Authors: Michel Farnac
His
end
The
first
emotion
after
making
the
decision
was
a
great
sense
of
relief
and
this
surprised
Michel
quite
a
bit.
Then
he
became
very
uncomfortable
at
the
prospect
of
writing
the
final
email.
But
he
knew
that
she
would
understand.
He’d
told
her
early
on
that
things
might
end
this
way
and
wondered
if
she
would
remember
that.
He’d
told
her
so
many
things
over
time.
It
was
hard
to
believe
that
this
had
gone
on
for
nearly
four
years
now.
“Four
years
without
a
major
fight,”
he
thought,
“that’s
better
than
a
lot
of
marriages
I
know.”
But
the
irony
only
brought
him
back
to
wondering
why
he
felt
relieved.
What
Catherine
had
given
him
over
this
time
was
fantastic,
irreplaceable
and
unalienable.
He
would
always
cherish
his
relationship
with
her.
It
was,
however,
time
to
put
an
end
to
their
affair.
Already
he
had
not
been
in
touch
with
her
for
three
days,
going
as
far
as
not
answering
her
phone
call.
These
three
days
were
a
blur,
and
only
now
did
he
have
some
time
by
himself
to
craft
a
message
to
her.
The
message.
Every
line
took
forever
to
write
as
his
mind
wandered
off
in
a
million
directions
between
each
word
he
typed,
or
so
it
seemed.
I
know
you
are
wondering
what
is
going
on,
so
let
me
tell
you
straight
out:
three
days
ago
I
learned
that
my
father
has
passed
away.
This
is
rather
sudden
and
changes
my
life
in
many
ways,
as
you
can
imagine.
For
one
thing,
it
is
only
now
that
I
have
a
few
minutes
to
myself
in
order
to
write
these
words.”
He
had
never
written
such
a
letter
before,
nor
ever
ended
a
relationship
for
that
matter,
and
wondered
if
there
was
a
basic
approach
that
should
be
followed,
a
ridiculous
idea
that
nearly
made
him
laugh.
“This
is
my
last
message
to
you,
dearest,
mistress
mine.
This
life,
these
many
years
I
have
lived
in
this
foreign
land,
and
of
these
the
last
four
with
our
beautiful
fantasy,
are
coming
to
an
abrupt
close
and
being
put
away,
not
so
neatly,
in
great
haste,
into
boxes
that
will
be
shipped
to
my
far
away
home.
Tomorrow
I
will
leave
for
France.”
She’d
never
been
to
France
though
he’d
taken
here
there
often,
and
he
wondered
if
she
would
ever
dare
go.
He
knew
he’d
made
her
hungry
for
the
sounds,
the
smells,
the
food
of
the
hedonist’s
heaven
that
was
his
childhood
playground.
Suddenly
he
imagined
himself
in
Paris
waiting
in
line,
perhaps
in
one
of
those
wonderful
food
shops
where
one
can
hardly
move
in
the
dimly
lit
exiguity,
jolted
out
of
his
reverie
by
his
name
called
out
in
this
voice
of
hers
he
so
loved
and
would
never
forget:
“Michel?”
He
could
hear
the
tone
of
disbelief
and
wonder
in
her
voice
and
quickly
squashed
the
thought
not
wanting
to
begin
imagining
what
his
response
would
be.
“I’ve
always
known
that
I
would
one
day
have
to
return
to
take
my
place
in
our
family’s
affairs
though
I
often
wondered
how
this
would
come
about
without
considering
the
most
obvious
possibility
which
I
now
face.
When
I
came
to
this
country
it
was
of
course
to
escape
the
accoutrements
of
an
old
family
in
an
old
country
and
to
have
the
freedom
to
be
if
for
only
a
few
years
a
person
of
my
own
making.
But
this
was
not
a
rejection
of
whence
I
came
nor
of
who
I
am,
for
I
am
indeed
the
product
of
my
upbringing.
I
was
reminded
of
this
by
the
grief
of
my
son
at
the
loss
of
his
grandfather
whom
he
has
known
since
he
was
born
as
the
master
of
the
domain.
My
son
has
spent
his
summers
there
since
he
can
remember,
and
just
as
I
have
known
that
the
domain
would
one
day
be
mine
as
it
has
now
become,
so
now
must
my
son
know
that
it
will
one
day
be
his.”
He
wondered
what
he
would
feel
if
he
were
the
one
receiving
this
message
and
felt
all
the
more
lousy
for
it.
He
wanted
to
explain,
justify,
convince
but
at
the
same
time
wanted
to
just
tell
things
as
they
were
and
not
be
perceived
as
deploying
an
arsenal
of
rhetorical
tricks
to
achieve
his
goals.
