Mourning
I woke up with a start to a still dark room. I fumbled for my watch and hit the button that lit up the face. It was just after five AM. I turned on my book light to shine it over the other bed. I looked over at Matt, who was still sleeping. He was holding the other pillow on the bed in his arms. Every once in a while his breath would hitch, as though he was crying in his sleep. I felt bad for him but couldn't help but to think at least he was still breathing. He was alive.
I stayed under the covers for a little while longer before I decided to get up and join my family. If Matt and I were going to convert, it would have happened by now. I pulled on my boots and layered up my sweatshirt and jacket and slipped out of the room. I left Matt sleeping, wanting to spare him the pain of waking up to the horror of his life for as long as possible.
Trent was sitting in the back of Tyreese's mini-van, the hatch sitting open like an extended roof. I wondered how long he had been up and out there waiting for me. I walked over to him and sat in his lap.
"How did you sleep?" I asked him.
"Like hell. I cannot get out of this place fast enough." Trent replied. I gave a mirthless laugh.
"After breakfast let's pack this all up and go, okay?" I asked. He nodded. "What should we do about Marnie's people?"
Trent considered this. "Well, we can invite them to go with us if they want. We can figure out room." I agreed.
Lucas came out of his room not too long after I did. He walked over and said good morning.
"Here's what I'm thinking," he began, "I want to move the plow blade over to Matt's car. It seats six very comfortably and I don't want him driving. The Hummer wouldn't hold us all. We can give the Hummer to that other group since they don't have a car at all." I thought this was a great idea. I had been trying to figure out a plan with getting us all on the road without having Matt drive and had pretty much decided I would drive if I had to. This would work better, it would keep that family group together better. I felt a lot of relief over that decision. More and more people trickled out of their rooms and milled about.
When Drew woke up and came out, he looked very tired still and it took him a second before his eyes were focused enough to see me. He ran as fast as he could and just about tackled me with his hug. I laughed softly and said good morning to him. I hoped to never be in this scenario ever again. Matt and I got lucky, I think. Matt may be torn in that assessment, so I'll believe that for the both of us. We could have easily been hit with an enough of the virus that we could have been turned. We were lucky.
We ate breakfast and started to put everything away. Lucas removed the plow blade from his car and reattached it to the SUV while Trent went over to where Marnie's group was and invited them to join us. I could see on her face that they didn't want to. Trent pulled out the keys to the Hummer and gave them to her. Initially it looked as though she was trying to refuse them but Trent wouldn't take no for an answer. She accepted them finally. When all the work was done we had one last thing to do, and that was to do something for Merideth's funeral.
Any thaw that had occurred yesterday was undone in the night. Matt had wrapped her up in the hotel bedding and decided that the best thing that could be done was to put her to bed. He picked her up and took her to the last room they had ever shared together and laid her down on their bed. He made sure her face was uncovered but that the blanket covered the entrance and exit hole the bullet made. For all purposes, it looked as though she were just sleeping all bundled up. After he had her all settled, he leaned over her and said, "Sleep well, Mer. I love you. I'll see you on the other side." He gave her forehead a kiss before he stood back up.
Jackson and Justin said their goodbyes as well. Justin didn't have a lot to say, while Jackson poured out his heart. Lucas and Lacey paid their respects right after the boys. The rest of us maintained a respectful distance, not wanting to intrude on their family pain. When everyone had left the room, Lucas closed and locked the door, then handed the key to Matt. Lacey had found a permanent marker and wrote on the door, "Merideth. Wife, mom, sister. She will be missed. Sleep well." She put her hand against the door after she was done writing and stood there for a moment, giving one more silent farewell to her sister, before she slipped around the corner to the building. I wandered over to where she was. She had slid down the wall of the building until she sat on the ground. Her knees were pulled tight against her chest and her forehead rested on her knees. He body rocked in the jagged way that bodies move when there are sobs involved. I sat down next to her and pulled a tissue out of my pocket. She looked up to acknowledge me and to take the tissue.
“
She's gone, Cali, Mer is gone. It's so huge and I can't wrap my brain around it. She was my best friend. We were sisters, not just sisters-in-law. She was my sister.” Tears poured down her face. “I have to keep it together. I know I do. If I think this hurts, I have no idea what Matt and her boys are going through. Mer made it OK for all of us. She made it OK to laugh and have fun while the world fell down around us. And she's gone, just like that, just a snuff of a candle and my best friend, my sister is gone.” She wiped her face off with the tissue and blew her nose. “I have to be the strong one here, Cali. Matt, Justin, and Jackson are all going to be a mess and they already have been looking to me for answers on what we are supposed to be doing with Mer. Mer left me with the job of making it OK. I can do it, that's not the problem, I think I needed to have this mini break down so I can stuff the parts that are left into a mental box.”
