The Passion of Mademoiselle S. (15 page)

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There were no sex clubs in the modern sense of the term at this time in Paris, but there were lots of permissive establishments and brothels where orgies could take place.

Having already admitted that she “dreamed of a gentle, lascivious mistress,” Simone once again reveals her lesbian tendencies. Was this an unusual leaning in 1929 France? Sapphism was in fact not only widespread but also very much in fashion, if not throughout France, at least in Paris, particularly in wealthier circles. This was due to the dramatic increase in all forms of pleasure seeking in the aftermath of the First World War, and was true throughout Europe, in Berlin even more so than in Paris. Millions of young men had died in the war. Women, who had taken over men's roles in industry and agriculture alike while their men were at the front, were now claiming their emancipation. The year 1922 saw the publication of Victor Margueritte's book
La Garçonne,
featuring an androgynous and rebellious young woman who characterized the 1920s. She is not necessarily homosexual, but she takes it upon herself to dismiss feminine traits and assume masculine ones. Trousers, jackets, and ties started to appear in women's clothing. In the space of a few short years, hems rose from the ankle all the way up to the knee. Women's hair was cut short and the top designers, starting with Chanel, rode on this wave right through to the Second World War. At the time, Paris had many establishments—such as the famous Monocle—reserved exclusively for women. Society continued to ostracize male homosexuality, while on the other hand displaying a degree of tolerance to sapphic practices. As these women were not persecuted for their sexual orientation, they felt little need to rally themselves, and it would be false to refer to any “lesbian identity” as a social body at the time; in fact, it is highly likely that plenty of women who felt drawn to their own sex didn't even know the term, or at least didn't use it, which is why we don't find it in Simone's writing. Women with this leaning—and Proust talks about them at length—would have witnessed many prominent figures who didn't hide their tastes; the Paris-based American Gertrude Stein, for example, had considerable influence on the intellectual scene of the day. It is therefore quite understandable that Simone should disclose unapologetically to her lover about this additional “vice.”

SATURDAY MORNING

My dear beloved,

This morning I received the letter you wrote on Thursday. I did not go to the office yesterday afternoon. I hope the letter I posted on Thursday evening reached you in Narbonne.

The four pages I have just read made me very happy, my dear friend. That is how I love you best, when you can describe all our passionate moments, and were it not for the separation, I would frequently send you to Bandol. You are subject to no outside influences there, no embraces from anyone other than me, and you are all mine. I am happy then, my dear love, for I can feel how loving and passionate you are, and I know my letters ignite boundless desire in you, and your longing is intensified. You must also notice how tender I make my letters. Just like you, I let my heart speak so these letters carry a bit of me in them for you. I too wait impatiently for the post to arrive, and devour the pages you send me with great joy.

But I must scold you today, beloved Lottie. Whatever sort of outlandish idea has inveigled its way into your head, and what makes you think I wish I had the mistress I once dreamed of meeting? Why do you doubt my tenderness is exclusive? My dear love, do you not know you have replaced every single mistress I could possibly have desired? Do you not know that in your arms I live the most intense experiences whose memory can never be erased from my mind? Oh, my Lottie, why do you think I would ask a woman, however beautiful, for the caresses you administer so well? When you hold my cunt's little button between your hot lips, when you suck it and lick it, do you not soon feel a rush of sperm flowing into your mouth, and can you not read in my expression the boundless pleasure you have just given me? Believe me, my dear friend, you make me happier than I can express, and you allow me to realize my wildest dreams. No, I would never leave you for a woman, I would never give my cunt to a mistress, for I love you too much to contemplate such a thing for one moment. I have given myself to you without reservations, you know that; I have put my every hope in your hands, and you alone will decide the day we part. I still have too much love in me, my loved one, to think of looking for new sensations elsewhere. You are my lover whom I adore. I surrender myself to you with infinite tenderness, and you have never disappointed me. I have always been absurdly happy in your arms. You have succeeded in binding me to you with ties even stronger than love: with the ties that originate in my flesh, in the very depths of my being, and you would have to hurt me terribly to tear them apart. If you want to carry on surrounding me with your tenderness like this, if you want to give me the same caresses, we could stay together for a long time to come. There is only one thing I crave, my big boy, and that is to be back in your arms in our hideaway, and to shower you unstintingly with every proof of love you want from me.

