The Passion of Mademoiselle S. (11 page)

My dear love,

I have just received your letter from Clermont. How entrancing of you to have written so often, and I shall reward you on your return. I am now counting the hours. Each one brings you a little closer to me. Each one shaves another parcel of time off our separation, and in only a few days I shall be with you again at last. This long week spent far from your embrace has been a sad time, but that is as I would want it, because our future happiness depends upon it. Had we both had only vague feelings of regret to be parting, it would have been the end. But how much more ecstatically our love will blossom again now! How much sweeter our every caress will feel after this separation, which weighs so heavily on our hearts as well as our senses!

Ah, my darling little Lottie, I too need your glorious body. I need to have you in my arms, quivering with vices and desires, and I cannot wait for the wonderful moment when my lips can at last reclaim every inch of you. How I shall love you, oh, how I shall love you! Yes, you are as truly filthy a mistress as I am, and I will ably rekindle the wildest of longings in you. You will find me more passionate than ever, for this long absence has exacerbated my desire for your body.

I close my eyes and picture you lying on the bed. There in the half-light, all your beauty lies before me. And I kneel fervently before you, trailing my burning lips over your tingling body. You are beautiful, my dear lover, and I adore you. Let me savor the smell of your skin, let me prostrate myself on this nakedness, which is mine alone for the space of an hour. At last I shall hold you in my arms without any constraints, and I shall make your whole being reach a devastating climax.

I know which ardent ministrations you expect of me. Every ounce of you longs for the unforgettable sensations that my vice alone can afford you. And you want my lips, my tongue and finger to delve shamelessly into your little brown hole. You want to drive your hard prick deep into my throat or squeeze it between my breasts. My whole body is yours. Every part of it belongs to you, and I shall do everything I can to arouse you passionately until you spill the come wherever you choose.

But there are four of us now. We shall commit every folly and we shall stop only when we are quite spent and powerless.

And I want to give you a new form of passion. I now want you to experience the bite of the whip, I want it to leave its searing mark on your skin as it has on mine. Come on, lie down, bury your head in the pillow. I settle on your rump, my powerful thighs imprisoning your buttocks. There you are, look, now it is your turn to suffer, just as you made me suffer. The leather lashes flail your skin relentlessly and your swollen prick pulses a little harder with every blow.

But you beg for mercy. Come and give me your magnificent ass so I can kiss it and you can forget the torture. Oh, how I love this delicious little hole that is just asking to be kissed! My tongue probes irresistibly inside you, and prepares the way for the formidable member clasped in my hand. Yes, darling Lottie, yes, I am going to bugger you, for I understand your crowning passion. This is the wonderful ministration you want. There, there. Oh, I am so deep inside you, my love! Can you feel my colossal prick deep in your ass? Give me your cock, I'm going to suck it. Give me your balls, I want to lick them, and you must take my cunt between your lips and suck me, suck me.
^*

Please be here soon, be here soon. I cannot wait to climax in your arms. I cannot wait to savor this new intoxicating delight. It must feel so good! How happy we shall be to see each other again, my dear love! It is so long since our bodies melded together, and my desire is surging up inside me, tireless and all-powerful. My little god, I am happy I have revealed my longing for this sadistic act. And I do so hope you will never tire of it so that you keep me in your arms forever. I shall be your lover for as long as you would like, my loved one.

I shall go to pick up the new “member” tomorrow, but alas, I fear it will be another week before we can try it out, for I shall have much to do this week, and I cannot be sure I can be free for an hour before the end of the week. Our next rendezvous will most likely be on Saturday. But we shall be reunited this Monday. Well, we can discuss the possibility of being alone together soon for, just like you, I am impatient to be with you so we can commit all the follies our vices have invented.

And do tell me by letter whether you are prepared to experience the ordeal of the whip. Tell me whether you are ready to suffer as I have suffered for you.

As I have said, the sensation is certainly unforgettable. It is impossible to distinguish the pain from the pleasure, and this combination of cruelty and happiness is astonishing and intoxicating. But, darling, it truly is an ordeal. Just remember how my body quailed to your blows! Think on it, I shall comply meekly with your wishes.

You may still dream of making me suffer, it may please you to bruise my flesh, but at least I know that when I take you from behind I give you an ardent climax you had long dreamed of experiencing but did not dare request. Your vice serves you well, my dear love, and you have at last been able to give it free rein. You wanted a male member in your ass, delving your flesh in every direction. You wanted to experience this ultimate intoxication and I gave it to you. Like you, my dear love, I feel that “nothing can equal this perverse coupling.” What more delicious pleasure than feeling one's flesh being so furiously violated, and feeling faint with delight in a lover's arms!