“
Lacey, You aren't all the way alone here, OK? You have friends and we will help carry the weight. You can always come to me if you need to fall apart, I'm here for you.” I wrapped my arms around Lacey, and her face collapsed into my shoulder. We sat there for a few minutes, Lacey sobbing against my shoulder. When she finished she sat back up, saw the puddle of tears on my shoulder and giggled. She cleaned off her face before getting back up to return to the group. She slipped into the role she knew she was needed in as Aunt Lacey to those boys. She worked hard at making sure they were settled with things they needed before we left.
Lacey was a good woman. I liked her very much. She had the same way of doing things, family first, everything else take a number. Lacey was definitely one of this band of people that were all family.
Move It Out
We tore down our makeshift kitchen and loaded it into Tyreese's mini-van. When we were done gathering the random stuff we had lying around, we went to our rooms to gather our stuff. We took our collection of belongings and put it in the trailer. When everyone was packed and loaded we gathered for a huddle. Matt leaned against the wall of the motel listening to the chit chat. He looked like he was hit by a truck and just barely on this side of the living.
Tyreese opened up the meeting. "We have enough supplies. We are not going on any more side trips. We are going to go on as straight a path as humanly possible. We are on high alert until we land in Idaho. Everyone is on a buddy system. If we are stopped for any reason, there is no more hanging out in the wide open. When we do lunch breaks we'll meet at the trailer after the security team does a sweep. No more relying on the weather for zombie control." Matt flinched when Tyreese said that. I knew he was blaming himself for that very thing.
"We are going to run into traffic jams the closer we get to Salt Lake. As we get close we are going to have to clear them out, and we will come up with the best way on a case by case basis. We are not going to be milling around looking for stuff in the cars anymore." Trent added. "Yeah, we've gotten some neat things doing that, but that was when the risk was less than the reward. It's not anymore. We have enough neat things."
Everyone was in agreement. We all had lost so many people and the mere idea of adding any more people to the list of those we lost was almost too much to bear.
I went to say goodbye to Marnie's group. They still wanted to check out the high altitude theory so I wished them well. We exchanged quick goodbyes and gave them all hugs. Zach urged us to stay safe. I'm sure we gave a very poor impression of our safety and security plans. I jogged back to the truck, swung open the passenger door, and got in. We pulled out of the parking lot and went left while Marnie went right. They chirped the horn with two beeps and quickly disappeared from my view in the mirrors.
We drove through Provo and Orem winding our way through abandoned cars. A couple hours later we were in Salt Lake City. We've gotten used to the idea that there will be impassible roads when we get into a major city. Salt Lake was no different.
We stopped and climbed up on the trailer to get a better view. The mess went on for miles. Initially the prospect of moving the cars seemed overwhelming and daunting. I was staring over the mess when I got hit with inspiration.
"Hey, guys. I think I have an idea. If we took all these cars and put them in neutral with the parking brake off and hooked up the snow plow blade on the semi-truck's tractor and pushed in the low gears, I bet that we could move a lot of cars off the road. Some will just be pushed off the bridge other will compress into the other cars but it would clear up a path that we all could get through."
"Of course!" Trent exclaimed. "Why in the heck did we not think to go that route before?"
"It may not work for every car, but if it took a couple out of the way it's a win." Lucas commented, his eyebrows knitted together in thought. "Let's give it a try." Lucas and I went out to put the cars in neutral and to take care of the cars that might not move with the truck while Trent moved the snow plow blade.
After the plow blade was hooked to the tractor and the cars were put in neutral for a few car lengths, we were ready to give this a try. The truck pushed against the cars and the metal groaned with the pressure. It was working. I watched a couple cars fall off the overpass and land with a significant thump. This was working but the noise level we were making suddenly had me very concerned. We didn't really have a choice. Lucas and I stayed just ahead of the truck popping cars into neutral. We had to keep moving, even in the face of this worry.