I now know the incredible sensation that you dream of having. On your return I shall reenact what I did in my office last Thursday. You will present me with your magnificent ass, which I so love. Once I have prepared it with my expert kisses, I shall drive my huge prick into you. Your flesh stretches and gleams. What a perfect place for my tongue! While I bugger you with my cock, my deft tongue licks the flesh around your hole. Under the effects of this perverse caress, you shudder peculiarly and I can feel your hardened cock pulsing in my hand. Is that how you want me to love you, my dear love? Tell me soon.

You could not have made me happier than you did by saying you love screwing me. We really are two little pigs. We have finally succeeded in uniting our vices to make us truly happy, and many an intense hour together still lies in store for us. I have just been given the letter you sent from Tarascon on Friday. What a lovely surprise, my darling, and how happy I am! But once again you have brought up a subject that I am beginning to find difficult, for I now wonder whether it is in fact you who wants this other mistress, so you can watch her fucking me and sucking me before your eyes. If your dream had such an effect on you, then it must have given you a great deal of pleasure. So, Charles, would you like it if I took such liberties in front of you, and delighted in another woman's touch? Can you picture me on the bed in another mistress's arms, giving her the attentions I lavish on you, or taking her between my thighs and showering my juices into her mouth? You are making me unhappy, for I am beginning to doubt whether, despite what you say, I alone can satisfy all your cravings. Do you think you could enjoy a threesome? Would you tolerate having another woman between us? I could not, you can be sure of that. I never could. Tell me honestly.
I want to know
why you keep talking about this. I shall say once again that you are everything to me and you make me very happy; where would I find a mistress with not only your tongue but also your cock? No, my darling, I want no other lover but you. Don't leave me. If I am not sufficiently depraved to pleasure you, tell me, I shall try to become even more so, but I do not want to lose you, nor to share you again. I could never love a mistress in front of you. No, no. What madness to think it!

When you are back we shall meet as soon as I am free and, my dear beloved, you will see how fervently I can love you. Oh, I too long to be reunited with your wonderful body, I want to smother it with rabid kisses and press my skin against yours. My Lottie, I want you to take me in a never-ending coupling, and then I shall be your passionate male lover. Together we shall know exactly how to replace a third mistress. You will suck my cunt while, at the same time, I suck your cock. You will bugger me and I will bugger you at the same time. We can do that, can we not?

Write soon to tell me I alone am mistress of your body, that you are happy with my kisses and you asked this outlandish question to test my love. But no, tell me nothing but the truth.

I shall try to write again before Monday but we shall be back in Paris this evening. You should have received a letter when you reached Narbonne. Write soon. I beg you. Not long now, dear love. My wildest caresses all over you, everywhere.

Your Simone

SATURDAY EVENING

My darling Lottie,

I dropped in at the office at five o'clock and was thrilled to find the letter you wrote on Thursday. You must have found a lot of mail in Narbonne to make you forget the day's disappointment. I am waiting impatiently for your latest letters, my love, for they will tell me you are heading back to me and I shall at last be able to prove my tender feelings for you, and they are immeasurable.

Oh, my darling, there is no need for a third person between us. Have we not conjured the astonishing impression of two extra lovers?
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We are so happy together, my treasure, why would we want to share that happiness? You asked me to tell you how I love you. Do you not know, my beloved? Can I explain it any more emphatically? Darling little Lottie, don't you know you make me deliriously happy? Don't you know that in you I have found the adorable mistress I longed to find? And now I ask nothing more than the possibility of keeping you forever. Could I love another woman? No, darling, I am quite sure I could not. You are too deeply embedded in my being, not only in my flesh but also in my heart, for it to occur to me to look for anything more than I already receive from you. Do you not yet realize, when I have been saying it for so long, that I have a deep and unwavering passion for you, and that my only purpose in life is to keep your love, which makes all my dearest wishes come true? If you love me as much, I feel sure we can prolong our idyll…But is your love that strong?

In my case, I am not the only woman in your life, you must not forget that, darling. You often have to share your attentions and your kisses, and I hope you can see that this is of huge significance, for I shall never be the only love in your heart and your senses. If you loved me to the same extent as I do you, you simply could not accept the touch of other lips or contact with another body. It seems impossible and yet you did once admit to me that you find pleasure in those arms that are not mine. A lesser pleasure perhaps, but you still derive enjoyment from caresses other than mine. Do you know, I cannot even bring myself to think of this however hard I try, and it pains me more than you can imagine? Oh, my Lottie, if I did not love you so helplessly, what harm could your wife's existence do me? I met you when you were not free, and still agreed to be your mistress. At the time, I confess, I did not think of her. But over these fifteen months, now that you have become the only thought in my head, now that I have a deeper appreciation of the treasure trove that is your body, I cannot reconcile myself with sharing you. I can always feel her there between us; I shall never succeed in replacing her for you. She is the last link keeping you from me, and it is an invincible link.