If
he
were
getting
this
message,
he
would
consider
the
previous
paragraph
as
a
paltry
attempt
at
appealing
to
the
deep
connection
that
she
had
felt
in
his
description
of
the
domain
owing
no
doubt
to
her
own
origins
deeply
rooted
in
land
and
farming.
Was
his
son’s
grief
really
relevant
to
why
he
was
dumping
her?
Was
there
any
other
word
for
it
than
‘dumping’?
“You
represent
more
to
me
than
just
a
slice
of
this
American
life
of
mine,
please
don’t
misunderstand.
My
grief
at
the
loss
of
my
father
is
deep
and
makes
it
hard
for
me
to
analyze
emotions
and
describe
my
own
thoughts
with
clarity,
but
believe
me
when
I
say
that
writing
these
words
feels
like
cutting
out
a
part
of
myself.”
Songs
were
coming
to
mind,
of
course,
though
he
would
not
include
them
in
his
message
for
fear
of
getting
muddied
in
clichés.
‘My
heart
is
down
my
head
is
turning
around’
from
an
old
song
was
stuck
in
his
ear,
and
he
thought
of
that
tropical
beach
he
took
Catherine
to
so
often.
“We
went
to
places
that
I
had
only
dreamed
of,
you
and
I,
and
this
was
magic.
I
have
not
often
enough
tried
to
tell
you
what
you
have
given
me,
but
many
of
these
gifts
I
will
keep
with
me
preciously
forever.
What
we
had
together
was
part
of
a
life
that
must
now
end,
part
of
a
freedom
that
I
must
now
willingly
surrender.
I
will
not
be
able
to
continue
our
affair.
The
distance
alone
would
be
an
obstacle
hardly
surmountable,
as
your
work
hours
would
be
the
time
I
spend
with
my
family
in
the
evening.
But
more
importantly
my
daily
life
will
be
nothing
like
it
is
now.
I
am
also
giving
up
my
musical
career,
though
the
word
career
is
admittedly
a
grandiose
overstatement.
I
am
now
expected
to
become
the
head
of
a
small
industrial
fiefdom
that
my
father
has
run
with
an
iron
hand
for
the
last
thirty
years,
and
to
bring
to
bear
the
many
years
of
grooming
that
my
higher
education
represented.
Music
also
is
a
fantasy
that
I
must
abandon
at
the
door
of
my
new
life.
My
affair
with
you
and
my
affair
with
music
have
come
to
define
my
life
here
almost
entirely,
and
I
must
forego
both.”
He
thought
back
to
what
his
life
had
been
the
last
four
years
and
how
much
time
he
had
devoted
to
Catherine,
the
hours
spent
on
the
phone
with
her,
the
hours
spent
writing
to
her…
but
most
of
all
the
many,
many
hours
spent
thinking
about
her,
about
what
he
would
next
say
to
her,
about
how
he
would
say
it.
It
would
sometimes
take
him
hours
to
write
a
ten
line
message,
hours
that
he
had,
waiting
around
in
the
studio
for
the
next
take,
the
next
session,
waiting
for
the
star
to
arrive,
waiting
for
the
techies
to
tweak
the
sound.
She’d
been
his
muse
for
all
this
time.
He’d
so
often
played
for
her
he
couldn’t
count
the
times,
but
had
never
told
her
for
lack
of
a
funny
way
to
explain
that
the
piano
line
toward
the
end
of
the
latest
jingle
for
Joe’s
supermarket
chain
was
‘dedicated
to
you,
my
dear
Catherine’.
Perhaps
now
was
the
time.
He
wanted
her
to
know
how
tied
in
with
his
music
she
had
become.
“Nearly
everything
I’ve
played
in
the
last
four
years
I
played
for
you.
I
say
nearly
because
there
were
a
couple
soundtracks
to
toy
commercials
that
I
kind
of
dedicated
to
my
son,
I’m
sure
you’ll
understand,
but
every
infomercial
and
even
the
while-‐
you’re-‐on-‐hold
Muzak
pieces
I
did
were
for
you.
It
might
not
sound
like
much,
but
it
was
sincere.
These
are
the
tangible
traces.
Unrecorded
were
the
many
hours
of
jam
sessions
where
you
were
my
muse,
and
there
were,
dare
I
say,
a
couple
of
amazing
solos
that
flowed
from
my
passion
for
you,
expressed
as
only
notes
can
express.
How
easy
it
was
to
express
passion
and
desire
when
I
thought
of
you!”