I was right to be concerned. Zombies came falling out from behind vehicles into the streets. A great herd of them got up from where they sat when food was scarce. I had my machete in my hand ready to strike and yelled out to Trent to hurry with the pushing of the cars. I jumped on the running boards of the passenger side of the semi and talked to Drew through the window.
"Baby, stay right here with dad. Help be his eyes." He nodded enthusiastically.
I jumped back to the ground and started swinging at any zombie that dared get close. I struck out with all my anger over this situation. I struck out for the death of Merideth. For Joey. For Daniel and Martha. I struck out for Steven and Eric. I even struck out for Tesla the dog. I unleashed my hurt for losing our home. My blade slashed out over and over taking the top portions of skulls. I sank the blade deep into the tops of heads down the middle, hitting down below the eye line. I spun around slashing and gouging. I raged with the fight, raged that my son was thrust into this world. Before I knew it I had worked my way to the end of the trailer.
The anger didn't dissolve with the energy I was pouring out. If nothing else, I felt more energetic and more angry. The image of Drew when he saw the first zombie at the sporting goods store fueled my anger. Why was my son being subjected to all this? I screamed out in fury as I sunk the blade into the next zombie. I was developing a sort of tunnel vision in how I dealt with the zombies, a psychotic search and destroy mentality swept through my body.
I didn't have a clue that a zombie was behind me until my hair was being pulled. I stumbled backwards with my hair tangled in the dead man's grip. I screamed out for Lucas while I struggled to keep my balance. I was being pulled by the pony tail I was wearing, thinking that by keeping it pulled back I was being safe.
"Luc! Help!" I was terrified that this was my last moment. Instantly my brain flashed on Drew and Trent. The looks that Matt and his sons had were super imposed on the faces of my family and I was terrified that I was going to be the reason that kind of pain was going to be etched on their souls. I stopped following the rule of stay in sight and this was how I was going to go out. I held my hair to my head so it wouldn't scalp me, though with how hard it was pulling I was scared I was too little too late. I fell back to my training from when I worked in a psychiatric hospital. I was not going to be dragged off to be eaten by this thing. Holding my pony tail to my head, I fell to my knees and tried to move forward by crawling. I just needed to buy some time.
Lucas came running. He sunk his sword deep into the eye of the zombie and pushed all the way through to the other side. When he pulled out the sword it dripped with the nasty decayed blood and brain matter and the zombie crumpled to the dirt. I thought that when the zombie died he would let go of my hair, but instead, he gripped harder with the brain trauma. After I knew I was going to be okay, I started to cry. I was angry that the tears were flowing. I was angry that I had felt that scared during the whole attack. I was a super woman who could handle everything these things had thrown at me until that moment when I was certain I was going to die. Lucas squatted down next to me to find out if I was hurt. I looked up at Lucas and through my tears told him I was stuck. He looked at me quizzically. I pointed at my hair. He wiped off the blade of his sword and cut me loose. I stumbled forward with waves of relief washing over me to finally be free from that horrifying situation. I wiped the mud off my hands and onto my pants before I took a swipe at the tears on my face. After a cleansing breath, I turned around to see the totally dead zombie lying there with my hair in his fist, the hair that took me years to grow. I felt a little sad over the hack job. Trent loved my hair. Drew used to play with it when he was a baby, wrapping his small fingers in it when I fed him his bottle. No, I wasn't a vain girl, but it felt like yet another thing was lost because of the zombies, though if I thought about it, I was saved by that hair. The zombie got a handful of it instead of me and hair was at least something that was removable.
Lucas and I trotted up the cleared path that Trent bulldozed. There were a couple stubborn cars that had to be pushed out of the way. I made sure I wiped my face before I got past the tractor where Trent was. I didn't want him to know how upset I was right then. I got another car out of the way and looked up at Trent to wave him forward. His eyes were tear filled and flashed at me with anger and disappointment. It took me a moment but I realized he had seen my up close and personal experience with that zombie in the mirror. My heart sunk into my stomach. My poor husband. I wanted to be able to tell him myself, after I was proven to be safe, but instead he had watched me come very close to death and couldn't do a thing about it. He watched from the mirror with Drew in the truck. He had to be strong and say nothing because any reaction would have panicked Drew. I felt like absolute crap over it.
The last of the cars were finally moved enough for the convoy to pass. I climbed back into the truck with my muscles burning. I reeked of decay and sweat, which Trent commented on with a snark. I stripped down to my underwear and threw the dirty clothes out the window. I pulled a long sleeve shirt out of my back up bag and put that on first then found my jeans and slid them up. As soon as I was dressed I gave Drew a hug.
