Authors: Cary West
In total, the procedure took less than fifteen minutes. The tech asked her to wait in a side room while the radiologist looked at the results. A half hour later, the tech re-appeared.
“Well?” she asked, watching the woman’s face for any indication of bad news.
“The doctor wants to take a closer look since some of the films were a little vague.” She smiled at Kate. “He wants to do an ultrasound. If you come with me, we’ll get you set up.”
Kate stood from her chair and followed the technician into another room.
“Have you ever had an ultrasound before?” The woman asked.
“I did when I was pregnant,” she answered, seeing an exam table along with a familiar screened machine by its side. “Is it the same thing?”
“It’s very similar.” The technician nodded. “We use the same sensor and gel, but instead of looking at a baby, we’re looking at the lump.”
“Oh,” said Kate, not knowing what else to say.
“Hop up on the table and we’ll get started,” she said.
Kate did as instructed. The tech untied her gown then took a seat on a round swivel chair.
“Okay this is going to be a little cold.” Once more she smiled as she squeezed the tube of gel, like she was squirting ketchup from a bottle.
The technician held the sensor in her hand and guided it over Kate’s breast. With the other hand, she punched numbers into the machine. Kate watched the blurry picture on the screen but this time it wasn’t Jesse she was looking at. Actually, she didn’t know what she was seeing; it all looked like a blend of black and white fuzz.
After several minutes, the technician was done.
“Hang tight a minute,” she said, taking a cloth and wiping the gel from Kate’s skin. “Let me have the radiologist take a look and see if we need to take anymore pictures.”
“All right,” said Kate as she lay on the table and watched the brown-haired tech leave the room.
She stayed in a laying position, head resting against the stiff hospital pillow. She stared up at the ceiling and counted the tiles in order to take her mind off the growing fear building inside her. The tech entered the room along with another colleague.
“Kate, this is Dr. Rashad,” said the brown-haired woman, still in her smiling state. “He is one of our radiologists.”
“Hi!” said Kate, watching him position himself on the stool and pick up the sensor.
“We just need a few more pictures,” he stated in a monotone voice.
The technician squeezed more gel over the area as the probe glided along Kate’s breast.
“Do you see something, bad?” Kate asked, feeling the sensor pressing deeper into her skin.
“Just a formality,” he said, watching the picture on the screen. “Can you blow it up?” He directed his questions to the technician who did as instructed. “That’s it right there,” he stated, and he hit a button on the ultrasound machine several times.
They conversed in a professional manner while Kate lay there, feeling like a cadaver or an experiment gone bad. After a few more pictures, Dr. Rashad seemed to be satisfied with the results.
“Well?” she asked, while the friendly tech once more removed the gel from her skin and helped her sit up. Dr. Rashad left the room.
“Why don’t you get dressed,” said the tech. “Dr. Rashad will be speaking to Dr. Bloom shortly. I’ll have you go back down to his office, and he’ll give you the results there.”
“Okay.” She climbed off the table.
The technician escorted her back to the dressing area. Kate dressed then returned to the waiting room and saw Jack and her mother sitting in silence, staring blindly at the overhead television. The minute Jack saw Kate, he jumped to his feet.
“Well, what did they say?” he asked, like he was holding his breath.
“They didn’t say anything,” said Kate, watching her mother walk up beside them. “They said we should wait in Dr. Bloom’s office for the results.”
“Is that bad?” Jack asked, looking at Marnie.
“It means they are suspicious,” she stated matter-of-factly. “Otherwise, they would have told her everything was fine.”
“Let’s not jump the gun and think the worst,” said Kate, seeing the worried expression on Jack’s face. “It could just be a bad clog.”
Kate was trying her best to be optimistic but deep inside she feared the worst. As they sat in Dr. Bloom’s office, Kate felt like she was going to explode if he didn’t come in soon and tell them what was happening. When the door opened, Jack almost came out of his seat. He wanted to rush the doctor and grab him by the collar and squeeze the prognosis out of his gray head.