Oh, how desperately I long to be in your arms again, to be quite naked and to offer you my ass, my cunt, and my lips, and to take you with a great irresistible thrust of my ramrod into the innermost depths of your being. Think it over, tell me whether you want to savor the cruel spanking I have in store for you at our next assignation, or whether you should like to wait longer. I shall want you so very much, my loved one, that I fear I shall not have the heart to make you suffer. My longing for your flesh is a longing for tenderness and passion, but I shall do your bidding. Command and I shall blindly obey. And yet the thought of it is profoundly arousing. To give you pleasure through pain, how delicious! Oh, come back quickly, darling Lottie, quickly. I cannot wait to hold you to my beating heart, to feel your soft skin again, to have your mouth, your eyes, your hair, your hands, oh, all of you.

I am waiting for your last letter with terrible impatience. Will it arrive tomorrow? I shall put my three replies into the same envelope and you will find them on your return. Will they satisfy you?

Goodbye, my dear love. Only three more days…I am haunted by a demented impatience for your every attention. How we shall love each other, my Charles! Make sure your pretty little ass is good and ready. It will suffer brutal assaults after this long absence. How happy I shall be to probe your flesh. I feel I can see you already and my ramrod is hard for you, furiously hard. There, look, I have you now, I am taking you, buggering you, oh, I'm buggering you, my adorable darling, and I'm coming between your buttocks. Ah, it feels too good! Come back quickly.

Simone

*
Simone is becoming increasingly dominating and wants to take revenge on Charles and make him suffer—however, this is only in her imagination, and the reality is that she offers Charles the choice of whether he wants to experience this pain. She comments later in the letter that she will “meekly comply” with his decision. This indicates that while they may have playfully swapped gender roles, and Simone is making suggestions, it is obviously Charles who makes the decisions. She gives us the impression that she is the one proposing every single new fantasy, but, in fact, she is just trying to guess what would please her lover, and when she realizes, as seems to be the case in this letter, that he has no masochistic propensity, she promptly drops her suggestion and abandons herself to his desires. Although this does not prevent her from continuing to inspire her lover with wild scenarios.

My darling doll,

Tell me why I feel sad this morning. My heart is weighed down by boundless sorrow and I have come to pour my feelings into yours to dispel this burden. I shall see you later, my sweet darling, you will keep me close to you. You will let your tender gaze linger on my eyes, and your beloved mouth will halt the bitter words on my lips.

If you only knew how blissful it is taking refuge in your arms. If you only knew how precious it is having your longed-for self beside me. For nearly a year now, thanks to you, I have experienced profound happiness, ardent embraces, and sometimes even sweet tenderness. How I love you, my darling Charles, when you wrap me in all your kindness, when you are more loving and gentle. If you only knew how I long for the way you sometimes gaze at me with a happy lover's eye. Apart from you, I have nothing, nothing in life that appeals to me.

Forgive me, my little one, for giving free rein to my sadness but, you see, there are times in life when the heart feels too full, too heavy, and it breaks. Welcome me into your arms, my dear darling, open them wide to me and wrap them around my poor body, lull my unhappiness to sleep. You alone can cure it.
^*

I need all your love, my Lottie, you know that. Look, it is not long now until we reach a whole year. The thought that I have managed to keep you so long makes me very happy. You could have slipped away from me after our first embrace. I too could have tired of loving you. But not at all. We are still passionate lovers, and we fully savor the joys of our frenetic couplings.

Soon we shall spend another wonderful hour together, just like the last. Goodness, what fire we put into loving each other, did we not, my Lottie? Oh, your body, your adorable body, I do so love it! Oh, the passion with which I still clasp it to me and the joy I experience when I truly possess your innermost flesh! You give yourself to me with no reservations or shame. You long for my most outrageous ministrations, and you savor them with the same ardor I feel for yours to me. We have the same sensations. There is nothing we have not discovered now and, if this is what you want, we shall continue to have such unforgettable moments for which we both still long. Keep me as your mistress, keep me as your lover for as long as you like. All of me is yours, with no need to share me and no restrictions. I am yours in my heart and my flesh, and my whole body belongs to you. I want your extravagant caresses and your arousing kisses, I want you to take me. And give me your body too. I adore it and I have not yet conquered it completely. I want to cover your body with my own excited body. I want to force my perverse couplings onto you as you force your vices onto me. I am a prisoner to your desires, but I want you in turn to be a slave. I pin you down with my arms, between my thighs, and you cannot resist my demented exploits, which make you die of pleasure. I penetrate you gently but irrefutably, and you can feel me deep inside you, my ramrod that never falters and never tires. Oh, the madness of that moment when you finally belong to me! Nothing could tear you from my arms and I collapse onto your shuddering body, kissing it passionately. I love you, I love you, darling Lottie. Till later. I cannot wait to be tightly in your arms. I want to feel your mouth on mine. And until I can feel your beloved prick straining frantically in my hand, I suck on you wildly, darling love. Go on, let it go, I shall swallow it all.

