The Reaping (18 page)

“Keep going!” he shouts.

Then a shot sounds.

I freeze, expecting to feel a bullet ripping through me, but there’s nothing and my legs are surging again. I skid to a stop in front of the sub, and Jessa’s face is terrified as she reaches for Nell. Nell grasps her hands and takes a quavering step from the dock to the rim of the hatch, and then she’s disappearing down into the hole.

Another shot sounds, and it dings off the hull of the sub. There’s a pock in the metal, but it’s superficial.

Jack stops behind me, and together we lower Red off Jack’s back and lean him toward the hatch. His arms cartwheel for a moment until he can reach Jessa’s, and then she almost collapses under his weight as she maneuvers him down the ladder.

Another shot fired, and Jack screams.

I look down, and he clutches his leg. There’s a dark red stain spreading across the leg of his pants, and his face is contorted. I shove him toward the sub, and he leaps awkwardly to the hatch. Then I follow him down with the pounding of boots and bullets in my ears.

“Stop or we will kill you all!” one of the soldiers yells.

Jessa shoves passed me on the ladder and yanks the hatch closed. There’s a flurry of bullets on the other side. The sub lurches and descends faster than I thought possible, and I tumble down the rest of the ladder and land in a heap on top of Jessa and Jack, and cling to them for all I’m worth, tears pouring down my cheeks.

Chapter Thirteen

The sub shudders as it docks, and creaks and clicks echo all through the metal. Nell grips Red’s arm. Her eyes whirl around like she’s expecting a monster to rip its way through the hull at any second. Red encircles her protectively and gives me a long look.

Safe
, I say.
I promise.

“You’ll be fine,” Jack says. He’s lying down on a bunk built into the hull, and his left leg is elevated. The bullet grazed his thigh. It took a good chunk of flesh with it, but the bleeding has stopped and the doctors in the colony will be able to patch him up in no time. He’s in a lot of pain, though. He grits his teeth every time he shifts his weight. “The people are kind. Different, but kind. It definitely takes some getting used to. Dave’s still here.” Jack hesitates over the words, but I don’t think Nell or Red notice. “You’ll be able to see him.”

“He’s here too?” Nell’s eyes brighten. “I’ve missed that boy. I was so worried about him.”

All I’ve been worried about is getting Red to medical so they can put him on an IV and a tailored diet and get him back to health. We’ve tried to get as many protein bars and sips of water into him as we can, but he’s so exhausted he doesn’t even want to spend the energy on that. His arm around Nell looks like a skeleton’s, and I’m worried he’s too brittle to even step out of the sub onto the platform.

The sub comes to a stop, and I take a deep breath. Jessa sits next to me.

“Are you ready?”

I nod, and she squeezes my arm.

“Dad’s probably up there right now. He knows you’re coming home.” She sees the look on my face. “Coming back.”

I study my hands. There’s nothing for it—I can’t put this off forever. I stand up and rub my palms on the legs of my pants. Why do my hands always sweat so much?

How many others know?

“I don’t know.” She half-smiles at me. “I doubt Dad got on the intercom and told everyone the prodigal was coming back.”

The hatch hisses open and light floods the sub. Jessa is up in a flash, scurrying up the ladder. I hear her talking to the sub techs.

“There are four more down there.”

“How many from the Burn?”

Jessa stumbles over her words. “Well, Jack has come back. You remember Jack?”

A few words I can’t make out.

“And an elderly man and woman.”

“Elderly my foot,” Red mutters.

The sub tech speaks, and he sounds too impatient for my taste. “That’s only three. Who’s the fourth?”

“My sister, Terra. But she’s not from the Burn. She’s from here.”

If only it were that easy.

“Don’t get worked up, Jessa. We just need to ask for quarantine purposes. Terra will have to go into quarantine just like the rest of them.”