"Mom? What happened to your hair?" Drew asked. He wore an expression of worry because he knew that I liked having my hair long and he knew that getting a hair-cut while the zombies were all over was not a reasonable thing to want to do. It clearly spelled out that there had been something that went wrong.
"I ran into a little trouble and got stuck but Lucas helped me out. I think I like it shorter though. Will be easier to take care of." I reached up and put a hand on my bob cut. "I think more women should go with this cut. It's not every day you get a haircut by sword." Trent scoffed at the whole idea for its absurdity. I understood where he was coming from, I really did, but the little scoff sound was just a tad irritating. It wasn't like getting attacked was on my to-do list.
We drove for a while in silence while Trent drove on with his jaw clenched. I gave Trent space to work out what was going on in his head, knowing that he will get over his anger at me sooner or later, he always did. Either that, or he wouldn't, and the ride to Idaho was going to be very quiet.
"Mom, look over there! There are a ton of school buses over there!" Drew pointed at a caravan of buses in front of a high school with excitement. I think part of Drew missed school and the line of buses reminded him of the old days. He told me one day when he was still in the first grade that he was kind of sad we lived so close to his school. When I asked him why, he told me that he wanted to ride the bus. Buses were really cool to him. As it turned out, there was an off ramp very near to where the school was.
"I always wanted a school bus," Trent mused to himself, then a little louder announced, "We should pull off for a lunch and bathroom break. I want to see something on those buses anyway." He got on the CB and everyone agreed that this was as good a time as any other to stop. We had put a little distance between us and the zombie infested traffic snarl, and at least this spot here was clear of them. We might not be so lucky in the next bend of the road. We got the convoy pulled over across the street from the school and Trent called Tyreese over to join him. They took off for the line of buses and disappeared on the other side. I started to prep lunch with Lacey when Trent came back with a smile.
"There are keys in the ignitions." Trent had a sparkle in his eye. "I want one." I looked at him with confusion. The others joined us to hear what Trent was thinking. "I think that we are too high profile with a semi and a long convoy. It has been bugging me since the tire popping incident. People see that we are a lot of vehicles and it gets attention drawn to it. We could condense the amount to cars on the road with one of these. We could store some of what we have recovered under the seats and we could pull out the last several rows. We could use the wood we built the bunks and benches with out of the semi to build a box for our supplies then throw the mattresses over it to keep stuff hidden and have a place to camp out if we have to spend the night on the road."
Tyreese looked like he was deep in thought. "It wouldn't take long at all to move the stuff and pull the bunks out of the trailer. We have the tools we would need to build the box and to unbolt the seats, and there are several of us to get everything shuffled over quick enough."
"I would be willing to give up my van. It has been harder to manage all the driving than I figured it would be." Jody said.
Lacey agreed with her. "I'd like to be able to join the bus group with the kids. We'd be able to let Matt and Lucas have some together time."
"If we went down to one car running the plow and one car trailing I think we'd be safer, too." I agreed.
It was settled. We started with removing the seats from the back of the bus. We left 14 seats in the bus, seven on each side to give everyone enough room to not have to feel like they were crammed into the person next to them. We built the bed frame from wood that we had used in the semi first so we knew how high to pile stuff in the back. We made it into a large box so things wouldn't roll forward. The top of the box was just below the windows so nothing we had collected would be visible. Once the stuff was inside of the box we put the mattresses on and piled bedding on it instead of wasting the space inside the box. We stored some of the food in bags under the seats, as well as the stuff we used on a regular basis, for easier accessibility. Some of the supplies went in both Tyreese's van and Matt's SUV for easy access.
We worked together quickly and got the job done in no time. We siphoned the fuel out of the other buses into the tank of the bus and into the various 5 gallon gas cans we had been using over the trip. Before we left town we went to the gas station. We transferred the unleaded fuel into a couple cans and marked them and filled the mini-van and SUV tanks to the top. The remaining cans were filled with diesel after we made sure the bus was absolutely full. Unlike the semi, there was no second tank to use on the bus for intermittent runs on vegetable oil. We were going to have to be careful with this bus because it was not designed to have the greatest miles per gallon ratio. The full cans of fuel were put into the SUV for transportation, since it had the most space and no kids in it to breathe any escaping fumes.