“You have a lump, Kathryn and it’s not from a clogged milk duct,” stated Dr. Bloom, and he watched the young woman take her husband’s hand. “It could be nothing more than a benign cyst but we won’t know until a biopsy is performed.”
“What’s a biopsy?” asked Jack.
“With a biopsy we take a sample of Kate’s tissue and see if it’s cancer.” He was straight and to the point.
“Are we talking about taking a chunk of Kate’s breast?” He shook his head objectionably.
“No, Jack,” smiled Dr. Bloom. “We aspirate the tumor with a syringe.”
“That sounds painful.” Jack cringed at the thought of a needle invading her flesh.
“Jack, they will give me medicine for the pain,” said Kate, folding her hand tighter around his.
“That’s right, Kathryn,” said Dr. Bloom. “I’ve arranged for the procedure to be performed tomorrow morning in my office.”
“When will the results be in?” questioned Marnie.
“Normally, it takes about a week, but I spoke to our head pathologist and as a favor to me, he will read it right after the procedure.”
“Allan, I appreciate all you are doing for my daughter,” stated Marnie.
“How can I not?” He smiled at the older woman. “You are one of our major contributors here at the foundation.”
For once Kate was grateful that Marnie St. Claire was her mother, otherwise she would not be getting preferential treatment. Maybe it was a blessing in disguise being stuck here for a month, but depending on the outcome of the biopsy, Kate knew they may be stranded here longer.
On the ride home, everyone was quiet—even Jack—who had asked more questions than anyone had a right to in Dr. Bloom’s office—remained silent. He was quiet all throughout dinner. Kate and Marnie made small talk, avoiding any discussion of the event that lay ahead. After dinner, Jack excused himself to his room while Kate lingered behind downstairs. She took Jesse for a walk in his stroller through the gardens, stopping by the fountain and allowing him to dangle his chubby hands in the water. She stroked the boy’s blond curls away from his face and watched him squeal with delight when he slapped his hand in the water and it splashed him back on his face.
“Oh, Jesse,” she sighed, feeling her heart tear one piece at a time. “I love you so much my little man.”
Tears formed in her eyes at the thought of not seeing him grow up. She shook the image from her mind determined not to give in to her fear. Besides breast cancer wasn’t so bad, was it? These days many women survived.
But there were still those who didn’t
, a trickling voice echoed in the back of her brain.
It could be nothing like Dr. Bloom said
, she assured herself,
or it could be worse
—Kate didn’t want to think about that now. Tomorrow after the biopsy she would have the answer and deal with it then. Right now all she wanted to do was be in the present and soak up every enjoyable moment her son could bring her.
Jack sat in the chair in the bedroom as his mind tried to reason with the possible news. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he and Kate would have to deal with something like this. It made everything else seem futile—the fight with Paul, his arguments with Marnie. All of that didn’t matter. What mattered most was Kate—Kate and her curled up freckled nose and those eyes that sparkled an ocean-blue, her sunshine smile that could brighten any room and make him feel light. But tonight he didn’t feel light. He felt heavy, weighed down with the possibility of losing her—losing her not to a man, or her mother, but to cancer.
Jack choked on the words as his chest constricted. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, as if a knife had struck him dead center in the lungs and heart and he was drowning in red fluid and liquid tears. He was falling apart inside and he could not derive strength from his own soul. The great Jack McBride, who had the power to control anything or anyone, had no control over this. He was powerless to a poison that could destroy his family and there was nothing he could do to stop it.
He couldn’t help but think he was being punished for his arrogance, being taken down a peg or two just as he’d done to Kate the day they met. From the moment he saw her, she had turned his world upside down but now he was tilting again and this time he wasn’t sure if he wouldn’t fall off altogether if Kate wasn’t there to share it.
You’re overreacting
, he told himself. This whole situation could be nothing more than a scare—and Jack was scared to death.
He heard Kate’s voice in the hallway and looked up to see her beautiful face as she walked through the bedroom door. He quickly wiped the tears from his eyes, not wanting her to see his weakness when all she needed was to see his strength.
“Where were you?” He rose from the chair.
“Jesse and I went for a walk.”
She placed her son on the bed and began to change him into his pajamas.
