I went to bed happy, I felt like I had been productive and I was sure that our help getting the people on their feet was all these people wanted. They needed to be taught something and to have a check up, and now that our job was done, we'd be able to go back to our journey. We slept in the bus again which had the neat effect of going home for the night, and it gave the day closure.
In the morning, instead of giving us permission to leave, they came back to escort us to our jobs. I worked hard to keep a positive outlook on everything, I held to the idea that they just wanted an extra day of training. I did the best I could again, handed out bottles of medicine for the flu and splinted injuries.
They showed up every morning to take the four of us to work and Jody to her private meetings with Brother Michael. We had vowed to make sure that no one knew what the others had done before so they could stay with the group and hoped against all hope that Jody was not talking. That they didn't come for the others lifted my spirits. I felt safer knowing Tyreese and DaWayne were there watching over the group.
The Jody thing made me sad. I knew she was searching for some sort of relief from her hurt and it seemed that she was getting some with her talks. The rift that had been created between her and Erin widened with each passing day. Erin spent more time with Lacey who tried to fill the void that Jody's absence, which was now physical as well as emotional. Lacey and Tanya took over the job Jody used to do in teaching the kids general school stuff. Jody was being replaced by others and she didn't seem to notice or care that she was being slowly written out of the lives of the group and out of the lives of her children. Occasionally she fed JJ, but it was pretty clear that she wasn't interested in him. To JJ, Erin was everything. When something startled him he searched every face until he saw her. He didn't ever look for his mom. When he was done eating he reached for his sister. Jody's son didn't know her. I missed her. Jody had been my closest friend outside of my family. I wanted her to come back to us so badly but it seemed to be too late. When she was with us she spent that time sitting on her cot reading her Bible, tuning everyone out.
Spring Forward
We were still there when spring came and melted away the snow a month later. We couldn't leave so we did what we could to stay safe. We didn't make waves. We were still escorted by their security team but with each passing day the guns were held a little looser. We were still not allowed out of the basic area of the convenience store without an escort. When we needed to go to the market to trade some of the stuff we had to supplement the rations of the emergency food, we were watched like hawks. Baby clothes that were getting too small worked well in trade, given that the few women that Brother Michael impregnated were going to need them. We usually sent Lacey out to do the shopping with JJ on her hip. People felt bad for the baby and were more inclined to give us more fruits and vegetables. The security team assigned to us was made up of some good guys. They brought activities for those stuck in the store to do, like cans of paint for the boys to make the inside of the shop look less like an abandoned store. Text books from the local school showed up at our door one morning so the kids could still continue getting an education. My Kindle got a lot of time being used since it was over filled with a wide variety of books, thanks to all those free days that Amazon used to do.
I felt bad for everyone that was stuck back at the store. I had it fairly easy, because I could leave that room. The others didn't. The store was all they had to do so at least getting the paint helped fill the hours. I'd never seen an abandoned quickie mart look that good before.
I walked the few blocks everyday to the medical station with my escorts. At first, no one said much during the walks, but over time the people that walked with me began to open up. After a little bit, the conversation turned into questions about the outside world. The guys that walked with me were hungry for any information about where they came from. They felt as trapped as we were.
Two of the men that were on the security team admitted they were traveling through the town when they were detoured here. These were two men that weren't traveling together when they got here, but were stuck none the less. It took a lot of courage to tell me they used to have bigger plans than this.
As it turned out, there were others that were trapped here too. We were not the first group that had tried to pass through the town to where they were headed, wanting nothing more than to be given the choice on if they wanted to stay or not. Knowing that a couple of the security guys had gone through the same thing themselves was both interesting and frightening. They hadn't been able to leave either, but they ended up with guns and some power in the group. Trent met several people in the wood shop that wanted to keep going as did Matt and Lucas. I began to wonder how many people were stuck in this limbo. I didn't feel safe asking if any of the medical center people wanted to leave, partly because other than work I never really talked to them. I had to admit, I was scared to ask. When I heard them chatting with each other they always talked about how they were sprucing up their homes with sheets they traded other things for with the purpose of turning into curtains or the latest recipe they came up with for making tuna casserole. I wasn't into those talks so I smiled politely and ended up tuning them out with a book. They seemed to be settling in to this life. I wasn't.
This idea that we weren't alone was a hot topic in hushed tones after dinner meetings. We met in a cluster to discuss who they knew would be interested in getting out of Heartsvale. We spoke in soft whispers plans on how we would approach people to join in our quest.
Our group had enough of being here. It was time to leave. It was time for an uprising.
