Authors: Cary West
“Ann, can you stay with Kate and help her with Jesse while Paul and I discuss this in the hall?” asked Jack, and he rose from the bed.
“Sure,” said Ann.
Jack handed the baby to her as he and Paul stepped into the hall along with the head nurse. Jack strode down the corridor and stopped by the nurse’s station. He turned and glared at Paul.
“I haven’t violated anything,” said Jack. “I’m minding my own business taking care of my sick wife.”
“Like hell you were,” said an outraged Paul. “I have been with her all day.”
“Not according to Kate you haven’t,” said Jack with suspicious eyes. “She thought you left this morning.”
“That’s because she has been sleeping,” said Paul, getting angrier by the minute. “I’m calling the police and having you arrested.”
Paul took out his cell phone and was about to call when the charge nurse placed her hand on his.
“Funny thing, pain medication,” she said as she looked at Paul matter-of-factly. “Usually on the second day, patients want to feel more alert than sleep the whole day away unless of course someone else has been administering it without their consent or knowledge. It’s a felony for someone other than hospital staff to administer narcotics.”
“What are you accusing me of?” Paul stammered.
“I could call down to the lab and have someone upstairs in ten minutes to check Mrs. McBride’s blood levels of morphine,” she stated without any emotion. “You might want to wait to make that call after all.”
She removed her hand from his and Paul lowered the cell phone.
“Maybe we should make the call ourselves,” said Jack. “You think Kate needs a restraining order against you?”
“Oh, you’re good,” Paul scowled. “This isn’t over between us.”
Jack watched Paul storm toward the elevators.
“I have a feeling it’s only begun,” mumbled Jack as he looked at the nurse and gave her a grateful smile.
“You mark my words, McBride,” Paul yelled at him as he stepped into the elevator. “You’ll be sorry! I’ll make sure of it!”
Jack shook his head, watching the elevator’s door close. He turned and looked at the nurse and sighed.
“Thank you,” he said, and he meant it.
“You owe me,” she said without cracking a smile.
“Anything you want. Name it and it’s yours.”
“Make sure your wife gets better so you can get the hell off my floor,” she stated. “And don’t ever come back!”
“It’s a deal.” He gave her his infamous grin.
She scowled and Jack went to leave but out of the corner of his eye he saw her lips curve into a smile and a slight sparkle in her eye. He laughed as he headed down the hall and disappeared into Kate’s room.
DESIRABILITY
Kate was never so happy to be back at her mother’s home. Now in the privacy of her bedroom, she stared at her partially naked form in the mirror. Still shrouded in the surgical brassiere, she couldn’t see much other than the stretchy, white, coarse material. The unveiling was not for another two weeks, and she wasn’t sure if she was anxious or grateful. She had two weeks to live in denial before coming face to face with her abnormality. Even though she couldn’t see the change with her eyes, Kate felt it deep inside. She would never be the same woman she was before the surgery. It was a stranger’s reflection and the image tore at her feminine core, that part of her flesh that made her a woman. She felt lost—disconnected—and no longer whole as she bowed her head and grieved for the woman she once was.
Jack came up behind her, placing his hands on her shoulder.
“You look so sexy in that corset thing,” he grinned, and nipped at her neck.
“Oh yeah, right.” Kate rolled her eyes. “I look like I’m wearing old lady underwear.”
“Old lady bra and a thong,” he stated, hiking up her panties. “You look sexy enough to eat!”
“Stop that,” Kate frowned, and pushed him back. “I haven’t been home for twenty four hours and you want to have sex.”
“I missed you,” he pouted.
“Well, I’m not in the mood.” and she walked back into the bedroom.
How could he want sex from her now? Didn’t he understand that her desirability was gone?
She grabbed a t-shirt from the dresser drawer and a pair of sweat pants. She dressed, then climbed into bed. Jack entered the bedroom and slid in next to her.
“What’s wrong Kate?” he asked, turning on his side and running his hand along her arm.
“I just had my breast removed and you want to have sex.”
“What does removing a breast have to do with sex?”
“It has everything to do with sex, you ass!” Kate rolled over, placing her back to him as tears filled her eyes.