I’ve had enough of this listening in on the conversation. I want to see who’s out there. I climb the ladder and as soon as my eyes clear the metal rim, I see them. Three figures all dressed in biohazard suits: two sub techs and my father. My stomach drops out from under me. I knew this was coming. I knew I’d have to see him eventually, but I honestly didn’t think he’d see me off the boat. It’s too . . . personal.

He doesn’t realize I’m watching him. He’s looking over the tech’s shoulder, watching him press the buttons on his tablet. His hair is grayer around the temples, and the skin around his eyes looks thin and papery. He looks worn out. A pang of guilt strikes me. I’m probably the cause of the extra wrinkles. The guilt doesn’t last long, though, before it’s replaced by a flare of anger. Dad’s wearing his speaker’s sash over his suit—how arrogant. Does he really think the people coming from the Burn will care? That I care? But his philosophy was always to let people know who was in charge so they knew who they could talk to. After the Burn, though, I’m a little more cynical about such displays of authority. I’m so caught between guilt and anger that I’m not sure what to do with my face. My features harden the longer I watch him. He finally looks up, our eyes lock, and his eyes cloud over as he studies my face. Then after a few moments, they clear.

“Terra? Is that you?”

Does my own father really not recognize me? But I need to be kind. If any of this is to work, I need to be kind. I left abruptly, I remind myself. Even if ours wasn’t a perfect relationship, judging by the way he looks now, it still gave him at least a moment of heartache. I try to soften my eyes.

He offers a small smile. “It is you. I almost didn’t believe Jessa when she told me you were coming back.”

He opens his arms wide for me, but I can’t just run to him. I stand up and swing my legs out of the hatch and stand before him, my arms stiff at my side. Dad lowers his arms and puts his hands behind his back. When he speaks, his voice is more formal.

“Welcome home.”

I close my eyes, willing myself not to explode. Jack is suddenly there beside me, his hand in mine, his warm fingers grounding me, helping to ease the anger that has reached its boiling point. I step an inch closer to him, letting his calm wash over me. I can open my eyes again.

Thanks.

I don’t care if Dad can read my lips or not. I turn away and watch two medical staff help Red into a wheelchair. His face is set into a grimace, and the meds handle him as gently as they can. They try to help Nell into a chair, but she swats her hands away. Jack laughs.

“You probably should, Nell.”

She eyes him but finally concedes, though she does it all on her own and refuses the meds’ offered hands. Nell reaches over and pats Red’s arm. Her eyes are shining.

Dad turns to Jack. “It’s good to see you well, Jack.”

“Thank you, sir.”

Jessa takes Dad’s arm and lets loose a torrent of chatter about anything and nothing as she leads our group away. Dad has no choice but to be swept up in it. She tosses her hair over her shoulder and her brows are furrowed when she looks back at me.
You okay?
she mouths.

I shake my head. I’m anything but. There’s nothing to do about it now, though. Jack squeezes my hand and bends down to whisper in my ear.

“You knew it would be hard.”

I nod. I did know. I try to stand straighter.

One of the meds offers Jack a crutch, and then we walk out of the sub dock and down a corridor to the nearest transport. The halls are sterile white and the lights are harsher than I remember. I’ve lived in sunlight, and that must be the difference. Every few moments Dad’s head twitches to the right as if he’s going to look back at me, but changes his mind. My chest is getting tight just watching him decide whether or not to ignore me. Guilt, anger, and now what? Heartache? Heartache that my own father doesn’t know what to do with me. I hadn’t expected that to come with this reunion. I had expected the anger, and I was ready to face that. Even the guilt wasn’t a complete stretch. But not sadness. My heart is racing, and I’m trying as hard as I can to keep the tears from my eyes. We’re the last in line, and no one has noticed we’ve stopped. The others disappear around a bend, and Jack and I are alone. I grip Jack’s sleeve and stop dead in my tracks.

“Do you need to sit down?” Jack asks. He’s frowning and leaning in to hold me up.

