I stopped just before my knees touched his. He started to reach for me and I shook my head. I fully intended to enjoy myself, but right now, it was all about him. I ran my foot along his calf and then settled it next to his knee on the couch. The position made the robe fall away from my right side, exposing me more completely.
I didn't say a word as I trailed my fingers over my thigh and across my stomach. His eyes followed the movement and he drew in a sharp breath when my hand dropped lower, fingers combing through the thin layer of black curls that I kept neatly trimmed. My own eyelids fluttered as I slid a finger between my folds. I was hot and slick already, desperate for him. I was always desperate for him. Even when he was inside me, it wasn't enough, not until we reached that point when we were no longer two bodies but as close to one as was possible.
My clit throbbed as I lightly touched it and I moaned, pressing harder. I felt his hand close around my ankle, strong fingers solid against my skin. He didn't touch me anywhere else, but his thumb moved in slow circles and I found my fingers matching his movement. My free hand rose to my breast, sliding under the robe to cup the mound. I squeezed it as my stomach began to tighten, my fingers unerringly finding my nipple. The sensitive flesh hardened as I began to roll it between my thumb and forefinger.
My head fell back as I used my fingers to spread my lips. My palm rubbed against my clit as I moved my hand lower, penetrating my pussy with my middle finger. I heard Rylan groan as I began to work my finger in and out. I was nearly dripping, but still tight. My fingers twisted my nipple, pulling at it until I was shuddering as I came. I pressed my hand against me, riding out my climax even as Rylan's fingers tightened on my ankle.
My legs were shaky as I put down my foot. I started to raise my hand, but Rylan reached out and grabbed my wrist. His eyes locked with mine as he drew my hand to his mouth and slid my fingers inside. His tongue rasped against my skin as he cleaned off my hand, then moved down to lick my palm.
I stepped closer and he parted his legs so I could stand between them. I leaned down, taking his face between my hands as I claimed his mouth. I kissed him slowly, exploring his mouth, tasting myself. His hands slid up my thighs to palm my ass. When he started to sit forward, I ended the kiss and gently pressed him back. He gave me a puzzled look, but didn't argue.
I went to my knees between his legs and he swore softly. I pushed his hands away when he made a move to undo his pants and set about doing it myself. I tugged his pants and underwear down together, freeing his cock from its confines in one move. It curved up against his flat stomach, thick and swollen. A drop of pre-cum glistened at its tip and he hissed when I darted my tongue out to taste it.
I teased him with my fingertips and nails, keeping my touch feather-light as I moved down his shaft and back up again. Over and over I repeated the movement, smiling as he hit his hands against the couch and swore. When I went further down and began to caress his balls, he cursed me, then begged for something he couldn't quite put a name to.
When I took the tip of him between my lips, his hips jerked and I could feel him fighting for control. I didn't give him the chance though. I dropped my head and took another couple inches, maneuvering my tongue around his soft flesh. I took his balls in one hand and held the base of him in the other. His fingers curled in my hair and I could feel the tension radiating through him. I looked up at him and saw the question in his eyes. When I felt his hands start to push me down, I knew he'd seen my answer.
I let him take control. At first, he moved me, lowering my head until my lips brushed against my hand, then pulling me up until only the head remained. I kept my breaths slow and steady, waiting for the twinge of panic, but it never came. All I felt was the heat of arousal spreading through me as he changed what he was doing. He held my head still and began to raise his hips, thrusting into my mouth, first with care, and then faster. I took him all, let his cock stretch my mouth until my jaw ached, felt him nudging at the back of my throat. When I felt his balls start to tighten, I released them and slid my hand beneath him. The moment my finger teased against his asshole, his entire body jerked, then stiffened.
I swallowed as he came in my mouth, not spilling a single drop. His hands dropped from my head and I let his cock fall from between my lips, still half-hard. That was good, because I was far from done with him. Aside from the sound of his breathing, Rylan was silent, watching me. I smiled as I climbed up onto the couch, rubbing my body against his as I went. I felt his cock twitch and my smile widened. He definitely had another round in him.