“Talk to me, baby.” He snuggled close to her pressing his lips to her ear.
“Don’t Jack.” She shrugged him away. “I just want to go to sleep.”
“Fine,” he said with a resigned sigh, and he rolled on-to his back, looking up at the ceiling.
Her emotions were in a spin again, and he didn’t know what to do to make her talk. He laid there in the dark until he heard her breathing change and knew she was asleep. Jack rolled over, smacking his pillow to get comfortable. He fell asleep after an hour of tossing and turning without being able to hold his wife.
The next several days were the same—him asking, her saying
no
. It was driving him crazy and he watched as day after day they drifted apart and there was nothing he could do to stop it. He tried everything hoping Kate would eventually open up and tell him what was wrong. But each new day held nothing but the same.
Starting chemotherapy only made it worse. Now the occasional cuddling was replaced with hot flashes and heat surges, as Kate cried she was burning up every time he tried to touch her. Her foul mood went from bad to worse. Jack could barely open his mouth without Kate taking it the wrong way and biting his head off. It was better if he said nothing at all, and that’s exactly what Jack did. He said nothing. He just watched Kate pull away from him while drawing closer to her mother.
He blamed Marnie, for he had a feeling that somehow she was behind Kate’s personality change—filling her head with nonsense about him and the cancer. She was like a vulture preying upon her daughter’s weakness. Jack only suspected until his fears were confirmed at breakfast one morning when he came down and sat at the table. Both Kate and her mother immediately stopped talking and fell silent. He saw the smug look on Marnie’s face, the one saying she had Kate in her back pocket and there was nothing he could do about it.
“Good morning, baby,” said Jack, and he brushed a kiss to Kate’s cheek before taking a seat at the table. He didn’t imagine it as her body went rigid from the kiss. “You were up early this morning.”
Jack poured himself a bowl of cereal and slathered milk on top until it reached the brim. Marnie gave him a disgusted look, but he paid her no mind.
“I couldn’t sleep,” said Kate, moving the fresh fruit around her plate with her fork but didn’t eat.
“You’ve been having trouble for the last two weeks.” He noticed the dark circles under her eyes and her skin looking pasty and pale. “You going to play with your food or are you going to eat it?”
“I’m not hungry,” said Kate, and she set her fork down.
“You’re stomach’s acting up again?” He looked concerned.
“A little,” she stated, but in truth she thought if she took a bite she would be sick on the spot.
For the last few days she was having trouble keeping anything down but she deliberately hid it from Jack so he wouldn’t worry.
“I think we should tell the doc today when we see him before your chemotherapy,” he said. “Maybe he can prescribe something for your nausea.”
“About the appointment today,” said Kate, finding a way to broach the subject she didn’t want to talk about. “I think it’s best if I see him alone.”
“But today is the big day, Kate,” he protested, feeling shut out again. “You don’t want me with you when he removes the old lady bra?”
“No.” She felt her stomach churn, and its content rise in her throat. “I need to do this on my own.”
She knew he wouldn’t be pleased, but the thought of his reaction if the surgery did not go as well as expected was more than she could handle. The thought of him, looking at her like some
freak
, would destroy her. She couldn’t bear him seeing her as less of a woman. Looks were important to Jack McBride and Kate knew if he no longer viewed her as sexy their relationship was over—or at least that’s what her mother had been hammering into her brain ever since she got home.
The thought was too painful and once more, she pushed it down so she wouldn’t cry.
“I don’t understand you,” said Jack, growing upset. “We talked about this. I’m going to the appointment with you and that’s that.”
“You can take me but I’m going in alone,” Kate re-iterated again.
Jack slammed his spoon on-to the table and glared at Kate. “Why are you doing this?”
“Jack, have you no respect for my daughter’s request?” Marnie interjected. “She doesn’t want you in the room, and I can certainly understand why, seeing as you have no regard for her feelings.”
“If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked you,” Jack barked at Marnie. “This is between me and my wife.”
“Kathryn, perhaps you would like me to take you this morning, instead,” said Marnie, placing her hand over her daughter’s and ignoring Jack altogether.
“I’m taking Kate!” He raised his voice.