Motions
Making the decision to instigate an uprising was the easy part. Anyone can come up with a plan that could cause chaos. Making the first move was much harder. You show more commitment when you take that risk to make a change. If we pulled in the wrong person and they ran and tattled to someone, we would be screwed. However, we knew we had to get more people involved. If we couldn't secure a security window, then all of this was pointless.
I was pretty sure that my usual escorts would be on board but there was a huge fear that if I said anything, I'd be the next road sign ornament. The others hadn't gotten the same reception that I had. Their escorts didn't really talk about themselves, opting to retreat to safer talks about cars and sports. I guess it was the girl factor with me that had encouraged the discussions. I wondered who the best person would be to start the talk of escape with.
My top two guys that I thought would help were Todd and Will.
Todd was in his 30's and had been on his way to Phoenix to find a girlfriend he had, named Jessica, who lived with her parents. He wasn't sure if she was still alive. Her family lived on the outskirts of the city and her dad was a gun nut. He figured they had as good a chance as anybody else. He missed her. He had gone off to Utah for school, which he said was the worst choice he ever made. Even before the zombies happened, he had regretted the choice he made to leave his home, his family, and her. He started the transfer process to make sure his credits would go with him and had been waiting on the reply when the first reports came out of California of some virus that had turned the world on its ear. He looked misty eyed when he talked about Jessica. Anyone could see that his heart was with her, but would he fight to get back to her?
Will was a dad. He lost custody of his kids when he lost his job and couldn't pay child support. He left his home in Colorado in search of some way to support them so he could earn back his visitation. He asked me one day if there was any hope that there was a safe zone in Colorado like he had found here. I will always remember the gleam in his eyes when I told him about Zach and the theory that there were sections of Colorado that were supposed to be fine because of the elevation. I thanked Zach silently for embedding that story in my head.
They were my best bet and I knew it was something that only I could do, but even with the hope that I had in doing this, I was terrified that there was going to be some consequence that I had not anticipated. Heck, there was a part of me that was very afraid that this would work and they would want to join up and we would still fail, that there would be even more people that were going to be let down when we were stuck here for eternity. Or get killed.
I was walking with Todd to work on the day that I had plucked up enough courage to start the talk.
"Todd, what would you do if you could get back on the road?"
He looked at me questioningly; his right eyebrow raised a bit. "What do ya mean?"
I took a deep breath and began again. "If the gates were opened to traffic and you could take off, would you go to Phoenix or would you stay here?"
He stood there for a moment, pondering the question. "Yeah, I think I would. Cali, don't get me wrong, I am so grateful for the chance that I've had being here. I was alone and scared out of my gourd when I came here. I was lost and half starved. I never slept more than ten minutes because I was sure that if I did, I would die. No real sleep can make a person feel so much more overwhelmed than people realize. This place made it possible to find my feet again. I will never be able to repay them for that, but I still wonder about Jessica and I want to know if she made it. I want to show other bands of people things we did here to make life more than just slaying ugly beasts. I do feel a little trapped here, but I don't think there is anything that can be done. I'm just a guy. These people have proven that they will fight to the death if that's what it took to protect this place. I miss my girl, but I don't think I'm ready to be that lone gun."
"What if you weren't the only gun?" I whispered.
"You need to be really careful saying that. You have no idea."
We resumed walking down the street, silent except for the sound our shoes made on the concrete walk. I fixed my eyes on the sidewalk ahead of my feet. I said nothing for a minute to let that seed of thought take root. We turned the corner and the medical center was almost in sight when Todd asked quietly, "What do you guys have in mind?"
"We want to leave. We want the choice to be able to see if we can find family and to start our own little community. We appreciate that there is a lot to risk, we really do, but we don't want to be forced into a hole. Maybe if things were different then this place would have been an absolute haven. I know that there have to be people out there that dream of places like this; it's just not our dream.
"Now word is, there are other people in this community that want the same thing, the option to leave if they wanted to, even if it meant there was no chance they would ever be allowed to come back, but if we can't get past the walls, then what's the point of trying to fight our way out?"
"So that's why you came to me, huh? I'm in security. I might be able to get those gates open?"
"No, Todd, I came to you because you seem to be one of us, even if you are one of them. You want out like we do. You are the first person outside of our group that we asked anything about this because you are in security. If you know for a fact that there is no way to pull this off, that your security team is so loyal that there is no way we'd get out alive, then we'd have to think on what to do, but if there is a chance that there are guys like you in security that would look the other way or tell us about loopholes in the system, then we could all get out."
He continued on our walk quietly. When we got closer to the building I said to him, "Think on it. That's all I'm going to ask for right now, alright?"