Your Simone

*
We are now aware that Simone experiences frequent ups and downs. The lovers have big arguments before passionate reconciliations, and Simone frequently falls into depression without being able to say why. She would have made an ideal patient for Dr. Freud, but she does not seem to have any interest in self-analysis, or even to be conscious of her problems, despite her neurosis becoming obvious to the reader. We do not know whether she was aware of Sigmund Freud, but it is doubtful. His work was beginning to appear in translation at this time, but few people in France were interested in psychoanalysis.

THURSDAY, NINE IN THE EVENING

My dear darling,

Everyone has left. I am alone, all alone in this vast, silent house until midnight. The street is dark, with just a small light over there breaking through the darkness. A small light I know so well, one that makes my heart leap in my breast. It is perched right up on high and I cannot take my eyes off it. You cannot imagine the full extent of the joy—and the sadness too—to be had from staring at that little light. Joy, yes of course, because of this thought: “He is there, beneath that light, there so close by. If I cried his name wildly into the steady darkness, he would hear me.” But an appalling, cruel sadness immediately constricts my heart: “Yes, he is there but he is not alone. What words are being said to him right now? How does he look at the woman saying them? And later, later when this little light goes out, what will he do with her?”

Oh, Charles, my one and only, my great love, can you ever know how obsessed I am by such thoughts? Can you ever know what torments I endure and how much I suffer because of Her?! Oh, please don't get that harsh look in your eye, understand me. You know how much I love you, you know the ardent caresses I want to bestow on your whole body. So you must realize that every inch of me rebels and suffers at the very thought of your adored body quivering with pleasure to another woman's kisses. It is such a horrible image and it haunts me, it haunts me, it hurts me!

I can do nothing about it and never shall. I must love you with this other woman permanently between us, but I am very sad this evening, Charles. Forgive me for talking to you like this, but I need to describe my pain because it weighs heavily on me, very heavily. I love you, I love you with an unbounded love, you know that, and, alas, there is no love without suffering.

But, my dear darling, these are not the words you wanted to hear. You like me better when I am not so lyrical and affectionate. And yet that is very much a cry from the heart that I have just given you.
^*

Will it be tomorrow, my love? I hope so with all my might. Tomorrow, if this is what you want, I shall hold you in my arms, all of you, and I shall treat you to my softest, sweetest caresses, and my most sadistic too, all the ministrations you love, all those you want.

Dear darling, quickly throw off all the clothes hiding your glorious body. Look, I am already naked and waiting impatiently for you. While you undress, I perform for you the lascivious acts that I resort to when I am far from your eyes, plying my cunt with a headstrong finger and fondling my ass. Watch, my love, watch. My cunt is yearning for the sublime attentions of your tongue. Oh, come and bury your mouth between my lips. Come and gather the abundant flow of juices. Can you feel it wetting your throat? Suck, my dear love, suck me hard. It is such a blissful feeling. Take my button, take it, bring me to a devastating climax. I want to be left powerless in your arms.

Oh, the adorable hole and your beautiful buttocks, it is such a pleasure touching it with my inflamed lips, my tongue, my fingers…I love feeling this warm soft flesh deep inside you, and its strange thrilling sensations. The pleasure makes it tighten around my finger. And later it will be my turn to take you. I want to pleasure you slowly with expert restraint. I want the climax to build inside you gradually. Give me your beautiful ass, darling love. Sit yourself astride my ramrod so that it reaches deep inside you. There, right there, slowly, darling, slowly. Can you feel me penetrating inexorably deeper inside you? Is it good, tell me, is it good? I'm buggering you, I'm buggering you, I'm inside you. Lie down on me, my love, feel the magnificent ramrod being pulled from your hole and making you come. Drive your swollen prick into my cunt or into my ass, whichever you like. I want us to climax together. I want to see our two bodies on top of each other. I want to feel our flesh melting together, our most intimate parts indistinguishable from each other. I want to feel my cunt between your lips, and your cock in my cunt, in my ass, everywhere, everywhere.

My dear loved one, be free tomorrow. I want you so much. I need to feel you owning me entirely, irresistibly.

Yes, my love, I know you like this perverse abnormal coupling, so I shall always let you have it, for there is nothing I like more than buggering you. I like creating the strange illusion that I am not a woman but the handsome lover your perversity hopes to meet. When you feel me on your back, when I imprison you between my powerful thighs, forget that I am a woman. It is your lover's prick probing you. There, can you feel it? Look how big and hard it is, and look how well it knows the way into your hole. Tomorrow you can enjoy this perverse sensation once more. Tomorrow I shall bugger you passionately because I adore you. Goodbye, my little Lottie, I shall go to bed now thinking of you, but I shall behave. I want to keep all my strength for tomorrow. I want it to be your attentions and your impassioned kisses that make me come. I want to feel your swollen prick deep inside. You will put him in just a little to kindle my pleasure, just the head. I shall drench him with my come and you will spray yours in the depths of my cunt. I want you to bugger me, for that is the ultimate coupling, the one that leaves us powerless. Till tomorrow, my dear love. Telephone soon with the good news. I shall be as filthy as you like.

My lips on yours, tomorrow.

Your Simone