I stood on the couch, one foot on either side of his lap, then leaned forward so that my knees were resting against his shoulders. I ran my fingers through his hair, then used it to tilt his head up to look at me. Slowly, I inched forward, keeping my eyes on his until his mouth was right where I wanted it.
“Yes,” I moaned as he ran his tongue along my slit.
He reached up and grabbed my hips, fingers digging into my ass as he held me in place. I put my hands on the wall for balance and was immediately glad I had as his tongue began to move over and around my swollen clit. I closed my eyes as he coaxed me towards another orgasm. Every pass of his tongue sent another wave of pleasure washing over me, fuel for the coming fire. My hips moved in small, circular motions, wanting him everywhere at once. It was tongue and lips and teeth and so much sensation that I thought I was going to explode.
And then I did, crying out his name. My legs buckled and he slid me down his body until I was settled in his lap. I rested against his chest for a moment, limbs limp as my nerves sung. There it was, that steady heartbeat that kept me grounded. Even fast, it wasn't erratic and I clung to that sound.
His hands were under the robe on my back, fingers moving up and down my spine in a soothing motion. I could feel his cock under me, hardening as I shifted my weight on his lap.
When I could move again, I rose up on my knees. He was ready again and I began to slide down on him. I groaned as he stretched me, thigh muscles quivering as I forced myself to go slow. His hands were on my waist and I could feel him holding back. Even taking my time, I needed a moment when I finally came to rest with him deep inside me. I slid my hands under his shirt, nails raking across his hard abs and then up to his nipples. He swore when I teased them and then again when I began a gentle rocking motion.
My entire body was one throbbing mess of nerves, each one raw and waiting for the next climax. I braced myself against his chest and began to ride him. I used everything that I'd learned, taunting him with changing speed, squeezing him, grinding down so that my clit rubbed against him. I kept expecting my muscles to start burning, but they didn't. Electricity raced from cell to cell, invigorating me, driving me. I wanted him to feel it too. I needed him to feel what he did to me.
I gathered him in my arms, pulling him up until I could rest my forehead against his. The cotton of his shirt created the most delicious friction against my nipples and I writhed against him. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I didn't have the words for. All I could do was show him.
I took his mouth, pouring everything I was feeling into that kiss, into the way my body moved with his. And as he exploded inside me, he whispered against my lips how much he loved me, how he would always be there to protect me and keep me safe.
I smoothed his hair back from his face and told him that I would do the same. He smiled at me and shook his head.
“No, my love,” he said. “That's my job. And nothing will keep me from it.” He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against mine...
My eyes opened and I could still feel the ghost of his kiss on my mouth. My eyes burned with tears, and for a moment, I let myself believe that I didn't know why.
But I did know.
Rylan protected me, made me feel safe, and I would always be grateful for that. But it was time for me to do the same for him. I hadn't been holding out hope for us to get back together, but I'd still been clinging to the memory of him for strength, and I couldn't do that anymore. I needed to do what was best for him and completely let him go.
I pressed my face against my pillow and let myself have one final cry over Rylan Archer.
Chapter 22
I was pleasantly surprised at how well I felt the next morning. I'd fully expected Thursday to be just as miserable as the rest of my days had been since leaving Rylan. Instead, I'd fallen back asleep after my decision and managed several hours of dreamless sleep. When I'd woken, I felt better. Not great, but good enough to feel like there was actually a chance for a positive life after all.
I spent Thursday wondering why the FBI hadn't come after me for releasing the information as well as collecting more. The best I could figure, Agent Matthews had kept things quiet regarding my resignation and the FBI was too busy with their many cases to worry about some pedophiles' names getting leaked. Granted, it wasn't like any of them could find proof of what I'd done, but it wouldn't take a genius for anyone who knew about me to figure it out. Since that probably only meant Agent Matthews and his bosses, I was safe for a while. I doubted his bosses did any hands-on work.