“Jack, please,” said Kate, feeling too tired to listen to them fight again. “It’s all right Mother, Jack can take me.”
“Are you sure?” her mother questioned, not certain if it was the wisest decision on her daughter’s part.
Kate nodded and rose from her chair. She was feeling ill again and if she didn’t excuse herself, she had a feeling she would be sick.
“I should be ready in a half hour,” said Kate as she placed her hand on Jack’s shoulder and gave him a re-assuring squeeze.
Marnie watched her daughter leave the room before turning her focus on Jack.
“This is going to be a very hard day for my daughter,” she said firmly. “I expect you to be on your best behavior. Remember this is about Kathryn—not
you
.”
“I’m not getting into this with you,” said Jack angrily, and he rose from the table. He didn’t need his mother-in-law telling him how hard of a day it was going to be for Kate. Hell, he wasn’t totally insensitive. As a matter of fact, he’d been down-right understanding—more understanding than all of them put together.
Jack went upstairs and entered his bedroom. Kate was not there, but the bathroom door was closed. He heard the sounds of her heaving and retching behind the door.
“Kate,” called Jack, and he tried the bathroom door only to find it locked. “Kate, you okay in there?”
“I’ll be out in a minute,” she echoed back.
He waited by the door and several minutes later, she opened it. He watched her walk into the room with a wet washcloth in her hand as she patted her mouth and wiped her face.
“How can you be throwing up when there is nothing in your stomach?” He was seriously concerned.
“It’s nothing.” She walked over to the bed and lay down on top of the covers.
“It’s not nothing!” said Jack as he climbed on the bed and lay beside her. He took the cloth from her hand and gently stroked it over her cheeks. Kate closed her eyes.
“It’s the chemotherapy,” she said in a hushed tone, trying to lie still to settle her stomach.
“We need to tell the doc that you can’t keep anything down.”
“I’ve told him already,” said Kate. “He says it will pass.”
“Baby, I’m worried about you.” Jack saw a damp line of perspiration by her hairline. He wiped it away with the damp cloth. “Maybe this chemotherapy thing is not for you. I think we should get a second opinion.”
“Jack, Dr. Bloom is the best in breast cancer treatment.” They’d been over this before and she was too tired to have this conversation again. “I’m not going for a second opinion, and as far as the chemo is concerned, there are many other side effects that I have been fortunate not to experience.”
Like losing her hair, for one!
She would take nausea and vomiting any day over the loss of her blond strands.
Jack thought otherwise. As far as he was concerned, the side effects were greater than he expected. Pendulum mood swings, hot flashes, and a sex drive that was virtually absent. What he wouldn’t give to have his wife back—the Kate he knew and loved. This woman was like a stranger to him, and it was tearing him apart.
Jack drove Kate to the cancer center for her chemotherapy treatment and appointment. They were both quiet, barely speaking to each other, and he dropped her off at the front of the building then went to park the truck. By the time he arrived in the waiting area, Kate was already taken back for her appointment. Jack wandered to the chemotherapy wing and flopped in one of the La-Z-Boy chairs. He glanced at an elderly woman sitting across from him, receiving her treatment. He nodded a quick greeting then picked up a magazine and thumbed through it.
Kate sat on the exam table nervously awaiting Dr. Bloom. Today was the day she would find out if she still looked normal. She felt a little guilty for not letting Jack come with her when she could tell by the look in his eyes that he was hurt. She hadn’t meant to hurt him just as she hadn’t meant to be so withdrawn. She knew he was trying hard—sometimes too hard and it only seemed to push her away further.
Kate heard the door open and saw Dr. Bloom walk in.
“How is my favorite patient doing today?” he asked, stopping by the sink to wash his hands then dry them off with a towel.
“Nervous,” said Kate, her feet dangling over the edge of the exam table and swaying back and forth.
“Well let’s have a look, shall we.” Dr. Bloom stood over the table and waited for Kate to lower her gown.
He removed the corset like brassiere and stripped away the bandages holding everything in place. He examined his work while Kate stared across the room, too afraid to look down.
“It’s healing beautifully,” he said with a satisfied smile. “You want to have a look, Kathryn?”