I walked through work in a slight daze, scared and excited all at the same time about opening my mouth. I was terrified that at any moment there would be a guy with a gun to my head to kill me to make an example on the dangers of plotting against Heartsvale. A fraction of me had this wonder if there was a chance that there was a direct line between God and Brother Michael and if God would tell on us. I was actually more worried that Jody would tell on us, but I really didn't want to let my brain go there.
After my shift I walked out the doors to find Todd standing with Will to escort me back.
"If you're serious, tell me again what you said, and say it in front of Will." Todd asked when I met up with them. He had an almost hopeful tone, mixed with a prayer and a plea for this to be serious. I was cheered that he brought my other candidate to meet with us, that maybe he really did want to go.
I ran through the story with him. "We want to leave, and we want to make it so anyone else who wants to get out of here could. We are going to need all the help we can get because we know there are many people who aren't playing around here. We know there are many people who will protect this place at any length. Will, there are people like you here that want to get back to their kids, and we have the opportunity here to pull that off. So, what I have to know are you two in? Will you guys make a stand with us to get out?"
"What do you have in mind?" Will asked, without hesitation.
A Plan Takes Root
I invited them in to meet the others. We offered them dinner and we talked together.
Todd asked if we were prepared to shed some blood over this.
I don't think there is any way to be actually prepared to shed blood in a fight. We learned this in the complex. We thought we were prepared for anything, and we were all willing to lay our lives down if that was what it took to get out from the dangers that the marauders presented. We knew the risks and we thought we were ready for anything, but when that spray of blood and brain and bone flew from Daniel in front of the medical unit, I was freaked out. I thought I was so prepared but I wasn't. I was horrified. That horror was repeated all over again when Joey's eyes grew wide with pain and shock as the bullet ripped through his chest. When the lights went out in his eyes when he died, all that preparation was for nothing.
A surgeon once said he asked what his patient's family thought was the worst case scenario for the surgery was. They regurgitated the risks that the surgeon gave them and rested on the absolute worst thing that could happen was death. The surgeon shook his head. He said that if the worst case was death then they'd not do the surgery. The only way one would justify a surgery is that the worst case was nothing could get better. That was where we were. Was the worst case living like we were?
Trent broke my thoughts when he cleared his throat. "It is worth a chance. If there is a chance that the collective many can get out and not be forced into a life they have no interest in living here, then, yeah, we are prepared. Let me fix that, I shouldn't speak on behalf of others in this. I am prepared. If I can get my wife and my kid out of here where people are scared all the time of doing something to set off the suspicion of a paranoid schizophrenic, then yes, I am prepared to die. They might not be prepared to see me die, but my life is not worth anything if a year from now we all die because a loon decided that we were a threat. I'll take the risk."
Tears sprung up in my eyes while Trent talked about the idea that he could not make it through this. It was true that any one of us could fall here, but I didn't want to think of my husband being one of them.
"So, we gonna do this or not?" DaWayne asked.
Tanya looked into the eyes of everyone and replied, "Yeah, baby, I think we are."
Todd and Will nodded. Will added, "We aren't the only two security guards who got stuck. You get more people from the groups to stand too; we'll get more from ours as well. We'll go out with a big bang if that's what it takes." His eyes sparkled with excitement and I knew he had a plan. We sat there with smiles on all of our faces feeling that same excitement when we realized how late it had gotten. No one wanted to arouse suspicion by having them found here way late, so we said good bye to our new allies.
When we cleaned up and got ready for bed, we did it with a spring in our steps. There was a new sense of laughter and hope. Trent, Matt, and Lucas were going to put the word out to the people that had been vocal about the need to leave and we were going to start planning this out.
We needed weapons. While we still had the majority of our guns and some ammo, there was no way we could outfit everyone that needed them. With Matt and Lucas in heavy equipment there was access to scrap parts including some of the larger farming machines that they were sure they could scavenge from. There was no way to take the work home with them, so they had to be careful on where to hide their projects in the shop. Trent was in the wood shop and knew he could build some sharp things like spears and arrows. He didn't like the idea of having to resort to pointy sticks, but a pointy stick would be better than nothing at all. DaWayne made a comment about how it's not the size of the tool, but let it drift off incomplete when his mom gave him a sharp look.
There was something that Will said that made me wonder as we bunked down for the night.. He had this look in his eyes when he made the going out with a bang comment. Did he have a way to blow something up? Was that something that could even be done here? I giggled just thinking about the walls blowing up and us riding out in a cloud of smoke like in a movie, but that giggle stopped quickly when I considered what was on the other side of those walls; the hordes of zombies. I thought about the people that seemed happy about this place. I didn't want to leave them without defenses. I didn't like this place, but I didn't want to destroy the thing that people were using as a way of life for the ones that wanted to stay.
