist
men in domestic abuse situations. Men that do have children often
times stay with their abusive mate in order to protect their
children from the rage and anger of their spouse, versus making the
attempt to leave only to have their children pulled back into the
same situation but without them there to protect them.

So knowing this, why do men stay in
abusive relationships? Why don’t they leave if they are “getting
their asses kicked?” I don’t think I really need to answer this one
further, as things are not always black and white as some people
are led to believe, unless proven by inexplicable evidence to the
contrary, as was the case with Jeff’s murder in regards to
Chiquita’s actions that Sunday morning.

CHAPTER 13: OCTOBER 20
2010

THE DEAL REJECTED

"I dread a trial,"
she said.
"I don't want
to hear what happened or see the (crime scene) photos."
--- Paula Dryden

Over the course of two months since the
pre-trial hearing, Paula was having problems trying to cope with
what the future held. The thought, the idea of having to sit in a
courtroom for several days, with Chiquita’s family eyeing her every
move, grumbling to her every tormented sigh sent chills through her
body. As a mother, she wanted to ensure that her son got justice
but also as a mother missing her beloved son, she dreaded the idea,
the thought of having to listen to how her son was
killed.

How he spent his last moments, his last
few breaths in pain, dying alone, without anyone that loved and
cared for him comforting him in his final moments.

Time for her during those two months
seemed to stand still as each day molded into the next, day and
night having no meaning on her as she sheltered herself with
pictures of Jeff around her. Her only real outlet for coping with
the pain was reading the posts on Jeff’s Memorial Facebook page by
others feeling the same hopelessness, the same loss as
she.

Thus, when the Prosecution came to her
with the proposal of a plea deal for Fizer she was more than
willing to hear it and accept it knowing that her son would finally
have his justice and that she and her family could eventually begin
to heal, allowing the open wounds upon their hearts to
settle.

“
As part of the plea
offer,” the prosecution told her, “Chiquita would have to plead
guilty to the charge of 2nd degree murder of Jeffrey Dryden. For
her plea, we would recommend a prison term of at least 15 year
minimum before being eligible for possible parole; this plea would
shave about eight to 10 years off a jury conviction.”

In reflection, this deal was leaner
than most, as with the charge of 2nd degree murder the minimum is
around 23 years with life being the maximum sentencing.