I put a hand on his chest to stop him and shake my head. I breathe deeply, hoping to keep the panic from rising up my throat. Now my throat feels too thick. I put my hands on my knees and lower my head, trying to calm my breathing and my heart. I can do this, I tell myself. I’ve fought, I’ve been a slave, I’ve starved, I’ve hiked miles through the forest, I’ve survived a summer and a winter without climate control, I’ve dodged so many bullets I’ve lost count. Surely I can face the colony and my own father. When I squeeze my eyes closed, the tears slip out and run down my cheeks.

Jack puts a hand on my back. “You don’t have to do this today, you know. It can wait. It all can wait until you’re ready. This is a lot to ask of anyone.”

Jack is just bending down to look in my face when Nell and the man pushing her wheelchair come back into view. She takes one look at me and brushes his hands off the handles.

“You wait right there, young man.”

He makes a move to step forward, but she shoos him away. Jessa peers around the corner followed by my father.

Nell’s eyes narrow. “All of you please give us a little privacy.”

Jessa smiles at me and Nell—she can guess some of what I’m going through just by looking at me—and disappears around the corner. But my dad hovers there, a question on his face, that same twitchiness in him like he’s not sure if he should come comfort me or if he should follow my sister. He stays that way until Nell clears her throat.

“You too.” Nell raises an eyebrow at him, and he shuffles away. Then she wheels herself over to us. She props her elbows on the arms of her chair and leans toward me.

“Family is never easy, Terra. Even for those of us who had decent families.”

I wipe my nose and look at her. Her eyes crinkle at the edges as she smiles at me. Not a happy smile, but an encouraging one. I told her a fraction of what my life was like here, and I shouldn’t be by now, but I’m always amazed at how perceptive Nell is.

“I can read your father like a book, and you probably could too if you’re willing. His heart has just about broken into so many pieces he’s not even sure what to feel anymore. Your sister has done what she can to hold him together, but there’s only so much one person can do. You need to help him.”

I take her gnarled hand.
It’s not just me.

Nell sighs and puts her other hand on my cheek. “It usually isn’t just one person. I don’t know what’s happened to your family, and it’s probably none of my business, but I do know that when he looks at you, he loves you. He’s just scared to admit that to himself. And he’s probably scared to admit it to you, too.”

I look away, but Nell gently tugs my chin toward her. “Just try, Terra. That’s all anyone can do. And listen to Jack. He’s right—it doesn’t have to be today because it won’t all come at once. It’ll take time to fit the pieces back together. But you’ll be glad if you do. Knowing you could have made it better but didn’t will just eat away at you until there’s nothing left.”

She gently pats my cheek then clears her throat again. “Young man?” She cranes her neck around. “Young man! I know you’re there eavesdropping, so don’t pretend like you’re not.”

The medical assistant comes back around the corner, his cheeks flaming red.

“I’m ready to keep going,” Nell tells him as she folds her hands in her lap. She smiles at me and then they disappear around the corner.

Jack takes my hands from my knees, holding mine in both of his. He traces his fingers through my hair. “Are you ready?”

I take a deep breath and nod. Quarantine, here I come.

We make our way to the transport. Nell and Red both flinch when the door slides open to let us on, and Red grips the arms of his wheelchair tighter than I thought he’d be able to. Nell and Red find spots next to the windows, and then we fly out in the transport tube over the ocean. Red blinks and shrinks back into his wheelchair. He puts a hand on Nell’s shoulder, and she grips his hand. Both their eyes are wide as they watch the black ocean fly by the glass.

“How far down are we?” Red asks, his voice hushed.

My father stands with his hands behind his back, gazing serenely out the window. “A couple of miles.”

Red whistles, but stays firmly rooted. Nell rests her head on his arm. “It’s kind of pretty in its own way. Are there any fish out there?”

Jessa sits down next to her, and my sister’s face lights up and her hands start going as she describes some of the fish that live down here. Nell laughs when Jessa wiggles a finger in front of her face as she describes the fish with glowing danglers.