“If I would have known, I would have gone with you.” Jack plastered a strained smile on his face.
“You seemed out of sorts, tonight,” said Kate, and she gave him her own smile. “I thought you needed time alone.”
“I’m feeling better now that you’re here,” said Jack.
Kate finished changing Jesse and sat on the bed. She leaned against the pillow and began nursing him.
Jack looked away as he felt his heart breaking again. He couldn’t watch his son suckle her breast—the beautiful breast that fit perfectly in the palm of his hand—the beautiful, horrible breast that was possibly killing her inside. Jack placed his hand to his chest and tried to rub the pain away.
“I’m going to take a shower,” he said, barely able to get the words out.
“I’ll be in shortly, once he falls asleep,” said Kate, and she watched a distraught Jack disappear into the bathroom.
Jack undressed, shedding his clothes in a pile on the floor. He stepped into the shower and turned the knob as a blast of cold water struck his chest and forced him to suck air. As it grew warmer, he sought comfort by its heat. Jack ran his fingers through his hair, mixing the water with his sandy strands and allowing it to run down his face. He needed to get it together before Kate joined him. The last thing she needed was to see him fall apart.
Though the water was running at full force, he still heard her enter the bathroom; her silhouette illuminated by the tinted glass. He watched her hands lift over her head and shed her top and then her bra. She bent slightly extending her backside, and Jack viewed two ripe beautiful cheeks along with a pair of long, shapely legs. But what got to him was the shape of her breasts heaving over her side while she tied her hair back in a pony-tail. Jack’s hands balled into fists; his anger simmering at the unfairness of life. Kate opened the shower door and stepped in. His hands released and hung limp by his side. She took her position as she did for the last year, resting her back against his chest, waiting for his embrace. He paused in brief hesitation, then swung his arms around her belly and pulled her to him as he wept into her hair.
“It’s going to be okay, Jack,” said Kate, draping her hand around his head and clinging to him while she stroked his wet locks.
“I know it is,” he said, more for her. “I just need to get it out.”
“Well get it out now,” she said, fighting back the tears that were on the edge of spilling all day. “Tomorrow I’m going to need you to be strong for the both of us.”
“I will Kate. I promise,” he said, his chest heaving in rapid motion.
“Make love to me, Jack.” She turned and gazed into his tear stained eyes.
“You want me to make love to you now?” He blinked, and a stray tear dropped to his chin. “I thought that would be the last thing on your mind, tonight.”
“I need to know you still want me as a woman before-”
Jack cut her off and didn’t let her finish. He claimed her mouth with his, savoring as much of her as he possibly could get. He moved her to the shower wall, pressing her back against its tile, before moving his hands upward and claiming both breasts in his hand. It was like heaven feeling her fleshy texture all soft and pliable in his palms. He lowered his mouth to her nipple and sucked until it peaked, then he did it to her other breast—the one he might never see again if the biopsy came back positive. He stayed there for what seemed like hours, caressing her with his hand and mouth. The sensation drove him mad—mixed with arousal and grief. If he could rip it from her flesh, he would if it meant she wouldn’t have to go through the next months of pain and loss.
He made love to her in the shower then carried her to their bed and made love to her again. Both in a state of exhaustion, they fell asleep in each other’s arms as Jack cradled her breast in his hand and didn’t let go until morning.
DIAGNOSIS
The biopsy was performed the following morning and after the procedure, Kate thought it went rather well. It was uncomfortable but not overly painful, which she was grateful for. The worst part of the whole process was waiting for the results.
After a nerve-racking day of hovering by the phone, it finally rang at eight in the evening. Dr. Bloom requested that Kate come to his office the next morning so he could give her the results in person. It was the longest night of Kate’s life and she barely slept a wink.
By morning, she was tired and her nerves were on edge. When they climbed into the limousine, her hands were shaking so badly that Jack had to place them in his and hold them steady. He was a rock this morning and her lifeline to sanity. Somewhere between the time of their first visit to now, Jack had returned to his old self. It was a good thing, too, because it was Kate’s turn to melt down.