And I intended to use my time wisely.
I worked all through Thursday and picked up where I'd left off on Friday. I ate at my laptop, losing myself in the logistics of it all. Since I didn't have to record information for evidence, I was able to avoid triggering flashbacks for the most part, and even the few that came through weren't as intense as they'd been before. I wondered if it also made a difference that I felt like I was actually doing something about the problem rather than just gathering paperwork. Whatever reason, I was grateful for it.
Despite the fact that it was easier than it had been before, the work was still emotionally draining. I'd released half a dozen names and pulled in nearly a hundred files, which was great, but I knew I couldn't keep up that pace for long. I'd still heard nothing from Agent Matthews and since it was Friday, I'd still have the whole weekend to work without worrying about the FBI making things difficult.
I'd earned a night off.
I wasn't going to a club again and even though the thought of sitting here with a movie and some ice cream was highly appealing, I had something else in mind. It had been nearly a week since I'd been to the gym. That, I thought, was what I should consider my relaxation time. I'd spent too long using sex as a stress reliever and as recreation. I'd automatically thought that to relax, I needed find a club or find a guy to fuck. After Rylan, I didn't know it that would ever be an option again.
Without that, I supposed I only had one other choice, at least if I went with the Freudian way of looking at things.
Violence.
I ate a light meal, changed my clothes and then headed downstairs. It was quite nice for mid-March, and surprisingly not raining, so I decided against the bus and started to jog. It was light enough that I chose to take the long way and headed on my usual path through the campus.
I was partway through when I felt a familiar prickle up my spine. I was going slow enough that I risked a look over my shoulder, but there was no one there. Still, I picked up the pace. Jogging had been a good warm up, I told myself, but I should go a bit faster. It had nothing to do with the fact that I was starting to feel like someone was watching me.
By the time I reached the gym, my skin was crawling and a light mist was falling. I hadn't seen anyone following me or even staring, but the feeling was there all the same. I headed straight back for the locker room and shoved my bag into my locker. I'd brought clothes to wear home if I decided to take the bus back home or leave here for me to use at a later time. I shook out my ponytail, then pulled my hair back again, smoothing it down before heading back out.
I exchanged polite smiles with a couple women who were heading back towards the locker room and then nodded at a guy walking from the speed bag over to the small sparring ring in the far corner. I knew them by sight, but hadn't ever talked to any of them. This wasn't the kind of gym where people went to make friends or hook up. There were almost a dozen others working out and I looked at each one. They were all regulars, people I'd seen before. No one was watching me.
My shoulders relaxed and I rolled my neck, shook out my arms and legs. The closest open bag was between two large, muscular men, both with more ink than visible skin. They both spent a lot of time here, and neither one even looked at me as I stepped between them. It was odd, I thought. I was wearing a tank top and shorts, standing only a few feet from two men who were a lot bigger than me, and I felt better than I had running outside in pants and a hoodie.
I flexed my fingers against the tape I'd put on them and bounced on my toes. After the first couple hits, the last of my nerves fell away and I let myself get into the rhythm of hitting and kicking. I could feel the movement of others around me, but no one bothered me.
By the time I finished, both the guys had left and a woman had taking the bag on the right. She was even bigger than the guys had been, easily six two and had a set of massive shoulders that had originally made me think she was a man.
She gave me a sideways glance, a half smile and then went back to beating the shit out of the bag. I was pretty confident in my ability to take on most guys, especially after I'd taken down that one asshole. This woman, however...let's just say I was glad she wasn't trying to come after me.
I sighed as I walked back to the locker room. I was glad I'd decided to do this instead of a night on the couch. While not the same as sex, there was something to be said for the physical benefits of exercise. I was almost smiling as I stepped into the shower stall. As the water washed away the sweat, I closed my eyes and let myself not think about anything. It was nice.