It was hard to build an opposition with several groups of people that could never meet. It wasn't like we could rent out a meeting hall and start talking openly about the plan. We had a lot of work to do and it needed to be coordinated but any attempts to coordinate it would only raise the alert that we were up to something. Nothing could be in writing. All we had was word of mouth and hope that mouths were going to be careful with how and to whom the words were repeated.
By the middle of April we had amassed a good supply of weapons. There was a charge in the air. There was a spark in the eyes of others.
This had not gone unnoticed.
Bart and Roy were suspicious. They seemed to be around a great deal more than they had been. There were other men who seemed to be following us. Trent told us one night that there was a new transfer to the wood shop who didn't have the slightest clue about wood working or the tools and Lucas said that there was a similar man in their area. Come to think of it, there had been a few people claiming to feel sick in the medical center that didn't seem to be actually sick. They were on to us.
Brother Michael hadn't been seen much lately. Jody would stay away for days with him. One day, I saw him walking from his place to the storehouse and he seemed to be having issues. He was talking to himself and waving his hands around. Every once in a while he would spin around to face something I couldn't see behind him, yell something, then return to his path where he maniacally paced back and forth.
We saw less of Todd and Will. It seemed they were always assigned to other tasks. The new escorts said nothing to me when I asked how they were. Will came in with a cut finger a week after the last time I had heard from them. I thought that it looked like it was self-inflicted to be an excuse to talk to me. As I cleaned it out he whispered, "I'm almost done. I need one more week."
I nodded slightly to indicate I heard him. I placed the last bit of tape over his bandage and said, "Alright friend, that should do you. I need to see you back in a week for a wound check, OK?" He grinned at me. I probably said it a little louder than I would have normally, suspecting that there were people listening. This gave him an excuse to have to come back and give me a heads up on getting this rolling.
"Oh, the new escorts you guys have? They're on our side. We had them get us reassigned. Keep acting like they have you scared though, because it will look good for Bart and Roy. They saw us come out of your camp and think we were up to no good." I think the relief on my face was like I put a Zen mask on. It did explain why we had new escorts and the clueless worker spies.
A week later Will came back for his wound check. When we got settled into an exam room and the door was shut, he handed me a brown paper bag.
"These are a string of fire crackers. On Thursday, after 3:00 PM, set them off. Todd and I will come over to investigate a strange noise. Tyreese and DaWayne are going to take our weapons and march us to Brother Michael's house. You may have noticed that there are almost no black people in Heartsvale. Brother Michael is afraid of them." I must have given him an odd look when he said that, because he started laughing at me. "Yeah, it is ridiculous but what ya gonna do? It's probably why he settled here way before. The demographics in Heartsvale before the zombies were 92% white. Needless to say, having those guys walk in with you with a gun to our heads is a definite recipe for getting him unsettled. Alarms are going to be rung at Michael's which will draw Bart and Roy over there. While are doing this, your other guys need to get your vehicles to the gate. They will know to drive when a screaming bottle rocket goes off, which I'll give you on Thursday. I couldn't figure out how to get those in stealth-like today. Let everyone who wants to leave know the signal and get to the gate and bring every weapon they can." Will's eyes sparkled. "Everything from that point on is going to be pretty dynamic. There are only three people, and you know who they are, that can open that gate so either they are going to do it willingly or dead when we take the keys. Door number three is the final option, if my little side project has to go off. Remember that line from that movie that says something like with enough soap you can blow up just about anything? Fertilizer works too. This place is so full of shit that it could go nuclear sized explosion." He laughed a little.
I laughed a bit too, but thought again of the people who might decide to stay. "Will, I want to make sure that as few people get hurt as possible. I want people to have the choice. Don't go too overboard with blowing stuff up, alright?" I smiled at him and he laughed back.
"I don't want to see the worst case happen. I want these people to have their walls if they need them. For some people, this place is one big security blanket. I don't want to take that away from them if I don't have to. I don't, however, want to be trapped at the very end by something that I could have prepared for. I think that the walls are most important to them as well and they won't risk the loss of them. I may have to scare them a bit, so each chunk of the wall I rigged up is restrained to individual containers. If it comes down to it I plan on starting high with the explosion and work my way down."
I liked that, it helped make the idea of messing with their defense easier to accept.
My biggest issue I had with this idea was that it was Tuesday. Thursday seemed to be forever away.