That is how much I love you, Charles. I love you so much that this situation that I have to accept affords me terrible suffering. In order to keep you, I must tolerate this other woman and suffer, or if I am not to suffer I must relinquish you. Well, I prefer to suffer and to keep you. Would you do as much? If you really love me as you say you do, if you love me so much you do not want another man to have the pleasure of my body, you must understand what I am saying and you must pity me.

My darling Lottie, do you now truly know that I love you? Do you now truly know that I have only one wish, to keep you like this forever? Yes, I want you to create the disturbing illusion that you are a woman. In the darkness of our room when I touch your tiny little breasts and your smooth pure chest, I can already believe you are the same sex as me. Even your hips and stomach are those of an adorable woman, and your skin is so soft it makes my head swim. And when your tongue sucks at my cunt with unparalleled ardor, I forget everything and give myself entirely to you. Yes, you certainly are the ardent mistress I dreamed of meeting, and you are a very obliging pupil. But if you want to experiment with this, we shall try. You can make your prick and balls disappear between your thighs. All that is left between your hips will be your curly brown pelt, then you will be completely like a woman, and I will bring my mouth to it lovingly as I would to my mistress's cunt.

Oh, my beloved little Lottie, how I long to savor your ardent, passionate touch once more! I want to be back in your arms, exploring your voluptuous body, holding it to me to warm my heart with the heat of your satiny skin. I cannot wait to swoon with delight. My every waking moment is spent in anticipation of your return, which is now so soon. And, my darling lover, I also dream of your beautiful cock, knowing you will ply him skillfully into my cunt, into my ass, into my mouth, and between my breasts. Yes, would you like that? I am shivering all over at the thought of the countless ecstasies I shall have in your arms. Our little room will be the site of demented orgies, my treasure, for what follies we shall commit when we are reunited after so long an absence! We shall avenge ourselves for the cruel waiting imposed on our mutual desire, and for the enforced chaste behavior we have both had to endure.

Yes, we really are filthy, my love, but oh, what pleasure we have! We have experimented with every perverse delight and kept those we liked best. I think there is nothing we do not now know about the secrets of lovemaking, for we have spent fifteen months climbing the rungs of the ladder of vice with alarming poise. I would say we have nothing left to learn, my treasure. What more could we do in a year's time? I cannot think, but there is most likely nothing, unless between now and then you manage to convince me and we have found a delicious girlfriend who might agree to watch our couplings and participate in them. But why should I not find a male lover just as passionate as you, who could give you the feeling you still want? A gorgeous, well-hung boy who could bugger you or whose prick I could suck. Wouldn't you like that, Lottie? We can discuss it again, all right? I myself would rather that than a woman, because I could be buggered by you at the same time. Then you would have twice the pleasure, do you see?

In the meantime, I hope we have not come to that, for it would be the end of our love. If one of us were to need another lover, it would mean our passion was dead, for at present we are perfectly happy together, at least I believe we are.
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On Tuesday then we shall probably be free to love each other frenziedly and the thought makes me tremble all over with desire. Oh, my Lottie, it will be so good to see you again after such a long absence, and with all my appetites stirred by this fasting. I am sure we shall spend a magical hour together, just like last time, which left us with such lasting memories.

Come to me quickly, my beloved darling, and give me every inch of your thrilling flesh. Come quickly and nestle in my arms. I want to kiss your adorable body, I want to make your cock harden and your little ass quiver. I shall suck your hole with such ardor, my Lottie, and lick your cock too, and soon your sperm will jet out, spraying over my lips and breasts.

And you, come and kiss my cunt, suck my button, and bugger me too, my filthy little darling. Screw me and spank me. I shall spill all my juices over your cock. I must leave you now, my darling, but I shall see you on Tuesday. I shall telephone your office at about 11:30, and I hope that a few hours later we shall at last be able to meet in our little room, and love each other passionately for an hour.

Goodbye, darling little Lottie, I adore you more than anything else. Please don't ever talk again about subjecting me to another woman, I really do not want that. And you, do you want another lover with a magnificent prick? Is your current lover who adores you so much no longer enough for you?

Till Tuesday, my beloved one. I hope your balls are bursting and your cock is hard so you can screw me and bugger relentlessly. I adore you.

Simone